by T. A. Pratt
“Which is why I conjured a magic door.”
“You could have drugged me,” Lauren mused. “But I’ve done hallucinogens before, and this doesn’t feel like that. I can’t think of any drug that would alter my perceptions in this way. Which doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Perhaps it’s technological.”
Marla shrugged. “Maybe we’re all brains in jars, or we’re living in a computer simulation. You’re getting into some pretty deep ontological territory there.”
Lauren took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “I’ve seen a couple of things I couldn’t understand in my life. Once on a mountainside I saw something that looked like a man with wings flit by overhead. It was probably just a big bird, I thought—I wanted to think—but I saw its face, looking down at me, curious and human. Another time, I saw a holy man go into a trance and speak in a voice that wasn’t his own, but that’s just... that’s just acting, or self-deception. Right?”
“Could be. There aren’t a ton of winged hominids in the world in my experience, but a sorcerer could give himself wings for a while. The other thing could be a genuine mystical experience, or a faker. Just because some magical things are true doesn’t mean all of them are. I don’t have the complete book of everything that’s actual, either. Sorcerers have all kinds of theories about why magic works. Some of them think it’s just science we don’t entirely understand yet. Others are all about the spiritual dimension.”
“What do you think?”
“I’m a pragmatist, Lauren. I’m concerned with the art of getting results. I use my powers to fight evil, with ‘evil’ loosely defined as ‘wants to mess with innocent people,’ and to... keep the world safe, as best I can.” She tried a smile. “How would you like to help me?”
Lauren pointed at the door. “Where does that go?”
“Think of it as a portal to another dimension.”
“What other dimension?”
“It’s... ah... hell. I mean, the underworld. Except it’s not really under anything, despite a certain cave-and-caverns motif. It’s the afterlife, is what I’m saying.”
“You’re saying there’s an afterlife.” Lauren’s tone could not have been more skeptical if she’d said “You’re saying your farts smell like honeysuckle.”
“It’s kinda complicated, but—yeah. If you think there’s an afterlife, and you really believe it, then you get one. You kinda get whatever you expect, though. If you’re a true atheist, you just cease to exist.” She shrugged. “Want to check it out?”
“You’re asking me if I want to go to the underworld?”
“It’s cool if you don’t, but I mean, you invited me over to your place, so it’s just reciprocity.”
Lauren burst out laughing. “Are you—you’re a ghost? Or, what, a demon? A psychopomp? Oh, god, am I dying, is that what’s happening, am I—”
“Whoa, no, you’re not. But it’s cool you know what psychopomps are. That’s kind of hot. No, I’m, uh, sort of in charge down there. Or up there. Or over there.”
“Do you mean for me to believe you’re God, or that you’re the devil?”
“I’ve never met either one of them, and I think I probably would have, if they existed. I think they’re both misunderstandings and amalgamations of real things, like most human concepts of divinity. I rule the underworld. It’s not a devil thing. I don’t tempt people, or punish them either,. I’m more of a caretaker. I help out with other stuff, too. Seasons. Crops. Fertility. I do births and deaths. They’re just two sides of the same swinging door.”
Lauren sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the door. “I can’t help but think of those Greek myths. Hades abducting Persephone and feeding her pomegranate seeds and tricking her into being his bride.”
Marla shook her head. “I don’t do abductions or coercions or tricks. Nothing against anybody’s will.” She took a breath. “That said, I am looking for a partner. Somebody to rule... with me.”
Lauren flopped back onto the bed, covered her face with her hands, and laughed, only a little hysterically. “Wait.” Her voice was muffled by her hands. “We’ve been on two dates, and you’re already proposing?”
“The romance part is optional, but, you know, if you’re into it.... It’s more of a job offer, though. I did some pretty major divination magic, to find someone I could work with, a person who was temperamentally suited to the necessary duties, and compatible with me on a personal level. You were the very first name that popped up.”
Lauren sat up abruptly. “I am not considering this, because this is insane, but if I were to consider it.... Would I have to die? I can’t die. My parents would lose their shit.”
Marla shook her head. “No. The whole point is for you to retain your mortal self—it’s important that the gods of death remember what it means to be alive. You will become very long-lived, though. Your lifespan would last centuries, at least. Millennia, maybe.”
“Would I have to leave everyone behind, like you were saying at the restaurant? Leave forever?”
“You’d be... pretty busy... but you could visit Earth occasionally. Coming and going like that is not ideal, but it’s doable. Part of the point of having two of us down there is that we can cover for each other. It would be a lot easier for you, being partly mortal, to come to Earth. I can’t really visit too often. Divinity interacts unpredictably with reality, and with people especially. I attract cultists, I cause spontaneous fires, it’s no good.”
“But you come to Earth to date? Isn’t that risky?”
“Oh, well, I’m only sort of here right now. This body is kind of a... simulacrum? I mean, it’s human, totally really human, and I’m really here, my mind is, but my... true self... is back home.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “Crap. That sounds really weird and creepy, huh?”
“You’re, like, a puppet? I had sex with a puppet?”
“If it helps, you could think of it as, um, a sort of sex toy? I was totally operating this body... I’m not helping, am I?”
“No. Where’s the real you, then? I want to see you.” Lauren crossed her arms and scowled.
“It’s not safe for me to come up here. Seriously, it might make a sinkhole open under your house or something. The fish in the canal could become sentient. Weird shit happens.”
“Marla, my current working theory is that you’re a deranged maniac who plied me with experimental drugs, so you can either prove what you’re saying or fuck on out of here forever.”
“Okay. Go open the door.”
“What? Why?”
“Like I said, it’s not safe for me to come to you... but you can go to me.”
Lauren looked at Marla for a long moment, then went to the door. She turned the knob and pushed it open.
Marla stood on the other side, looking much as she’d looked in Lauren’s room, only now she was dressed in white, and glowing faintly with divine light. Lauren gasped, and turned her head to look at the other Marla, but that simulacrum was gone, now, returned to primordial components.
“Are you really a goddess?” Lauren said.
“Come and see.” Marla paused. “Nobody’s going to feed you any pomegranate seeds.”
Lauren hesitated for a moment, then stepped over the threshold. “I always knew my curiosity would get me into trouble.”
Marla shut the door behind her, and stepped aside. “Welcome to my palace. It could be your palace. I’m open to redecorating.”
Lauren spun around slowly, looking at the vastness of the hall. The walls were shimmering obsidian, the ceiling a dome of glass offering a view of the shooting stars of falling souls, the floor something like marble, but with patterns that gradually swirled and moved beneath their feet. “I thought it would be more, I don’t know... Inferno-like.”
“That wouldn’t be a very nice place to live. Lauren, I’d like you to meet one of my best friends.”
Pelham appeared from a side door, dressed in his usual tweedy elegance, and when he reached Lauren, he gave a little bow. “Ms.
Dehart. Such a pleasure to meet you. I do hope you enjoy your stay. If you need anything, anything at all, don’t hesitate to ask.”
“How would you like a tour?” Marla said.
“I... guess that’s what I’m here for.” She glanced at Marla. “You look the same, mostly.”
“It’s a long story, but I was born human, and this is pretty much what I looked like when I was mortal, give or take a few pimples and split ends.”
“I guess godhood has its benefits.”
They walked together through the underworld, and for the first time that she could remember, Marla felt pride in the place, and was anxious for Lauren to be impressed and pleased. She showed off the changing nature of the palace itself, with Marla transforming it to a structure of ice, and pale wood, and a pavilion of hanging silks. She showed Lauren the garden, making it blossom and change around her. “Lots of tulips,” Lauren said.
“Well, you are Dutch.”
“You are ridiculous.”
Marla took her down the path out of the palace, onto the plains, to the River Lethe. “You don’t want to wade in that—you’ll forget what your feet are.”
“Duly noted. The Lethe is real?”
“Forgetfulness is one of the gifts I can offer the dead, yeah. Some of them need it.”
They walked together to the shores of the primordial sea, and Marla explained that the bubbles in the foam were individual afterlives.
“From a theological standpoint, this is absurd,” Lauren said.
Marla shrugged. “Not really. Everyone gets to be right, this way. Every single religion. If you believe it, it will come to pass.”
“And those shooting stars are all souls?”
“They are. Look.” Marla held out her hand, and one of the glowing motes changed course, and landed in the palm of her hand instead: it was no bigger than a blueberry. “Let’s look into it.” She held the soul up to Lauren’s face, and she peered inside, then gasped. “I—it’s a whole life. She was a baby, she went to school, she became a painter, she fell in love, she fell out of love, she got sad, she got better, oh, she got sick....” Lauren shook her head, blinking back tears. “How did I see... all that? All at once?”
“Life and death magic. It’s what we do down here. Hold out your hand.”
Lauren did, and Marla gently put the life into her palm. “There you go. Throw her into the sea. I bet she’ll have a beautiful afterlife, full of art.”
Lauren held up her hand, looked at the sparkling star in her palm, and then blew on it, like it was a handful of dust. The mote flew off her hand, landed in the sea, and sank down.
“You oversee all these afterlives?” Lauren said.
“Mostly they run themselves, but yeah, that’s one of my duties. I’m responsible to some extent for everything on Earth that lives and dies; everything that changes.”
“Could I... make the world better? Grow food in places stricken by famine? Cure plagues?”
Marla seesawed her hand. “You can exert some influence. You can’t imagine how complex the interactions are, though. If you try to cure a famine in one place, you might trigger one someplace else. You can’t abolish suffering, or accidents. Gods aren’t all-powerful, but we are some-powerful, and we can make a difference. As bad as things seem sometimes, they’d be a lot less worse without my influence, and that of my predecessors. With someone by my side, helping me out? I could do a lot more good.”
“You really want that person to be me? Isn’t this awfully fast?”
“Magic tells me you’re suitable for the role. My head tells me I can work with you. My heart tells me I’d enjoy it.”
“Do you... need me to decide right now?”
Marla shook her head. “No. I can give you a little time. But the role has been empty for too long, so... not too long. If you don’t want to do it, I’ll have to find someone else, even though there’s no one else I want.”
“Wait. What happened to the last consort?”
“I was the last consort. I was a mortal like you, like I said. I was chosen to be the Bride of Death. I had a husband, the God of Death. He died.” She shrugged. “We’re not invincible. But the thing that killed him is gone, and I’ve taken precautions to prevent that sort of thing from happening again. When my husband died, I gave up my mortality to become fully divine, and stepped into his role. There’s a lot more to it than that, and I can tell you the whole saga sometime, but that’s the general idea.”
“You have a lot of stories, don’t you?”
“If you agree to join me down here, you’ll hear all of them.” A bell rang out, and Lauren looked around, startled.
Marla winced. “Crap. That’s something I need to deal with, and it needs most of my conscious attention. I’m really sorry.”
“What is it? Some kind of... death emergency? Are you killing a pope or a queen or something?”
“No, I’ve just been helping some mortals out with a little saving-the-world project. There’s this monstrous extradimensional entity that was trying to conquer the world, it looks like black sand—anyway, it’s a long story, but it’s also a story that’s almost over.”
Lauren gazed at her for a long moment. “You’re serious. Saving the world. The actual world.”
Marla shrugged. “We’ve got some power and influence down here, and the responsibilities that go along with them. I need to go, but it shouldn’t take too long, if you want to stay. Pelly can show you around more, and he can answer any questions you might have, pretty much....”
“I should go home,” she said. “I should think about this, like, a lot. A lot a lot.”
“Okay. I’ll take you back.”
“I said I should think about it. But, you know....” Lauren stood on her tiptoes and kissed Marla on the mouth. “You’re a literal goddess and you’re asking me to become the next best thing to immortal, and you say I can help you make the world a better place. I mean—how can I possibly say no? How can I live the rest of my life knowing there’s so much more to the world than this?”
Marla gaped. “Wait. Hold on. Are you saying....”
“I don’t know—are you asking?”
Marla grinned. “Wait. Just wait.” She knelt and took Lauren’s hand. “Lauren Dehart. Will you be my bride?”
“I... yes. Yes. I’ll become a queen of the underworld, sure, if you totally insist.”
Marla stood up, grabbed Lauren, and they danced around in a circle. “Okay. Okay okay. We have a million things to talk about, and I’m going to get you a ring if you’re down with that, like a magic ring, and there has to be a ceremony, the exact nature of it is pretty flexible, it doesn’t have to be a wedding wedding—”
“What if I want a wedding wedding?”
“Then you’ll make Pelham the happiest man in the underworld, because he wants nothing more than to help plan a wedding wedding. Wow. There’s a lot of stuff to figure out, and I really need to go—”
“Yes, go, save the world. Send me home though? If I’m going to be living in the underworld I have some stuff I need to deal with, some commitments to get out of, okay? What do I tell my parents, even?”
“We’ll figure out a cover. Exotic job opportunity, whirlwind love affair, something plausible.”
“That’s not just plausible, that’s accurate. How can I reach you?”
Marla conjured a silver bell and put it in Lauren’s hand. “Just ring this when you want me, and I’ll be in touch as fast as I can.” She kissed her—holy shit, her fiancée. “Let me show you the joys of shadow-walking. You’ll be able to do this soon yourself.”
Marla dropped Lauren off at home, and simultaneously instantiated a body in Cole’s lab. The hellhounds she’d summoned perked up at her arrival, and padded over to rub up against her legs.
Cole had all his black sand detectors on the table, cracked open, their motes of sand gathered together in a floating ball of force. They were barely enough to fill a thimble. “That’s the whole of the thing, huh?” she said.
>
“As far as we have been able to determine, these are the last remaining fragments of the malign intelligence that sought to transform our world.” He yawned.
“What is it, like 8 a.m. here? Have you been up for two days straight?”
“Mmm. I dozed a bit earlier. I slept for decades. I can miss a night or two here and there.”
“Your work is almost done.” She surveyed the last remnants of her enemy. “This isn’t as satisfying as punching a monster in the face, but good work, Cole. Maybe we should have Bradley summon up another oracle to make totally sure the sand is definitely all gone.”
“That seems a sensible precaution,” Cole said. “I’ll mention it to him next time I see him. He’s off on business of his own now, working with his apprentice, I believe.”
“Everything’s getting back to normal, huh?” Marla felt a melancholy pang. This was probably her last big adventure after all, the final epic fight, and it hadn’t ended with her standing shoulder-to-shoulder on the battlefield with Rondeau and Bradley and her other stalwart friends. It ended here, in a lab, with a few grains of poisonous sand on a table.
“Shall we feed the sand to the hounds?” Cole said.
“Nah, let me do this much personally, at least.” She reached out and closed her fist over the bubble of force, dispelling the magic with a thought. The sand started trying to swarm over her hand, attempting to turn her into more of it, but she pushed back, and instead the sand gave into her chaos, becoming part of her body instead.
She held up her hand and showed off her new, longer fingernails to Cole. With a thought, she colored them bright red. “There we go. From menace to fashion.”
“So... what now?” Cole said. “You withdraw to the underworld with Jarrell, and we never see you again?”
“I actually changed my mind, and decided to ask Lauren instead. I guess I should break the news to Jarrell, huh?”
“I... yes,” Cole said. “Are you sure you’ve made the right decision? Jarrell is imminently qualified, he’s a good match, and he understands the importance of the position—”