by Naomi West
Blue’s shoulders slumped under the weight of it all. She’d been going through so much, and there had been nobody for her to share it with. Maybe it was time to talk about it, after all. Spencer was the only person who knew even a fraction of what she had been doing through. First, she peered around the shop. “What are you doing here so early? It’s barely past eight.”
“Working on Bri’s sleeve. She hardly gets a chance to come in anymore, but her mom wanted to take the baby to some special kids’ breakfast at the diner. It seemed like the perfect opportunity.” He pointed to his wife’s arm, where a partially-formed scene of birds in a tree was slowly coming to life. The outline had been done quite some time ago, but he was shading in the leaves and adding every tiny feather to the birds.
“So, there’s nobody else here?”
“Nope.”
“Good. Then I’ll lock the door, and you make a pot of coffee.”
Blue unloaded her burdens. She explained that she and Torque had a fling, but that she didn’t know where it was going. Although she spared Spencer the knowledge that she’d had sex in the shop, she did tell them how Rat had turned up once again and taken Torque down. “I know I should have told you all about that a long time ago, but I didn’t think it mattered. I figured Rat was done with us, and that Torque was gone for good, and that it was time to just move on with my life. But Torque showed back up last night, and he told me his club is going to war with the Dirty Bastards. I don’t really know what that means or what to do. To make matters even worse, I’m pregnant.” Saying the words aloud brought every emotion to a head. Tears welled up in her eyes and threatened to spill over her lashes, and she suddenly felt more sorry for herself than she had when her mother had gone off and left her.
“Oh, honey.” Bri came forward and put her arms around Blue. The two women had never been very close, but it was a heartfelt gesture that only made Blue sob more.
She leaned into Bri and let the tears come. But there was more to explain. “I came here to get my equipment and take it to the Satan Seed clubhouse. I’m tattooing the president in exchange for his protection and for letting me stay there with Torque for a little while.”
Spencer had sat quietly and listened up until this point, but he was suddenly animated at this news. He rose quickly from the chair he had parked himself in and slammed his mug of coffee on the desk, letting the dark liquid slosh over the side. “You can’t do that! You’ve got appointments here, and you’re already behind. Besides that, you can’t legally tattoo outside of a shop. It’s a violation of health department regulations.”
“Spencer!” Bri chided. “I don’t think a motorcycle gang gives two shits about health department regulations. And there are more important things going on here than keeping appointments.” She kept one arm around Blue, almost protectively.
“I know,” he responded quietly. He remained on his feet, but he was visibly calming down already at his spouse’s lecture.
“He’s right,” Blue said. “I mean, I’m not worried about where I tattoo right now, but this is a business. I can’t let my drama interfere with everything we have going on here. I should just pretend like none of this is happening and move on with my life.” In a way, it was a very comforting thought. She had gotten through plenty of other terrible times in her life by doing something very similar. It was easier to bury her head in the sand and act like everything was fine than to actually face reality. She could put her head down and just keep on tattooing until she had no memory of anything else. Some facets of reality, though—like the baby—could only be ignored for so long.
Bri shook her head and squeezed her arm around Blue’s shoulders. “Don’t be ridiculous. This isn’t drama. This is major stuff, and it needs to be dealt with. First and foremost, we’ve got to get you away from these bikers. A pregnant woman has no place in a gang war.”
“I have to agree with that,” Spencer said. “I know Torque seems like a good guy. He really helped us out here when Rat was being such an asshole, but that doesn’t mean he’s doing the right thing by letting you stay at the clubhouse. I mean, what are the other bikers even like? Are you really going to be safe there? Hell, you probably wouldn’t be in this boat if it hadn’t been for him.”
Blue gaped at them, feelings of uncertainty squirming around in her stomach like snakes. She touched the knife in her pocket that Torque had given her. It felt heavy and cold. “But what do I do, then? I can’t just pick up and disappear. I’ve got no place to go.”
“Come to our house,” Bri volunteered immediately. “We’re on the other side of the town, and in a nicer neighborhood. I doubt anyone will come looking for you there, and I’m home almost all the time. It’ll be safer for you and for the baby until this whole thing calms down.”
It sounded nice, but it was the exact opposite of what she had set out to do that morning. The way Torque had talked, it had sounded like he wanted to be a part of her life. But had that just been a ploy to have his way with her and get Acer to allow her in the clubhouse? Had he really meant any of it, or would he just kick her out and run off once the baby came and he no longer had a use for her? She wasn’t really losing anything by staying at Spencer and Bri’s house, and there was no need to tattoo Acer if she wouldn’t be staying with Torque. Maybe staying with the Hagens’ would be a nice middle ground.
Blue turned her head toward her booth. She had done a good job cleaning everything up, but in her mind’s eye she could still see the bloodstains on the walls. Spencer was right. The Dirty Bastards had been causing a ruckus, but it was Torque’s interference that had started all the trouble. Life had been as steady as she had ever known it to be before Rat and Torque had gotten into it and dragged her into the middle. “Okay. That sounds good.”
Spencer smiled and nodded, his shoulders visibly relaxing. He picked his coffee mug back up and drained what was left in it. “I’m just about finished with our session today, so you can get a ride home with Bri. I was planning on staying here anyway, so I can work on rearranging the books and having things prepped for the day’s appointments.”
“I can stay here with you,” Blue volunteered, even though her eyelids were constantly threatening to close. She felt so guilty about everything that had happened and how much work she had missed. “I just need a short nap.”
“No,” Bri intercepted. “You’re growing a baby. You can’t go walking around like a zombie. You’re coming home with me, and then you can go to sleep for as long as you need to. Spencer can bring your car back this evening.”
The two women made it out to Bri’s car a few minutes later, once Blue’s things had been transferred from her own ride. “You’re going to love being a mother,” Bri said with a soft smile as she put the vehicle in gear. “I always knew I wanted a baby, but once I was actually pregnant I was really worried. I didn’t know how I would balance my life with having a child. But it’s funny. It’s like it all just works itself out. Sometimes it even shifts from day to day, but when I go to bed at night I’m so happy to know I have a little one in the next room.” Her face glowed in the morning light as she reflected on her motherhood.
“I’m jealous of those thoughts,” Blue admitted. “All I can seem to think about is how I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never really been around babies much. Hell, I’ve never even changed a diaper.” She gave a laugh as she realized just how ironic it all was.
“You didn’t do any babysitting when you were a teenager?”
Blue frowned as she looked out the window. That was yet another typical experience she had missed out on. She didn’t recall being very interested in that sort of job, but nobody would have wanted the weird foster kid to watch their precious offspring. “Can’t say that I did.”
Bri tried to be reassuring. “It comes more naturally than you think. There are a ton of books you can read, and I still have a bunch of them I can lend you, but all the books in the world don’t prepare you for the reality of it. The nurse puts that baby in your arms, a
nd then your whole perspective just completely changes. You just know what to do.”
“I hope you’re right,” Blue muttered. She couldn’t imagine how any of this could go well. Bri would be around, and she could always ask her for advice, but she didn’t like the idea of having to rely on someone else. And there was no way she would just automatically know what to do. Her own mother hadn’t, or at least she hadn’t been willing to act on it.
“I’ve got to make a quick stop on the way home to get Ava. It won’t take long, I promise.” They pulled up in front of a ranch home with a pretty yard and a shade tree. Flowers lined the sidewalk that led up to the bright yellow front door. It was the dictionary definition of suburbia. Bri jumped out of the driver’s seat and trotted up to the front door.
She emerged a few minutes later with baby Ava in her arms and her mother behind her in the doorway. Blue couldn’t hear anything, but she could tell that Bri’s mom was talking nonstop. The older woman kept trying to stuff things into the diaper bag as Bri carried it out the door. The baby, who was about eighteen months old, fussed at being held. Bri set her down and let her slowly toddle to the car, holding her hand.
“Sorry about that,” Bri said as she opened the back door and deposited Ava in her car seat. She used deft and experienced fingers to buckle all the numerous straps in place and make sure everything was secure. “My mom gets a little attached. If I don’t just grab the baby and run, I’ll be there all day hearing advice about child-rearing and how I used to do the most adorable things when I was little. Then she starts putting food and money in the diaper bag, like I can’t take care of things myself. It’s so annoying.”
“You’re lucky,” Blue said before she even thought about the words.
Bri shut her door, buckled her seatbelt, and put the car in reverse. “I guess you’re right. But it’s just gotten so old already. I mean, I’ve heard all her stories, and I did my best to listen to her advice back when I was pregnant. I’m not going to do absolutely everything my mom says, you know?”
Blue sucked in her lower lip to keep from talking. She wanted to tell Bri that not everyone had someone who was willing to jump in and act as a grandparent. If Bri had someone to talk to about being a mother, someone who would watch her daughter for her, and someone who cared enough to give advice, then she had a lot more than Blue had ever had. There would be no grandparents at all for Blue’s baby; her own parents had disappeared so long ago that she no longer cared to find them, and Torque’s parents were dead. That didn’t exactly make for a big, happy family.
“Yeah.”
They went over the highway, which was the quick route to the other side of town, and finally pulled in at the Hagens’ house. A two-story home with an attached garage and a big picture window in the front, it rested at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac. The homes that surrounded it were equally nice, and children played in the front yard a few houses down. It wasn’t anything fancy. Still, it was much nicer than any place Blue had ever lived, and she knew she should feel grateful instead of resentful. Maybe Bri had always known a decent life and that made it harder for her to appreciate, but Blue couldn’t hold that against her. She volunteered to carry in the diaper bag.
“Do you want anything to eat?” Bri asked as they shut the front door behind them in the living room. It was a large space with wooden floors, recessed lighting, and a flat-screen television on the wall. A large photo of Spencer, Bri, and Ava presided from a large picture frame on the wall across from the window. “I went grocery shopping yesterday, so there’s plenty in the fridge and the pantry. Help yourself to whatever you might need.”
“That’s okay.” Why could she be so demanding and argumentative in front of Torque but feel so shy and intimidated when she talked to Bri? It was no wonder the two of them had been so distant with each other, even though Bri seemed like a genuinely nice person. Blue was just too weird, and it made her want to cry.
“No, I’m serious.” Bri lifted Ava into a playpen and headed into the kitchen. “I meant it when I said you could stay with us, and I didn’t just mean a couch to sleep on. There’s a guest bedroom upstairs, so you’ll have your own place and some privacy. I have to keep a pretty steady meal schedule because of Ava, so there’s no reason you can’t sit down and join us. Did you have breakfast yet?”
“No,” Blue admitted, feeling guilty. She had known she was pregnant for less than a day, and already she wasn’t doing a good job taking care of herself.
“You’ll need plenty of protein, calcium, and iron,” Bri explained as she yanked open the fridge door and began pointing out its contents. “I’ve got some sliced turkey and cheese for sandwiches. I’m a big fan of yogurt, so I have about ten different flavors in here. And this bottom drawer is always stuffed with fresh vegetables.” She pulled several items from the fridge and laid them on the counter.
Blue blinked at the fare on the counter and what was still left in the fridge. “I had no idea you were into all this health food.” She had a sudden memory of opening the fridge at home when she was a child. Mother had rarely gone to the grocery store, opting instead to run to the corner market when she needed her cigarettes and grabbing whatever small thing she thought might get them through the day. They had subsisted on gas station pizzas and occasional handouts from the soup kitchen. Even at her own home, she didn’t have much more than a few frozen meals and some peanut butter.
Blue felt guilty at the idea of eating such quality food when she hadn’t bought it. “It must be so expensive.”
Bri grabbed a frying pan from a nearby rack and set it on the stove. She lit the burner underneath it and began cracking eggs. “It’s really a lot cheaper than going out and buying fast food or eating at a restaurant, plus you know exactly what you’re getting. I might pay a few extra dollars here and there, but it’s not enough to notice. Don’t think I don’t still like to grab a frozen pizza now and then, but I really started thinking about what I eat once I found out I was pregnant. Some of that was because I wanted to be healthy, and some of that was because the hormones can completely change your habits.” Bri sprinkled salt, pepper, garlic, and some red powder over the eggs.
“What’s that?”
“Paprika,” Bri explained. “It adds that little extra something, and I just love it on my fried eggs.”
The eggs began to sizzle in the pan, and the scent was making Blue’s mouth water. It also made her stomach turn. When was the last time she had eaten anything? She was pretty sure she had skipped more than just breakfast. “I don’t know how to thank you,” she whispered. “You have no reason to be so nice to me.”
Her host thought about that for a moment as she flipped the eggs, then turned toward the fruit bowl and began preparing a side dish to go with the protein. She quickly sliced a banana into a bowl and followed it up with few mandarin oranges before pulling a carton of strawberries from the fridge. A fruit salad was appearing in only a few minutes. “I know you and I haven’t really talked much. If I’m completely honest, I was a little jealous when Spencer took you under his wing. You’re young and beautiful, and you’re so freaking talented. He was so excited about having you there, and he talked about you all the time. I was worried that he might decide he wanted someone like you instead of someone like me.”
Blue was taken aback by that idea. “I never thought of Spencer that way, and I wouldn’t have done that to you. And I’ve always thought your artwork was amazing.” She felt horrible that her presence had made Bri so uncomfortable. It was no wonder it had taken them such a long time to finally start to get to know each other.
Bri reached out and patted Blue’s hand. “I know you didn’t. It was my own insecurities doing that to me, and unfortunately it kept me from really getting to know you. But I know now that Spencer and I are solid, and if he cares about you then I do, too.” She turned away to flip the eggs out onto the plate and put it in front of Blue. “Now have a seat.”
Blue did as she was told and kept her eyes tipped down towa
rd her breakfast so that Bri wouldn’t see her tears.
Chapter Thirteen
Torque
Torque had cleaned his gun and sharpened all of his knives. He had ensured that his motorcycle had a full tank of gas. He had checked with the other members of Satan Seed to see how they were doing and if they had their weapons at the ready and their bikes tuned. There wasn’t anything left for him to do, and he hated it.
When he had sent Blue out into the morning to gather everything she needed, he had hoped she would return within the hour. But half the day had slipped by without any word from her, and it sat like a stone in his chest. Something was wrong.
“Torque, come in here for a minute.” Acer had been in and out of the clubhouse all day, and he now beckoned Torque into his office.
Just off the bar, where he could still be in the center of things, the president’s office was a shrine to the days of the biker gang’s past. There were black-and-white photos of his parents and shots of rows upon rows of bikes at meetings. A framed leather vest hung on the wall that had belonged to the founder of Satan Seed back in the fifties. Someone had constructed a coat rack out of numerous wrenches welded together, and there was even a clock made from an old wheel. Acer dropped down into the chair behind his desk and picked up a miniature motorcycle made of nuts and bolts soldered together. “I talked to the cops today.” His voice was quiet, solemn.