Side Effects

by Bobby Hutchinson

  "Cooking is something I love to do. It's creative and relaxing for me," Verna had explained in her usual forthright way. "I'd like it if you'd let me stock your freezer once in a while with my own version of TV dinners, but I don't ever want to make you feel as if I'm being an interfering mother-in-law. Would that bother you?"

  "Just try me," Alex had told her. "In fact, if I mention it to the crew at work, you'll likely be able to start a good little business. They all talk a lot about how hard it is to get meals on the table."

  "So talk away," Verna had said with the childlike enthusiasm that was so endearing. "Boy, I'd love to get something like that going. It would keep me from becoming Vancouver's oldest living waitress." Verna had worked for years at a restaurant renowned for its vegetarian fare. "Just make sure your friends know that if it has a mother or father, I don't cook it."

  Alex spread the word at the hospital, and Verna now had a dozen customers who relied on her for healthy, tasty frozen meals.

  Alex had loved Verna from the first moment she'd met her. Cameron's mother was an intriguing combination of aging hippie and modern feminist.

  "Healing is a wonderful career for women—we're naturals at it. If I'd had the chance, I'd have studied medicine myself," she'd told Alex.

  On impulse, Alex picked up the phone and dialed Ver-na's number.

  "Alex, how super to hear from you." Verna always made it sound as if Alex were giving her a gift just by making a simple phone call. "How are you, and how's Wade doing?"

  Alex filled Verna in on Wade's condition, adding, "It's such a relief to know he's going to live, but now there's the awful knowledge that he could be handicapped, that he might never walk again."

  "Don't think about it that way, Alex." Verna's rich, warm voice was reassuring. "There's just as great a possibility that he'll regain all his strength with time. Think positive. I'm sure it's going to take a while, with lots of patience and perseverance on his part, but he'll come through with flying colors, you wait and see."

  "God, I certainly hope you're right, Verna. I'll tell Wade exactly what you said the next time I see him." It was impossible not to be affected by Verna's optimism.

  "If Cameron's there, could I speak to him for a moment, Alex? There's something wrong with my video machine. I accidentally pulled the wires out at the back, and now I can't figure out how they go." It was a standing joke in the Ross family that the boys' mechanical ability hadn't come from their mother.

  "Sorry, Verna, he's not here just now. He's supposed to be on days off, so I thought he'd be home when I got here, but there's no sign of him."

  "Probably has his head stuck in the motor of some machine somewhere, trying to figure out why it's not making the proper sounds. When they were teenagers, that's where both he and David always were when I needed them, up to their eyeballs in grease."

  They laughed, and Alex promised to have Cam call as soon as he came home. She made arrangements to pick up the frozen meals on her way home from work the next afternoon. "I'd better go. Pavarotti is howling because he hasn't had his dinner." Alex turned to the cat. "Pavarotti, for heaven's sake, put a sock in it, okay? I can't hear with you doing that."

  "I can sure hear him," Verna said. "I sometimes wonder where that awful voice came from. Give him my regards." Verna had found Pavarotti abandoned in the alley behind her apartment and given him to Alex the previous Christmas, a small, warm puff of fur with a voice that should have belonged to a lion. "I'd keep him myself," she'd said, "but it's such an awful cliche, a single woman my age with a cat."

  Alex hung up the phone, opened a tin of cat food and put the kettle on, noting that the coffeemaker hadn't been used. Cam always made coffee, first thing. Where on earth was he?

  She made tea and poured herself a cup, flicking on the television, then turning it off, putting on a CD and then pushing the Reject button, opening the vertical blinds and staring sightlessly out at the busy street below as she thought about her husband.

  There was something wrong with Cameron. There had been for days—weeks? Weeks, she conceded. And whatever it was, he wasn't prepared to share it with his wife. That irritated her.

  Granted, Wade had been the center of her concerns ever since the accident, and during those first few bad days, she just couldn't have handled any more stress. But this past week, things had stabilized. Surely Cam could have found an opportunity to talk to her about whatever it was that was on his mind.

  It hurt, knowing that he wouldn't confide in her. She finished her tea and thought about making dinner. She hadn't eaten since noon, and it was now almost eight at night. Again, she wondered where Cam was. It wouldn't have killed him to thaw something out and have it ready, she thought peevishly.

  She was standing staring into the refrigerator when she heard his key in the lock. Relief and irritation in equal measure coursed through her, but she plastered a wide, welcoming smile on her face and met him in the hallway. "Hello, love. I was beginning to wonder where you were."

  Understatement of the century.

  He returned her hug, but he didn't kiss her.

  "I went to a movie. I guess I lost track of time."

  A movie? Alex frowned at him. "I've never known you to go to a movie alone." She tried for a teasing tone. "Whatever happened to, 'It'll come out on video, and we can watch it right here in the living room'?" Realizing she was sounding accusatory, she tried for a smile. "So, what did you see? Anything interesting?"

  He shrugged. "Some duster. I don't even remember the title."

  He didn't remember? She hadn't a clue what was going on, and he sure wasn't helping her understand. Alex did her best to hold on to her temper. "I tried to reach you today, lots of times, Cam. When I couldn't get you, I got a bit worried. It's not like you to disappear on your days off. You must have left right after I did this morning—I called as soon as I got to work."

  "Yeah, I did go out early. I went for a jog."

  "I guess you didn't check for messages when you got back, then? I left half a dozen." She was doing her level best to stay reasonable, but it was getting more difficult by the second.

  "I didn't get them because I didn't come back here. I went for a jog, and I was gone all day."

  She gaped at him, and astonishment took the place of irritation. "You went for a jog this morning and didn't come back all day? What the heck did you do, join a twelve-hour marathon and then go to a movie to cool down?" Her voice was shrill. It was getting harder and harder to remain in control.

  He shook his head. "Nope. I ended up at the rec center and played handball with some guy. I showered there, grabbed a burger, went for a walk and wandered into that movie. Time sort of got away on me." He shrugged and gave her a facsimile of a smile, moving past her down the hall to the bathroom. In a few moments he came out again. He went to the kitchen and opened the fridge, extracting a can of beer. He popped the top and drank.

  Alex watched and waited. Surely he'd explain everything in a moment. He moved into the living room and she followed. He didn't sit down as he clicked on the television and flicked through the channels, up and down, up again.

  His voice was distracted when he finally spoke. "How'd your day go, honey? How's Wade?"

  She could feel the tension building inside her. "Wade's okay, I guess. As okay as it's possible to be in his condition." She snatched the remote Cam was still holding and turned the set off. She'd had about all she intended to take.

  "That's it, Cameron, I'm running out of patience here. Now will you tell me, for pity's sake, what the hell is going on with you?" Exasperation and anger made Alex's voice tremble, and she scowled up at him. "Just what is this nonsense, anyhow? Since when is it perfectly natural for you to go for a jog at seven in the morning and not get back until eight at night?" Her voice rose and wobbled a little. "You could at least have called, left me a message, told me not to expect you for lunch. We always have lunch together when you're off, you know we do! I got worried about you, don't you see that?"

&nb
sp; She was running out of steam. She'd never been able to stay angry long. Her tone was softer, more temperative, as she added, "I really wanted to be with you today, Cameron. It's just not fair to disappear on me like that."

  He blew out a breath and lowered his long frame into an armchair. "I'm really sorry, love. I don't plan to be a jerk, it just comes naturally sometimes. Like I said, I forgot about the time. I didn't mean to worry you." He set the can of beer on the table beside him. "I've had a lot on my mind lately, work stuff." He leaned forward, reached out a hand and snared her wrist. "C'mere, Doc, come and talk to me now." He drew her down to his lap, enfolding her in his arms, holding her stiff body tight against him, stroking her hair.

  She struggled for a moment, but slowly the last remnants of her anger seeped away and she relaxed. His warmth and strength worked like a tranquilizer. She pressed her nose into his neck, breathing in the familiar essence of his skin, soap and sweat and the good male smell that was peculiarly Cameron.

  He trailed his lips along her jawbone, and his strong fingers searched out and found the painful knots in the muscles of her back, remnants of tension from the multiple car crash victims she'd worked over during the last few hours of her shift.

  "Tough day at the office?" His deep voice tickled her ear and she shivered.

  "Mmm. Same old gory stuff."

  His hand cupped her chin, tilting her mouth up. He kissed her, tenderly at first and then with increasing intensity. His hand slid under her blouse, cradling her breast, his thumbnail flicking across the nipple and starting a familiar ache deep in her groin.

  She could feel his erection pressing against her bottom, and as always, knowing how much he wanted her acted like a spark on gasoline. Need welled up inside her, impatient need that demanded fulfillment.

  "Love me, Cam." It had been too long. Her whisper was choked and breathless. "Make love to me? Please, now."

  "My pleasure, madam." He made a sound deep in his throat, an animal growl of approval. He kissed her throat and then captured her lips again, his mouth hungry.

  His clever long fingers undid the buttons of her blouse and slid it off her shoulders. He unhooked the fastening of her white lace bra, cupping each bare breast and using bis tongue to stroke the sensitive tips until she gasped and writhed with the tension building within her.

  She arched against him and tugged at his T-shirt, struggling to draw it up and over his head. At last, his hair-roughened skin was bare to her touch. Greedy, she stroked him, kissed him, bending her head to taste his saltiness, teasing his male nipples with gentle nips and tugs of teeth and lips. Her fingers reached to the back of his neck, expertly untying the lace that held his hair back. She buried her fingers in the silky mass, drawing it loose around his skull.

  "My beautiful woman." His voice was uneven, labored. "I need you, Alex, more than you know."

  Urgency deepened. His heart hammered against her cheek and a pulse deep in her abdomen matched its rhythm, beat for beat. She squirmed on his lap, aching for him, and their mouths met in a blind, frenzied kiss.

  "Hang on to my neck."

  She clung, and he tumbled them down to the carpet, skimming off her cotton slacks and bikini panties, efficiently ridding himself of shorts and jock strap. Their naked bodies were sheened with sweat, and lust and anticipation heightened.

  He knelt over her, his face intense, running his hands slowly down her body, exploring every inch, and she thought he looked like some wild pirate from another time, lean and brown and hungry, his long, thick midnight hair framing his dark, dangerous face.

  "The only thing that makes any sense is this, my darling." The words were passionate, almost angry. "The rest of it doesn't matter a damn."

  She had no idea what he meant. She wanted to ask, but he bent over her, touching her with his hands and tongue until she arched and cried out, reaching up shakily to pull him down, wordlessly begging him to enter her.

  He did at last, excruciatingly slowly, his face beaded with sweat, his strong arms trembling with the effort it cost him to hold back, to tease, to entice, to lead the way.

  Sensation rose from her toes and arrowed down from her breasts, joining at the apex of her thighs and growing until the last remnant of her reason was gone and nothing but urgency and primeval instinct remained.

  He knew her so well. He knew the exact moment when she poised at the brink, wordless, her eyes wide, silently begging him to join her, unable even to speak with the delirious craving that racked her.

  And at that precise moment, he abandoned control. Untamed, frenzied, he drove deep, and she rose to meet him until the pleasure became unbearable and waves of sensation undulated through her. She cried out, and the sound filled the room, followed in an instant by his own guttural song of ecstasy.

  Gasping for breath, he collapsed beside her, their damp bodies still joined. Slowly, their breathing became normal again. He rubbed his forehead against hers and kissed her tenderly, passionless and spent.

  "How I love you, Alexandra Ross." He usually joked at a time like this, but this time his voice was somber.

  "I love you, too, Cameron Ross." She sighed, long and deep and blissful. "But I also love food, and right about now I'm starving."

  "Greedy woman." He kissed her shoulder and she wrapped herself a little tighter around him. "If you could wait just a couple of minutes, maybe I could take your mind off food."

  "Not a chance," she declared, but for a while they lay in the twilight on the rug. Alex imagined that happiness rose from them like steam and filled the room, shadowy now in the growing dusk.

  Eventually her stomach rumbled, reminding her again that she hadn't eaten. "Aren't you hungry at all, Cam?*'

  His eyes were shut, and he rolled his head from side to side, pretending to imprison her even tighter in his arms. She wriggled away and knelt beside him.

  "C'mon, lazybones. You can help me microwave a couple of those frozen dinners your mom makes. I talked to her tonight, just before you got home. She's making us a whole new batch, and you're supposed to call her. There's something wrong with her video and she needs your advice. Get up and I'll tell you all about my harrowing day. Then you get to tell me what's going on that has you acting so weird, okay?"

  His face tightened, and a flicker of anxiety went through her. "Is it just something at work, Cam? Or—or is it something else, something—some problem between us? That I'm not aware of?"

  He opened his eyes and looked up at her. In one lithe movement, he sat up, reaching for his shorts. He got to his feet and tugged them on.

  "It's not us," he said with vehemence. "It's work. I've meant to talk to you before this, but the time never seemed right." His voice was suddenly edgy, and it made Alex uneasy for some strange reason. She tugged her panties on and stood up again, facing him.

  He was staring past her with an expression in his eyes she couldn't interpret. He looked tired and older. There were lines on his forehead, weariness and a kind of desperation in his eyes that she hadn't noticed before, and something tightened in her chest.

  "Cam? Cameron, what on earth is it?" She knew she sounded nervous, unsure of herself again. "Just tell me and we can talk it over. It can't be that bad."

  He seemed to come back from a distant place. He looked at her and his brown eyes were shuttered, his face grim. His voice was low and even. "I'm afraid it is that bad." The muscles around his mouth tightened. "Alex, I've asked for a transfer out of Drug Squad. I've accepted a posting to Korbin Lake, that little coal-mining town in the East Kootenays. I'll be back in uniform, the senior officer in a two-man detachment, and I start work there July second." She looked at him, certain he was joking. He had to be joking, didn't he?

  CHAPTER FIVE

  FOR AN INSTANT, Alex clung to the desperate hope that he was kidding, but when she met his eyes and saw the bleakness there, she knew he wasn't. For a long moment, she simply stared at him, her heart thudding inside her chest. Her mouth felt parched, and it was difficult to form words.
/>
  "You—you asked for a transfer? With—without even, even telling me?" Her voice was shaking. "How could you do a thing like that, Cam?" She stared at him. He looked the same, but she suddenly felt as if he were a stranger. It struck her that she was naked except for her panties, and she suddenly needed the protection of clothing. She snatched up her blouse and thrust her arms into the sleeves, grabbed her slacks and yanked them on, her mind grappling with this bombshell.

  He watched her in silence. The angles of his face hardened, his expression became still more remote and several more charged moments passed before he answered. His words were clipped, his tone without inflection.

  "You met Perchinsky at the Christmas party, remember?"

  She frowned and dredged up an image of a loud, insensitive man she'd disliked intensely. Cam's boss. She nodded, wondering what the connection was.

  "Well, Perchinsky's been an addict for well over a year, stealing from the exhibit locker to satisfy his habit."

  Alex was surprised and shocked, but she knew such things happened. She knew of too many doctors who'd succumbed to the lure of drugs. She waited expectantly for Cam to go on.

  "A situation came up, he shot off his mouth to a reporter and he put one of my guys in jeopardy. I blew the whistle on him. Last Monday I testified at orderly room proceedings. Perchinsky was discharged and he's facing jail time. Anyway, my coming forward changed everything, and now I can't stay on Drug Squad. I have to get out, get far away."

  She shook her head, frowning in confusion. "But I don't understand, Cam. You did the right thing, why should you have to leave? You love your job. You've always said you thrive on the challenge."

  "Yeah, well, that's all changed now."

  She waited expectantly for him to go on, but he didn't.