Richard extended his hand. ‘Twelve. Agreed.’
She shook it. She knew her share of the equity tied up in the house was enough to cover the purchase. ‘I’ll get the bank round and we can start looking at contracts.’
She was getting her business back. She could hardly believe it.
She took one more sip of her champagne and stood to leave. It had never been a social call.
‘There’s one more thing, Catherine,’ he said. ‘We didn’t just want to talk about the business tonight … we also wanted to ask about something personal.’
‘The business is personal for me, Richard, in case you hadn’t noticed.’
He nodded. ‘I noticed.’ He fidgeted in his chair. ‘This is about us. I hope you know how important you are to me.’ He sat back. ‘Ha, that sounds like the beginning of a brush-off conversation. It’s not. I’d like to ask whether you’ll be the baby’s godmother. Will you? You’re my best friend and it would mean a lot to me. Would you do it?’
She sat back down to take in that little titbit. If it was a ploy to make her feel guilty about negotiating so hard, it was working.
They really were in different places if he still thought they were best friends. Maybe he really felt it. Maybe it suited him to think it. But she didn’t want to be tied to Richard in that way, especially not when she’d just managed to untangle him and Magda from the business.
Sometimes friendships just ran their course, or at least diminished with time or circumstances. She was okay with that.
‘No, Richard, I can’t, but thank you very much all the same. I will love your child because it’s yours, and we’ll always be friends, but you have your life to live now with Magda. And I have mine.’
She’d leave it at that.
She stood and kissed them both goodbye. She could see the relief on Magda’s face, and the disappointment on Richard’s, but she had to be honest with herself. Richard wasn’t her best friend, though he had been once upon a time. Her best friends were Rachel and Sarah.
They were the ones who needed her right now.
Sarah was watching telly in the front room when Catherine got back from the bar. All the way back on the Tube she tried to work out what she was going to say to her. She hated to think that a man, even one as nice as James, was coming between her friends. She had to say something.
‘What did Richard want to talk about?’ Sarah asked when Catherine came in.
‘They’re selling the business,’ she said.
‘Oh no!’ Sarah jumped up to squeeze Catherine in a python-like grip.
‘It’s okay!’ she wheezed. ‘It’s okay. They’re selling it to me.’
Sarah tightened her grip.
‘Sarah, I can’t really breathe.’
‘I’m so happy for you!’ she said, letting go. ‘Haven’t we all had proper good news lately? With Sissy’s new place and Rachel winning the deal and now you getting your business back.’
‘And your hipster cards, don’t forget about that.’
She blushed. ‘And that.’
‘Yes, and that. You should be pleased for yourself too, instead of putting everyone else’s happiness before yours.’ But as Catherine said it she thought, that’s not completely true in Rachel’s case, is it?
‘There’s something else, Sarah.’ She wasn’t really sure what to say next but she seized the moment. ‘Your love life is good.’
Now it was Sarah’s turn to blush. ‘Uh hmm.’
‘Sarah, do you want to talk about this? Because of Rachel?’ There didn’t seem to be any tension between them, but even so. It had to be bothering Rachel. Didn’t it?
‘Has she said anything to you?’
Catherine shook her head.
With that, Sarah threw herself over the back of the sofa, landing with a fluffy thump on the seat cushions. If another adult did that Catherine would think she’d fainted. ‘Then I’d really rather not talk about James and me, if that’s okay.’
‘Sarah, what’s going on with you two?’
‘I can’t tell you.’ Her face was twisted in anguish. ‘Please, Catherine, let’s not talk about it.’
‘Do you know what you’re doing?’ Catherine asked.
‘God, I hope so,’ she said.
Chapter Forty-Four
Rachel
It was a clean win. So why should Rachel feel bad about beating James on the Zigler project? She fumed. She bet her conscience would be clear if she had a penis. The Norman Fosters of this world didn’t worry about being on top of their game. They embraced their successes. They were called ambitious. She felt selfish for beating James.
That’s probably why, when Philip invited her to Club Gascon to celebrate with a boozy Michelin-star lunch, she magnanimously offered to make it up to James after work. Purely as a friendly gesture.
That’s what she tried telling herself.
‘Yeah, sounds great,’ he said, grinning. ‘Where are you taking me?’
She hadn’t thought that far ahead. Their usual pub seemed like a let-down, but then again it was where they’d had a lot of fun together.
No, a better idea popped into her head. ‘Gordon’s?’
‘Perfect.’
The old wine vault wasn’t too crowded when they got there. Most of the people were at the tables in the back garden area, taking advantage of the unusually warm spring night. ‘Are you okay sitting inside?’ she asked. ‘It looks a bit crowded out there.’ Plus, she didn’t say, inside was more romantic, with all the candles lit and nearly standing up in their own waterfalls of old wax.
He got them a table in one of the barrel vaults while Rachel went to the bar. As she ordered a bottle of red, she could feel herself starting to sweat. Being underground meant the bar was cool. So that could only mean one thing. Nerves.
Better face facts. They were there under totally false pretences. He thought he was getting commiseration drinks, but it felt like one of those now-or-never situations. The longer things went on between him and Sarah the more Rachel’s hopes would fade, and the regret build up. She had to tell him how she felt.
As long as he didn’t laugh in her face or say she was just suffering dumper’s remorse now that it was too late, or (worst of all) that she was being a completely unfair bitch to move in on Sarah, she’d survive it. No matter the outcome, she had to say something.
James was tucking away his phone as she got back to the table. She tried not to think about who he’d been texting.
As she poured their wine he told her about a building complex his prof had been involved in lately. He seemed happy to do the talking. It was a brief reprieve from the conversation she knew she had to have. She found her mind drifting back to their break-up.
She didn’t really see how she could fault her decision at the time. Mother Theresa would have lost patience with him. Nobody wants to feel like a chore in a relationship, and by the end of theirs she ranked a few notches below the washing up.
The trouble with being in a relationship that was going wrong, she now realised, was constantly waiting to be let down. Every time her phone had rung when they were due to meet she’d assumed it would be an excuse not to turn up. When he had arrived she’d still been stuck with all that angst. Was it any wonder she’d started shying away from him?
‘You’re becoming quite the wine drinker,’ she said when he commented on the spiciness of the Pinot Noir they were drinking. ‘The only spice you used to talk about was in a vindaloo.’
‘What can I say, I’m a new man.’
It was exactly why she had to say something. ‘I don’t regret breaking up with you, you know,’ she said.
‘That’s out of the blue, and thanks a lot.’
‘I mean it was right at the time. We wanted different things and you drove me insane.’
‘I know, Rach. I can see that now, but in my defence I didn’t consciously set out to hurt you. I’m really really sorry about that. I was immature.’
‘You were a pathetic child most of the time.’
‘Well you were. Not that we didn’t have a lot of fun, but you were just so frustrating. I could have murdered you.’
‘But now?’
As she took a deep breath she could feel her face flush. ‘But now—’
Then, over James’s shoulder, she saw Sarah making her way to the table. ‘Sarah’s here.’
He turned around and waved. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘I asked her to come.’
Of course he did. Why wouldn’t he want his new girlfriend to join them? It was perfectly normal. So she shouldn’t really feel as sick as she did.
Sarah kissed Rachel on the cheek, then James. Rachel was glad about that. She might lose it to see them kissing properly. ‘Hi, sorry, am I late?’
No, Rachel thought, you’re just in time to keep me from making an arse of myself. Look at her. James would be nuts not to want to go out with her. Though she was back to her usual jeans and slightly manly jumpers, she was still so pretty with her long legs and peaches-and-cream complexion. She hadn’t really needed all the make-up and clothes in the first place.
‘No, you’re right on time,’ Rachel said truthfully. ‘Have a seat.’ She folded away her emotions as best she could and sipped her wine. It didn’t always work out like in the movies. Sometimes people didn’t get what they wanted.
That was just life.
Sarah pulled out the chair beside James. ‘So, we’re celebrating?’
‘I hope so,’ James said. They both laughed, sharing some inside joke together.
Well, why not? They’d had months to develop all those little intimacies that made a relationship special.
As Rachel sat there watching them, she felt her eyes start to sting. ‘Be back in a sec. I’ll just get you a glass.’ She bolted to the bar to compose herself. She needed to get a grip. Stop being such a selfish cow and be happy for your friend, she thought. For both of your friends. If they’d found what they were looking for then one day she might too. She just had to stop looking in James’s direction.
‘So, a toast,’ she said when she came back with Sarah’s glass. Her hand shook a little as she poured the wine but nobody noticed. ‘To you two. I hope you’ll be very happy together.’
Sarah and James looked at each other. ‘Uh, about that,’ said James. ‘We need to talk about that.’
Just hearing him say those words … we need to talk … snuffed out the last tiny glimmer of hope she had about being with him again. Nobody ever started good news with that line.
Her heart leapt into her throat as she realised now why Sarah was there. They were in love. They were about to tell her in person.
‘Rachel, we want to talk to you about … us,’ Sarah began.
‘I’d rather not, if you don’t mind.’ Her voice was shaking. ‘It’s not that I’m not happy for you, because I am, or I will be. But I think you’ll agree that it’s a weird situation. So, no, thank you, I’d rather not.’
Sarah’s eyes started to swim with tears. ‘I knew this was going to happen!’ she said. ‘You’re upset now. James, I told you this was a bad idea!’
‘You did not, Sarah. You were all for it at first.’
‘I don’t want to hear who was all for what!’ Rachel said, louder than she meant to. She wanted to clamp her hands over her ears and sing La La La La. ‘Maybe you can act like this is no big deal but it’s not that easy for me. I just figured out what I want. I can’t undo that overnight.’
She grabbed her handbag, ready to make a speedy exit.
‘But you don’t understand,’ Sarah said, grabbing the handbag too. ‘It’s not what you think.’
‘Let go.’
‘I won’t.’ She jerked the handbag, nearly pulling Rachel over the top of the table.
‘Can’t we all calm down and discuss this?’ James slid his arm over Sarah’s shoulder.
Seeing that felt like a punch in the chest. ‘Please, just don’t,’ she said.
‘Sarah and I aren’t seeing each other,’ James said, studying her face for a reaction.
‘You broke up?’
Now Sarah smiled. ‘We were never seeing each other.’ She let go of the handbag but grasped Rachel’s hand before she could pull it away. ‘Please forgive me for not being honest. It seemed like a good cause.’
‘But I don’t understand. That’s not true. You’ve been seeing each other for the past two months.’
‘No we haven’t,’ James said. ‘I’m sorry, Rach. It sounded like a good idea when Sarah and I first talked the night of her party. A way to make you realise that … well, I’m sorry but I was desperate.’
‘What are you talking about?! Sarah, if you weren’t out with James then where were you all those nights?’
‘With Jeremy. I’ve been seeing Jeremy.’
‘So you and James never went out?’ Her mind was refusing to take in what her ears were telling her.
‘Only that first night,’ he said.
‘Then you did lie to me, James.’
‘Nuh uh, for the record, I never lied, and neither did Sarah. We did go out that first night, when I told you I was meeting her for drinks. We came here, in fact.’
‘Yes, I remember.’ She also remembered how that made her feel.
‘You wouldn’t ask for any details,’ said Sarah, sounding miserable. ‘I’d come home from seeing Jeremy and I was dying to tell you the truth because it was doing my head in. I didn’t want anything bad to come between us. Even though I agreed with James that you must see that you’re perfect together, and this seemed like the only way to show you. Every time I brought it up you changed the subject. I promised James I wouldn’t blurt anything out and ruin the plan, but we agreed that we wouldn’t lie either. If you’d asked, I’d have told you. I really wish you’d asked, Rachel.’ She sounded exhausted.
But Rachel hadn’t asked. She hadn’t wanted to hear any details about them. She hadn’t wanted to know if James was doing the same things with her friend as he had with her.
‘Let me get this straight,’ Rachel said. ‘You pretended to go out with each other just to make me jealous?’
James grimaced. ‘It wasn’t just to make you jealous. It was to make you see … I don’t know, I was desperate. Rachel, I was so unbelievably stupid to screw up with you the way I did. But I was also too stupid to see it till it was too late. And then when you asked me to join RecycLove I knew there’d be loads of guys who were smarter than me. Of course they’d see how incredible you are. I was afraid you’d fall for one of them, and that would be it. The best thing I’ve ever had in my life, gone. I didn’t know what else to do. You didn’t seem to care if I went out with other women, even when I told you I’d slept with someone. And how was I supposed to show you that I have changed in a relationship if you’re not in the relationship with me? I thought maybe you could see it through someone you knew.’
‘So you didn’t really sleep with that woman on your first date?’ she asked.
He looked sheepish. ‘I did.’
‘To make me jealous?’
‘Nah, Rach, I am a guy. She seemed like a nice woman, until she jettisoned me, that is, and she was good fun. Besides, you didn’t seem to care.’
He was right, wasn’t he? It hadn’t really stirred any strong emotions when he’d told her.
Why not?
Because then, as far as she knew, he was still the old James. One bitten, twice … well not so much shy as nuts to take that chance again.
But he wasn’t the old James any more. While she’d been busy congratulating herself on how well she knew him, he’d been busy growing up. He was right. She’d never noticed.
Though pretending to date one’s best friend wasn’t the act of a mature person. ‘So you tried to trick me into liking you?’
‘No, not trick!’ Sarah said. ‘Just help you realise what you wanted, that’s all. I promise, we weren’t trying to trick you … are you really mad at me?’
With anyone else she might have suspected
ulterior motives, but Sarah didn’t have a mean bone in her body, let alone a tricksy one. She put her arms around her friend and hugged. ‘I’m not angry,’ she said. And then more quietly, ‘Thank you.’
Sarah smiled when she pulled away. ‘Then my work here is done. I’ll leave you two alone. You’ve got a lot of talking to do. Bye James!’
‘Thanks again, Sarah!’ he said, sounding like she’d just given him a lift home. ‘So,’ he said when she’d left.
‘So. I think you’d better explain from the beginning,’ she said.
‘Should we get more wine?’
‘Let’s wait until I hear what you have to say.’
‘Okay,’ he said. ‘Here goes, full disclosure. You were right to dump me. I took you for granted. There you were, such an amazing friend and the perfect girlfriend, and I just thought I could carry on doing whatever I pleased, that you’d put up with being fitted in around my schedule. I was such an arrogant twat. I realised that after we broke up, but what could I do? Even if I could completely change, you weren’t about to give me another chance, and I couldn’t blame you. All you wanted to do was get over me. The trouble was, I didn’t get over you.’
‘But you never said anything, James. It’s been almost four years. That’s a lot of water under the bridge.’
‘I did say I was sorry for the way I treated you. I said that a lot, and I meant it.’
‘I know.’ It was because he’d said it, and meant it, that she’d been able to stay friends with him.
‘What else could I say that would have made a difference? Sorry I was such an arsehole, shall we have another go? You’d have laughed in my face. Or, knowing you, punched me in the bollocks. I thought I might have a chance when you asked me to sign up to RecycLove with you. Till you told me what you thought of me.’
She winced remembering that assessment.
‘Then you started seeing that guy Thomas and it was going well … I couldn’t lose my chance, because I am a different person now, Rachel. I’ve grown up. I used to think about a relationship and want my freedom. Now when I think about a relationship with you, it’s all I want.’
He was staring into her eyes. ‘Can you forgive me for what Sarah and I did?’
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