I know…so crazy right? c u at 6:30 tomorrow. -A
I sighed, convinced I was going to drive myself insane trying to make sense of everything. I simply needed to bide my time until the next day. One way or another, I would soon know whether Daniel and I had a chance at a future together.
Chapter 23
An Impediment
This forenamed maid hath yet in her the continuance
of her first affection: his unjust unkindness, that
in all reason should have quenched her love, hath,
like an impediment in the current, made it more
violent and unruly.
(Measure for Measure, Act III, Scene 1)
I WAS A WRECK BY TUESDAY AFTERNOON. After barely sleeping Monday night, I dozed through my four hours of classes on Tuesday and fumbled my way through my meeting with my classmates from my French course, overcompensating for my lack of attention during our session by offering to take on way too many responsibilities.
Returning home at the end of the meeting, I panicked as I realized the implications of volunteering to create an entire PowerPoint presentation with content they would email me over the next few days. What had I been thinking? I was more wordsmith than techie, but for some stupid reason I’d stepped up, and now I felt compelled to follow through.
I showered in a desperate bid to wake myself up. By six o’clock, I was presentable and absolutely starving. Certain I wouldn’t be able to wait an hour to eat, I headed to the kitchen for a snack. Matt was at the table eating a plate of spaghetti and meatballs.
“Did you use up all the hot water, or did you actually leave a couple of minutes’ worth for me?” he asked.
“Huh, I didn’t think you used hot water, horn dog,” I retorted, flicking his ear. I watched him shovel a few mouthfuls of pasta into his mouth. “Feel free to chew.”
“Don’t have time,” he explained through a mouthful of noodles. “Heading to the Kap house at six thirty. I want to make sure I get my share of the keg.”
“Need I remind you it’s a Tuesday night, dude? You have classes tomorrow.”
“Oh, quit being so sensible. Besides, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but our carefree-student days are numbered. Not much longer and I’ll be joining the world of the working stiff, falling asleep on the couch at eight o’clock every night. Gotta have fun while I still can.”
I smiled. Funny how time meant such different things to different people.
“Yeah, I guess so, but at the rate you’re going, you might as well throw your liver in a jar with some dill pickles.”
“Damn it, Aubrey, if you’re gonna nag me like a girlfriend, I should at least get some of the fringe benefits.”
He wiggled his eyebrows at me, smiling while stuffing his face.
“No comment,” I said, kicking his chair leg. “While we’re on the topic of nagging, though, you know what’s been kinda bugging me since Saturday? You acting like Molly Matchmaker for Ward. What’s up with that, anyway?”
He dropped his fork onto his plate and looked at me thoughtfully while he finished chewing.
“You want it straight?” he asked, adopting a serious tone.
“Of course.” I pulled out a chair to sit opposite him.
“Shawn’s a good guy. He likes you. I guess I hate the thought of you wasting your time on someone who’s not available. Shawn would treat you well; you know he would.”
I froze. Someone who’s not available? He can’t possibly be talking about Daniel, can he? I feigned confusion. “You lost me, dude. We both agreed our friendship is too important to risk, and I’m totally cool with that. If you think I’m still—”
“I’m not talking about you and me.”
Shit, I take it back. No cards on the table. Fuckity fuck, are we really going there? I’m not prepared for this.
“Sorry, cowboy. I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Look, I don’t want you to think I’m getting into your business. I just think it’s a bad idea to avoid a relationship with someone who’s available because you’re stuck on someone who’s not. So if me helping you see Shawn as a potential catch helps you get over whatshisname, then slap my ass and call me Molly.”
Was Daniel “whatshisname”? Could Matt really be that astute? Or was I simply that transparent? Or maybe he was fishing—throwing out a line to see if I’d bite?
I went with the latter, floundering as I tried to bring the conversation to a close.
“Wow, you’ve been watching too many movies. I appreciate you looking out for me and all, but you’re barking up the wrong tree, my friend.”
I grabbed a granola bar from the cupboard. I had to get out of that kitchen. I was simply no match for Matt and his insightful observations. If he was referring to Daniel, he was a little off the mark, perhaps assuming I was pining for someone who was, as far as he knew, attached to the beautiful Penny. But he wasn’t far off, and that scared me.
“Okay, whatever you say, Aub. I’m not gonna force the issue. I’m here if you ever want to talk about anything.”
I squeezed his shoulder and looked at him with perplexed amusement. “Well, thanks, Dad. I’ll remember that. Listen, I’m heading out. Have fun tonight, okay?”
“Yeah, you too,” he said, picking up his fork again. “Where you off to, anyway?”
“The Madison House. Grabbing dinner with Julie,” I said.
“Cool. I haven’t been there in ages. You’ll be careful out there, right?”
“Yes, dear,” I joked, escaping into the hall. I pulled on my coat and checked my pockets for my gloves. I wanted Daniel to see me wearing them when he picked me up.
Daniel. In a few hours we’d be alone in his car, finally hashing everything out. I couldn’t let my nervousness ruin my dinner with Julie, though. I was bound and determined to enjoy our girl-time.
At six thirty-five sharp, Julie and I were tucked away at a table in the corner. I told Julie that Daniel and I were hoping to get together later for a coffee, and we ordered right away. By seven thirty, we were on our second drink and working our way through three platters of salty, greasy pub fare.
I scooped up a large dollop of guacamole with a nacho. “I’m surprised to see you eating this crap, Jul. What would your dance instructor say?”
“Oh, don’t remind me,” she groaned. “Sometimes you have to live a little, you know? I have to buckle down hard for the next five weeks anyway. I’ve got that huge showcase running from the end of April to early May. You know the one at Ryerson? You’re coming, right?”
“Of course. Make sure you put a ticket aside for me,” I said.
“For sure.” She smiled down at her chicken strip. “Maybe you can sit with Jeremy.”
“Oh, I see how it is. Making long-term plans now, are we?”
“He’s so amazing, Aubrey. I know I probably sound ridiculous after only a couple of dates, but man, I can’t help it. I could seriously fall for him so hard. As soon as I mentioned the showcase, he was all over it.”
She was dissecting her chicken strip, pulling off most of the breading before biting into the chicken. This was Julie’s version of living a little. She was a riot.
“When I met him at Daniel’s parents’ place during Reading Week, he was so sweet. He couldn’t wait to call you. It was adorable.”
“Yeah, he told me all about how he’d begged Daniel to let you tell me about him.”
“You made quite the impression on him at the Revival that night, I guess. And you look great together.”
She smiled, nibbling on the celery from her Caesar. I was making short work of several potato skins.
“Same with you and Daniel,” she said. “And you have so much in common. You think there’s a future for you guys?”
Oh, God, what could I say to that? “I don’t know. There are all these limitations on us right now. We can’t be ourselves. Things are always kind of tense.”
“That’s understandable. Jesus, that must be so hard. I don’t know how
you can keep your hands off him,” she said with a compassionate sigh.
Well, actually I’ve been pretty restrained with the hands. The tongue? Not so much.
“It’s not easy.”
“What’s he like when you’re alone? Is he completely different?” she asked conspiratorially, leaning over the table.
This was painful. How could I talk about Daniel in the present tense when our relationship could potentially be over already? I chose my words carefully.
“He’s a lot more relaxed outside of the academic setting, that’s for sure.”
“I almost dropped my teeth when I heard him throw down the F-bomb. Who would’ve guessed that Mr. Shmexy swears like a trucker? What else?”
“I don’t know. He has a really cute nickname for me,” I said, offering up one of the few details I was comfortable sharing.
“Really? What is it?”
Julie’s enthusiasm was so heartwarming. This was what I’d been yearning for all week. I hadn’t even realized how much I was missing out on by not being able to talk about my feelings for Daniel.
“He calls me ‘poppet,’” I said, smiling shyly, but at the same time feeling somewhat wistful. Would I ever hear him call me that again?
“Oh, that’s so sweet.” She leaned on her hand, looking at me dreamily. “He does seem to be the romantic type.” She sighed. “And he’s got it bad for you. You should have seen his face when Matt ruffled your hair on Saturday. He looked like he might have an aneurism.”
“You noticed that, eh? Yeah, he’s got blinders on where Matt’s concerned. It drives him crazy that we’re so close.”
“That’s kind of sweet. It must be hard for him. What an awkward position to be in. Trying to get closer to you but knowing he can’t get too close.”
Julie wiped her hands on a napkin and pushed her plate away. It seemed to me as if she’d hardly eaten anything, but apparently she was already full.
“You know what, though?” she said. “Maybe it’s good that you’re being forced to take things slowly. You’ve got weeks to really get to know each other before shmexy times complicate things. As hard as it is to keep your hands off him, I think it’s an ideal situation. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve regretted getting too serious with a guy too quickly. Once you’ve gone all the way, you can’t go back.”
I mulled over Julie’s warning. Maybe I’d been looking at this from the wrong angle all along. Was the delay a blessing rather than a curse? Was there even any point in contemplating the issue? I snuck a look at my phone. It was quarter to eight. I still had some time.
“So, does that mean you’re planning to take your time with Jeremy?” I asked her.
“He kissed me the other night after our date, but he was cool about stopping there. Not that we have anywhere private to go.” She laughed.
“Sounds like you need a back seat. Maybe you should suggest car shopping to him.”
“I don’t know. That’s a tough sell. You know his background, right?”
“I do. Daniel told me all about his parents’ accident. Crazy, huh?”
“He takes public transport everywhere, and I completely understand that. I’d never pressure him to buy a car.”
I stole another peek at my phone. This time Julie caught me.
“Whenever you need to go, I understand,” she said. “I don’t want what happened on Saturday to make you think that I’m not going to support you through this.” She reached over to squeeze my hand.
“I know, Jul. You’re a great friend. The best. I wish things hadn’t gotten so messed up last week. I felt completely out of control of the situation.”
“It wasn’t your choice to make. Shit happens. I’m glad it’s all worked out now.”
How I wished that were true. Something told me we wouldn’t be enjoying any back seat time in his car tonight.
“Oh my gosh, do you see that girl over there?” Julie asked, looking over my shoulder and squinting into the crowd. “The one in the green T-shirt?” I craned my neck and spotted the dark-haired girl she was referring to.
“Yeah, what about her?”
“That’s Hilary Walker. I went to high school with her. Do you mind if I pop over to talk to her? You can come with me if you want.”
“No, that’s cool. You go ahead. I’ll grab a bottle of water, and then I have to head out.”
My mouth had become dry as the anticipation of seeing Daniel began to transform into dread. What if this was the end? What if an hour from now there was no more hope for a future for us? The thought made me queasy.
“I’ll be right back, okay?” Julie bobbed away excitedly toward her friend.
I typed out a brief text message to Daniel, trying to keep the tone light:
Hey there. At the Madison. Almost done.
Will let you know when we’re finished. -A
I headed over to the bar, trying to squeeze into an opening. I ended up near the stairs beside the front door, waiting as the bartenders poured pint after pint of draft. I perched on the edge of a barstool, cursing the stream of people whose entrances and exits through the front door were allowing frosty air to pour in and assault my legs. When that stupid groundhog had predicted another six weeks of winter, he hadn’t been whistling Dixie.
I tapped my fingers impatiently. I hated waiting to order drinks at a bar. Women with their boobs spilling all over the place always seemed to get such prompt service. My boobs were currently well-contained in my modest, long-sleeved T-shirt. I took a look at my phone. No answer from Daniel. Not that I was expecting one; he hadn’t texted me since the Hart House sextathon. He’d most likely wait to hear from me again.
I was tapping my fingers on the bar in irritation when Julie reappeared beside me, excited.
“Aubrey, there’s three other people here from my high school. Hilary’s gonna take me upstairs for a sec to find them. You want to come?”
“No, you go ahead. I’ll track you down in a minute.”
“Okay. Hilary said they’re hanging out near the dart boards,” Julie said.
She turned, and I watched her push her way back through the crowd to reconnect with Hilary. I looked out at the crowd, wondering if I should abandon my quest for water and head upstairs when suddenly the door swung open and someone was lurching toward me. Jesus—it was Matt, and he was drunk as a skunk.
“Aubsss,” he slurred, taking the six or seven shaky steps from the door to the bar and falling against me, almost knocking me on my ass.
“Matt, you’re frigging wasted,” I said, pushing him back against the bar to steady him. How on earth had he remembered where I’d be tonight given the condition he was in? I maneuvered a barstool behind him and settled him onto it. He sat unsteadily and held the bar railing for support.
“What the hell have you been doing? Well, that’s a stupid question.”
“Sarah,” he said. “It’s Sarah. She’s got a new boyfriend. I saw her. At the Kap house. Kissing him. I’m so drunk. Fuckin’ tequila.”
“Uh, yeah, I can see that.”
This was not good. He must have had a hell of a lot in a short time to get this drunk so quickly. He teetered, and I had visions of him falling sideways like a sack of potatoes. I propped my foot up on the crossbar of his stool to trap his leg and stop him from sliding off the seat and grabbed his shoulders firmly. Jesus, how was I going to get him home? I’d have to get him into a cab, but I was going to need help.
He fell forward, his head hitting my shoulder, and then he wrapped his arms around my waist. I couldn’t figure out if he was seeking comfort or hanging on for dear life. I tried to push him upright, but he was dead weight.
“Matt,” I said, putting my arms on his shoulders. “Can you sit up? You’re going to knock me over.”
Please don’t puke on me, I silently begged. He mumbled and buried his head in my neck.
“What’s that?” I said, trying to make sense of what he was saying.
“She’s so over me,” he slurred, his
voice cracking.
My heart broke for him. I cradled his head on my shoulder and stroked his hair, rubbing his back with my other hand.
“Oh, Matt. I’m so sorry.”
He clutched me more tightly and mumbled into my neck. I couldn’t understand what he was saying. It didn’t matter. He needed comfort, and I tried to do my best to provide it. The door flew open again and more cold air rushed in. I braced myself, using Matt’s body to shield myself from the arctic blast.
Why wasn’t the damn door closing?
I looked over my shoulder in irritation, hoping to send a message to the dink providing off-season air-conditioning.
And there he was.
Daniel.
He was standing in the open doorway, gaping at me—at Matt and me—a look of complete shock and disgust on his face as he took in the sight before him: Matt’s arms around my waist and his face buried in my neck. My arms around Matt’s neck, my leg hitched up beside his hip, and my body pressed close to his. Taking two unsteady steps backward, Daniel shook his head. And then he was gone.
“No, Daniel! Wait!” I called.
I was trapped in a bad dream. I wanted to move, but I couldn’t. Everything was going in slow motion. I dared not let go of Matt, but I had to. I had to reach Daniel. I had to stop him and explain that what he’d seen was not at all what he thought he’d seen.
I turned to the guy standing beside me at the bar.
“Excuse me, can you do me a favor? Make sure my friend doesn’t fall over?” I begged, removing Matt’s arms from my waist and untangling my legs from his.
The stranger at the bar looked at me like my hair was on fire, but as I stepped away and Matt started to topple, he grabbed Matt and leaned him up against the bar. I didn’t stick around to see what happened next, instead running out the door. Daniel was a half a block away, striding purposefully to his car.
I ran after him and called his name, but he didn’t hesitate or turn around. Instead he climbed into the car and left, careening around a corner, tires screeching as he sped away into the dark night.
The Weight of Words (The WORDS Series) Page 27