by Liz Crowe
I couldn’t help but look around for James. I immediately felt guilty because of Dan, but then reminded myself that Dan and I were keeping it casual, he had said so himself the previous night. Sam and Holly were back at the table making out like horny teenagers. It was embarrassing and at the same time I was feeling a little envious.
I peered over Sam’s shoulder when James suddenly appeared. He was on his cell, like usual. As if he knew I was there, he looked up and right at me. His eyes bore into mine before he winked. I clenched my legs together trying to subdue my body’s response to him. He pulled his free hand through his hair and tucked a loose strand behind his ear. His hair was long, the color of dark chocolate, wavy and falling down around his face. It was usually pulled back and my hands were immediately itching to run through it. I liked ‘hair down’ James.
He was wearing dark denim jeans that hugged him just right. His green and blue plaid shirt was unbuttoned just enough to expose a smattering of chest hair. It was un-tucked and the sleeves were rolled halfway up his arms, exposing a tattoo on his left forearm.
My heart stopped as he smiled that smile that makes my heart dance between stopping and starting. What I wouldn’t give for a real fuck instead of those outrageous eye-fucks. I remembered thinking if he wasn’t careful, I might lose all sense and tackle him in front of everyone; Dan be damned. That smile completely transformed him from a large, brooding, scary male into a teddy bear. His smile immediately creased into a frown and his attention went back to his cell conversation. He walked toward the back room, clearly frustrated.
“Earth to Cassidy!”
I was startled out of my trance and knocked my water all over the table. I barely missed soaking Sam and Holly with it.
“Dammit! I’m sorry.” Typical. I cursed my innate ability to terrorize people with my nerves.
Sam and Holly said in unison, “No harm, no foul.” They were both used to my klutziness by this point in our friendship.
The waitress came over with a stack of napkins and helped me clean up my mess. “I’m so sorry!”
“Don’t fret, girl. It happens all the time.” She dropped her voice. “Besides, he is quite something to look at!” Holly and Sam were oblivious to her comments as they were nose to nose again. I was mortified that my gawking was recognized by the waitress. Get it together, Cassidy!
Blushing, I acknowledged her with a soft laugh and smiled. “Holy hell he’s so hot!” The waitress nodded in agreement. The object of our affection came out of the back room, no cell phone in his hand and stormed out the back door. He was gone. The waitress and I sighed in harmony. I wanted to pick her brain about him—maybe she knew more about him—but the band was welcomed to the stage and hearing anything below a scream was impossible.
Soft Rockets was pretty good and I thoroughly enjoyed watching them play. Most of their stuff was covers with some originals added in here and there. When the first set was over, there was still no James in sight. It was never going to happen! He was way out of my league. I should’ve just ended things with Dan, knowing he wasn’t the one for me.
The remainder of the night proceeded like any other. In his usual fashion, Sam dedicated the last song of the second set to Holly. A joke between the two of them that I didn’t quite get, but I laughed as Holly pulled me on the dance floor as the first guitar riff started. They were covering Bad Girlfriend by Theory of a Deadman.
Holly and I headed to the bathroom after the song ended. She stole the first available stall as I shouted at her, “Hey, I was first!” We both laughed as I waited my turn.
“I’ll meet you out back, Cass!” She smiled as I took over her stall once she exited.
“Sure thing, Hoe!” She laughed as she left the bathroom.
I finished up, washed my hands and retouched my lip gloss. I recognized the song playing over the loud speakers; Our Lady Peace was blaring Somewhere Out There.
I was fixing my shirt while walking out of the bathroom and rammed face first into somebody’s shoulder and upper chest. I would’ve crashed back into the bathroom if it wasn’t for his hands on my upper arm and around my back; they were the only things that kept me steady.
“Shit! Sorry about that!” I said it before I even bothered looking up. Whoever the guy was, he was tall and built. My eyes were level with his throat.
“You should watch where you’re going, Blackbird.” That deep resonating voice, with a slight hint of gravel teased my ears and his sweet breath feathered down my face. I inhaled deeply before looking up, breathless. It was James with that smile on his face. I’m clay, please mold me.
My heart started thrumming a million miles a minute. My skin felt on fire where his hands were. His beard was a little thicker than it was six weeks ago, but not overgrown at all. He smelled delicious; I just wanted to bury my face in his neck and take a big whiff.
“Are you alright?” Now he looked concerned at my lack of speaking.
“You smell divine!” I couldn’t believe I just said that. I briefly rested my forehead on his shoulder, humiliated. What the hell is wrong with me? I quickly raised my head, remembering I didn’t know the guy. I mean, we’d been eye-fucking each other for weeks, said ‘hi’ a few times, but I didn’t know him. “Yes, I’m fine, thank you.” I gently pushed my hands against his chest as I tried to regain my composure.
He chuckled and for the first time, I noticed that he had a scar above his left eye that slashed through his eyebrow. I loved his eyes; the vibrant green sucked me in every time. He slowly removed his hand from my back while the other remained on my upper arm. The loss of his hand on my back was almost unbearable, like someone detached a piece of me.
“So, you and Dan, is it serious?” He was shameless—and maybe interested?!
The question caught me a little off guard. I responded with, “I d-don’t know? You have a better offer?” My stomach was fluttering so viciously and I couldn’t believe how brazen I was being.
He removed his lingering hand from my upper arm and smirked. He took my right hand in his and caressed my tattoo. That electricity was there again, zapping our hands and sending shivers up my arm and down my spine, “Maybe I do. Cassidy, in all seriousness there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”
I grinned uncontrollably when I said, “Oh yeah, what’s that?” He stilled, continued to hold my hand in his and then looked somber. Maybe he was serious.
He took a deep breath and then let out a loud sigh. God, he looked nervous. Suddenly, all that could be heard was the POP, POP, POP of a gun followed by screams.
Chapter Two
Salvage
~ CASSIDY ~
Everything instantly became a blur. After several moments, I was aware of James covering me as we hunched on the floor. One hand held my face to his chest and the other circled around my back. His masculine, clean scent assaulted my nostrils while my hands covered my ears. When I removed them I realized it was eerily quiet except the music blaring from above. The next few seconds felt like hours.
“Are you ok?” He ran his hands over my body out of concern. He returned his hands to my face, seeking acknowledgment in my eyes that I was ok.
“Yes, yes I’m ok.” We started looking around trying to gauge where the gunfire had come from.
At the same time the back door opened and the drummer, Mike, came running in. He was screaming for someone to call an ambulance. James looked at me, startled, and pulled his cell out of his pocket and started dialing. Mike’s face was white, an utter contrast to the red that covered his hands. As realization hit me, I pushed away from the man protecting me and ran toward Mike.
James was right behind me yelling into his cell. “Yes, the Blue Horse on 7th street! Shots fired! Yes, people are hit! NO, I don’t know how many!”
Mike was in shock when I reached him, barely coherent. He mentioned that he was on his way inside when he heard the shots. He confirmed my fears when he said that Dan, Sam and Holly were all hit. I ran past him and made my way
out the back door.
I froze in my tracks; everything seemed to move in slow motion as I took in the chaos surrounding me. Dan was lying in the street and Holly and Sam were on the sidewalk. Sam was the only one moving, doing an army crawl over to Holly and leaving a trail of blood in his wake. Several bystanders made their way around the building and were shaking their heads in disbelief.
I sensed a hand on my shoulder right before I made my move toward Holly and it fell away. I was holding Holly’s head in my lap, willing her to wake up, when the police and ambulances arrived. Suddenly there was an arm around my waist, pulling me away from Sam, Holly and Dan as the paramedics got to work. I started batting at the unwanted arm around my waist, realizing immediately my attempt to get free was futile. I turned into my captor’s chest and realized it was James.
*****
Several hours later, Calvin walked me up the steps to his townhouse, dragging my suitcase behind him. Having a cop for a big brother was a blessing and a curse. I was feeling broken and humiliated all at the same time. How did I get into this mess? How did I end up in the back lot of a bar covered in blood? I started recounting every moment I had spent with Dan and Holly both. Calvin interrupted my thoughts.
“You can take my room. I’ll take the couch.” I knew better than to disagree with him. We already had a brief argument, that I clearly had no energy for, about me staying at his place. He walked me to the bathroom and turned on the shower. “You got it from here?” His hand was rubbing my upper arm out of concern.
“James,” I whispered.
“Who?”
“Calvin, where’s the guy from the bar that was with me? He brought me to the hospital.”
“Cass, when I got to the hospital, I found you huddled in a corner all alone. What guy?” He stared down at me with a puzzled look on his face, clearly thinking I had lost it. He wasn’t very attractive with his face all screwed up in concern.
Holly always raved about his preppy good looks. Cal was six foot two, with dirty blonde hair, usually very clean cut, tan and probably not an ounce of fat on him. He worked out religiously. The only feature we shared was Dad’s blue eyes.
“Never mind, it’s not important. I got it from here.” My voice was barely above a whisper. He’d left me all alone? Calvin gave me another hug, kissed the top of my head and left me to tend to my shower.
Looking in the mirror, I barely recognized the broken woman staring back at me. My face tear stained, streaked with mascara and a couple drops of blood on my cheek. My clothes were ruined so I tossed them in the waste basket. Then I noticed my hands were stained with blood, which caused me to start shaking again.
Several minutes later I was still sitting on the floor of the tub, willing the water to wash that night away. I checked my hands again to make sure every drop of blood was gone. I stared at the blackbird on my wrist and couldn’t help but think of James. I didn’t understand where he had gone. I reached to crank the hot water up realizing the cold dial was almost off entirely. I didn’t normally like HOT showers, but that night, I just couldn’t get it hot enough. There was a knock on the door.
“Cass, I have some clothes for you. Is it safe to come in?”
Is it safe? I didn’t know if I’d ever feel safe again. “Yes, Cal. Just put them on the sink. Thanks.”
The door creaked open. “I’ll be in the living room if you need anything.” I grunted my approval and the door closed again.
I wasn’t sure how Cal got me back to his place in one piece. I didn’t remember him finding me huddled in a corner at the hospital, just him carrying me out. I did remember turning into my captor’s chest and realizing it was James. I broke apart in his arms; he left to get coffee and never returned. Cal and his partner Frank arrived shortly after and then I recalled Cal lifting me and taking me to my apartment. Cal walked me in and helped me pack a bag; I was no help at all. I could barely form the words to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ when he asked what to pack for me.
After several more minutes in the shower the heat started to fade away. It was a lost cause; I had drained the water heater. I turned off the water, opened the curtain and began shivering the minute the cool air hit me. I grabbed the robe hanging on the wall and pulled a spare towel from under the sink for my hair. Thank God Cal didn’t live like the bachelor cop that he was. He had all the necessities and he was tidy.
I broke half a smile when I saw that Cal placed an old Army tee and a pair of his sleep pants on the sink for me. I knew he packed pajamas from my place, but he knew me too well. I used to steal his sleep pants and shirts all the time in high school. It made him crazy, which is why I did it.
I didn’t even bother running the comb through my hair before coming out of the bathroom. The only thing I wanted was sleep. I went straight to Cal’s room and crawled into bed. Hearing what sounded like reruns of Cops coming from the living room, I wasn’t surprised. Cal had been a cop for a few years. He was also an Army vet, had a degree in Criminal Justice, but had decided to be a cop. His plan was to be part of the undercover narcotics squad. In an effort to earn his place on the squad, he was currently pulling double duty and working midnights. Listening to him tip-toe around the house while I laid in bed was a welcome distraction.
I looked at the clock to see it was close to five in the morning. The rays of dawn were nowhere in sight through Cal’s blacked out windows. I closed my eyes, but even with them closed, all I saw was the ambulance lights whirling round and round and Holly and Dan. Holly and Dan. I never got to thank James. Eventually I fell asleep with my tears saturating the pillow as I listened to the drone of the TV.
*****
The days and weeks that followed the shooting were some of the darkest days of my life. Calvin was taken off the case because of his personal connection, but that didn’t stop him from nosing around. He came home a couple days after the shooting to let me know that they had made an arrest, finally.
“They arrested the son of a bitch owner; they found drugs stashed in his office. He was in lock-up when I left today. They think it might’ve been some retaliation thing with his dealer. We got him, Cassidy.” I gazed at him over my cup of coffee, complete and utter shock evident in my expression.
“The owner!?” I felt sick to my stomach and my throat began constricting. James—the hunk I was eye-fucking for weeks on end, who was also the owner—was a druggie? A dealer? Oh God. My taste in men was atrocious. Of course he would be bad news; I was attracted to him. Why did I have an affinity for guys that were no good?
“He’s some privileged rich boy from the upper west side.” He stopped talking after seeing the distress in my eyes. “Don’t worry, Cassidy. We’ll get him to talk and we’ll find out who did this.”
*****
A few days later, Calvin came home on a tear. He was cursing as he stormed in. “The fucking charges have been dropped. His lawyer got the charges thrown out. It’s complete bullshit.”
I knew without question to what and to whom he was referring. The tears welled up in my eyes. “Cal, I can’t do this. Holly is gone and I can’t change it. I know it’s your job to find out who did this, but I can’t hear about it. It’s just too much.”
“Shit, Cass. I’m sorry.” He walked over to me and pulled me to his chest. “I’m an idiot. I won’t bring it up again.” I nodded into his chest.
*****
End of October
It was a Friday and life was back to ‘normal’. Of course, normal now had a whole new meaning. Monotony had become my middle name; all work and no play. My life revolved around my job. My favorite time of year was in full throttle. I had the masquerade ball that night and the Children’s Hospital auction was the following Friday night, a week from today. Dad’s wedding was about a month away and then we had the holidays coming up. I was wholly dedicated to my job and my hard work had paid off. I was several weeks in to my third promotion, in as many years, at B & C.
I was running around my apartment like a chicken with my head cut off.
Moving before the masquerade and the auction was a huge mistake, but I couldn’t pass up the place. I owed my client, Mrs. Whitford, a million thanks; I was indebted to her.
B & C planned Mrs. Whitford’s masquerade every year and I was given the lead this year, at her insistence. She sang my praises to my boss, Cecily, more than once and had insisted she’d only work with me from that point forward. She also knew I wanted to get out on my own after I mentioned that I was apartment hunting. While I loved the time with Cal, it was time for me to spread my wings again. And living with my brother would kill any chance of me having a love life, if I ever tried to have one again.
The Whitford's owned several properties, so she said, and insured me she had just the place for me. After a few tours of the place, along with some input from Dad and Cal, I took the leap. It was all just too good to pass up considering the price, location and amenities.
The townhouse was an end unit similar to Cal’s, but bigger, and it was in a safer part of the city. It had two bedrooms, two and a half baths, an office and three parking spaces including the attached garage! They recently had it completely gutted and remodeled. I had hardly unpacked a single thing in the previous two weeks because I was so busy at work. The only things I had put away were most of my clothes and a few kitchen essentials.
Dad and Cal brought boxes upon boxes from my storage unit and from home. I couldn’t wait to really dig in and start settling the place. Chessa, on the other hand, loved all the boxes and new hiding spaces. She jumped off one box and into another scaring the crap out of me. I splashed my coffee and cursed the three month old tortoise hair kitten. She had been a house warming gift from Cal and Dad.
“Where did I set my blasted wall charger, Chessa?” Having my wall charger for my laptop and phone were imperative if I was going to make it through that day. I eventually found it in a box with my dishes. Seriously, Cassidy, with the dishes?