by Ali Parker
"Fuck your rules." She pulled me down into a long kiss that felt too fucking good to break.
I turned my face a little and let my fingers slip into her hair as I pulled her flush against me. It wasn't my rules I wanted to fuck.
After kissing her until we were both breathless, I pressed my forehead to hers and closed my eyes. "I can't bend my rules or I'll lose my job, Dana. I've worked so fucking hard for the position I have. It's been my whole adult life."
"I understand, but there are other ways around it." She cupped my face and lifted to her toes, dragging me down for another round of much-needed kisses. "Please don't push me away."
"I'm not." I kissed her once more before pulling back and walking to the kitchen. "I just need some time to figure things out. You being a student means one thing for sure."
"Which is what?" She paused by the opening to the kitchen.
"That we're not going to be anything more than friends until you're out of UT."
"Then why did we start seeing each other?" The hurt on her face should have stung me, but I was too far past numb to know what to do with her disapproval.
"Because I didn't know you were a student." I pulled out a beer. "You want something to drink?"
"No." She wrapped her arms around herself. "I should go. I can't be here and not want to touch you, to hold you. It's not fair to ask that of me."
"I agree." I popped the top on the beer and tried hard to think of something I could say that would help our relationship get back on track.
"Call me if you need me, Kendal." She turned and walked toward the door, pausing before she walked out. "Even if you just need a friend."
I leaned against the counter and watched her go. I needed so much more than a friend, but life wasn't going to do me any favors anytime soon. She would graduate in eight months. I could hold on that long, but it wasn't fair to ask her to do the same.
There had to be another way.
Chapter 3
Dana
"I just don't get it," I barked into the phone as I paced the floor in my living room.
"He's in a weird place right now, Dana. Give him a little bit of space and he'll come around." My best friend Olivia was forever trying to patch up the world with Band-Aids and butterfly kisses. How she was a top investment advisor in a cut-throat city like New York was beyond me.
"I don't think he will." I ran my hand through my hair and sat down on the couch. "I've been moping around this stupid apartment all weekend. Thank God I have a meeting with my adviser in an hour and a shift at the hospital, or I'd still be moping."
"Just call him. You guys have a friendship, right?"
"It's not that easy." I wanted to pull the phone away and glare at it in hopes of getting my point across, but it was useless. Everything was, as far as I was concerned. "Maybe I should just change schools. If the problem is me being at UT, then I'll just look to see about transferring to another-"
"Hold up." Olivia's voice changed, and I knew the momma bear was coming out. "You've been working your ass off for six years and now you're going to change schools just to get some guy to start dating you? Fuck that. He can figure it out from his end. Maybe he needs to change jobs. Is he willing to do that?"
"No. I don't know. I'm just saying... he's a great guy, Liv. He's the kind of guy I want to take home to see my family and I feel like purring every time he walks in the room."
"You just met him. You did this same madness with Cameron, remember?"
I started to deny her claims, but she was right. I had been the same way with Cameron and every other guy I'd dated over the last few years.
An ugly sigh left me and I slumped back into the couch. "You're right."
"Don't say that. It means you're giving up. I'm not telling you to give up on this guy. I'm just saying that if he's worth you moving mountains over, then maybe you guys should talk about how to make your relationship work. There's no reason why either of you should have to change your entire life to be together."
"He's a professor at UT and I'm a student."
"So change your financial statement analysis class. That's the one he's teaching, right?"
"It's not that easy. Professors can't date any student on campus. Even if I changed my class, he'd still be off limits, or rather, I would." I brushed my hand down my shirt and tried to still my thoughts. I'd gone through a hundred and ten different ways that Kendal and I could make our relationship work and none of them were plausible. Hell, I wasn't even sure if he wanted to work things out. He seemed perfectly content with just being friends.
But that kiss... The one in his living room where he wrapped me in his strong arms and made the world disappear. That wasn't a friendly kiss. It was hungry and needy. I just needed to know if it was due to his pain or because he still felt something for me.
"So just be friends with benefits until May. You guys can keep things under wraps. Get creative if this really means something to you." She snorted. "You remember when you really wanted to win homecoming queen our senior year?"
"Oh Lord." I covered my face with my free hand. Why was she going there? She always resorted back to some crazy ass story from high school that left me feeling like I could rule the universe.
"Exactly. You did everything you had to do to win that title, and did you win it?"
"You know that I did." I shook my head and let my hand drop from my face. "I really like this guy, Liv. I really want this to go somewhere, and some part of me knows that it could. It could be one of those great love stories that you see on the Hallmark Channel."
"Ugh. You know I hate those shows."
I laughed along with her. Somehow she always had the ability to make me feel better.
"All right." I stood up. "You're right. We can work this out if it's something he's up for. I almost like the idea of sneaking around. It's sexy."
"Right? Then get to it."
"I'll talk to him today. Love you." I dropped the call and tossed the phone on the couch. All of a sudden, going up to the school and then the hospital didn't sound like much fun. Necessary evils in my life. Everything felt that way except looking for a solution to the issue of me and Kendal getting to be together. First thing first though... I needed to make sure he still wanted me as badly as I wanted him.
Somehow that almost sounded like fun.
***
Nurse Barry had a note on her door that said she was unavailable because of an emergency at the hospital. I was almost grateful to see it seeing that I wasn't really sure what I was going to tell her. I'd met with her the week before and locked down my schedule and my graduation. The only other thing she could help me with was dropping my classes and trying to transfer to another University for graduation, but after talking with Olivia, that option felt ignorant.
I'd been at UT since I was a starting freshman. With my mom being a single mom and having to raise three kids, paying for the prestigious college had taken its toll on all of us. Me turning my back on that in hopes of being more available to Kendal was over the top. It was eight months. Eight months until graduation. If nothing else, I could wait that long for him. The only real question was whether he would wait for me.
I walked back through the nursing building at UT and waved at a few people who greeted me. No matter how I looked at my life at that moment, it was better. It was better because Cameron wasn't in it. He wasn't berating me for my weight and leaving me to feel like I was less of a woman than he deserved. I wasn't struggling to find myself at the hospital anymore either. I'd come to terms with the fact that I could do my job and care for my patients. Amanda and Mr. Jackson had taught me that. It was okay to love those that you cared for. Loss was part of the deal, but so were all the great things that happened between the heartache.
I smiled as I got into my cramped car and rolled down the windows. It was almost October, and the fall day was beautiful. I needed to talk with Kendal to see where his heart was. We hadn't gotten very deep into our budding relationship, but it was enoug
h to know that he was exactly the kind of guy I wanted beside me for the long haul.
The song on the radio was one of my favorites. I turned it up and sang all the way to the hospital, making sure to engage the cars around me as we pulled to various red lights. It was silly and childish, but it left me feeling more like me than I had in a long time.
My conversation with Olivia moved through my mind as I walked up to the hospital. I had been a wild child once, an unmovable force, but over time I'd let that part of myself fade away - die. I wanted it back - wanted her back. The girl who was unafraid to risk it all because of the promise of something incredible waiting on the other side of the door.
"Hey! What's that smile for?" Jackie came down the main hall of the hospital toward me, surprising me a little by her presence.
"Oh hey. I was just thinking about some of the stunts I pulled when I was younger." I stopped in front of her. She looked like a million bucks with her long blond hair, warm brown eyes and big boobs. How many times had I let myself feel like an ugly duckling in her shadow, and why? She was beautiful, but the girl had more problems than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.
"I think I need to hear about these stunts." She turned and slid her arm into mine before pulling me down the hall. "We're going away for a girls’ weekend. My treat."
"Oh yeah?" I waved at one of the orderlies and pushed the button for the elevator.
"Yes. I got ahold of Parks." She released me and bounced up and down on her toes.
"Don't do that. It's disturbing." I gave her a silly smile and reached out to make her stop. "Tell me what he said."
"He got wrapped up in work like all doctors do. He misses me like crazy and is so insanely sorry. He wants me to come visit."
"Awesome. When are you going?" I didn't like the sound of her going anywhere near the playboy who'd come down for a few days, fucked her silly and broken her heart. Obviously she was still lost in the euphoria of what the man could do with his tool. She was blinded by him.
"We're going this weekend. My dad's buying us the plane tickets and we can stay with Parks."
"What? No way." I held the door to the elevator open for her. "I have things to do."
"Like what?" She walked out of the elevator and waited for me to join her.
"Like... stuff."
"Nope. You're going." She wagged her eyebrows before grabbing a clipboard from our nursing station. "By the way, you have the new patient that was brought in this morning. We drew straws and you got the short one."
"What? I wasn't even here." I took the clipboard and glanced down.
"So you're coming with me to New York?"
"I don't know, Jackie. Let me think about it." I turned on my heel and walked back down toward the other end of the hall. New York didn't sound like a bad idea. I could hook up with Olivia for some of the time and maybe get my head on straight where Kendal was concerned.
"Don't make me go up there by myself. I'm scared!" Jackie called after me.
"Liar," I mumbled and stopped in front of room four fifteen. I knocked once and opened the door. "Mrs. Delmaz? I'm Dana. I'll be one of your nurses today."
"Well, it's about damn time!" The woman's voice was full of authority and loud enough to jolt me.
I stepped inside and gave her a warm smile. "I just came on shift, so you'll have to forgive me. Is there something you need?"
"Yes. I've been asking to see Larry since I got here. No one will tell me where the hell he is or why he's taking so long to bring my magazines up here. It's getting on my last nerve!" The woman had to be in her late seventies, a hundred pounds overweight and looked to be as mean as a snake.
Perfect. Exactly what I need to take my mind off of things.
"All right, well, I'll find out how to get ahold of Larry." I handed her the clipboard and a pen. "You write down the names of the magazines he's supposed to bring and we'll make it happen. Do you need a drink or another pillow or blanket? Dr. Lewis will be by shortly to see you, I'm sure, but what can I do right now to make life better?"
"Get me the fuck outta here." The woman lifted her eyebrow as if challenging me. It was almost comical.
"All right. Get yourself in this wheelchair and I'll wheel you outside for a breath of fresh air."
"Really?" Her tone faltered as she sunk back toward the bed.
"Of course." I moved the wheelchair beside the bed and smiled. "If you're too weak to get in the chair, then we'll just open the window up here, but if not..."
She didn't say a word, but I didn't need her to. If she wanted to boss someone around and scare them, she'd have to find someone else.
I was always the one that drew the short stick with rowdy new patients and they usually became like family to me. Funny enough, I was never involved in the actual stick-drawing part.
Chapter 4
Kendal
I called in on Monday and moped around the house, sleeping off and on until the sun set and another day was officially over. I'd planned to do the same the next day, but the sound of someone banging on my front door at seven in the morning said otherwise.
"I'm coming. Shit." I grabbed a pair of sleeping pants and pulled them over my legs before stumbling down the hall. The last few days had been a blur and not the good kind. I was pretty sure I'd kissed Dana in my living room after Mandy's funeral and then told her we were nothing more than friends, but maybe not. My daydreams were starting to mix with my reality and I wasn't doing so good at telling which way was up.
Damon gave me a cocky look as I opened the door. "You look like shit. Get dressed. We're going to breakfast."
"No. I'm not hungry." I growled as he moved past me, hitting me with his shoulder.
"Don't care. I'm hungry and it's your turn to buy. Get dressed or I'll fucking dress you myself."
"This I gotta see." I closed the door and turned. "I'm seriously thinking about calling in today. I'm not feeling up to-"
"I see that, and where I think you taking some time off from the University is a smart move, it's not happening today. You've been holed up here since the funeral on Saturday. Get a t-shirt and a pair of flip-flops and let's go. The Chicken and Waffle is screaming my name this morning."
"Seriously?" I walked past him toward the bedroom. "You're not going to let me go back to bed, are you?"
"Nope." He followed me into the bedroom and dropped down on my bed. "Beth and I are back together."
"Good." A little bit of warmth rushed through me. Damon and Beth were meant for each other, but fuck if they hadn't been suffering over it lately. It would seem that it was mine and Dana's turn to take that torch and carry it for a while.
"Good?" He chuckled. "That's all you got for me?"
"Really good?" I walked to my closet and worked to get dressed as Damon hummed something from the bedroom behind me. "Is she coming back to work for you?"
"I'm not sure yet. I'm good with it either way. I just want her beside me."
"Wedding back on?" I pulled my shirt over my head and walked out in flip-flops and jeans.
"Yeah." He got up and tossed me a ball cap. "Wear this. Your hair looks like you took a shower and went to bed with it wet."
"Thanks, mom." I put the cap on and smiled at him before walking to the front door. "Am I going to be the maid of honor or the best man?"
"Both?" He patted my back before reaching around and opening the front door. "You'll be with me, you joker. I'm sure Beth has some cousin or someone that she'll have on her side. Maybe Erica if nothing else, though the last time I spoke with her, she sounded seriously upset."
"Something company related?" I glanced over my shoulder as we walked toward what had to be Damon's newest obsession. A candy red Shelby Cobra sat in my driveway. "Wow."
"She's pissed at Matt." He stopped by the driver's side door. "You wanna drive her?"
"Fuck yes." Every last drop of darkness inside me melted away for some odd reason.
He tossed me the keys as we walked by each other in front of the
car. "Just treat her like you own her or you and I will have words."
"Why does that sound less than intimidating?" I chuckled and got into the driver's side. Closing my eyes, I let my head fall back against the headrest and took a deep breath.
"Because we're getting old." Damon patted my chest, but I kept my eyes closed and tried to push through the heavy emotions dancing inside of me. "You okay, buddy?"
I nodded and pursed my lips. There was too much to say and it was all wrapped in a wave of tears I didn't want to shed. I was grateful for him in so many ways, and I needed to start showing it. He was all I had left in my life, the closest thing I had to family.
Dana.
"Come on, let's go, emo-boy. I'll drive if you need to blow your nose." He popped my chest again playfully.
I wiped at my eyes and started the car. "Fuck you too, asshole."
"Nope. My girl does that for me." He wagged his eyebrows as I glanced over at him. It was good to see him back to being his old self.
"How is Beth? She better now that you guys have kissed and made up?"
"I think so." He tapped his knee to the song coming from the radio. "I hope so. You tell me after you see her today. She said she's going to TA for you this afternoon, unless you're not going in."
I hit the gas and stifled a smile as the car took off down the long road that led to my house.
I could seriously get used to a car like this.
"I'm going in. I wasn't going to, but seeing that you've ruined my ability to go back to sleep…"
"Which is a good thing." He gave me a sideways glance. "What's up with you and Dana? She still taking good care of you?"