He released my chin and stood up. “Nope. Iago,” he said, pulling me to my feet.
He reluctantly released me and turned to leave, but this time he swung around to wave. I lifted my own hand, offering a small wave in return.
Daniel Grant wanted me, and I couldn’t tell a single soul.
Chapter 16
Wishing Clocks More Swift
Is whispering nothing?
Is leaning cheek to cheek? Is meeting noses?
…Skulking in corners? Wishing clocks more swift?
(The Winter’s Tale, Act I, Scene 2)
I’D AVOIDED SELF-INDULGENTLY LOLLING about in bed in the morning for months, having very little cause and no time for such decadence. There was always something to be read, something to be written, somewhere to go, or someone demanding my time, energy or attention.
The morning after my coffee date with Daniel, I stayed in bed for ages. I replayed the scene at the Gardiner over and over in my mind, with particular emphasis on Daniel confidently walking me to the restaurant, unburdening his feelings for me, looking into my eyes longingly as he touched my hand, telling me he wanted to spend more time with me, walking me home, tenderly lifting my chin and counseling me to have patience…
The individual vignettes of the afternoon simply didn’t lose their luster. The encounter had created havoc with my emotions, but after Daniel had walked away, I’d managed to pull myself together enough not to raise alarm bells with Matt. He’d been a little curious about the motivation behind my sudden decision to make a fabulous risotto for dinner, but I wouldn’t be put off. I, of course, was celebrating; he, sadly, wasn’t allowed to know that.
My celebration was tempered by an unfortunate caveat. While I was buzzing with the anticipation of a future with Daniel, I was dreading having to wait to pursue a romantic relationship with him. How could I possibly wait nine or ten weeks to touch Daniel again? How could I refrain from kissing those lips and running my hands through his hair, not to mention touching other parts of his body? Keeping my distance from this man who had been making me weak in the knees since I’d first seen his gloriously soulful eyes was not going to be easy.
I finally climbed out of bed and logged onto Facebook before my shower to leave Julie a message. I’d tried to call her several times the night before, eager to talk to her even though I couldn’t share my most secret thoughts. I’d finally given up trying to reach her when my call went directly to voice mail for the third time. She was probably recovering from her Reading Week trip.
Several people had posted messages of inquiry on Julie’s Facebook wall.
Where you at?
Hey, loser, call me…
Helloooo? Is anyone home?
I added my own message to the collection: Vacation’s over, bun-head. Get your lazy ass out of bed.
St. Mike’s was a mere three minute walk from Jackman Hall, but I would have happily walked for hours. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining; the flurries of the day before were a distant memory. St. Mike’s was quiet for this time on a Tuesday, and of the few people I did see, most looked morose and despondent.
Snap out of it, people! I wanted to shout. Can you not see? It’s gorgeous, the birds are singing…love is in the air! I couldn’t help scoffing at my own ridiculousness.
Nothing could ruin my mood as I sat through my children’s lit lecture. Even the moribund poetry of Christina Rossetti was powerless against the sheer magnitude of my happiness. At quarter to one, we were dismissed, and I traipsed back to Vic to make it in time for my French lecture. As I walked up the paths, I recalled the day several weeks prior when Daniel had lanced me with an irate glare in this very spot as he’d returned from lunch with his equally angry father. What had been going through his mind? I’d have to ask him about that.
And wonder of wonders, think of the devil—there he was, leaning against the large maple tree in the middle of the Vic quad. One leg was bent, foot planted against the tree trunk, and his hands were in the pockets of a pair of heart-stopping black jeans. To top it all off, between yesterday and today he’d made a trip to the barber. Without an unruly curtain of hair falling across his forehead, his eyes were even more entrancing. In fact, all of his features were somehow sharper. My God, he was so gorgeous. Was it really possible that one day in the not-too-terribly-distant-future I was going to get me a piece of that? Be still my ever-loving heart.
As he stepped away from the tree, he held up his hand in greeting. “Good afternoon, Miss Price.”
“Good afternoon yourself, Daniel,” I said, reining in my urge to leap into his arms and lock my legs around his waist.
He smiled smugly. “What a coincidence it is to see you here.”
“Indeed. One might suspect that a certain person’s schedule had been examined by someone else with access to said document.”
“One might think that,” he said with mock seriousness. “Or one might discover that this certain someone else never, ever forgets important details, like the exact location of the other person on a particular Tuesday several weeks ago, at this precise time, only to hope like hell that this was part of that other person’s regular Tuesday afternoon flight path.”
I tapped my palm against the side of my head, laughing in complete confusion. “Come again?”
He leaned forward. “Hmm, having not had the immense pleasure of doing so a first time, that request is invalid.” A delicious smile played around his lips.
What was that I’d said about no hope of uninhibited flirtation? That was some extremely hot sexual innuendo, and there wasn’t a can of Guinness in sight.
“You’re not playing fair,” I said.
“Sorry, you’re right.” He bit his lip and shifted his weight, hiking his laptop bag higher on his shoulder, and then resumed a light, conversational tone. “I was taking a chance, though. I remember seeing you walking this way a few weeks ago, and I saw you go into Old Vic at one o’clock. I suspected you might have a class here every Tuesday.”
“I do. I actually need to head in,” I said, unable to hide my disappointment.
“One hour? Two?” he asked.
“Two. I’ll be done about ten to three.”
“Okay. And are you free after?”
“As a bird,” I confirmed.
“Well, I was wondering if you’d like to meet somewhere to talk about…your independent study?” he said. His eyes gleamed.
“Ah, yes, I should start working on that. Would you like to help me?”
“I’d love to,” he said, leveling me with his gaze.
“Great.” I was having trouble tearing my eyes away from his lips. “Do you want to meet over at Pratt?”
“Prat?” he repeated with a laugh. “What’s that?”
“Over there.” I pointed to the building on the other side of the quad. “The E.J. Pratt Library.”
“What an unfortunate name.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, in England, when you call someone a prat, you’re essentially calling them a total idiot—a tool.”
I laughed. “I’ve never thought of English as a second language before. I might emerge from this school year tri-lingual. I didn’t understand half the things Penny said the other night.”
“I admit when I’m with her I tend to fall back into old habits. Sorry about that, poppet,” he said smiling.
“Poppet?” I asked, again completely confused.
“Poppet—it’s, well—my mother used to call me that. It’s like doll—or sweetheart. Nothing bad,” he assured me with a sweet smile. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to refrain from relapsing too much.”
“No, don’t apologize. You go ahead and spend as much time with Penny as is humanly possible. Seriously,” I added, blushing wildly.
“Mm-hmm,” he said. “I see…” He looked quite pleased with himself.
“Listen, I do have to go.” I was cursing my fate and wishing I didn’t give a rat’s ass about my stupid GPA. “We’ll meet over in front of Pr
att at three, okay? But can you do me a favor?”
“Of course. Name it.”
Oh, the way he said that—like he’d give me the moon if I wanted it. Too bad all I wanted was a snack. “Can you bring me a muffin or something? I’ll be starving by then.”
“Starbucks?” he asked, one eyebrow raised.
“Mmm, yes, please. A chai latte and maybe a piece of poppy seed loaf?”
“Done,” he said. “I’ll kill a couple of hours at Chapters. See you around three.”
He gazed at me and sighed heavily before taking his leave. I reluctantly headed inside.
I was well-prepared for the lecture and should have been interested and fully engaged, but I wasn’t. I’d never fidgeted so much during a class in my life. Would three o’clock never arrive?
After close to two hours of restless tedium, I gathered up my belongings, bounded up the stairs to the main floor, and crashed out of Old Vic’s front doors in time to see Daniel rounding the corner at Charles Street and taking the path between Burwash dining hall and the men’s residences. He was carrying a take-out tray with two cups in it.
I crossed my arms and leaned against one of Vic’s stone pillars. When he caught sight of me standing there, he stopped and stared back at me. Finally, he continued down the opposite path toward the library, looking at me every few seconds. I made my way down the path in front of Old Vic, and we met on the stone walkway that led to the doors of the library.
“For you, mademoiselle,” he said, handing me a brown paper bag and one of the Starbucks cups.
“Thanks. How much do I owe you?”
“Don’t be absurd.”
“Well, I didn’t want to be presumptuous.”
“You’re silly,” he replied, leading me to one of the benches in front of the library.
We sat while I nibbled on the lemon poppy seed loaf and sipped on the chai latte. He drank his coffee, his arm along the back of the bench behind me. I leaned into him and felt the slight pressure of his arm across my back.
“Is this okay?” I asked him. Were we pushing the envelope?
“We’re sitting on a bench drinking coffee, Aubrey. I certainly hope there aren’t rules against this, or I’ve been committing infractions left and right with numerous students over the last three weeks. So how was your class?” he asked.
“Fucking excruciating,” I replied, my mouth still full of a cakey blob of poppy seed loaf.
Daniel laughed. “You’re a linguistic phenomenon, you know that?”
I gestured toward his grin. “You might want to rein that in a little, sunshine. Major infraction. Dead giveaway.”
“You’re right.” He quickly adopted a serious expression, but slyly winked at me all the same. As I finished off the last of my snack, I pulled my cell phone out.
“Before we go in, I should call Matt and let him know I’m not going to be home for a bit.” Daniel looked at my phone, a strange glint in his eyes. “He’s very protective. He worries,” I explained.
I reached Matt’s voice mail and left a message: “Hey, cowboy. I’m at the library doing some research, so don’t worry about me, okay? I’ll talk to you later. Text me if you want.”
I switched the tone to vibrate and stowed my phone in the front pocket of my hoodie before throwing away my cup and paper bag. I gestured to the library doors, but Daniel didn’t move.
“Can we stay out here for a minute?” he said.
“Sure.” I dropped on the bench beside him again.
“There’s actually something pretty important I need to talk to you about. It’s got nothing to do with this.” He gestured in the air between us, as he’d done the day before at the museum. “I’ve been trying to sort something out in my head all day. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you or wait until Professor Brown announces it to the class. My instinct is that you’d rather know in advance. As much as I wanted to see you, my initial reason for tracking you down today was a little less romantic, I’m afraid.”
A quiver of dread ran through my stomach. “You had a class prior to your French lecture, right?” he asked.
“Yes, children’s lit.”
“You were walking back from St. Mike’s. Is that where your class was?”
“Yes…”
“What was it like over there today? Did you hear anything out of the ordinary?”
What a strange question. But now that he’d asked it, I’d definitely noticed a strange tone at St. Mike’s today. “It was quiet, I guess. The people I did see were pretty miserable,” I admitted.
“Well, it’s not surprising that they didn’t look too happy. They’re probably all reeling,” he said. He rested his arm on the back of the bench behind me again. “I received a call from Martin last night—Professor Brown. He’d left a message to let me know something terrible had happened. It turns out one of your peers has been killed in an awful car accident.”
He was looking at me intently, observing my reaction.
“Oh my God.” I brought my hands up to cover my mouth. “Who was it?” I asked, bracing myself for his answer. All I could see was Julie’s Facebook page with her friends’ repeated queries. The implications of my inability to get hold of her suddenly gained greater significance. But Julie lived in residence at Trinity, not at St. Mike’s.
“It was Mary,” he said. “Mary Langford, from your tutorial group.”
I gasped, relief and horror mingling in my mind. Julie was all right. But Mary? Poor, lovely, sweet Mary…
“How?” I asked. “What happened?”
“Apparently she was out for the evening with a friend over the break. On their way home on a two-lane road in Guelph, an oncoming car crossed the median. The collision was head-on. Mary was killed instantly. I gather the driver of the other car had been under the influence.”
Mary was gone in an instant because of someone else’s carelessness. Just like that. I was stunned.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I hate to be the one to tell you.”
“No, no, I’m glad you did. I’d rather hear now than in class tomorrow.”
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yeah. It’s—God, it’s so awful. She was such a nice girl.”
I thought back to the tutorial sessions, remembering how she’d gradually been coming out of her shell. The funny little story she’d told about her uncle rushed back, and tears welled up in my eyes. And she had two little sisters. I covered my face with my hands.
“Aubrey?” Daniel’s gentle voice was too much. I couldn’t stifle the sob bubbling in my throat. “Damn it.” He placed his hand on my back.
“It’s okay, please don’t,” I whispered, flinching away from his touch. I wanted him to touch me, to hold me, but my own needs were overshadowed by my fear of us being seen. Sitting on a bench together was one thing, hugging was something else entirely.
He retrieved his hand and leaned forward, linking his fingers, elbows planted firmly on his knees. “This is so wrong. It shouldn’t be a crime for me to comfort you.” His voice was tight and weary. “Listen, Aubrey, now might not be the best time for this, but I have a confession to make,” he said with a sigh.
“What is it?” I turned to look at him.
“When I got home yesterday, Professor Brown’s message was waiting for me on my answering machine. He said it was a young lady from class, but he didn’t mention Mary’s name. I thought it might be you. It was snowing; you might have gone out for a walk and been hit by a car. Anything was possible. I didn’t know how to get hold of you, so I drove back here. A couple of girls let me in. I wandered up and down your hallway, and then I heard Matt calling your name. I stood outside your apartment door, listening to you and Matt talking. I had to make sure you were all right. I thought I’d go crazy waiting for Martin to call me back with the details of the accident, but I didn’t need to stand there for as long as I did. I’m sorry I invaded your privacy.”
“You don’t have to apologize for being worried about me.”
; “I know, but I felt like I was trespassing on your space. I could hear you talking through the door.” Daniel clenched his fists and cracked his knuckles. “You’d made Matt dinner. He’d just had a shower,” he said, a muscle in his jaw twitching. “He’d forgotten to take his towel into the bathroom and was calling out to you to bring him one. You were both laughing. You called him ‘sweet cheeks,’” he said, shaking his head ruefully.
“Oh, Daniel, don’t take any of those nicknames seriously. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s no different than you calling Penny ‘love.’” Okay, here was my chance. If it was confessional time, I certainly had some things to own up to. “I understand how you’d misinterpret my relationship with Matt, though. I did the exact same thing with you and Penny,” I admitted, biting tentatively on my thumbnail.
“Penny’s engaged to Brad. You’ve known that all along,” he said.
“That’s not exactly true.”
He leaned back on the bench. “What do you mean?”
I took a deep breath. “After the first lecture, I left the class and was walking behind you when you got a call from Penny. I heard you call her ‘love,’ and I assumed she was your girlfriend. When you said you’d be taking her out for Valentine’s Day, I was convinced of it. Then when I saw the two of you at Canoe, well, I can’t even tell you how jealous I was. I didn’t recognize myself.”
Daniel cocked an eyebrow.
“I wanted to inflict bodily harm on her. With the heel of my shoe. Through her eyeball.”
Although he could have taken great offence to this affront to his dear friend, he just laughed.
“Last night I wanted to knock your door down. I would have happily found Matt a towel and then smothered him with it,” he admitted.
“So, we’re even?” I asked.
“It would seem so,” he said. “God, I can’t believe you thought I was with Penny. I mean, there’s no way. She scares the shit out of me.” He laughed again. “And she’s definitely not my type. Way too high maintenance.”
I smiled and then looked down at my hands with a sigh. It didn’t seem right to be smiling and laughing.
The Weight of Words (The WORDS Series) Page 16