Whispers in the Dark

by Pam Jernigan

  Eventually, she picked a soft blue shirt that would be sturdy, didn't seem damaged, and would work well with her jacket. Because she did have some pride, after all. She'd probably make it to the city today; they would see her. Her appearance would be unattractive enough already, hair full of tangles, without a stupid outfit.

  She stared at herself in the mirror and gamely attempted to tame her hair. Ponytail again today. Eh, it would have to do.

  That decided, she returned to the closet, now looking at the other side. Men’s clothes. Jeans could endure a lot, but Leo’s shirt didn’t bear thinking about. So what would look good on him? His skin tone was darker than hers, darker than Jake’s. Maybe some Hispanic or Asian ancestry in there, but hard to tell. Not this one. She pulled out another. Not this one, either. Another one. Right size, but overall - omg no!… She pulled it aside and then stopped. Oh yeah, this could work.

  She appropriated a soft Henley in a deep green, with cream accents. It was a heavier weight than she’d want to wear, but was similar to his sweatshirt, so she was pretty sure he wouldn't mind. It would look great on him. And if he’d let her comb his hair, he’d be… really attractive, actually.

  She shouldn’t be thinking about him like that.

  She’d worry about that later.

  Today was just about her and him. They were friends; they were hanging out. Friends did that all the time. No reason not to dress nicely while doing so. It didn’t mean anything.

  She sighed. Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Karen. Maybe you’ll even start to believe it.

  #

  He looked pretty cute in it. Once she’d explained the concept of changing clothes, she’d left the room. Not without regret, but she’d told herself firmly that she did not need to see his abs. After a few moments, he came down the stairs to join her in the living room once more.

  She smiled approval. “Oh yeah. that works.” He didn’t seem to notice the implied compliment. Figures. “So, you want to play more cards, or should I read out loud?”

  He frowned. “You need lunch.”

  “Oh. Yeah, I guess. I saw some cans of beef stew that looked okay. You want one?”

  “No. All yours.”

  She threw him a speculative glance. Was he not hungry, or did he not want to take food from her? Could be either. Or both. “I can eat while we play cards,” she offered, on her way to the pantry.

  “Okay.”

  She pulled the pop-top from the can, looked at the congealed stew and sighed. Not appetizing. But still better than her ration bars. So there was that. She grabbed the can and a spoon, heading back towards the dining room table. “There are more games I bet I can teach you.”

  Teaching Leo was fun. He was a quick study once he learned and/or remembered how to talk about the cards. They moved on from Go Fish to War and a few other simple games. Leo enjoyed playing, and she enjoyed watching him. He’d frown in concentration, then lay down a card. At first he’d look to her for verification he’d done it right, but as they continued and his confidence grew, he got quicker. He'd even display a touch of mischief when he knew he’d won a round. Since some of the games required almost no skill, they became a fairly even contest, leaving Karen too much time to think.

  What if she took him back to the city?

  Well, they’d shoot him. That would happen.

  Or would they? She peeked at him again. When she’d first met him, his expression had been pretty vacant, so he’d looked Mindless… but over the last few days he’d gotten much better. Would anybody know he was… a recovering ex-monster?

  Maybe not. Not on sight, anyway.

  She tried to be rational about it. Even though he was thinking and speaking now, he still had the awkward body language and other physical changes. Insensitivity to pain, accelerated healing, etc. If he were in the city, it’d be possible for someone to discover that, unless she kept him away from everyone. And in the city nobody kept to themselves that much; there was too much work to do for anyone to hide away.

  And then there was the sexless thing, which could be a problem. No, never mind, not going there.

  Then again, the thinking and speaking things had changed. So the other effects might, too. No, still not going there!

  He’s awkward and can’t speak that well. He doesn’t make that much eye contact. His sensory perceptions are odd… It took a moment for her to remember why that sounded familiar, and then she grinned. Obviously he’s autistic! That might work. At least for a while… she’d still have to explain where he’d come from. And would he even want to live in the city with her? She glanced at him. Yeah, she was pretty sure he would. But if they tried, and he got killed… this needed more thought. Later.

  “Okay, next level,” she announced, looking at the cards he’d dealt. “Bluffing. As in keeping your emotions to yourself.”

  His face fell a little. “Sorry.”

  “What? No, I’m not complaining,” she insisted. “It’s kind of cool to catch echos of your feelings. But part of playing cards is not letting the other person know what you think about your chances. We call that a poker face, with no expression. Of course, in your case, that’s a bit more complicated, but we can try. So I need you to focus on not sharing your emotions, okay? You can try to read me though. I might be able to block you but I need practice.”

  With his guidance and feedback, she improved, but after an hour she called a halt. “This is giving me a headache. I’m too tense. You’re way better than me at this.”

  He shook his head. “You’re doing great.”

  She smiled. “You’re a good teacher. I still have to work at it though. And I’ve had enough time sitting at this table.”

  “Too much?” he asked, his shoulders slumping.

  “It’s fine,” she insisted, trying to send some wordless reassurance his way. It still felt strange, but she was getting more used to it. She stood and stretched.

  He smiled. He still had to work on it, but he was improving. Just like he was getting better at everything else. Dangerous topic.

  Getting warm in here. Must be because the sun had started its daily descent and was now shining into the living room. Karen’s mood darkened. Time was passing, and that meant this interlude would end. If she reached the city tomorrow, which seemed likely, tonight would be her last chance at seeing a sunset. Would it be the last one she’d see with Leo? Either way, she’d never be able to see one without remembering him. Maybe it was just as well that the city wall chopped off the display in the sky. Like it would separate her from Leo.

  Moving on…

  "Meanwhile," she said with determined cheer, “how about we read something. As in I read to you?" Looking at something besides him seemed like a great idea. She headed back towards the bookshelf. "We can have our own book club."

  He had left the table and was standing there looking unsure. She smiled. “Have a seat on the couch.” Now to find a book. She wasn't sure what to get - not in the mood for a lot of drama today. She trailed her fingers over the spines of books until she found one she recognized. Ah, perfect. They had one of her favorites, and it might be simple enough for Leo to enjoy, too. They got settled in on the couch, sitting at opposite ends, turned towards each other. She opened the book, and read aloud, 'There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it...'"

  #

  Leo listened to Karen read. He didn't understand all the words, but the story seemed clear enough. He loved listening to her. She did something with her voice, to emphasize the different characters. Her emotions were at play, too, helping him to follow along with what she was saying.

  He liked the parts about the lion because Karen had told him that his name meant lion. The lion in the story was very important. The Leo in the living room, not so much. That was okay.

  He leaned back against the cushions, his eyes closed, feeling that he could happily stay there all day.

  Some time later, she stopped reading, and
he glanced over at her. "Why did you stop?"

  She lowered the book. "Well, it's starting to get a little dark in here. Do you realize we've spent hours on this?"

  "Okay," he agreed. "It's good," he added.

  She smiled. "Yeah, it is, but I gotta take a break."

  Leo craned his neck to see out the window. He’d all but forgotten that the outside world even existed. Everything that mattered to him was right here.

  Karen sighed, looking down and back up at him. “It stopped raining hours ago. I should have taken the chance to get closer to the city, but… I needed a day off, you know?”

  He didn’t, but that didn’t bother him.

  She smiled knowingly. “Anyway, the sun is setting, and I wanted to go watch. You want to come with?”

  With her? Anywhere. “Yes,” was all he said.

  She rose from the couch and headed towards the front door, where he joined her. She tested the handle and spent a little time fiddling with the setting. “Don’t want to lock ourselves out,” she explained.

  “Careful,” he said. “Dogs.”

  “Good point.” She grabbed her bag and slung it around her neck. Only then did she ease open the door. No barking. She pushed it further and stepped outside.

  He looked around, alert for movement, and reached for her hand without thinking. She accepted his grip, her hand warm and small in his own. He closed his eyes to savor the connection. Together, they walked down the sidewalk, ending up at the bottom of the driveway, watching the sun sink below the horizon, the sky painted in bright colors.

  “That’s so beautiful,” Karen murmured. “You know, this past week has been hard, but… sometimes - like now - I’m really glad I got to experience this.” She looked sideways at him and smiled, gently swinging their joined hands.

  He tried to memorize her. His mind worked a lot better now, allowing him to catalog her dark hair, brown eyes, smiling lips. The gentle ebb and flow of her emotions. This wouldn't last forever; he needed to store up memories. The colors in the sky didn’t interest him nearly as much as Karen did, but he pretended to watch them instead of her. For her sake. He would do anything she asked.

  Even stay on the floor tonight. He looked down at their hands, loosely cradling each other. Connection. He liked it. She did, too. He wished she would let him be on the bed. Just to be close. He didn’t have to hold her. Although he would if she wanted him to. He sighed. He was wishing for what he couldn’t have.

  Karen would go home, back to the city, and she would leave him behind. That was just how it had to be. He tried to keep his sadness to himself, guarding it carefully, because she was right. He was glad for this week, too. Being with her like this should have been impossible. But here they were. For a little while longer.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  After the sun slipped below the horizon, they returned to the house. Karen was quiet as she rummaged in the pantry, but he felt her anxiety. Was she upset about the bookstore? Leo was sorry he’d had to shoot down her plan - she had been so excited - but there was no way he’d expose her to that danger.

  No, his only goal was to get her home safely.

  After that… he didn’t know. Away from her, would his awareness fade away again? He didn’t want that, didn’t want to forget her and himself. He didn’t want to descend back into Mindlessness, but he didn’t know how to avoid it.

  “Okay,” Karen said, her voice loud in the quiet house. She headed towards the table and sat, her anxiety joined now by determination. “Leo, can I ask you a question?”

  He nodded, meeting her eyes as he sat across from her. “Okay.”

  “How would you feel… I mean, would it be okay…” She sighed. “Never mind, I won’t ask you a question.”

  “Okay,” he repeated, not sure if he should be disappointed.

  “The thing is,” she said, leaning forward, “I’ve been thinking. And I want to take you home with me. Or try to, anyway.”

  He stared. He knew those words, but put together in that order they made no sense.

  “Back to the city,” she clarified. “I mean, it’s not like you’d be dangerous, right? And that’s the only thing I can think of to keep you safe.”

  He considered that. “They wouldn’t let me in.”

  She shook her head, frowning, getting more intense. “They won’t let the Mindless in,” she corrected. “You aren't Mindless, remember? Which anyone can tell after meeting you. So if I say I met you at the camp, or whatever, I could introduce you, and they’d accept you as human.”

  “Clumsy,” he reminded her, frowning. “Slow.”

  She waved that off. “We'd explain it somehow. But see, in the city you’d be around lots of people, all the time, and all the feelings. You’d never run out.” She paused, glancing sideways. “I’m not sure what you’d do for a living, but you could start by helping me with the kids, maybe.” She stared off into the middle distance, gently nibbling on the end of her thumb. “We’d find you something. It’d be great, really. I'll introduce you to KitKat.”

  The more she talked, the more excited she became. It was infecting him. If only because he didn’t want to disappoint her a second time. Still… “Don’t know. I’m different.”

  “Everybody’s different. We can tell them you have autism or PTSD or something.”

  Those sounded only vaguely familiar, but he ignored them. “Would it work?”

  She met his eyes. “It might. It might not. But we have to try because I’m not going to abandon you. You and me, we’re… allies.”

  “Partners in crime,” he offered, to prove that he remembered, watching her in wonder. The feeling inside her, the almost-love, was back. This time, he was certain she wasn’t thinking about Katrina.

  “Not sure how we’ll get in. The plan, originally, was to sneak in the way we came out, but Jake’s probably blocked that off by now. We’re going to have to go through the main gate. They might quarantine us - lock us up, temporarily, just to be sure we don’t turn Mindless, but we won’t, so that’s okay.”

  “Would you be safe?” he asked. The other details didn’t matter.

  “Don’t worry about me; I’ll be fine.” She paused, meeting his eyes, and he sensed her fear. But if she was confident she would be fine, then… “I can’t guarantee you’ll be okay, Leo. You need to understand the risk. But they don’t have a test to see if you’re infected - the camp does, but that’s Borsa’s work - all they do is observe and ask basic stuff like, can you count to ten?”

  She was afraid for him. Despite what she’d said before, that still seemed unreal. “Can’t count.”

  “Never mind, I can teach you. Trust me,” she grinned. “I’m good at that. You picked up Go Fish without much trouble. Give me a day or two and you’ll be totally ready to pass preschool.”

  He tilted his head, not happy being lumped in with small children. He didn’t want her to think of him as a child. But if the alternative was wandering alone in the wilderness until he died…

  “Give me a couple of weeks and you’ll be ready to teach it.” She reached out to cover his hand with her own, and the almost-love became so much stronger with the contact that he closed his eyes, trying not to visibly react.

  “They might think you’re weird,” she said in a coaxing tone, “but they won’t think you’re Mindless. So what do you say? Do you want to try it?”

  Really, what else could he say? He opened his eyes. “Yes.”

  #

  Yes! “Awesome. You’ve already got most of the way to numbers, by the way, just from playing cards. I’ll put them in order for you, and you’ll be fine. After that, we can go on to my specialty - the ABCs.” She smiled. She’d spent so much time putting herself down over teaching simple things that she’d forgotten how very important those simple things were. “You’ll be reading again in no time.”

  He looked over towards the bookshelf. “Start now?”

  She smiled, then shook her head. �
�Not enough light in here. In fact, we probably ought to go to bed.” She paused. “Or floor, as the case may be.”

  He nodded, but looked worried.

  She considered ignoring it, but curiosity got the better of her. “What’s the matter, Leo? You look concerned.”

  He flinched, looking down. As if he’d been caught at something.

  “It’s fine, I just wondered.”

  He moved, angling away from her. “What if… nightmare?”

  “Oh.” She should have considered that. Maybe she hadn’t because part of her thought it would be a really good idea to invite him onto the bed. Which it wouldn’t be. “Um, I don’t know.”

  A noise from outside distracted her, and she turned towards the window, jumping on the chance to change the subject. “Did you hear that?” The yard in front of the house was deserted, but there might be dogs somewhere near. Not that big a deal since they were inside. She tried to locate it, listening for the next bark, but instead she made out a low rumbling. That sounded… mechanical.

  “Leo, look at this,” she said, pressing closer to the window, craning her neck trying to see down the street. He joined her, standing right behind her, and yeah, that was nice. A set of headlights came around a curve. “Crap.”

  “Who?”

  “That’s my question exactly, Leo. Maybe Jake got his dad to send out patrols looking for me?” She wasn’t nearly as happy with that idea as she should have been. Karen didn’t want to go back; this time had been special. She knew it would have to end, but not tonight. Anyway, Leo wasn’t ready yet.

  Silently, they watched the lead vehicle approach, trying to make out details, but the gathering dusk made it difficult. The grime on the windows didn't help, either. What if it wasn’t somebody from the city? They weren’t the only settlement around. She glanced behind her. “Leo, we need to turn off the lantern.”

  He moved almost as soon as she spoke, crossing the floor to snuff out the light, plunging the room into pitch-black darkness. She could only make out the shape of Leo coming back, looming large in the shadows. He took up position next to her, but she stepped in front of him.