Indulgence

by Liz Crowe

  For better or worse, I was attached to being alive.

  “Have Clarence look at her and get her prepped.” Suit said, walking past his desk toward the window. He ran his fingers through the other girl’s hair as he passed, and she grinned up at him, licked her lips, and scowled in my direction.

  A shiver coursed through my body and I wondered if it was possible to get hypothermia simply from shock. My tongue felt like it was sealed to the roof of my mouth, dehydration making it almost impossible to swallow.

  “If you really want to prove her worth,” Suit, said slowly, not even glancing back at us, “bring her to the Outlook tonight.”

  Chapter Two

  Take My Name Away

  I could barely hear anything over the pulse pounding in my ears by the time Kirk took my arm and pulled me back toward the door. I wasn’t sure which part to fear more, getting “prepped” or whatever the “Outlook” was. I bent to gather my clothes, but Kirk tugged harder.

  “You won’t need those and you may as well get used to that now.”

  My skin burned with embarrassment as he led me down the hallway completely naked. There was no one around, but the air felt foreign, intrusive, as if even it saw my indecency and took an extra effort to remind me of my vulnerability.

  I kept my mouth shut, and my eyes on the floor as Kirk led me to another room. It was stark, white walls and a white tile floor. Most of the walls were covered in cabinets, and through some of the clear doors, I recognized medical equipment. I got the feeling this building was like some self-sustaining hive of iniquity.

  Kirk pointed to an exam table and, still in shock and feeling shaky, I climbed up and sat down. He placed his hands on either side of my thighs, “I don’t care what your name is, and neither will anyone else.”

  There it was. I knew what was coming. They were going to give me a number, brand me, strip me of my identity, and I’d be just what Suit had called me—a new toy.

  Kirk stepped back, but his gaze still bore into me. “I suck at naming pets, so I’ll give you one chance. Make it good.”

  “Silver,” I said. I didn’t know where it came from; it was the only word that came clearly in my mind.

  He lifted my hand to display my chipping silver nail polish that I had put on while I was making arrangements with my friends to have dinner. Why couldn’t I remember the rest of the day? I couldn’t even pinpoint the last thing I remembered. It all seemed choppy and malformed.

  “Silver.” He repeated, dropping my hand, “I can live with that.”

  I wanted to ask if he usually did this—or for him to clarify what this was, but I wasn’t really sure I was ready for his answers.

  I especially wasn’t ready for another death threat, so I stared down, wringing my hands in my lap. It was the only activity that could keep me slightly occupied and out of trouble. I couldn’t imagine never seeing outside of these walls again. What had I done that had been so stupid or terrible that I woke up here?

  The door clicked and footsteps approached. I balled my hands into fists and curled my toes into the base of the table. Too afraid to physically turn and look, I watched the newcomer out of the corner of my eye. He was an older man with graying sandy hair, probably in his mid-forties. He wore an outdated Hawaiian shirt over black golf shorts, looking more like a misplaced tourist than a doctor, but he opened the cabinet and laid out his supplies on a nearby tray table. As, he pushed the table closer to the exam table, Kirk stepped to my side to allow the doctor access.

  At least, I assumed he was a doctor and not just some guy they picked up off the streets.

  I stiffened, but he didn’t make an immediate move to touch me, instead, he crossed his arms and leaned back against the counter in front of me. “Gabe isn’t going to be pleased to find you not only ruined his fun but claimed the girl as your own slave.”

  I kept my head lowered, watching my auburn hair shudder with every thump of my heart. I tried to follow their conversation, reminding myself that as long as they were chatting with each other, they weren’t groping me, but at the same time, their casual rapport made me feel even more broken. I was the foreign element. They were set on keeping me, but I didn’t matter.

  “Glad Ross filled you in so thoroughly,” Kirk said, “Gabe is a hot head who doesn’t plan. What else are we going to do with her?”

  “I get your reasoning, but I’ve seen his crew’s work and I’d rather just avoid it all around. They have a tendency to blow off steam in destructive ways, especially when you feel the need to remind them who the boss’ right-hand man is.”

  Squeezing my eyes closed, I pulled in a deep breath through my nose.

  Kirk made a sound in his throat, and I heard feet shuffling. “That’s how I got the job.”

  I opened my eyes as they both closed in on me. My back straightened and the hair on my neck rose, every instinct telling me to back away. Fighting would make the pain worse, but at least I’d be doing something, yet my body refused to move.

  “And that’s all there is to it?” The sandy-haired man smirked, continuing the casual conversation as if having a terrified woman sitting in front him was just another day at the office. “You’re lucky I was here today and you won’t even have to wait.”

  “I doubt I got that lucky. It’s a Saturday, where else would you be?”

  “And you dragged me away from my morning with a lovely doll.” I heard the old man grunt, as he moved to stand next to me and put on a pair of rubber gloves.

  My eyes widened and my body finally broke out of its frozen condition. “I—uh—”

  “He won’t hurt you,” Kirk squinted at the doctor and scoffed, “much.”

  The old man extended his hand toward my ribs.

  I jerked back as Kirk moved to hold me in place. “I’m allergic,” I blurted.

  “Latex allergy?” The doctor stepped back and narrowed his eyes.

  I nodded, waiting on the threats or violence to punish me for speaking out of turn, but as soon as I stilled, Kirk also stepped away. His eyebrows were drawn together, the first real hint of emotion I’d seen him display.

  The rubber gloves snapped, slicing through my thoughts. Clarence dug around in a drawer then returned a few seconds later with bright purple gloves. This time, he took no delay in prodding me—paying particular attention to my sore ribs. With every poke, I felt more off center. I wasn’t sure if it was my brain trying to escape from the pain and the situation or the effects of whatever had screwed with my head.

  By the time he was done, I was convinced that he especially liked watching me squirm and jump in pain. I wouldn’t put that against anyone within these walls.

  “You’ve never taken much of an interest in the girls,” Clarence said, elbowing Kirk as he moved around me, checking everything from my throat and ears to my reflexes. “That’s what has paid off for you. While the others play, you get ahead. Although, I’d say it’s about time you learn to balance them both. Why live in a place like this if you can’t indulge sometimes?”

  “I indulge plenty; I just don’t make a public offering of it.”

  “Mmh hmm, well, we’ll sit back and take bets on who kills who first.”

  The doctor dropped a tray onto the bed next to me with empty tubes, a tourniquet, alcohol pads, and a hypodermic needle.

  “What?” escaped before I could stop it. All I got was a glare, and I was thankful for that small reprieve.

  I kept my mouth clenched as the doctor drew blood three vials of blood and set them aside. “Birth control?” he asked.

  I nodded, “Shot five weeks ago.” As soon as I handed over that piece of information I wondered if I really wanted them to know that, but it was probably inevitable since I didn’t want doped up on double doses.

  “Sexual partners?”

  “Uh.” Answer their questions and stay alive long enough to figure something else out. “Three.”

  He pulled the stirrups out of the end of the bed and my eyes widened.

  “Fee
t up. Lay back.”

  “No, no…,” I whispered, my body froze in shock again.

  Kirk put his hand to my chest, inches below my neck and pushed me back. “You may want to hold still.”

  Hold still? Right. Assaulted in the basement, stripped in the boss’ office, and now laid out in front of a doctor who looked like he belonged on a tropical golf course and he just wanted me to hold still.

  The doctor started to lift my foot into a stirrup, but I jerked both legs up and rolled off the side of the bed. I barely managed to land on my feet, but as soon as they hit the floor, I sprinted toward the door.

  Just as I grabbed the handle and pulled it open, Kirk’s weight slammed into me pushing it closed again.

  “We’re on the tenth floor, where the hell do you think you’re going?” He twisted me around pressing my back into the door with his forearm against my throat.

  Fight, I screamed, but the room tilted and it was everything I could do to keep down the rise of nausea.

  Kirk grabbed a handful of hair, using it to drag me back to the table, then he lifted me up and dropped me into place. This time, he kept his hand pressed into my chest and the other on my hip as the doctor lifted my legs into place.

  I squeezed my eyes closed as the doctor prodded. I was too tense to relax, but even if I could, he seemed intentionally rough and intrusive.

  It felt as if his exam would never end, and I fisted my hands at my sides, trying to stay in control. Just a little longer. I tried to push my mind to a different place—to an escape plan.

  He removed the speculum and fingers slipped inside of me, stretching until my breath squeaked out. I thought for a second he was trying to rip me open, but he pulled his hand out and I breathed in relief until he coated his fingers in more lube and went for another hole.

  My foot kicked up out of the stirrup, but Kirk pressed me into the bed, glowering down at me.

  I returned his dark gaze until a finger slid into my asshole, and I clenched my eyes closed. Within an hour of waking up here, they were sequentially taking away everything I could possibly keep to myself.

  Maybe I should have been happy that they didn’t want my name to tarnish, but taking it away was just going to be another reminder of their power.

  “She looks clear, but I’ll let you know when the tests come back. You know the drill until then.”

  Kirk rested his fists on the edge of the bed next to me and leaned over. “Anything we should know—keeping in mind that we’ll find out if you’re lying?”

  “Not unless I caught a skin disease from your dickheads downstairs.” I tried to keep the words from spilling out, but my frustration was outweighing my filter.

  “Want to try that answer one more time?” Kirk pulled me to a sitting position, and the room swayed and went dark. He caught me and held me by the shoulders—that was the only thing that prevented me from landing face-first on the floor.

  I could hear him and the doctor talking to me, but they sounded muffled. Too far away to make out the words. I couldn’t get my body to do anything; my entire existence was stuck in the muck again.

  My brain panicked, making it even harder to breathe. My eyes grew heaver, and I was certain I was going to die.

  I felt a blood pressure cuff fasten around my arm and tighten. My tongue was dry and sticky, but I managed one word. “Thirsty.”

  The doctor deflated the cuff but left it around my arm and walked to the sink. I struggled to keep my eyes open while Kirk held me upright. The doctor handed a small glass of water to him, and Kirk pressed it to my lips, letting me sip slowly.

  Slowly the volume of their voices increased again, and the darkness that had been looming around the edge of my vision faded.

  “I’ll test for drugs, too,” the doctor said.

  “I’m not on drugs,” I said, as loud and insistent as I could manage, but I sounded drunk at best.

  “How’d you get here?” Kirk asked.

  I shook my head and managed to raise a hand to my face to rub my temple. “I have a pounding headache.”

  “You’ll need to get her hydrated and let everything flush from her system, but if she gets worse, call me directly.”

  Kirk pulled me off the table and set me on my feet, keeping an arm around my waist to stabilize me. On one hand, I was grateful he wasn’t letting me fall face first against the tile floor, but it also meant my naked body was pressed against his. I felt his heat rolling into me, another unwelcome intruder on my personal space.

  The doctor dropped a black bag on the bed next to me. “Ross also had me grab this on my way up. Should be everything you need for a bit.”

  Clarence then packed up and disappeared through a side door.

  Kirk paused a moment, giving me enough time to recover from the dizzy spell.

  “I just want to go home,” I said.

  “If you’re well enough to complain, you’re well enough to walk.” He kept his pace noticeably slower as he led me, still naked, down the hall and back to the elevator.

  Oh god, I thought, hoping he wasn’t planning on parading me through the lobby again. If I didn’t get dizzy again, I’d probably pass out from embarrassment—possibly a combination of the two.

  He pressed “9” and my chest relaxed a little. Small victories, I told myself. If I concentrated on that, at least I’d have something positive to hold onto.

  After we exited the elevator, he led me to another door—this time, he used a key to unlock it, and pushed me in first.

  An apartment, small, but without a doubt, luxurious. A leather sectional couch filled the center of the room, facing a large TV screen. A desk with a small laptop faced the wall behind the couch, and beyond that, was a kitchenette, and a large pane window that faced out over the same view as Ross’ office above.

  “How do you feel?” he asked.

  “Still lightheaded and a little queasy.”

  “I’ll get you some water, and I think I have some crackers. I’d tell you not to think about running, but I have a feeling that even if you did, you’d collapse before you got very far.”

  I nodded, allowing him to lead me to the couch where I crumpled up into a ball and closed my eyes, hoping that would help the headache. But the pounding in my forehead didn’t ease. I heard a bag rustle in the kitchen, and cupboards and drawers closing. Every sound twisted in my head, seeming far louder and more annoying than normal.

  Kirk returned and used his shin to push the coffee table closer to the couch. Then, he laid out a napkin with crackers and a bottle of water.

  “I’ll put something more substantive together for you in a while if you can hold down the crackers.”

  I nodded and reached for the bottle of water. “Pain medicine?”

  “What hurts?” he asked draping a blanket over my body.

  I wanted to glare back at him and repeat his stupid question. “My head is pounding. Ribs sore. Ankle. Wrists.” I could have continued the long inventory, but when Kirk stepped away, I figured he either got the picture or didn’t care.

  He returned after a few seconds and dropped two red capsules in my hand. In any other situation, I’d think I was out of my mind for accepting some unknown drug from a criminal, but I popped them in my mouth and swallowed them down.

  “Thanks,” I said, on the verge of passing out.

  I was afraid to let my eyes close. I had already woken in the middle of a nightmare once, and I feared that as soon as I closed my eyes I’d be dropped into something even worse. Or something even more confusing than having my captor care for me and wait on me.

  “Get some sleep,” Kirk whispered. “You’ll be safe.”

  “I’m lying naked in some criminal headquarters with a strange man caring for me,” I mumbled. “What’s safe?”

  *****

  I drifted in and out of sleep, managing to eat a few crackers and finish off the bottle of water during my intermittent moments of consciousness. I rolled onto my back and draped my arm over my forehead, the pain meds
had lessened the pain, but it still felt like someone had smacked me in the face with the back of a shovel.

  “It’s not a breach.” I heard Kirk say.

  I opened my eyes and peeked over the couch, but he wasn’t in the same room, so I dropped my head to the pillow and pulled my knees to my chest, tucking the blanket under my chin. I strained to hear the rest of the conversation, latching on to his mumbled words as they floated through the room.

  “It was minor, and she’s definitely not a threat, but I’ll be keeping my eye on her anyway…. Milo doesn’t have to worry about it….”

  Me? I wondered how I could possibly be considered a threat to this place. Especially since they definitely weren’t letting me go anywhere. I reached for the bottle of water and remembered that I had already finished it, so I closed my eyes again, hoping that sleep would give me a few more moments of peace. But the bedroom door swung open, and I started at the sound of something landing on the desk behind me.

  The following silence lasted a few seconds before I heard him approaching. I wanted to tense up, but I tried to keep my body lucid enough to appear to be sleeping, and hoped he hadn’t seen me flinch. He didn’t stop, picking up my water bottle on the way toward the kitchen. A few minutes later, he replaced it with a new bottle and walked to the desk behind me.

  “Thank you,” I whispered, knowing that as soon as I reached for the bottle he’d know I was awake anyway. I wanted to keep him on my good side.

  “How long have you been eavesdropping?”

  I took a long swig of water to wet my throat and give myself a moment to consider my answer. “I heard the door open.” It wasn’t quite a lie, but I hoped he wouldn’t press it.

  “How do you feel?”

  “My head is still pounding, but it’s better…” My voice trailed off again, the darkness coming for me again, but I had a bigger problem. My bladder felt like it was about to explode from all of the water—and yet I was still dying of thirst. And I had been putting off the bathroom issue for as long as possible. “I have to—” Just spit it out, he’s already seen you naked and felt up by a sadistic doctor. “I need to use the bathroom.”