I should just go home.
But for some reason, I don’t. I stay right where I am.
Lucy Slater is a bully. Pure and simple. And bullies are cowards. Face up to them and they’re likely to back off.
I saw that in Lucy’s eyes when she fell off the fence that time. There was a split second before she fell into the trough when fear flashed across her face. She thought the worm had turned and she was shocked.
And scared …
In a burst of clarity, I see that Lucy has lost her weird power over me. I’m seeing her clearly for the very first time. She’s a sad, insecure person who needs to hit out to demonstrate her power over others.
I turn and start walking in the opposite direction, peering around pedestrians, searching for Lucy. Catching a fleeting glimpse of her up ahead, I quicken my step. I’m gaining on her but if I don’t hurry, she’ll reach her car and drive off, and then I’ll have lost my opportunity.
I start to run as warm rain starts splashing down. ‘Lucy!’
She half-glances behind her but keeps on walking, so I pick up speed, my heart pounding with the exertion and the sudden determination that’s gripping me.
One last burst of speed and I catch up, running alongside her, shaking moisture from my hair. My face feels red and hot, despite the fat raindrops that are pattering down. Lucy looks at me, a mix of shock and bewilderment on her face.
Then her expression darkens. ‘What?’
‘It was you who switched off the fridge, wasn’t it?’ I pant.
She shrugs and walks on.
‘Just tell me what I’ve done to you,’ I demand.
Her brow furrows as if she doesn’t understand what I’m talking about.
‘You said before that I’d done something to you that was best forgotten. What was it because I’m being honest here when I say I really haven’t a clue how I can possibly have offended you.’
Her mouth is set in a firm line. She’s refusing to look at me.
‘Is it because of Jason? Because Jason and I happened years ago and I can tell you quite sincerely that there is nothing romantic going on between us. There hasn’t been since we were eighteen and he broke up with me to be with you.’
Her look is sceptical, to say the least.
‘Are you really jealous of me and Jason? Because there’s absolutely no need to be.’
‘Why would I believe that?’ she demands.
I swallow. ‘Easy. Because it’s not Jason I’m in love with. I’m actually crazily, madly in love with someone else, okay? So you can stop your evil conniving and go torment someone else for a change!’
‘You’ve got no idea!’ She spits out the words.
I’m straining to hear her over the noise of the downpour. A bolt of lightning directly overhead sends a chill through me. ‘What do you mean?’
She rounds on me, her eyes flashing with rage. ‘I mean, I’m never ever going to forget what you and Jason did to me.’
I stare at her. ‘What did we do to you?’
She says something else, but a giant rumble of thunder drowns out her words. She starts running towards her car.
‘Lucy! What the hell did we do to you? Tell me! Because whatever you think we did, I can guarantee it didn’t happen.’
‘Oh, really?’ she sneers, her eyes full of hatred. ‘So you were there in the hospital on the night of the school leavers’ ball, were you?’
A cold hand grips my insides. ‘Hospital? What do you mean?’
She shakes her head and goes to get in her car, but I grab hold of the handle before she does. ‘Why were you in the hospital? I thought you were at home with a sprained ankle.’
‘Let go!’ she yells, scratching at my hand on the door handle.
‘No! Not until you tell me what the hell you’re talking about!’
‘Get lost, you bitch! You ruined everything.’
The rain is pelting down furiously now. I glance up and as I do so, another huge fork of lightning splits the sky, illuminating everything around us, including Lucy’s agonised, tear-stained face.
‘Come on, then. How did I ruin things?’ I shout.
‘You think Jason is such a great guy, don’t you? But you don’t know him like I do.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘He wasn’t faithful to you the whole time, you know. We slept together and you never found out. He was the first boy I had sex with. Six weeks before the school leavers’ ball. And guess what? He told me that night that you and he were more or less over and that he was going to leave you for me.’
I stare at her. I don’t believe it. She must be making it up. But my stomach feels curdled all the same.
‘You don’t believe me, do you? But he did say that. And then, guess what? The next day he told me he’d changed his mind and that you were the love of his life.’
I swallow hard, trying to take it in, as the deluge of raindrops continues to pepper my scalp, pouring over my already sodden hair. Water is running into my eyes and I flick it away.
I feel sick. I can’t believe Jason kept all this a secret from me. I shake my head slowly, swallowing down the nausea. ‘So he was unfaithful once. He wouldn’t be the only guy in the world who made a mistake.’
‘Yes, but you don’t know the best bit,’ she snarls, right in my face. ‘After that night with Jason, I found out I was pregnant. And I was thrilled because I thought that if I had his baby, he would have to choose me. But guess what?’
‘What?’ A feeling of foreboding trickles through me.
‘He made me get rid of it.’
‘What?’ I stare at her in horror. ‘You’re lying. Jason wouldn’t do that. I know he wouldn’t.’
She shrugs. ‘Well, he didn’t actually march me along to a doctor and demand he get me an appointment at the abortion clinic. But he made it very clear he thought it was a bad idea me having the baby.’
‘You … you were only sixteen.’
She sneers. ‘I might have known you’d take his side.’
I shake my head. ‘I’m not taking sides. It’s just really sad.’
‘Tell me about it!’ she yells. ‘The night you and Jason were having such a lovely time together at the school leavers’ ball, I was in hospital having his baby surgically removed from my womb!’
My head is reeling with shock. We stare at each other, rain streaming down our faces.
It feels so surreal, having this conversation with Lucy while the storm rages around us. I know instinctively that she’s telling the truth. I can see it in her face. And I feel such a fool for thinking of Jason in such glowing terms all these years. When I was a teenager, I thought he was Mr Perfect, and that never really changed, even when we went our separate ways. They say love makes you blind. Well, he certainly pulled the wool over my eyes about his involvement with Lucy.
I remember the time in the treehouse before the ball, telling Paloma I thought Jason was going off me. I’d been right in a way. He’d obviously had his fling with Lucy and was feeling really guilty about everything. Guilty over her. And guilty over me.
‘Christ, I’m sorry, Lucy.’ I feel genuinely bad for her. For the way she was treated by Jason, who obviously found himself torn between the two of us. He chose me and that must have crucified Lucy. I can almost understand why she must hate me. She probably blames me for losing her baby.
Yet she’s forgiven Jason. She still loves him.
‘If it weren’t for you,’ she yells, ‘Jason would probably have stayed with me after I got pregnant. I’d have had the baby. Our baby. He would have been thirteen now. A teenager.’
‘You knew it was a boy?’
Her shoulders slump. ‘No. I just always feel it was a boy. A boy who looked just like Jason.’
My heart lurches at her agonised expression. ‘You – you can have more babies.’
‘Well, it hasn’t happened so far, has it?’ Her chin wobbles with emotion. ‘Maybe that was my one and only chance to be a mother.’
I shak
e my head, feeling – against all the odds – incredibly sad for her.
Lucy says stiffly, ‘Can I get in my car now, please?’
I let go of the handle.
We exchange a look. It’s as if all the anger between us has burned itself out, leaving just an aching sadness.
Lucy’s face suddenly crumples with emotion. She jerks open the car door, gets in and drives away, crashing the gears as she rounds a bend and disappears from view.
I walk home, shivering and drenched to the skin, my head whirling with everything she told me. So much grief and bitterness. And yet she still loves Jason. It’s hard to understand, yet the conclusion I finally draw is that at least they have each other, for better or for worse …
Back home, I stand under a hot shower for a long time, thinking about the past and how cruel people can be to each other. And marvelling at how I’d placed Jason on a pedestal, thinking of him as the perfect man, only to have the scales fall from my eyes so completely after what Lucy told me.
As I’m getting out of the shower, my mobile rings.
It’s Mum and she can hardly get her words out. My heart starts beating fast. Is it bad news?
In the end, I say, ‘Slow down, Mum. I can’t hear what you’re saying.’
‘It’s your dad.’ Her voice sounds all breathy. ‘We’ve just talked to the consultant and the tumour has shrunk.’ She laughs. ‘Can you believe it? The consultant, Mr Hobbs, never smiles. But he did today and that’s how I knew it was good news, even before he said anything …’
Mum chatters on and I stand there with no clothes on in the middle of my bedroom, listening to her in disbelief, with happy tears running down my face. Then I realise the curtains are open and the bedside lamp is on and Mrs Savage from over the road can probably see me in all my glory, so I dash to swish them shut.
After I’ve ended the call, I dance around the room, still entirely naked. My heart feels as if it’s expanded to twice the size. I really need to see Paloma to tell her everything that’s happened tonight! I’d decided not to bother crashing her meeting at the pub. But now, I can’t wait to see her to tell her my great news …
*****
I feel a bit silly lurking in the bushes round the back of The Three Blackbirds. But I’m actually burning with curiosity to see Paloma and Jake together.
It’s five minutes to eight; she should be along any minute. Paloma is always punctual for business meetings – not that I believe she’s meeting a client, despite what she told me.
I’m close to the pub’s back entrance, which everyone tends to use, I guess because it leads straight from the car park. Paloma will be on foot, but old habits die hard. Also, Jake will have transport, having driven up from the south coast.
I hear a familiar laugh and Paloma appears round the corner of the building. She’s on her phone and instead of walking straight into the pub, she lingers outside while she waits for the person on the other end of the phone to answer. I hold my breath. She’s standing only ten yards from my hiding place.
The person takes his time answering. But eventually I hear her say, ‘Hello, you! Are you on your way?’ Her voice sounds seductive, intimate. The way you sound when you absolutely can’t wait to see him.
The way you sound when you’re newly in love, perhaps?
I’ve got a pesky tickle in my nose, but I rub it hard and it goes away.
Paloma gives a low chuckle and says, ‘You’re here already? Oh my God, can you actually believe what’s happening to us? It fees unreal. My head is all over the place. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so … I don’t know, elated! She laughs. ‘It’s lovely to know you feel the same.’
There’s another pause, then: ‘You mean you can’t wait all of three seconds for me to join you in there?’
My heart beats faster. He’s coming out. Jake is coming out!
A dark shape appears in the little porch, half-hidden from view. Paloma smiles up at him and holds out her arms. And he walks right into them.
And a spasm of shock grips me. It’s not Jake who’s pulling her to him as if he’ll never let her go.
It’s Theo …
I feel faint; it’s just so not what I was expecting to see. Theo wrapped around Paloma? It can’t be happening. I knew she liked Theo – but she never gave me any indication that she cared for him in that way!
I swallow on the lump of misery in my throat, watching them break apart and laugh, while still clinging to each other. Perhaps she’s guessed how I feel about Theo myself, and that’s why she’s kept this meeting a secret.
My nose tickles – worse this time – and I rub it furiously.
But next second, an enormous sneeze surges out. In the silence of the night, it sounds deafening and they both swing round. Paloma flicks the light on her phone and then it’s shining on my guilty face and they’re both looking at me with startled expressions. As well they might.
Theo takes a step towards me.
‘Twilight?’ says Paloma, wonderingly. ‘What on earth are you doing there?’
I glance miserably from her to Theo and back again. ‘I was – er – looking for my purse.’ I dig it out of my bag and hold it up. ‘But now I’ve found it. Have a nice night!’ And I flee from the pub car park, just wanting to escape their bemused and pitying looks. I hear Theo shouting after me, and a moment later, Paloma joins in. But I’m jogging along the high street by this time, heading for home, and I’m there in under a minute.
As I fumble to get the key in the lock, I reflect that at least I have one thing to be happy about. I’ve never been fitter!
All the better for running away from scenes that would break your heart into a million pieces …
*****
I’m already hiding under the covers when the doorbell rings.
It shrills out three times with a pause in between. Then my mobile starts ringing. Quickly, I reach out a hand, fumble around for the offending object on the bedside table, and turn it off.
The last thing I want to do right now is have a discussion with Paloma and Theo about Paloma and Theo! I’m still trying to process the whole thing. I’d rather get over the shock and have time to practise my ‘delighted-for-you’ face so that neither of them ever knows that my heart has been unceremoniously ripped into pieces.
A single warm tear leaks out of my eye and is absorbed by the duvet that’s wrapped tightly around me, in spite of the summer night’s sticky heat.
*****
Somehow I manage to sleep, and when I wake next morning, it’s to the sun blazing through the curtains and someone banging on the door.
When I turn on my phone, I’ve got twenty-six missed calls.
Paloma shouts through the letter slot. ‘Twi, please let me in. I’m worried about you. We both are.’
A lump fills my throat at her casual mention of ‘we’. They’re obviously a couple already.
She tries again. ‘I’ve got news I think you’d like to hear.’
I stare glumly through the chink in the curtains. I’d beg to differ, to be honest. But I suppose I have to face up to it at some point. I can’t stay in bed for the rest of my life …
Dragging myself up, I peer down onto the driveway. And Paloma chooses that moment to give up and turn away, so I have to bang on the window to attract her attention. Better get this over with. I’ve got a café to open in an hour.
I go to the door, plastering on a smile before I pull it open. ‘Hi! Sorry about last night. Behaving so weirdly. I was overtired, I think.’
Can people behave like trainee psychopaths when they’re overtired? I suppose it’s possible.
‘That’s okay.’ She takes my hand and leads me gently into the living room, as if I’m a five-year-old who’s lost her favourite stuffed rabbit. I plop down on the sofa.
The smile is still in place. It’s starting to ache a bit. ‘So!’ I say cheerily. ‘You and Theo, eh? Wow, I’d never have guessed.’
She beams at me. ‘I know. Me neither. It all happened so sudden
ly.’
I smile harder.
‘One minute, I have no family at all,’ she laughs. ‘And the next, I have a gorgeous half-brother!’
Chapter 40
I stare blearily at her, feeling as if my brain has gone numb.
Paloma’s face is wreathed in smiles and tears of joy are pooling in her eyes.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say slowly, ‘But I thought you just said Theo’s your half-brother?’
She nods and the tears burst their banks. ‘He is. I’ve been waiting for the results of the DNA test we did. And yesterday they arrived and it’s true! Theo is my half-brother.’
Light is starting to glimmer through the darkness.
Theo is related to Paloma? No wonder they were so pleased to see each other last night.
‘But – but how?’ I stammer. ‘I mean, how did you realise? When did you realise you might be related?’ I shake my head. ‘It’s all so … unbelievable!’
She slides along the sofa and grasps my hands. ‘Isn’t it? I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell you. I just wanted to keep it to myself until I knew it was true.’
My head is spinning but I manage to mutter a coherent reply. ‘Hey, don’t apologise. I totally understand. You got your hopes up about your birth mum, then you found out she’d …’
A flicker of sadness crosses her face. ‘That’s exactly why I was cautious this time,’ she murmurs. ‘Because that … disappointment … was horrendous.’
I squeeze her hands. ‘It must have been.’
‘I couldn’t even talk about it to you; it was such a shock. She died in a house fire when she was only forty-two, along with her husband. She’d married by then, you see.’
‘Oh God, how terrible.’ My heart aches for her. To have discovered where her birth mum lived and then to find out something so tragic …
She sits up, visibly brightening. ‘What I didn’t know at the time was that after she had me, my birth mum went on to have another child. I ran out on that woman, Sylvia, before she had a chance to tell me. But I went back later and had a proper chat about Mum. Sylvia knew a few people who remembered her. She was really kind. And she told me that when Mum got married, two years after having me adopted when she was sixteen, her surname changed to Steel and she and her husband had one son.’
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