by Liz Crowe
~ JAMES ~
She was devastated, again, exactly what I didn’t want. All of it was my fault. I couldn’t bear to look her in the eyes, knowing the pain that would be on her beautiful face. Before Cal and I could take cover she started screaming and throwing everything and anything at us, the wall, and the floor. It was a hail of glass and knick knacks and throaty screams.
The shattering stopped as she walked toward the mantel and grabbed the beloved picture of her and Holly, examining it. Just when I thought she was about to throw it she put it back in its honorary spot. I looked to Cal and nodded. He seemed to understand.
“Cassidy, I’m going to go now. I love you. You’re going to be alright.” Looking back to me he said, “Please stay in touch. I’m not working tonight. I’m going to go see Dad and Lisa and fill them in.”
Cal was gone and her shoulders were heaving as she tried to get her breathing under control. I walked toward her as glass crunched under my shoes. For the first time I noticed she was barefoot and there were spots of blood on the floor. I reached my arm out and gently took some strands of her hair between my fingers and she shuddered in response. Then, like a chain reaction, she started sobbing.
I cradled her to me before she sank to the glass covered floor; her sobs were so guttural that I was on the verge of begging her to stop. Her legs completely gave out so I lifted her in my arms. She was limp except for the sniffling and raspy breaths she let out between sobs. Her head was resting against my chest and her hands were lifeless in her lap. I turned to the stairs and started walking us to the bedroom and she began to quiet.
Setting her down on the end of the bed I said, “Stay here, I need to check your feet.” I walked to the bathroom doorway and checked to see she hadn’t moved. Rummaging through her cabinets I looked for bandages, ointment and tweezers.
I sat down next to her with my supplies before placing her feet in my lap examining them one at a time. Her left foot seemed to be fine. I ran my fingertips gingerly over the pads of her toes, the ball of her foot and the heel and didn’t feel any slivers of glass and she didn’t flinch. When I lifted her right foot, splotches of blood covered the bottom of it. I didn’t even know where to start cleaning.
“Cassidy, I should clean this in the sink first.” She was silent except for the small moan she released as I scooped her up.
I set her down on the counter and turned her to place her right foot in the sink. I turned the water to warm and let the water flow over her foot. The blood started to disappear from her foot and circled the drain. When the blood was all gone, I turned the water off before examining her foot again. I could see a glint of glass on the ball of her foot and I removed it easily with the tweezers. The bleeding seemed to have stopped, but I covered it with a bandage anyway.
She had another piece stuck in the pad of her big toe that I couldn’t retrieve with the tweezers. I stuck her toe in my mouth and began sucking. That seemed to get her attention as she watched me with little emotion on her face. Eventually, I sucked the glass far enough out that I managed grab it with the tweezers. It didn’t bleed so I carried her back to the bed.
“I’m sorry.” She wouldn’t look at me, her voice was hoarse, but I was happy to hear her speak.
“You don’t have to apologize. You have every right to be angry.” We were lying down on the covers face to face, though she still wouldn’t make eye contact. “I just want you safe and happy. I’m sorry it’s so complicated.”
“I don’t deserve you.” Her voice was cracking again.
“Shhh, you’re right, you deserve more.” I pulled her to me as she clung to my shirt. I wrapped my arms and legs around her and soon I felt the calm coming over her, knowing she had to be utterly exhausted.
I went to get up to go clean the mess downstairs and she latched on to me tighter. I looked to her face but her eyes were closed and I swore she was asleep.
She whispered, “No, please don’t go. I need you, I love you, please don’t leave me. Everybody leaves.”
Her words were like a punch to the gut. “I’m not leaving you Cassidy…ever.” I held her for quite some time before I drifted off to sleep with her, wondering if she knew she’d spoken the words to me out loud and not just in a dream.
*****
I woke to find her curled in a ball on the other side of the bed. I noticed that it was dark and looked at my watch; it was past six p.m. I covered her with a blanket and headed downstairs, thinking about her whispered words ‘I love you’.
I cleaned up all the glass and the mess. After searching her fridge, freezer and pantry I began making dinner when I heard her gentle steps treading down the stairs. She poked her head around the corner like a child who had been recently scolded.
Realizing the mess was gone she said, “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Shut up, Cassidy.” I raised my eyebrows at her, not sure if she was referring to the mess or to dinner. She looked lost in her own home, unsure of her next move. “Dinner’s almost ready if you want to set the table.”
She nodded, grabbed plates, silverware and glasses and took them to the table. She sat down as I carried the food over. I scooped some pasta onto her plate, along with a chicken breast, before returning with sauce.
“It smells delicious.”
Waiting for me to join her before taking a bite I said, “Your brother told me what happened to you after your mom died.” The clank of the fork on her plate was deafening. “Cassidy, I don’t want any more secrets. Cal told me out of concern.”
Her face paled before it flushed and her spine went rigid. “Well I don’t have any more secrets now, do I?” She placed her head in her hands and started rubbing her scalp.
“Cassidy, please talk to me.”
“What is there left to say? You have your out. I’m the crazy girl who swallowed a bottle of pills. I understand if you want out. Go, go ahead. I’ll survive. I always survive.”
I pushed my chair out, standing abruptly, causing her to flinch. I squatted down in front of her and grabbed her chin from its hiding place, forcing her to look at me. “Listen closely. I’m not leaving you. We all have regrets, things we’d do differently. You’re not going to do what you did again, are you?”
“I’m so embarrassed. Of course not! I was young and stupid. You have to know that.” Her eyes were glassy and her chin was quivering.
“You truly are a phoenix, but you’ll always be MY blackbird.” I leaned in and kissed her gently. She hesitated for a moment before giving in. I pulled away leaving her breathless. “I want you to eat.” I moved my plate and sat next to her, holding her hand while we finished our dinner.
~ CASSIDY ~
The next Friday I was enjoying lunch at my desk when I got another delivery of peonies. This bouquet as all pale pink and red and I didn’t have to guess who they were from.
I miss you.
Love, James
I read it over and over again. The word ‘love’ was not lost on me. I couldn’t think about it because I would just drive myself mad. I had kept him at arm’s length all week and he had been more than accommodating. My body, heart and soul were aching for him. I needed him like I needed air to breathe. I grabbed my cell phone and sent him a text.
Thank you, they’re beautiful.
I miss you, too.
Love, Cassidy
I started chewing on my nails as I awaited a reply. I practically dropped my phone from anxiety when it started vibrating and chirping in my hands.
I want you in my bed, Blackbird.
Love, James
I couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear.
What time do you want me?
Love, Blackbird
How soon can I have you?
Love, J
I’ll try to sneak out of here early.
My place or yours?
Mine.
Love, J
See you soon.
Love, Cass
I worked for a couple more hours. The office wa
s quiet for a Friday; I was all caught up on work and Cecily was gone for the weekend. I picked up my office phone and dialed Lena’s extension.
“Hey, boss, what can I do you for?”
I chuckled before responding, “I’m headed out early. If things stay quiet for the next hour go ahead and head home.”
“Sure thing. Have a great weekend.”
“Thanks, you, too.”
*****
As I headed up the elevator to his penthouse I started getting nervous. I walked in the door to the sound of soft music. I set my purse and the peonies on the counter and spotted a folded piece of paper with ‘Cassidy’ written on it. I picked it up and began reading.
Go to my room and remove your clothes,
leave your bra and panties on. I want
your hair down. Sit on the end of the bed
on your knees. I’ll join you soon.
~James
Just reading his letter had me throbbing and wet. I removed my coat and hung it by the front door before heading upstairs. I walked into his room to see candles burning in different locations throughout the room. The lights were off, the curtains closed and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was there watching me. I removed my shoes, socks, jeans and sweater before letting my hair down. I took my place on the bed and realized how warm the room was, probably due to the dozens of candles burning.
Several minutes later I heard the faint click of a door. I straightened my spine and locked my eyes on the doorway, awaiting his grand entrance. His figure dominated the doorway and I looked him up and down, taking in his appearance. His feet were bare and my eyes danced over his muscular calves and thighs. He was wearing tight black boxer briefs and I could see him straining against the fabric. I took in a shaky breath as I continued gazing at him.
He started to walk to me and I asked, “Wait, please stop.” He tilted his head at me. “I just want to look at you. I love looking at you.”
He smiled broadly as I took in the muscles of his abdomen that formed that sinister V, and then I looked to his massive chest and his glorious arms. Now that I looked closer, he appeared to be sweaty like he had just worked out. I audibly groaned and I knew there was no stopping him now. I barely had time to take a breath before he claimed me. His kiss was bruising and passionate and his hands were like a vice on my back before gripping my wrists behind me as he tugged me closer to him. The smell of him, cologne and sweat, assaulted my senses, making me dizzy with want.
Tearing his lips away from mine, we were both panting, “Cassidy.” He seemed lost like he wasn’t quite sure what to say.
“James, I’ve missed you terribly. I’m sorry I pushed you away this past week.” He released my wrists and I found myself running my hands all over his chest and looking up into those green eyes that captivated me—a tremor ran through me. “You have my heart, you own my body and my soul is lost without you. I’m yours, James.”
“And I’m yours.” He cupped my face between his hands looking all serious.
“Tie me up and take me.”
That smirk of his that I loved so much took over his face. He looked at the bed, back to me and then back to the bed while puckering his lips, looking at me intently.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong. I’m just debating about what and how to do you. Slow and soft, hard and fast…”
~ JAMES ~
“I vote for slow and hard.” Her voice was soft and hesitant, but her eyes were glazed over in anticipation as she practically squirmed off the bed.
Pulling her close, I kissed her before pushing her down on her back. “I like how you think.”
Leaning down to kiss her again, she grabbed my hair and pulled it free before yanking on it. I pried her arms off me before grabbing the waistband of her panties, yanking them down her legs as she let out a small gasp. I released a growl of my own; she was almost breathless and smiling serenely up at me.
I gathered her thighs in my hands and spread her wide. Tilting her head back, she took a deep breath as I pressed her knees down on each side of the bed holding her firmly in place, open wide for my attention. I dug my fingers into her skin at the juncture of her hips and thighs, scraping my fingers down to her knees as she attempted to lift her hips. Now I knew what I wanted and what she needed.
“I’m going to restrain you differently than I have before. I want you spread wide for me.” She consented as I pulled various lengths of silk binds out of a drawer in my armoire.
She looked at me and balked, “You’re always prepared?”
Smiling, I walked to the end of the bed and began tying her up. I placed the ties just below each knee explaining, “I want your ass on the edge of the bed, but your legs bent to the side, flat on the bed, your calves dangling off the end. If you pull against them you’ll bruise. Understand?”
I made sure her hips were where I wanted them before I climbed on the bed and pulled her arms above her head. Clasping her fingers around themselves, I tied her wrists to the headboard with a long silk bind.
“Pull gently.” She did as I asked and I tightened them further causing her to wince and I looked to her, concern in my eyes. “Are you good?”
“Yes. It’s liberating to be so confined.”
“I’ve missed your enthusiasm.” I was beaming with pride.
Leaning over her face, I kissed her mouth once again. Our lips were misaligned since I was above and behind her. I continued kissing her from this angle down her neck and across her upper chest. I noticed her nipples harden against her bra and pulled the cups down, running my hand across the space just below her breasts. My hand glided down to her navel and further down to her almost nonexistent patch of curls, massaging her mound as she groaned deeply.
Turning myself, our chests formed a right angle as I licked her phoenix tattoo. Her breathing was erratic and raspy and I took a mental note of her sensitivity there before standing and walking to the end of the bed. My cock was fully erect and pressing out, seeking freedom from its confinement. She watched me as I freed myself from the boxer briefs, licking her lips and closing her eyes as she turned her head to the side into her arm. Standing between her legs I caressed her waist, making my way down to her knees.
“Are you ready, Cassidy?” Her moan of consent was all I needed.
The bed was the perfect height for me to take her standing. I fisted my cock while trailing a finger down her slit. Her lips were damp and she opened further under my touch. My erection pulsing in my hand, I inched toward her and placed my cock on her mound while my sack rubbed her labia. She attempted to shift her hips and groaned, remembering she was immobile.
“I want to see those beautiful blue eyes of yours.”
Her eyes pierced mine as I rammed my cock into her slow and hard with my hands braced on her knees. Cassidy arched her back what little the restraints allowed, lifting her chin to the ceiling. I repeated my movement into her over and over. I soon recognized the trembling beginning in her core, signaling her impending climax. She was holding her breath and her eyes were glazed over.
“Breathe, Cassidy. You’ll feel more if you breathe. You’re already so close.”
Stilling myself while she caught her breath, I proceeded with my attack before she could beg me to continue. It wasn’t long before she let out a guttural moan that sent me tumbling over the edge with her. Her nipples hardened even more as her orgasm spread across the utopia of her body, causing a slight blush to creep up her neck to her face. I loved her like this; in the afterglow with her body still trembling, lips parted and panting for air as her breasts heaved. I dropped my head to her belly and breathed in her scent. I could take her like this every day for eternity.
“That was so good, but way too quick, Blackbird. You’re going to be sore tomorrow when I’m through with you.”
“Just the way I like it,” she panted.
~ CASSIDY ~
My head was on his chest and we were both panting again. I sat up; straddling him with our bodie
s still attached, and tenderly ran my fingers all over his chest before tweaking his nipples before he flipped me to my back.
“Eeek.” I was giggling and pushing on his forearms as he pinned his body on top of mine.
“You’re going to be the death of me.” He smiled down at me before laying his head down on my belly. Running my fingers through his silky strands, a release of satisfaction left his mouth, “Mmm.”
Before I knew it, I recognized the sound of his heavy breathing. He was falling asleep. “James?”
“Unh.”
“I’m sorry baby, I have to pee.”
He rolled off me and crawled up to the pillows. I kissed his cheek and started to scoot off the bed when he grabbed my wrist. “Hurry back. I want you with me.” I smiled as I rushed off to the bathroom.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Thankful
~ CASSIDY ~
“So, when is the concert?” I lifted my head to meet his eyes in the mirror and he said, “Your birthday gift.”
“Oh, right.” I let a little chuckle escape my lips as I finished brushing my teeth. He was trimming and shaving his goatee that was now a full beard. I rinsed my mouth and responded, “In a few weeks, I think it’s the week before Christmas.”
“Who’s performing?”
“Umm.” I felt myself blush.
“Should I be worried about this high school crush of yours?” He had me pinned against the counter while rubbing his nose against mine.
Laughing, I said, “It’s not as bad as my Dad and Cal made it out to be. I liked his music, I still do. I don’t understand what the big deal is.”