by Laney Smith
Corlay had found exactly what she was looking for. Right on the edge of San Antonio, in a field of blue bonnets, there was a greenhouse structure erected and the property owner was looking for an agriculture business to occupy the vacant shell. The amount of land was negotiable, pending the business needs. It seemed like miles and while she didn’t need that much, the property owner was gracious enough to allow her to set her boundaries. On the opposite corner, there was housing being built. Otherwise, it was open with plenty of room to expand. It would be perfect. Plus, the terms were fair and reasonable.
“What are the odds?” Corlay asked Ryan after she signed the contract for a two-acre lease. “Three months ago, I was searching for your name in that investor list. Is it fate?”
He shrugged. “I don’t care what it is. You’re incredible. You set your sights on what you wanted and you did it your way. I’m proud of you.”
“I haven’t done it, yet,” she countered. “Wait until I’m in the black. Then, tell me you’re proud of me.”
Ryan smiled. “I’m not worried. I’ve seen what you can do. I’d have gladly done this for you.”
“I know,” she responded. “I appreciate that you gave me room to grow. Now, I won’t feel guilty if I fail.”
“You’re not going to fail. Too much is working too well.”
“Maybe I’ll start off, growing more traditional flowers. That way, I have a chance to get my name out before I start trying to move the riskier plants,” she smiled and tilted her head.
Ryan couldn’t tell if she was hinting that she had figured him out or if it was his own guilty conscience picking up on key words. He breathed a restless sigh. He had to change the subject, and quickly.
“So, I’m supposed to meet up with David, again. Still don’t want to go look at houses with me, huh?”
“I could. You’ve stood by me. I want to stand by you, too.”
“I thought you were tired of looking at big expansive houses. He’s only upped the ridiculousness.”
“You’ve been looking long enough, don’t you think? Maybe you need a new realtor. He doesn’t seem to know you very well.” Corlay tucked her chin to her chest. “You know, if she was better . . .” she said, leaving her statement hanging.
“Who?”
“Scottie. Maybe I shouldn’t have stepped in. I was jealous and I admit it. Right now, I feel sassy,” Corlay smiled. “I’m a business owner.”
“Maybe you should sit down,” Ryan sighed.
“Uh, no! If you have something to tell me, I’m better off, standing.”
“I have a confession,” he said, his eyes absently aimed at the floor. “I don’t want to work with Scottie.” His eyes lifted to meet hers. “I flinch at the mention of her name. I just want you. I just need you. I only love you. I don’t want you to ever feel that you’re second to anyone, regardless of if you’re a business owner or couch surfer. I want only one thing. I want to find the home that you can’t say no to. I want a home for Nathan where we all live, together.”
Corlay smiled and shook her head. “I promise. We will. One day. I need to get a little confidence in this business. Then, maybe I’ll feel better about those palaces you love, so much. I just need a little more time. Can you be patient with me a little longer?”
Ryan studied her face, trying to hide the pain in his eyes. “Do you love me?”
“Of course, I do.”
“Then, I’m going to go catch up with David. I don’t care what house he shows me, I’m buying it. If you don’t like it, we’ll sell it after you go big guns with those exotic plants,” he smiled. “Then, you’ll buy our next house. I don’t want to pressure you if you just don’t feel love for me. If you do, we can live anywhere. Love is what makes a place a home. I’m tired of looking and waiting. I’m tired of listening to my brother snore, all night long. I’m tired of my dad refusing to accept more than forty-five dollars a month for rent,” he chuckled. “I’m thirty-five, living under my parent’s roof. I don’t have to be. I stay there because I’m waiting for you. I’m waiting to take Nathan home – to his home – to your home – to my home – to his parents’ home,” he smiled. “Sight unseen, tell me you’ll let me move you and Nathan into the next house I see.”
“Sight unseen?”
“Yeah! I’m not going to drag you over there to look at it. I’m just going to go catch up with him and whatever it is, I’m going to buy it. Then, we’re all going to move in and be happy. It may be a massive mansion. It may be a storage shed. I don’t care what it is. Tell me we can live under the same roof.”
Corlay dropped her head to the side as she flashed him a sympathetic look. “You’re a good man, Ryan,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m not ready. I’m sorry.”
Ryan clenched his jaw as his eyes clasped shut. “What is it? What is the problem?”
“Nothing. I’m just not ready, yet. Patience. I’m just asking for patience.”
Ryan flashed a scorned smile, though he tried to make it honest. “OK.”
“Don’t look at me like that. You’re breaking my heart.”
“I’m trying not to. I just wanted this so much. I wanted you and Nate.” He scrunched his nose and squinted his eyes. “I’m feeling pretty stupid, right now.”
“Why?”
“Because we’re clearly in very different places. I can’t breathe without the two of you and you don’t feel the same.”
“I do. I just can’t do this, yet.”
Ryan nodded. “OK. Tell me what I’m not doing right.”
“Take your money, all of it, and lock it away where you can’t get to it for a week, a month, maybe longer. Come here. Live with us. Let me pay your way for a while.”
“You and what money, Sweetheart? I’m not trying to put a damper on things, but you’re looking at three years of loss, at a minimum. Where are you going to get money to support you and Nate? The same place you’re gonna get money to support me. It’s not there. It will be and I believe that. But, you can’t afford me, right now.”
“And, what? You want to pay our way?”
“Uh, yeah! That was the plan.”
“Even though I told you I don’t want your money in this? I don’t want you to doubt why I’m here. You just answered your own question. You know I don’t have money. You know I’d depend on you. You plan on supporting us and I’ve told you how important it is to me that I can do this, myself.”
Ryan raised his hand to cover his mouth before throwing his hands up in surrender. “Did it ever occur to you that you don’t have money right now because I made a decision for you. I cost you your job. You left that job for me. I want to do this for you.”
“I don’t want you to do it for me. I have nothing to my name if I leave this place. Everything in my life would be in your name. What if you do the same thing Evan did?”
Ryan’s eyes aimlessly drifted as he pressed his lips together. His tongue slid over the tops of his teeth and the frustration he felt inside was evident, splayed across his face. He felt as though his throat was closing and no matter how much he blinked, he couldn’t see himself in the situation he desperately wanted to be in.
“OK. More time,” he conceded. “I’ve gotta go catch up with David.”
That wasn’t entirely true. He was supposed to do the final walk-thru of the cottage, at some point. However, he didn’t have a set plan. He just wanted to take his hurt and go hide somewhere to heal for a little bit.
“Hey, Dad! Can I go with you?” Nathan asked from the top of the stairs.
“He has to look at another house, Nate,” Corlay offered. “You stay here with me, this time.”
Ryan flashed Corlay a smile, arching his eyebrows as he softly spoke. “I want him to go. But, he’s not in my name, is he? You hold more wealth in parental rights than I ever will. I hate that you put up this barrier. I really do. Unlike you, I want you to do something for me. I want you to tell him he can go with me.” Ryan’s eyes locked on hers for a moment before he breath
ed a sigh. “Yeah. Maybe next time.”
Ryan walked over to the bottom of the stairs and looked up at Nathan. “Dude! What’re you wearing?”
“It’s my Ryan Priest shirt,” Nathan giggled.
“I see that,” he chuckled. “Did you know it looks a little small? You look like if you flex, you’ll bust those seams.”
Nathan wiped his hands over the front of the shirt as he looked down. “It still fits. See?”
Ryan couldn’t stop smiling up at the kid. “Can I get a hug? I have to go figure out where David is hiding.”
Nathan gripped the stair rail and quickly descended the stairs. When he was a few steps away from Ryan, he threw his arms out and bent at the knees. “I want to jump to you. Catch me, ‘K?”
“Yep!”
Nathan jumped and Ryan snagged him out of the air, prompting the boy to giggle. “Let’s do it, again.”
The entire scenario was breaking Ryan’s heart. “Buddy, I gotta beat feet. Maybe we can do that, again, another time.”
Ryan hugged him and whispered something in his ear. He put Nathan on his feet and the child took off running toward his mother, making motor sounds with his mouth. He wrapped his arms around Corlay and squeezed tight, making grunting noises. Ryan lifted his hand and waved at Corlay, flashing a forced smile.
“If you should need anything . . .”
Corlay patted Nathan’s back and encouraged him to sit on the couch and wait for her. She told him she wanted to walk Ryan out. Ever playful, Nathan buried his face in the cushions with his butt in the air. Ryan was thankful for the opportunity to appear to be focused on something other than Corlay.
“I don’t get a hug?” she pouted.
Ryan’s chin swayed over his shoulder. “I’ll give you anything you want.”
“You’re pouting,” she offered with a smile as she looked up at him, tucking herself under his arm.
Ryan nodded. “I know.”
“I love you. I really do. I just want to bring something to the table, too, ya know?”
“I understand. Just because I understand doesn’t mean I can’t feel sad about it. I’ve discovered I’m impatient. I never noticed that, before. I’m just so sure of us and I want it all, with you, right now.”
“Why me? Why do you want it all with me? I can’t get it out of my head – the way you talked about Scottie and how she wanted you. Remember? You didn’t even care why. At least she was somebody. Now, I’m supposed to believe that I’m special, somehow.”
Ryan shot her a regretful look. “I never should’ve told you that. What kind of idiot . . .” he left the question hanging in the air. He reached up and clawed at his head. “Yes. Yes, you’re supposed to believe you’re special, somehow. You are. You’re not just somebody, Corlay. That is exactly why I want it all with you. I’ve never lived with anyone. I had dorm mates in college. Since then, I’ve not wanted to share my space with anyone – no matter how much of it I had. This feeling is exciting for me. I actually want you there. I want Nathan there. Little space would be big space without you two. Big space would be even worse. I could live with fifteen-thousand people and I’d feel alone unless you and Nathan were there. What am I supposed to do?” he asked as though he sincerely wanted advice.
“Forgive me for being gun shy. Understand that I have lived with someone before. While you two are different people, I’m terrified of trusting you with my stability, because my past has taught me most people take advantage of that vulnerability. I don’t know that you would. I’m just trying to find comfort that I’m safe with you.”
Ryan swallowed hard, staring at the floor, momentarily, before his eyes lifted to meet hers. “OK. If I can do anything to help you with that, let me know.”
Corlay smiled as she planted a kiss on his cheek. He looked at her, narrowing his eyes. He heaved a heavy breath.
“I gotta get going.”
“Do you love me?” she asked, dipping her chin as she looked at him from beneath her brow ridge.
He slowly blinked. “Very much.”
“We’ll miss you.”
He pursed his lips and stubbornly dipped his head. “I hope you do.”
Ryan kissed her forehead and made his way to the front door. He replayed the conversation in his head. He tried to think of ways he could erase the comment he had made about Scottie. He regretted that there was no one from Corlay’s childhood who could offer him any insights. He was investing in her dream. He was willing to have a cottage built, just for her. As Ryan started driving, he questioned everything he had done for the sake of their future, together. He questioned why he had done those things. He questioned why he was so determined that Corlay had to be the one. He questioned everything he felt, thought, and did. Next thing he knew, he was turning into the parking lot of the sports bar. He parked the car, put the window down, and turned the engine off. He dropped his head back against the headrest, soaking up the evening breeze. He didn’t want to be at the bar. He didn’t want to go home. He didn’t want to be at Corlay’s house. He didn’t want to be anywhere.
Three women came out to get in the car parked beside him. There was a time when his world would’ve jolted to a stop. Short cut-off shorts, long, tanned legs, bare midriffs, and boobs busting out of everywhere. Now, Ryan was trying hard to ignore the woman with the smooth, rounded cheeks, peeking out from beneath her shorts – right there at his window. He sighed, pinching his lips between his thumb and forefinger.
“I remember you,” one of the girls said as she bent down to look in his window.
“Do you?” he asked in a flat tone.
“You’re that baseball guy. Am I right?”
Ryan looked up at her, deliberately only making eye contact. “You do remember.”
At that point, her other two friends came to stand between the two cars to talk to him.
“What’re you doing, sitting out here, all by yourself?” one of the women asked.
“You should take us to play baseball,” another flirted.
Ryan started to shake his head and then stopped. That wasn’t a bad idea. He felt a smile slide across his lips. He looked at the three bodies standing outside his door.
“We’re going to need more people.”
“Nuh-uh,” one of the girls played.
“Yes, huh. If we’re doing this, let’s do it the right way. Two teams. If you find enough people, I’ll play.”
~FORTY-TWO~
Ryan crouched down behind home plate. He didn’t know a single person on his team, other than Rick. He didn’t know anyone on the opposing team. It didn’t matter. He just wanted to play a good, clean, fun, hometown game. The sounds of happiness and fun filled his ears and he couldn’t wipe the ridiculously over-sized grin off his face. He wasn’t in a uniform. No one was tallying his stats. He wasn’t being chased for autographs. There were no endorsements hanging on this game. He was just a regular guy, playing an impromptu game – no pressure – just fun. It didn’t matter that some of the “players” were inebriated. There was a love of the game and Ryan was having a blast.
Just before the game ended, Ryan was on third base, ready to run for home. The batter swung but missed. Ryan was already halfway to home plate before anyone realized he was running. Just as he was diving to slide, one of the skinny, half-naked girls from earlier in the evening jumped in front of him. To his surprise, the woman leapt into the air, just as he was about to plow her down. She landed with her butt in the middle of his back and she tagged him.
“Out! Yes!” Rick yelled, laughing in amazement at what he had just witnessed.
“Whose team are you on?” Ryan chuckled.
“Did you see her, though? Sorry, man, but she got you. I think I’m in love.”
“Oh, you’d fall for a tree stump, about now,” Ryan joked.
As the brothers bantered back and forth, the woman came up, grabbed Ryan’s arm and spun him, throwing her arms around his neck and trying to kiss him, but failing, miserably. As he pushed her off of him, h
er friend snapped a photo of the two. The two women laughed at the confused look on Ryan’s face in their little photo. The woman who tried to kiss Ryan drew a shoulder to her ear in an effort to be cute as Ryan dragged his hand across his mouth, wiping away her unwelcomed attempt to kiss him.
“It was a dare. And, how many women can say they got Ryan Priest out in a baseball game – and then kissed him?” she said
Ryan shook his head. “I had no idea that was a goal.”
“You should take her to dinner,” her friend said.
Ryan shook his head. “I’ve got a girlfriend to join me for dinner.” His eyebrows raised as he pointed to Rick. “This guy, however . . .”
Rick smirked at his brother and muttered under his breath, “You are a saint.”
“Nah! Just a Priest.”
Some of the fellow makeshift baseball players interrupted the conversation, asking Ryan for autographs and photos. Even though he had built a kinship with some of these people, he appreciated the moment of recognition. Maybe it was exactly what his weakened ego needed. For a moment, he remembered how good it felt to have people excited to be near him. Though he was humbled by his professional experience, it was uplifting to be around people who still had respect and admiration for him. Maybe the whole world didn’t hate him quite as much as he thought.
By the time Ryan slid behind the wheel of his car, he felt like a brand-new man. Clarity had washed over him. He wasn’t going to shut himself off from the rest of the world, anymore. He wasn’t going to stew and sulk in humiliation and assumptions that the world wished him away. He was ready to live, again. He was ready to have fun. Real fun.
Ryan couldn’t wipe the happiness off his face. He left the baseball park and drove toward the cottage. He wished Corlay and Nathan were there, waiting for him. While Corlay’s reservations were frustrating, he could also understand. He hadn’t been himself in a long time. He knew what he felt when he was with Corlay and Nathan. If he was honest with himself, however, he hadn’t really done a lot to show her what he felt, and the things he had done, she didn’t know about, yet. He could see things from her side, now. He could understand why she might feel as though he had only been going through the motions.