Louise Flett nodded. ‘I’ll come to the grocer wi’ you, then, and walk back wi’ you. I was going to see her, ony road.’
Sore at heart, Lizann had to listen to a long diatribe about her Uncle Jockie’s shortcomings, thankful that Lou didn’t expect any comments from her. Back home, she offered to make the pastry to let the sisters chat, and at last her mind could deal with her own troubled thoughts. Seeing George again had made her realize that she loved him much more than she had ever loved Peter. For the five minutes they’d been together it was as if the sun had come out from behind a cloud to light up her world; as if she had been sexually stimulated. Every nerve end in her body was raw and tingling, waiting for some miraculous wand to be waved so that she and George could make love again.
Feeling the fire burning inside her and wondering if it showed on her face, she glanced across at her mother and aunt, but they were totally absorbed in their gossip and wouldn’t have noticed if there had been a chimney on top of her head sending up great puffs of smoke. Smiling at this inane thought, she picked up the rolled-out pastry with trembling hands and laid it over the meat in the pie dish. After flaking the edges and decorating the top, she asked, ‘Will I put this in the oven now?’
Hannah tore herself away from Lou’s graphic account of what Jockie had done when he came home drunk the night before. ‘What’s that, Lizann? Oh, the pie! No, just leave it. It doesna need to go in for a while.’ She turned to her sister again. ‘Now, Lou, you was saying …?’
Their supper taken care of, Lizann went upstairs and lay down on her bed. No matter how loving Peter was, he had never made her feel the way George had done today without as much as touching her. And she should be ashamed of the sinful thoughts she’d had downstairs, things that should never enter the mind of an unmarried girl … but she was married … to George, if not by vows made in front of a minister, by the bonds they had forged, the bonds of love, of physical fulfilment. She shouldn’t have let him go a second time. She wouldn’t get a third chance.
Despite being sure that he would go back to Katie, whatever he’d said, she knew that her heart would always belong to him. Right to her dying day, she would remember how his twinkling eyes had grown serious and tender when he looked at her; how his work-roughened fingers had gently traced the outline of her cheekbones; how their bodies had fused … She shook her head to stop the pain-filled thoughts, and then realized that they all added up to one thing. She couldn’t marry Peter now, and the sooner she broke the engagement, the better.
She went out in answer to his knock that night so tense that her stomach churned and knotted, even threatened to disgorge its contents, but her resolve remained unshaken.
‘I’m taking you home with me,’ he said, linking arms with her. ‘My granny’s not well, and Mam and Dad are away to Fochabers to see her.’
There was an underlying excitement in his voice, and she wondered if he was hoping she would let him have his way when they were on their own. If he was, he was in for a rude awakening.
He took her coat when they went inside, laid it over a seat and then flopped down on one of the easy chairs, holding out his arms to her as an invitation to sit on his knee.
‘No, Peter,’ she said, quietly, perching on the edge of the chair at the other side of the fire. ‘There’s something … oh, how am I going to tell you?’
‘Tell me what?’ he asked, warily.
A pulse was beating in her throat, and she knew that if she didn’t get this over quickly, she would never do it. ‘I can’t marry you, Peter.’
‘Don’t make jokes, Lizann.’
‘It’s not a joke. I can’t marry you. I … love somebody else.’
‘But … but …’ He was stuttering in confusion. ‘You’ve never had a chance to meet anybody else. You’re always with me.’
‘I met him in Yarmouth.’
His eyes narrowed. ‘And you still came back and got engaged to me?’
‘I thought I could forget him, but … he came to see me today, and I … I knew he was the only man for me.’
Peter’s white cheeks had taken on red spots of anger. ‘Who is he? Some fancy Englishman that turned your head?’
‘No, he’s from Cullen.’
‘I don’t suppose you told him you were engaged to me?’
‘I did tell him, and I let him go, though I wish now I hadn’t.’
‘But … you said you still loved me.’
‘I do love you, Peter,’ she said, gently, ‘but not enough.’
‘Now he knows you’re engaged, he’ll not come back.’ Another painful thought coming into his mind, he burst out anxiously, ‘You didn’t tell him you were going to finish with me?’
‘No I didn’t. He’s going to marry the girl he’s been going with, but it doesn’t make any difference. I love him too much to marry you.’
After a moment’s silence, he gave a harsh snort. ‘I know what it is! You and him … you let him … do it, didn’t you?’
Hoping that the truth would make him accept the situation, she nodded, her cheeks scarlet with embarrassment.
‘Why?’ he said, mournfully. ‘Why didn’t you stop him?’
‘I didn’t want to stop him. There was something between us, a kind of … oh, I can’t explain.’
‘He didn’t take you by force?’
‘George Buchan’s not like that. It was my fault, and I’m not ashamed of it.’ She stood up, removed the ring and laid it on the table, then walked out, leaving her ex-fiancé speechless.
Her mother was surprised to see her back so soon. ‘Have you and Peter fell out?’
‘I’ve given him back the ring.’
The cup halfway to Hannah’s mouth was laid down with such a thump that some tea slopped into the saucer. ‘What made you do that?’
Lizann had intended telling her everything, but facing her like this and knowing her mother’s strict morals, it was impossible. ‘I … I’ve been thinking about it for a while.’
‘But you and him aye looked so happy. What went wrong? I thought you loved him.’
‘Not enough.’
‘You were lucky having a man like him. Once his time’s out, he’ll have a good, steady job. Why couldn’t you …?’
‘My mind’s made up.’
Remembering her tea, Hannah took a mouthful to steady her nerves. ‘I dinna ken what Bella Jeannie’ll say.’
‘It’s my life. You loved the man you married.’
‘Aye, lass, your father was the only one I ever loved.’ Hannah’s smile faded. ‘Is there another man? Is that why you …?’
Unable to take the risk, Lizann shook her head. Besides, there was no other man … not now. George had gone for ever.
Hannah took another sip of tea. ‘Your father’ll not be pleased.’
When her husband and son came home some days later, Willie Alec took the broken engagement better than she had thought. ‘Hold your whisht,’ he cautioned Hannah, who had been lamenting about what people would say. ‘There has to be love on both sides to make a marriage work.’
He took a slice of bread off the plate and continued his homily as he spread it thickly with butter. ‘Thank God Peter didna take advantage o’ you the time you were engaged, lass. Some men think the first ring gives them the right, and if he’d bairned you, you’d have had to marry him. As it is, seeing there’s nae other man involved, you’ll maybe get back wi’ him again some day.’
Feeling the heat coming into her cheeks – she’d never thought at the time that George might land her in the family way – and uncomfortably aware of Mick’s speculative eyes fixed on her, she muttered, ‘No, I’m finished with him for good, Father.’
‘Aye, well,’ he nodded, taking a huge bite and chewing for a moment, ‘you were right to gi’e him his ring back if you were as sure as that.’
The meal over, Willie Alec stood up. ‘It’s been a long hard day, so I think I’ll just turn in now. Are you coming, Hannah?’
‘When I’ve done the di
shes.’
‘Mick and Lizann can do them.’
Her face pink, Hannah went out with her husband, and Mick grinned at his sister. ‘We know what he’s got on his mind, eh?’
Lizann collected the dirty crockery. ‘What a thing to say about your own father.’
‘It’s true. He’s a horny old devil when he likes.’
As he dried what Lizann washed, Mick changed the subject. ‘You didn’t tell them,’ he accused.
A prickle of fear touched her. ‘Tell them what?’ she gasped.
‘I ran into Peter when I was coming past the yard. He’s right cut up about you carrying on with that lad when you were away.’
‘He’d no business saying anything to you about that.’
‘We’ve told each other all our secrets since we were in short breeks.’
‘It was my secret, not his!’ She looked at Mick anxiously. ‘You won’t tell Father?’
‘I won’t tell a soul, and I’m not condemning you – I’ve taken quite a few girls myself – but surely … if you’re not to be seeing this Cullen man again, couldn’t you just have married Peter and said nothing?’
‘Is that what you’d have done?’
‘It’s what I’d have done, but I don’t know how girls think.’
‘I can’t marry Peter – I love George a lot more than I love him.’
Mick eyed her keenly. ‘Are you sure this George wasn’t … I mean, some men can turn a girl’s head till she doesn’t know what she’s doing.’
‘He wasn’t like that!’ she retorted, hotly. ‘He loved me!’
Mick smiled. ‘All right, I believe you. Any road, you’re still young, and you’ll fall in love with somebody else.’ He held up his hand to stop any protest. ‘I’d better wash and shave. I’m seeing Jenny at half nine.’
‘You’ve been going with her for a good while. Is this the real thing?’
Lifting the kettle from the stove, he said, more serious than she had ever seen him, ‘Aye, I think it is, and I think she feels the same.’
In Main Street, Peter Tait was wishing that he hadn’t said anything to Mick. It was bad enough to have it constantly buzzing round in his brain that the girl he loved had given herself to somebody else, but to have it buzzing round the whole town would be worse. And now he’d had time to think about it, he was sure Lizann had expected him to forgive her. She hadn’t really meant to break their engagement. Her affair with the other man couldn’t have lasted long, and she’d have forgotten all about him if he hadn’t come upsetting her.
Peter’s spirits lifted. The fisherman – George Buchan, she’d called him – would think she was still going to marry her fiancé, and he was getting married himself, so he was out of the running. All he, Peter, had to do was wait until she got over it and propose to her again. She’d sworn she still loved him, so there shouldn’t be any problem, and his mother didn’t know that Lizann had given him back the ring; he had just said they’d had a wee tiff.
‘You’re looking better the day,’ Bella Jeannie smiled, the following morning. ‘Have you and Lizann made it up?’
‘We’re not going to see each other for a while, so we can sort things out in our minds.’
His mother hesitated. ‘Maybe she’s nae the right lass for you, and if you dinna want her, m’loon, there’s plenty would jump at the chance of marrying a fine man like you.’
Basking in the compliment, Peter didn’t dream of saying that his heart was set on Lizann, nor that he was determined to marry her however long he had to wait.
Chapter Five
Lizann was resigned to being at Hannah’s beck and call all day. She had only been expected to do the heavy cleaning before, but it was quite a while now since her mother had said she wasn’t fit to do much housework and had left more and more of it to her daughter. She’d ended up by having to do everything. Not that she minded. It was better to be kept busy.
Going out to the cart to have the flagon filled one morning in June 1931 she was dismayed to see Peter Tait speaking to the milkman. She would have turned back if he hadn’t noticed her, but she was forced to go up to him with a smile. ‘Hello, Peter, I haven’t seen you for ages.’
She had seen him several times since she gave him back his ring – it was inevitable when he passed her door on his way to and from work – but usually she just remarked on the weather and gave him no chance to speak. Today, though, he hung back until she was served and it was quite clear that he wanted to say something.
Taking care not to jog the hand carrying the milk, he steered her away from the other women. ‘Lizann,’ he murmured, ‘I wanted to ask you … it’s nearly a year and a half since … have you changed your mind yet?’
Also keeping her voice low, she said, ‘I’ll never change it, Peter.’
‘Are you still hoping that George Buchan’ll come back?’
‘He’ll not come back – he’s married now.’
A hint of triumph crossed his face. ‘Stop fretting about him, Lizann. Come back to me, I still love you. We could have a quiet wedding if you like, and set up house anywhere you want …’
‘I told you, Peter – no! Now, you’d better go, or you’ll be late for your work.’
‘My apprenticeship’s finished, and I won’t take long to save up enough to buy a house.’
She clicked her tongue testily. ‘Can you not take a telling? You can keep on at me till you’re blue in the face, but you’ll not get me to marry you!’
She walked away and left him standing, but as she reached her door she glanced round and saw him trailing off dejectedly. She was sorry she had hurt him by being so blunt, but he’d get over it and it was his own fault. He shouldn’t be so persistent.
Later, thinking it over, she wondered if she had been stupid to turn him down again. Why should she make a martyr of herself because of a man who didn’t want her? Peggy May Cordiner had told her she’d heard George saying he was getting married when he went home last November, so there wasn’t the faintest hope that she’d ever see him again. But a girl had to love with all her heart to make a marriage work, and she couldn’t consider Peter as a husband. As a friend, yes, if he’d let her, but that was all.
Three more months dragged past with Lizann’s only excursions outside the house being to go shopping. Setting off one day she was alarmed to meet Peter’s mother. She tried to walk past, but Bella Jeannie grabbed her arm. ‘I want to speak to you.’
‘What about?’ Lizann asked, apprehensively.
‘My son deserves better than you, Lizann Jappy, and there’s more than one lass would wed him if he asked.’
Stung, Lizann snapped, ‘They’re welcome to him.’ She regretted it at once and said hastily, ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Peter’s a fine man.’
Mollified, Bella Jeannie muttered, ‘Naebody kens that better than me. I’ve never took nothing from him for his board, and he was saving every penny o’ his wages to buy a house for you, but you’ve kept him hanging on for near two year. It wouldna surprise me if you’d never had ony intentions o’ wedding him.’
Unwilling to go into any explanations, Lizann said stiffly, ‘I told him at the time I wouldn’t marry him, and I thought you’d have been pleased. You don’t really want him to marry at all, do you? You want to keep him all to yourself.’
Looking uncomfortable, Bella Jeannie blustered, ‘I wasna pleased when he got engaged to you, but it was you he wanted and I’d have …’
‘You’d have put up with me?’ Lizann butted in, smiling in spite of the fury boiling up inside her. ‘You’ve no need to worry, Mrs Tait. I gave Peter back his ring when we split up, and I’ll never be your daughter-in-law.’ She nearly added, ‘Thank heaven,’ but managed to hold it back.
Bella Jeannie was obviously shaken. ‘Oh? I didna ken you’d gi’en him back the ring.’
‘So your son doesn’t tell you everything?’ Lizann couldn’t resist the dig as she made her escape; the nasty besom deserved it.
She d
idn’t tell Hannah of the encounter when she went home, for she still felt angry that Peter had let his mother believe the engagement was still on, though he’d likely been too proud to admit that it wasn’t. In a few minutes, however, after a cup of tea, she saw the funny side of it. Bella Jeannie had been on her high horse, sure she was getting rid of the fiancée who was trifling with her son’s affections, and her face had been a picture when she learned the truth – fancy any girl turning down her Peter!
* * *
Lizann had almost succeeded in pushing George to the back of her mind as a wonderful yet painful memory, but as another November came round, the memory flared up again and she pined silently for the only man she would ever want. When she learned that the gutting crews had arrived home once again, she pocketed her pride and ran along Main Street to ask if Peggy May had any news of him.
‘He wasna there this time,’ Peggy May told her, ‘and I heard he’d got his own boat and was landing fish at Peterhead. And to save you asking, he is married. I’m awful sorry, Lizann, but you’ll have to put him right out o’ your head.’
‘I suppose so.’
‘I shouldna tell you this when you’re so down, but I canna keep it to myself. I met a Buckie lad down there, and we’re going steady now.’
‘I’m pleased for you.’ She really was, and had to find out more. ‘Did you know him before? What’s his name?’
‘Ned Yule, and I didna ken him afore. He’s near three year older than me, and he said he’s had a lot o’ girls, but I’m the only one he’s ever really loved.’
‘And d’you love him?’
‘Oh, aye, Lizann … I hope you’re nae jealous o’ me being so happy?’
‘No, I’m not. I just wish things had worked out for me and George, that’s all.’
‘Are you still determined nae to go back to Peter?’
‘Bella Jeannie would have a fit if I did.’
The Girl with the Creel Page 7