Hysteria bubbled from her sister’s mouth. “I heard her, Willow. I heard her. Oh my god….I didn’t want this. No, no, no, no, no. I didn’t want this. I can’t do this.”
“What are you saying?”
“I can’t…I’m so sorry. I love you, Willow. I love you so much. But I can’t take this. Not anymore.”
The line went dead.
“Summer!” Willow screamed, voice ripping from somewhere deep in her lungs. “Summer!”
Frantic, she dialed back her sister’s number. The line beeped busy on the other end.
Her mama skidded to a stop at her door, blinking away her sleep as she attempted to focus on Willow from across the room.
“I’m scared, Mama.”
Grief wrote itself on her mother’s face.
She crossed to Willow and pulled her up into her arms. Willow breathed her in. Lilacs and baby powder and comfort. “What do you say we go get her, sweet one? You and me. Bring her home where she belongs.”
Relief plowed through Willow, and she nodded against her mama’s chest.
“Good. Pack your things.”
thirty-five
Ash
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Zee pounded the floor behind me, back and forth, gripping at the back of his neck like maybe he was trying to restrain himself from tearing into me.
I shoved a few things into the duffle that was laid out in the center of my bed.
That fucking bed.
“What does it look like I’m doing? Packing.” I injected as much sarcasm as I could into the delivery. You know, because I was such a funny guy.
I flung the top closed and zipped it up. Wasn’t all that much in there that I needed anyway. It wasn’t like I actually lived here. All my shit was back in LA where I belonged. The place I never should have left. Where the parties were endless and the women were in no short supply.
Easy.
This place was just a warped fantasy. A sanctuary. An asylum.
Couldn’t hang out for a second longer.
“And just where is it you think you’re going?” Zee demanded.
“Home.”
His eyebrows disappeared under his flop of hair. “Home?”
“That is what I said.”
He scoffed. “You do realize your ass already has the album eight weeks behind in production?”
I shrugged like it didn’t matter while a fresh round of regret went skidding through my system.
“Yeah, well, maybe we’ve been going at this for too long. Everyone’s got their families. Baz and Lyrik have kids. Austin and my sister have one on the way. Seems to me we’re just stringing this along for no reason, anyway.”
Incredulous, he shook his head. “And you get to make that call? Seriously? You’re just gonna toss off everything the guys have put into this band because one day you up and decide it’s time to call it quits? What I’d like to know is when the Ash Evans turned into such a pussy. Because you and I both know this doesn’t have a thing to do with the guys or their families or Sunder having run its course. It has everything to do with that girl who just went running out your door.”
“Whatever the reason, I’m gone. Can’t stay here.”
I slung the bag over my shoulder and grabbed my keys.
I strode out my bedroom door. Zee was hot on my heels as I took to the stairs. “And what is it I’m supposed to tell the guys? You know we can’t go on without you.”
Refusing to look behind me, I hit the landing.
“I’m talking to you,” he said as he reached out and grabbed me by the shoulder.
Spinning on him, I took a step forward and got in his face. “We’ve been spouting those same damned words for what feels like a million years. The band can’t go on. And here we’ve been, desperate to patch it together every time somethin’ goes south. I’m tired of it all. Tired of worrying about all this shit. Trying to keep everyone together when everyone’s drifting apart.”
Stunned, he rocked back on his heels. “Is that what you really think? That this family is weak? Because, from where I’m standing, it hasn’t ever been stronger. We all know where we stand. What we want. We still have all the drive and the talent without the bullshit rock-star antics that kept us back for years.”
I dropped my eyes to the ground. “Yeah, well I’m not sure what it is I want anymore.”
Lie.
Motherfucking lie.
I wanted her.
I met his eye. “Maybe I’m the weak link.”
Air jutted from his nose. “Or maybe you’re just a pussy. A coward who won’t stand up for what you really want because that means you’re going to have to drop all the bullshit games. Quit playing. Because I know you want her. And I know you know you’re better with her. And then you go and get cold feet and fuck it all away. Is that what you want? To go back to all those chicks who don’t give two fucks about anything but what they can get from you? Because then you can turn around and not give two fucks about them? Convenient, isn’t it?”
Anger radiated from him.
Clearly the asshole was eager for a fight.
He should have known better than pumping me full of rage.
I’d fight back.
My teeth gritted. “You don’t know anything. So back the fuck off before one of us does something we regret.”
“Yeah? Like letting that sweet girl, who for whatever insane reason adores you, who just lost her mom, mind you, walk out that door with her heart shattered all over the floor? Or did you mean letting your band down? Your family? Because I’m not quite sure what we’re talking about here. Why don’t you fill me in?”
I was on him in a flash, my fist wound up in his shirt.
He cocked some kind of smirk I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him wear. “Touchy, aren’t we?”
The words were grit. “Warning you, Zee.”
“Yeah, well I’m warning you.” Something that looked like pity flashed on his face. “I’ve been watching you for years, man. Since the day I stepped up and took my brother’s place in the band. Do you know what that’s like? Coming in seven years late? Trying to fill up the void of my brother’s death, the guy I loved more than this world and looked up to most?”
My hold loosened, and I attempted to swallow around the unbearable rock that lodged itself in my throat.
“I gave up everything for you guys. Everything. You, Baz, Lyrik…you were all so tight. Had been through so much together. Couldn’t help but feel like an outsider. Wanting to be good enough to be a part of this brotherhood that meant something more than just the music we played. There you were…this easy-go-lucky guy who was always the life of the party. The center of attention. You made me feel at home. Took me under your wing. Showed me I belonged even when I didn’t feel it.”
Shame had me releasing my hold on his shirt.
Being that easy-go-lucky guy was the only way I survived.
He took a step back, brows pinched together in emphasis. “Through it all, you think I didn’t see it, man? All this time? No clue what the fuck it is you’re running from, but I see it. And Willow…she’s the first thing that has ever made you stop running that crazy race. The first time you ever slowed down. The first time you’ve ever been at peace. And here you go…running again. Just what is it you’re running from?”
I lifted my chin. “Don’t you see it? I don’t get peace. Running is a whole ton better than falling to my knees.”
My phone rang in my pocket. I pulled it out, sent it straight to voicemail when I saw it was our manager, Anthony. I’d deal with him later.
My phone rang again, and again I sent it to voicemail. I went to shove it back in my pocket, when a text lit up the screen.
I wasn’t surprised it was from Anthony.
But it was the image that popped up on the link he’d attached that blew through me.
This just hit the gossip sites. You need to call me.
I choked on the stagnant air, my vision blurred by the sight of
the picture and headline of the article.
“Fuck,” I barely breathed, trying to make sense of how the hell this got out. What it meant. The damage it was going to do.
I stumbled back a step, panic and pain soaking me all the way through.
“What’s wrong, man?” Zee asked, all his anger shifting to concern.
“I got…” I blinked, dropped my bag to the floor, rushed an agitated hand through my hair. “I’ve got to get to her.”
I raced out the door like a demon was on my heels. One intent to suck me straight back into the pits of hell. I turned over my Navigator, gunned the engine, flew like a madman down the Savannah streets. Desperate to get to her. To explain the unexplainable.
But at least I needed to try before someone else got to her. Before she saw the vile printed on paper.
She deserved to hear this from me even though I knew she wasn’t ever going to want to see me again.
Wheels skidding, I took the last turn to her house, my stomach knit in a thousand knots, my chest threatening to bust open wide.
Time stood still when I saw the truck parked in front of her house.
Panic.
Fear.
Those feelings were obliterated by the surge of protectiveness that rose up inside of me.
I careened across the road, slamming on my breaks as my SUV bounced onto the curb, coming to a stop at an odd angle halfway on the sidewalk. My attention barely skated the face of the man sitting in the cab of the truck I’d just cut in front of.
Rage surged.
The need to annihilate.
But all of it was focused on the house. On the girl.
I ran. Fucking ran as fast as I could across her lawn, didn’t even pause when I threw open her door.
It all transpired in less than a second.
The scene in front of me.
My girl on her hands and knees. Weeping. Betrayed. The pictures spread out in front of her on the floor. The bastard leering over her shoulder, smug, surely the bearer of the images spread out like a disease.
Old sorrow wrenched through my spirit, slicing new wounds, taking new victims.
I had no clue how he’d even gotten ahold of them.
Willow sobbed and buried her precious face in her hands.
She shouldn’t have found out like this.
One second later, I could feel myself splintering. Cracking. My control stripped away.
Bates looked up in the second I lunged. My shoulder connected with his stomach. I rammed him back, the action knocking him from his feet, because my only intent was to get him away from the girl.
The girl.
The girl who suddenly screamed when I straddled him at the waist, cocked back my arm, let loose a fist. It cracked against the side of his face. Hatred poured free. “You think this is a game? Hurting her this way? You bastard. You bastard!”
He spit in my face. “Me hurting her? I think that’s all on you.”
I fisted his shirt in both hands, lifted him up, and slammed him back down. “Where did you get those pictures?”
Thoughts raced through my head. This asshole had been texting all those pictures to Willow. A sinking realization spread through me. That single pap who’d been following me everywhere probably wasn’t a pap at all.
Paid to dig for dirt.
I guess he’d found it.
His grin was smug, his voice grating with the hold I had on him. “What? You thought you could hide it? Get away with it? I wasn’t about to let Willow get tangled with the likes of you. Knew if I dug deep enough, I’d find what I needed. I just needed to open her eyes to who you are. To what you did.”
All reason snapped.
Madness swooped in to take its place.
My fists flew.
Fury.
Mayhem.
Flesh split beneath my fists. I couldn’t tell if I was angrier with this asshole or with myself. Both of us an obstacle. Both of us unworthy. Neither of us could come close to being good enough for this girl.
Bates struggled to fight back.
Just like I knew all along, the pussy was nothing without a gang of his friends.
Blood splattered, and I grunted as I laid into him harder. Knuckles crunching bone.
Again and again.
Willow screamed, but there was nothing I could do to stop the assault. I’d always wanted to end this fucker. Wipe his stain from her life.
I was lost to it, totally unsuspecting of the sudden crack against the back of my head. Blackness filtered through my vision. I roared, flew around, and stumbled onto my feet, the room spinning when my attention landed on Billy.
The asshole who’d set all this in motion.
I charged him, grabbing him around the waist. We both flew, his back smashing against a bookcase. Books and pictures rained down, glass shattering on the floor, the two of us landing in the middle of it. We struggled for control. I landed three jabs to his side as he landed one to my jaw.
Pain radiated through my face, my head still throbbing from the original blow.
Screams ricocheted from the walls.
Willow. Willow. Willow.
It only made me fight harder. Harder for her. Because I didn’t want to let her go. Didn’t want her to hurt. I wanted to take it away.
I flipped him onto his back, my fists nothing but fury and violence and disorder as I pummeled into him again. A foot connected with my gut. The breath shot from my lungs just as Bates jumped on my back.
“Stop!” Willow begged.
Motherfucker.
Apparently neither of these assholes could fight their own fight.
I rammed an elbow into Bates’ ribs, going in for another blow to Billy’s face.
Willow’s voice filtered into my consciousness again, breaking into the disorder. “Get up. Get up now.”
They both stiffened, Bates slowly backing off just as Billy slumped down below me.
I turned to face her, the girl’s arm shaking like crazy as she held a gun in our direction.
Her words trembled as she spoke, but I was pretty sure she wasn’t faking her threat. “Get up, Bates. Get up and get out. Both of you. Don’t ever come back and make sure you don’t ever cross paths with either me or Ash. Or I promise I’ll find a way to prove you were responsible. That it was the two of you who were responsible for the attack outside my store. That you stole from me.” She swallowed hard. Resolute. “I’ll find a way.”
Bates eased himself to sitting. He wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, his lip busted wide, his eye swelling, eyebrow split. He shot me a look that promised I was going to pay. I didn’t give a fuck unless this girl was the cost.
“Willow,” he demanded.
She looked at him. “Never again, Bates. I don’t want to see you. Not ever again.”
Don’t ever confuse broken for weak.
Billy stood, eyes wide as he looked at her pointing the barrel his way. “Let’s get the fuck out of here. They’re not worth it. Neither of them.”
Bates blinked, still staring at Willow like he wanted to argue, before he harshly shook his head. “You’ll regret this, Willow. You’ll regret this.”
Yeah.
I was fucking certain she would.
But I doubted a whole lot of that regret would have anything to do with him.
Tears streaked down her face when the door slammed behind the two of them.
“Willow,” I whispered, warily, hating it had gone down like this. Wishing I’d just manned up and told her the truth. Maybe I’d been trying to protect her, but she’d deserved honesty.
But the truth of the matter was I was terrified.
Terrified of her looking at me the way she was looking at me now.
Her arm shook and shook as she slowly lowered the gun, and I edged forward, carefully unwound it from her fingers, and gathered her in my arms. “Willow.”
A cry ripped up her throat.
“How could you?” She fisted both her hands in my shirt. “How could you
do this to me? Was it just a game? Was all of this just a sick, cruel game?”
The words locked on my tongue.
“Tell me,” she screamed.
I gathered her closer. “I didn’t know, Willow, I promise you I didn’t know. Not until the day I found her box upstairs.”
Willow sagged against me, knees going weak. I sank to the floor with her in my arms. I whispered in her hair, “I didn’t know.”
“How?” she begged.
My insides trembled. “I met her in LA. Sunder had just gotten the label and we found out they were sponsoring a tour. We were out celebrating.”
Coffee eyes locked on me as the waitress I couldn’t take my eyes off of set a shot the color of licorice in front of me. “My name’s Anna. Let me know if there’s anything else I can get for you.”
“Your number,” I said.
She rolled her eyes. “Does that always work?”
“Yeah, most of the time it does.”
I grated over the words as every regret I ever had rose to the surface. “I hounded her until she gave in.”
Willow shivered in my arms and I hugged her closer as I continued the story I knew she didn’t want to hear, but the one I knew she needed. The truth she’d deserved all along. “She warned me right off that I didn’t want to date her. I honestly didn’t know why, because from where I was sitting, she seemed perfect. Beautiful. Huge smile. Confident.”
Willow choked over a sob, and I swallowed around that pain crushing my chest, the words rough as I forced them out. “I fell in love with her, Willow. For the first time in my life, I felt something different about a girl. It scared me because things with the band were happening so fast. But I wanted it. I did.”
Her hair was splayed out across my pillow, and she brushed her fingertips over my lips.
“Tell me your dreams,” she almost whispered.
Affection pulled at my insides. In a place I hadn’t even known existed. “You know, it’s crazy, because I feel like I’ve already achieved everything I’ve ever wanted. The band finally getting the label. Tour getting ready to start. Didn’t really think I needed anything else…wanted anything more. Not until I met you.”
A soft smile fluttered on her mouth. “That’s what dreams are for. There’s always a million of them out there floating around us, just out of reach, waiting for us to catch them. A million more ready to take their place when we find the others.”
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