by Ali Parker
After that, I would make my decision. Move past wondering if he could ever love me the way he loved Ana and be with him, or release him back into the world and hope he found someone that could love him like he deserved to be loved.
I hated myself for thinking that I wasn't capable of it anymore. Reaching for a candy bar on the kitchen counter, I stopped myself and grabbed a granola bar instead. Cameron's voice echoed in my head about me needing to lose a few pounds.
"Stop it," I mumbled and walked to the door, shoving the granola bar in my mouth and eating it in two big bites. I couldn't keep taking steps backward. I wasn't trash and I wasn't a pig. Kendal wouldn't have paid me a bit of attention if I'd been either.
Unless he knew that I was Ana's sister.
I turned the radio onto the 80s station and cranked it up loud, not letting my thoughts get the best of me as I drove toward campus. I sat there for a good twenty minutes in the parking lot, trying to talk myself out of putting the car in reverse and going back home. Fear tore through me in thick waves, and panic sat all around me.
"Come on. It's just a party. You won't even get to talk to him. Just get out of the car and tell him about Dr. Lewis and his invitation and then mingle with everyone else. You're there to chaperon, not be his date." I let out a quick puff of air and opened the door, closing it and walking quickly to the rec center before I changed my mind.
It was dark outside, but the bright orange lights wrapped around the windows of the gym made it more than obvious that something fun was going on inside.
"Welcome. We have punch by the basketball goals and the music will start shortly." Kendal was at the door, holding it open and welcoming everyone that walked in.
I paused as a large group of girls moved in front of me. Each one of them took their turn flirting with the handsome accounting professor who'd stolen my heart. My insides ached as I walked up the stairs and met his eyes.
Was I pretty enough?
Did he think about me?
"Dana." His voice was nothing more than a whisper. His dark green eyes widened a little as a smile lifted his perfect lips.
"Think I was going to stand you up?" I smiled and moved to stand in front of him. I reached up and fixed his tie before running my hand over it to smooth it down. Might as well go with bold, though I didn't feel it at all.
He clamped his hand over mine as his voice dropped a little. "Be careful. It's not going to take much from you and I'll turn into someone who doesn't take 'no' for an answer."
I swallowed hard and glanced down as another group approached. "I shouldn't be here."
"There's punch inside and a name tag for you near the back. Go check in with Bethany and stop thinking so much. It's a party and I needed your help. Go get started and I'll find you later." His eyes moved across my face and a million words passed between us.
I needed him so bad it felt like I might explode. "Okay."
"Good girl." He leaned down and brushed his nose by mine. "Hurry before I get us both in trouble. You dressing like a naughty nurse."
"What?" His humor pulled me from the moment. "These are my scrubs I wear every day."
"I know. I love how they look on you." He pointed toward the door. "Inside. Now."
I walked in and glanced back to find him watching me closely. He was going to win me over and force me to retire any thoughts I had about not being good enough. The desire and demanding need written all over his face had my panties wet, my nipples budded. The pressure of my pulse beat against the side of my throat and the room spun for a moment.
"Hey. You okay?" Bethany moved up beside me and reached out, touching my shoulder.
"Yeah. Sorry. I just….," I glanced back to find him welcoming another group of students, "I just love him so damn much."
"Good." She laughed and moved to stand beside me before wrapping her arm around me. "He loves you too. You guys just need to figure out how to move past all of this craziness."
"Maybe. I wish I felt like it were possible." I walked beside her to the kitchen area, almost enjoying the comfort of her arm around me. I had to be careful what I said for sure. She was Damon's fiancée, and he and Kendal shared everything, even women back in the day apparently.
Did they share Ana?
"Anything is possible." She released me and walked over to pick up a small name tag. "Here you go. Wear this with pride as you'll be asked to hold hair and cart sick students out of the building before the night is over."
"Thanks?" I laughed and put it on as she excused herself and walked back into the gym. After I got myself situated, I moved to stand in the doorway and let my eyes move across the spooky decorations and bright lights strung everywhere.
"Like it?" Kendal walked up and stopped in front of me. The delicious scent of his cologne washed over me and I breathed in deeply, not caring if he noticed all of a sudden.
"Yes," I breathed out.
He reached out and touched the side of my face. "Why haven't you picked up my calls? You know I wanted to make sure you were okay."
I pulled his hand down from my face carefully. Nothing too dramatic. We didn't need it. "Dr. Lewis took me in his office yesterday and asked that you come to dinner soon. His wife's cancer treatments aren't going as well as they hoped. I think he's hurting more than he's letting on. I know you became good friends with him during your mother's battle with MS."
He slipped his hands into his pockets as he studied me. "Come with me. You'll love Nate and Denise when you really get to know them."
"And he and I talked about me entering into a master's program so that I could move into medicine and start my residency." I forced a warm smile, hating myself for pretending in front of him that everything was fine. He was the only man I wanted to be completely open with.
His eyes widened and he reached up, running his hand through his messy brown hair. The dark-rimmed glasses he wore seemed to make him more stunning, as if that were possible. "Here at UT?"
"No. In New York." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "I think being with Olivia for a few years would be good for me." I glanced around, feeling so out of place. "You know? Something new and different. Away from my family."
"Away from me." He dropped his hand and took a step back. "I'll call Nate tomorrow. Thanks for the invite from him. It breaks my heart to know that his wife is dying." He rubbed his chest, never taking his eyes off of me. "Although some part of me knows exactly how it feels to lose everything."
"You mean my sister?" I pursed my lips as my eyes burned with unshed tears.
"No." He moved into the kitchen, forcing me back. The command in his voice left every part of me alert, ready for anything.
"Don't do this." I lifted my hands as he closed the kitchen door and crashed into me full force, lifting me off my feet and pinning me to the wall. The firm press of his thick body was almost too much.
"I mean you and you know I do." He brushed his lips by mine and ran his strong hands down my sides, gripping the back of my thighs and forcing me to wrap my legs around him.
I was liquid heat with nothing more than a look from him. I wouldn't survive him making me feel loved, important, special.
"Please let me down." I wrapped my arms around his neck and ran my fingers up the back of his head as he ground against me and groaned. "I can't do this, Kendal. I don't know how I feel."
His hot mouth pressed to the side of my neck as he rolled his hips, massaging my center with the thickness of his erection. "I know how you feel, baby. Like heaven, Dana. I don't miss your sister. She's not in my life anymore and hasn't been for a very long time."
"But you loved her." I whispered against his neck as I tightened my thighs around his waist. I needed him buried deep inside of me, to feel his hands all over me. I needed to get away or all thoughts would be useless. He'd win me over with nothing more than the need to be pinned to a bed beneath him.
"And I love you now. More. So much more. I was an idiot back then, and the sad thing is that she didn't love
me. She never would have left if she did." He ran his nose up the side of my neck and licked at my ear as I groaned.
"But if she would have stayed beside you, then what?"
He stiffened against me. He would be with her. It was that easy. And he and I would be family.
"Please put me down." I pushed at his chest as best I could.
He moved back and I slid down the front of his body, the sensation almost more than I could bear. "Dana, that's not fair. I wasn't looking for love when I found you. You know that."
"Because you were still hurting over her."
He glanced down and let out a long painful sound. "What do I need to do to make this up to you?"
"I don't know." I reached up and brushed away the few tears that had fallen onto my cheeks. I felt so weak, so stupid. I wanted to belong to him, but did he see Ana when he saw me? No. She was so much prettier than I was. He'd have to close his eyes to pretend to be with her, and even then, it would be impossible. She was thin and I was-
"Dana. Look at me." He reached out and cupped my face. "I didn't know she was your sister. I would have told you if I did. I opened myself up to you and told you how badly she hurt me. I've never shared the depths of that with anyone."
I nodded. He was right. He had bared his soul to me, but at that moment, I'd almost wished he hadn't. The pain on his face, in his voice that night when he talked about the one who got away was horrible. But now she wasn't faceless.
She was my damn sister!
"But you don't have to hurt." I couldn't believe the words pouring out of my mouth. "She's here and single. You should go to her and pick up where you left off."
His face dropped as he lowered his hands and stepped back. "What? Is that what you want? For me to be with your sister?"
"Is that what you want?" My breath caught in my chest. "Because I can't be a part of that. I don't even know why I just said it. I need to go. I'm not Ana. I can't be. She's... she's so much more." I moved past him as the room spun in front of me. "I'm sorry. I can't be her."
"Dana!" He called after me, but I found myself sprinting toward the door.
Why did I come here? What did I expect?
Chapter 7
Kendal
The rest of the evening was a blur. I didn't even have the balls to text or call her after we finally shut everything down. Bethany cornered me as we were working through clean up and asked where Dana had been all night. I lied and said she was sick and had to go home. Something she ate.
My thoughts raced from showing up on her doorstep, to asking Ana to help me, to moving to another country and giving up on having love in my life.
I didn't want Ana or any other woman. I wanted my woman.
After sleeping like shit that night, I woke up just before sunrise and changed into jogging clothes. I needed to release some of the pent-up frustration tearing me apart. Dana wasn't going to be mine again. It wasn't as simple as showing her how much I wanted her. She didn't seem to buy that shit, though there was a moment the night before where I could feel how much she wanted me too.
But she wasn't going to move past me and Ana. And I really couldn't blame her.
Anger burned through my belly at the stupid mistakes of my past that were still wrecking my future. There was no rest in sight for me in the pursuit to belong to someone, to connect so deeply with someone that losing them fully destroyed me.
I was a pussy for wanting that kind of relationship with a woman. It didn't exist. Disgust for my thoughts pushed me harder, and I forced myself to sprint the next three miles, stopping only when I felt like my lungs might explode.
The grassy field I dropped down into was cold and wet, the dew sticking to the back of my arms and coating my legs. I heaved loudly, trying to get air into my lungs as quickly as possible.
"You know... the glasses are a bad idea, but you wearing a tight t-shirt and jogging shorts is way worse." I laughed and sat up as Eliza stopped on the sidewalk in front of me and put her hands on her hips. "You should find another campus to jog on. Too many students know and covet you."
"I’m beginning to think you're the one coveting me. If you want a date, just ask for it." I got up and brushed my legs off as she chuckled.
"You're not nearly that lucky."
I glanced up. "You're not telling me anything new."
Her smile faded. "Last night didn't go so well?"
"Nope. I invited Dana to help me chaperon the Beta Alpha Psi event, and we had a conversation in the kitchen before it really got going and she left a few minutes after that. Seems like she wants me back with her sister."
"Wait. I don't know this story. We're not that good of friends."
I snorted. "You're pretty much my only friend on campus."
"Well then. Let's go have coffee and you tell me the rest of the story. Maybe I can help." She tilted her head to the side and watched me. She was a great mentor and a good friend. I could spare an hour of spilling my guts to her. It's not like Damon would want to hear me crying over the fact that none of my efforts had worked with Dana thus far.
"Alright, but I'm a little sweaty. I decided to run until my chest didn't hurt anymore." I wiped at my brow and moved up beside her as we walked toward one of the many coffee shops on the edge of campus.
"Just don't touch me with that hand and we're good." She crossed her arms over her chest and breathed in deeply. A look of serenity moved across her face. "You're dating sisters? Did I get that right?"
I laughed. "No. I know I don't necessarily look like one of the good guys."
"No, you don't." She gave me a sideways glance and smiled. "But I know better. You are a good man. You just have shitty judgment."
"Thank you?" I reached out and opened the door for her as the smell of coffee rushed up to greet us. "I'll grab us something and you get a table. What can I get you?"
"Non-fat latte. Small with two sugars and ten pumps of peppermint." She wagged her eyebrows and turned, walking across the coffee shop.
I ignored the perky red-head who flirted the entire time I was in front of her, got our drinks and made a bee-line for Eliza. She was people-watching out the window from what I could tell.
"Here you go. They said to put a warning label on the cup. That much peppermint has the power to make anyone holly jolly." I smiled as she chuckled.
"Tell me about this girl," she cleared her throat and lifted one eyebrow, "and her sister."
After taking a quick sip of my drink, I leaned back in my chair. "Remember six years ago when I was dating Ana?"
"Your student?"
"Yes. This is her sister." I ran my hand down my face, hating the way she was looking at me like I was an idiot.
"Wow." She pressed her fingers to her mouth and sat in silence for what seemed like forever. "So, are you still in love with this Ana girl, or with her sister?"
"Her sister, Dana. I didn't know they were sisters."
"You have the worst luck of any man I know."
"Yes, thank you. I'm aware." I pulled my phone out and sat it on the table next to us. "I met Dana at the hospital. She's one of the nurses who was taking care of my sister Mandy before she died."
"Ahhh..." Eliza picked up her drink. "Keep going. Please. This is better than daytime television."
"You don't watch that stuff." I scoffed.
"You'd be surprised. Don't let the old lady hair fool you." She smirked before taking a drink of her coffee. "Mmmm... perfect."
"Good." I glanced down at my phone. "I didn't know they were sisters, so when Dana invited me out to have dinner at her mother's house-"
"Oh, no." Her voice dropped. "Please don't tell me that your ex-lover showed up and the three of you and her mother figured this out all at the same time."
"Yeah. That's about how it happened. I freaked out and faked a call from Damon, tucking tail and running as fast as I could. She took it that I was overwhelmed by seeing Ana after six years."
"Were you?"
"No." I reached out and brushed m
y fingers down the front of the phone absently. "I mean, I was in shock for sure, but overwhelmed? No. I'm in love with Dana. I want her to be the mother of my children, my partner in life. Hell, I was thinking about leaving UT for her."
"Wait. Why would you have to leave UT?"
I glanced up, hating how dirty it made me feel to break the rules. "She's a nursing student, and is a double major in business."
"Oh, no. Kendal. Please tell me she's not in one of your classes."
"No, but she was going to take one next semester. When I found out, she dropped the class and I backed up. Remember, I met her at the fucking hospital. I didn't know." I flinched. "Sorry for the language."
"No, it's fine. It's the weekend and we're not professors. Here, we're just friends."
"Thank you. I need a friend right now. I have no clue how to fix this. I've been running from women for six years, and now I'm supposed to run to one?" I growled softly under my breath.
"So, don't run to her? Just move on with your life."
I laughed. "As if that's possible. She's all I think about, Eliza. I honestly think I'm going to blow the cap on all this shit with Heather and Mark and then put in my resignation. My career defines me and it's holding me back from being with the one woman I want in my life."
"As I see it, you have three choices." She picked up her drink and blew on it as she watched me closely. "You wanna hear my thoughts?"
"Of course I do. I respect you greatly."
"And I you. You've persevered beyond what most people would. You've earned your stripes at the college, Kendal. It's taken a lot from you though. Maybe it's time to consider moving on."
"That one of the options?" I leaned back and picked up my coffee, enjoying the warmth of it in my hand.
"Yes. Step up and talk to Lance about Mark and Heather and then resign. That way you and the girl can be together."
"This is assuming she'll even talk to me again."
"She will. Stop worrying about that." She rolled her eyes. "Just put on your Clark Kent glasses and tell her what you just told me."