by Lora Leigh
Chapter Five
When Brenna awoke, it was to an empty bed and a delicious sense of fulfillment that seemed to permeate her entire body. The feeling only added to the lazy contentment that suffused her. A contentment marred only by the fact that Jase wasn’t there to awaken to.
Sunlight spilled through the balcony doors as the cool wash of the air conditioner filtered through the bedroom, only adding to the drowsy idea of remaining in the bed for a while longer.
Better to lie and luxuriate in the fantasy that she had been well loved rather than well fucked. She would much rather allow herself to believe for the moment that the next time she faced Jase, she wouldn’t see the anger and hatred in his gaze that she had seen the day the will had been read.
Rolling to her side, she pulled his pillow to her and hugged it to her breasts. Burying her face in the cool silk of the pillowcase, she inhaled the subtle scent he’d left on the fabric. Closing her eyes, she tried to pretend that everything would have changed. That Jase would have never taken her with such hunger and such sweetness if he didn’t care for her just a little.
She knew better. Even she wasn’t so naïve as to believe that. She might have been a virgin in his arms, but she wasn’t entirely innocent.
She couldn’t lie there and keep allowing herself to believe otherwise either. She’d found it was always better to face reality whenever possible, get it the hell over with, than allow herself to lie and daydream that things were different.
She was good at that part.
Sometimes.
Rolling to her back once more, she stared up at the ceiling then turned her head and glanced at the balcony doors.
Three months with nothing to do. She was going to go insane.
At least before she had gone to college she’d had the clubs she was involved with, outings with her friends. She hadn’t been involved with the country club scene though. The pretentious posturing that went on at that particular location frankly bored her.
Stacey worked for her uncle at his lake house and wouldn’t be available to socialize until later or perhaps even the next day. That left forcing Jase to allow her to work at the ranch, which was probably not a very good idea; lounging in bed the rest of the day, which she had no intention of doing; or working on the tan that had disappeared more than a year ago after moving from the ranch.
The third option was the only one she was willing to consider.
The pool would hopefully wash some of the gathering nerves away and give her a little peace before she had to face Jase again.
Moving from the bed, she quickly showered before pulling on the skimpy, two-piece bathing suit and matching cover-up before drying the long, heavy weight of her blonde hair. Securing it into a high ponytail, she collected a bath sheet from the closet and the tanning oil from her cabinet before leaving the bedroom and heading downstairs to the kitchen for a tall, icy glass of tea. The cook, Josie, always kept a fresh pitcher of tea in the fridge along with sliced fruits and vegetables for a light lunch or late breakfast.
Once Brenna entered the kitchen, it was to realize she was starving. Taking a plate of the sliced fruits and vegetables and a selection of cheese, she poured the tea and sat down in the breakfast nook to enjoy it.
The house wasn’t normally so quiet. Josie and Carol, the housekeeper, were often embroiled in confrontation, and Miriam never failed to become involved in it.
The drama of it would then make it to Jase, who invariably ended up yelling at all three women in frustration before slamming out of the house.
It was a little early for that to have happened though. It wasn’t even after noon yet.
Rising from the table, she carried her plate to the sink, rinsed it then placed it in the dishwasher before turning to stare at the pool through the large garden window over the sink.
The sun was blazing hot and fierce, pouring down on the crystal-clear water and giving it a refreshing, inviting appearance.
And she definitely felt like a woman who needed refreshing. The more she allowed herself to sit and think, the more she was remembering the night before and the hotter she was getting.
She swore she could almost feel Jase’s touch against her flesh. A phantom whisper of sensation that slowly clenched her pussy and left her clit aching more by the second.
This was exactly what she didn’t need today.
She didn’t need to ache for him.
She didn’t need to become so heated and wet that the silky essence of her arousal began to spread along the swollen folds of her cunt.
Giving her head a hard shake, Brenna tried to push those memories behind her as she moved toward the patio doors that led to the pool.
She was reaching for the door latch when she heard him. Felt him.
The soft thud of his boots as he stepped into the kitchen from the carpeted hallway had her tensing before she swung around to face him.
He stood at the counter, only a few feet from her, his dark gaze narrowed and gleaming with something predatory as he watched her.
His gaze moved over her body, taking in the wrap over the bikini, and obviously making note that she was dressed as skimpily or perhaps more skimpily than she would have been in just her underclothes.
“I had a feeling you’d be running for the pool the minute you had a chance,” he grunted with a heavy rasp, and she felt her nipples tightening in response beneath her bathing suit top. They were no doubt pressing against the thin material covering them and easy to see.
“There was nothing else to do.” She cleared her throat, nervous, aroused. The effect he had on her should have been illegal.
“You could have stayed in New York and finished this semester on time.” His expression darkened at the obvious thought.
He had no idea how badly she had wished that were an option.
“Yeah, I could have,” she said softly. “I needed to come home though.”
His expression seemed to darken further at her words.
“You consider this home? Even with Dad gone?”
His question had her pausing. For a moment, fear seemed to paralyze her.
She hadn’t considered—
She swore she could feel her world crashing around her, brick by brick, coming apart at the seams as she stared back at him.
“It isn’t my home anymore?” she asked, almost frightened to allow the words to pass her lips.
His arms crossed over his chest.
Brenna watched the move, knowing it for what it was. It was a classic Jase stance whenever dealing with her and the possibility that she wasn’t going to like what he thought.
“Dad’s gone,” he said softly. “When you graduate, you’ll have your own life, Bren.”
That was what he wanted?
She could feel her heart racing in her chest, pain and fear almost tearing her apart at the thought that Jase didn’t consider this her home.
Was that why Poppa Jason had set the will as he had? To ensure she had the chance to accustom herself to being thrown out?
Jase was right. It wasn’t really her home. She had just been allowed to live here for a while, that was all.
“Of course,” she said faintly, shoving her hands in the pockets of her cover-up as she fought to find a way to keep from sobbing in pain. “I’m sorry, Jase, I should have thought…” She shrugged.
Thought what? That she would always be welcome here, even though she knew better after reading of the will?
She should have thought—no, she should have known after the reading of the will that he felt this way. It wasn’t as though he had tried to hide how he felt. He’d told her then that she couldn’t steal herself a home or roots. That wasn’t how it worked.
Unfortunately, her roots were here, with him. Home was with Jase. And she could feel her soul breaking in two at the thought that he didn’t want her there.
“Should have thought what?” He scowled. “I’m not angry over it, Brenna. It’s not as though you were raised here.”
But she was. And of course he wasn’t angry over it. It was what he wanted to begin with. He didn’t want her here. He didn’t need her here. She was an interloper, nothing more.
As she had suspected earlier, she’d simply gotten a good fucking rather than good loving. There had been no love on his part, and it was best she always remember that.
“Not to worry.” It was all she could do to push the words past her lips. “Excuse me, Jase, I forgot something in my room.”
Her heart. A part of her soul. She’d lost it as she lay beneath him in the bed she had once called her own, and now she needed to find it again.
The pool suddenly had no appeal. The bright sunlight suddenly seemed dimmer, less inviting. A future without Jase and without the Arrow S suddenly stretched before her, and the thought of the loss she was facing was heartbreaking.
Rushing past him, averting her face to hide her tears, Brenna all but ran through the house and back to her bedroom.
What was she going to do? She couldn’t leave. Not if she wanted to ensure the forty percent of the Arrow S Poppa Jason wanted Jase to have was given to him. She couldn’t bear the thought of him losing it.
She couldn’t bear the thought of losing Jase.
Closing the bedroom door quickly behind her, she pressed her hands to her stomach and drew in a hard, ragged breath as she stared around.
The tears fell, she simply couldn’t help it.
Her bed was still mussed, and she knew Jase’s scent would still linger on the sheets. It was her bed. It was her bedroom.
Or it used to be.
A silent sob shook her body as she slowly slid down the door and buried her head in her arms, fought to keep the silent sobs hidden.
She couldn’t let Jase know how he had just wounded her. She couldn’t let him see just how deeply she loved him. It would kill her pride. Her heart had already been broken, her soul damaged, she couldn’t let him steal her pride as well.
He wouldn’t want to hurt her intentionally, would he?
Was the reference to the Arrow S not being her home retaliation over the will his father had left? Or had Poppa Jason somehow known Jase would try to take the only home she had ever known away from her?
How had she let herself love him so deeply? How could she have convinced herself that he cared about her when he didn’t?
Sitting on the floor alone, that sense of loss, the feeling of abandonment surrounding her, Brenna wondered exactly where she was supposed to go from here. Where was she supposed to go and how was she supposed to stop loving the only man she had ever loved in her life? The one man she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt was so imprinted on her soul, there wasn’t a chance of ever being free of him.
* * * * *
Jase stood silently, his head down, staring at the ceramic floor of the kitchen as the silence of the house wrapped around him and reminded him of what it was like when Brenna was gone.
He reminded himself this was what it would be like again when she left to return to her life in New York and the college degree she had been working so hard toward.
Veterinary medicine. As though she intended to return to the ranch with an education she could put to use here.
He wasn’t fooled by her appearance, and neither had his father been fooled by her. Jason had wanted her to have what she wanted though. He’d filled the gardens outside her window with bright, colorful blooms, with the fanciful figurines she so enjoyed, in an attempt to encourage her to return home.
Home. This wasn’t her home, he reminded himself.
He couldn’t let her believe it was her home. He couldn’t deal with a future of Brenna dropping in whenever she wanted, using the Arrow S for a layover and nothing more.
After the night he had spent with her, he’d realized exactly how dangerous she was to him. He’d watched his father suffer the deaths of the two women who had stolen his heart, and he’d never understood how Jason Samuels had had the courage to love again after his first wife Gina had died of a lingering cancer nearly twenty years before.
“Well, aren’t you the bright one? Cutting off your nose to spite your face again, Jase?” Miriam stepped into the kitchen as he lifted his head and stared up at her with a carefully blank expression. He should have known she was lurking around some damn place, despite his suggestion she take a couple days off.
“Fuck off, Miriam,” he growled. “I should fucking fire you for failing to realize exactly what was going to happen last night.”
Miriam was his smokescreen. He’d hired her two years before after they’d run into each other at a mutual friend’s party. They’d gone to school together—Miriam had married one of his friends from college and then moved overseas for several years.
She’d needed a job to supplement the widow’s benefits she received from the Army. Jase had needed an assistant willing to be a smokescreen, a dinner companion and a piece of arm fluff without reading more into it than exactly what it was—a job. Nothing more.
But even more importantly, her job had been to stand between him and Brenna. To provide not just a smokescreen but also an impenetrable wall that Brenna would find impossible to see through.
And for the past two years she’d done an excellent job. She’d gone above and beyond the job description until that night a year ago when his father had managed to trick him and send him to Brenna’s room. She looked ill, his father had stated. Something was wrong.
Jase had rushed to her room and walked into a sensual minefield that he hadn’t expected.
“Well, aren’t you the one who sent me home yesterday?” She arched a dark brow mockingly.
Damn her. She’d never been one to play games before, why the hell was she doing it now?
“You are ignoring me, Jase.” Mocking laughter filled her gaze as she crossed her arms over her breasts and tilted her head to the side. “You know that really doesn’t work.”
She knew him too well, and that was the problem.
Pushing his fingers through his hair, he breathed out a hard sigh, still fighting the inner battle to keep from rushing upstairs after Brenna.
Brenna had looked devastated, and he’d known his words would hurt her. The implication that she no longer had a home here had done more than hurt her though. It had done more than insert a wedge between them. He’d seen it slice straight into her soul and leave her bleeding.
“She’s crying, Jase,” Miriam said softly, the accusation in her voice impossible to miss. “I saw her run up the stairs. She was sobbing.”
His jaw clenched, his fingers curled into fists and it was all he could do to force himself to stand in place. To keep from going after Brenna. To keep from holding her, to keep from begging her for her forgiveness.
“Let it go, Miriam,” he growled.
“You are such a coward.” Amusement filled her voice now, but also a hint of censure. “She’s a twenty-four-year-old college student. Surely you can handle her. Since when did the big, bad Jase Samuels start backing down from babies?”
He threw her a hard glare. “You’re evil, Miriam.”
She laughed throatily, a husky sound that he would have found sexy if it weren’t for the fact that no other woman had done a damn thing for him for a year now.
“Fix this, Jase,” she advised him softly, gently, despite the steel beneath the silk of her voice. “Don’t take the only security she has left in her life.”
“A house doesn’t provide security,” he snapped.
“No, it’s not the house that secures her, nor is it the house that keeps drawing her back here. And it’s sure as hell not that inheritance your father left her. It’s you, Jase. It’s always been you. And that is the one thing you’ve always been too much of a coward to realize.”
Chapter Six
Jase didn’t bother knocking on the door.
He opened it slowly and stepped inside, his gaze scanning the room as he looked for her.
What the hell was he doing?
He wasn’t just destroying Br
enna, he was destroying himself, and he knew it.
Closing the door softly, he turned the lock and watched as her back tensed. A clear signal she knew he was there.
“There are days I’m a real bastard.” He sighed. “Not because I want to be, Brenna, but because you flat scare the shit out of me. And you make me feel things I’d just as soon not feel.”
She lay on the bed, her back still to the door, the knowledge that she had curled into herself because she was crying slicing through his heart.
She was still dressed in the bathing suit cover, the backs of her silken thighs drawing his gaze despite the fact he was doing everything possible to rein in the hunger he could feel beginning to burn inside him again.
“I spent the night fucking you, certain I could fuck this damned hunger out of my system.”
He watched her shoulders tremble as a small cry slipped from her. He hated that sound. He hated the fact he was the reason she made it.
Lifting his hands, he began unbuttoning his shirt, removing it before he took off his boots.
He dropped the shirt to the floor next to the boots before moving across the room.
“When I woke this morning, I was just as damned hard as I was the second I realized you were a virgin.”
She rolled over slowly, her dampened face breaking his heart as her eyes widened in surprise. She turned just in time to watch him dispose of his jeans and the snug boxer-briefs he wore beneath.
And he was just as hard as he’d told her he was. Iron-hard. Thick. Demanding release. His dick pulsed with racing lust as he remembered just how damn good her pussy felt. Like hot, perfect silk, her soft flesh would surround him, suck him in.
Wrapping his fingers around the base of the shaft, he watched as her gaze dropped to the heavy flesh and she ran her tongue over the curves of her lips.
“All I’ve done is ache for you,” she whispered then. “For as long as I can remember, Jase, I’ve needed you so desperately that at times nothing else mattered.”