by Sienna Parks
I went ahead with buying one of the new apartments I’d looked at for Vittoria and me. I couldn’t stay in my apartment. Everywhere I turned, I saw her. Everything reminded me of her. It was too hard, so within a month, I boxed up my life, and moved to my new place. I like it, but it’s always felt like it’s missing something. It’s missing her. Even though she never saw it, I know she would have loved it. I guess in time, I’ll make it my own, I’ll find a way to fill the empty space. Someday, it will feel like my home. I’m just not there yet.
Liam has been a good friend over these last few months, which came as a surprise. I never thought I would confide in him again after what happened, but in a strange way, he’s the only person that understands even a fraction of what I’m going through. He loved her once, and I think on some level, he still does. She’s not an easy girl to get over.
He’s been trying to get me back to Andromeda, and to the lifestyle. They never replaced me, so they’ve been lacking a Master to demonstrate, and to train new submissives. It seems strange to me now, that training subs used to be my life. I was happy back then, at least I thought I was. It’s easy to believe you’re happy, when you don’t have any concept of how much better your life could be, but once you cross that line, there’s no going back. You can’t unknow.
I need to get a grip and start making changes in my life, to start moving on, and tonight I’m taking the first step. I’ve debated it with Liam for weeks, and now it’s time. Time to start training again.
I’ve got a busy day to keep my mind off of how difficult this is going to be. I’m meeting with Campbell and the guys to discuss their upcoming world tour. They really hit it big with their last record, going triple platinum. Their success is stratospheric, and through it all, they have remained humble and hardworking.
I won’t be going on this tour, due to another big decision in my life. I’ve hired a new manager to take over the bands, and I am branching out into producing. I’ve opened up a recording studio on the Upper West Side, with the best equipment money can buy, and some great people to work alongside me. Flaming Embers will be cutting their next record in there after the tour, and I have a new band lined up to start laying tracks for their debut album next week. Seeing Vittoria find a new dream, pushed me to re-examine my own life. I love what I do, but I wanted more; I wanted to create music again, and this new venture lets me do that. It’s a major step for me, and I’m really excited about it.
After my meeting with the guys, I’ll swing by the studio for a couple of hours before I head to the club. I’m going to meet a potential submissive to train. I told Liam that I would only agree to it if he ensures that none of the girls he brings me, look anything like Vittoria. It was always a rule of mine, but it’s even more imperative to enforce it now. It would be a betrayal of what we had. Liam thinks this girl will be a good first step back into the scene. I can only stay for a few hours to meet her, and possibly run through the basics of hard and soft limits.
Later, I need to go over to Xander and Lily’s place. I’ve been summoned, along with Carter and Addi; apparently, they have some big news they want to discuss with us. I don’t really want to spend my evening with two happy couples, especially after going to meet a new sub. Seeing all of them, and what I could have had, will be a tough blow, on an already rough day.
I head out the door with a weight on my chest, and an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I just need to push through it, and come out the other side. It will get better eventually.
As I step inside the doors of Andromeda, everything is just as I left it. Jacob stands guard at the entrance, making sure that only members are granted access. He greets me with a smile and a nod. “It’s good to see you back, Master Fitzgerald. Place hasn’t been the same without you.”
“Thanks, Jacob. It’s good to be back.” If I say it enough, maybe I’ll start to believe it.
The main hall hasn’t changed in the year I’ve been gone. I see the same faces; their surprise evident as I make my way through the crowd. The familiar smell of leather that permeates the space, is strangely comforting. Maybe I can learn to be this person again. To be happy with what I know, what I’m good at. I am the best Master Dominant in New York. There is no one that can train new submissives better than me. It’s who I am, and I need to find a way to be content with that.
I asked that my playroom redecorated. I had everything replaced for Vittoria, and I can’t work in there with the ghost of the time we spent together, haunting me. I requested that I be moved to a different room entirely, but he said it was too much disruption for the other Dominants, so I opted for everything to be changed. The walls will no longer be the sumptuous deep purple. Instead, they will be red. It’s a standard color for a playroom. Dark, sexy, and it’s visually stimulating for a submissive. Red signals danger; the forbidden. I don’t know why, but it works. I’m not looking to make my playroom personal. I just need the necessary equipment to train with, and a door that can be locked.
The night that Vittoria left for Florence, was the last time I set foot in that room. I took the submissive bracelets I bought for her, and left them in my cabinet. I couldn’t bear to have them in the apartment, and I didn’t want to get rid of them. I made sure they were left alone. Everything else in the cabinet has been replaced, but that box, should be sitting right where I left it a year ago.
When I reach my playroom, I run my hand over the name emblazoned on the door - Master Fitzgerald. I haven’t been called that in such a long time. I don’t feel like I deserve the title anymore. And, I hate the idea of another woman saying it to me. It’ll never be the same. I think I’ll have my new sub address me simply as Master.
I open the door, and all the memories come rushing back to me. I want to turn and leave, but I wouldn’t show such a lack of respect for the submissive I’m here to meet.
“Fuck!”
They haven’t changed the room at all. It was supposed to be done two days ago. Liam should have told me. I don’t want anyone in here when it looks like this. I don’t want to be in here when it looks like this.
The lights are dim, but I can see my new trainee, sitting in the submissive position in the darkest corner of the room. I can only see her silhouette from where I stand, but I’m not impressed that she’s choosing to hide in the shadows. I’d almost forgotten how timid and shy new subs can be.
“I can’t do this.”
I make my way across the room to where she sits on her heels, her hands clasped behind her back, a box on the table catches my eye. It’s Vittoria’s box. Her bracelets. Anger swells inside of me. I need to get this stranger out of here as quickly as possible.
I immediately head over to the table to remove the box, and can see that it’s open; the bracelets are gone. In their place is a note, together with the key I gave Vittoria when she left.
From a submissive to her Master
This is the last time I will ever defy you, Master Fitzgerald. You were wrong. Nothing in life can compare to how I feel when I’m in your arms. Your love is the music that flows through me, giving my life beauty and meaning. The only dance I want, or need, is the one that we perform, every time you make love to me. I want forever, and I want it with you… if you’ll still have me.
All my love, now and always,
Your submissive
Nyx x
My heart is racing as realization dawns, and I slowly turn to face the corner, but she’s not there. She’s kneeling on the floor two feet in front of me, dressed in nothing but a deep purple lace bra and panties. Her hands are clasped in the front, showing me her wrists, glistening with two platinum bracelets, padlocked shut. The ones I had engraved for her over a year ago. Her eyes are lowered to the floor, awaiting my instruction.
She has never looked more beautiful than she does in this moment, and I’m struggling to catch my breath, my heart ricocheting off my ribcage, ready to burst out of my chest. I can’t believe she’s really here. She’s right where she’s suppose
d to be, where she was always meant to be. I let her go, and it was the biggest mistake I ever made, but she’s come back to me. She’s always been mine, and she always will be.
A love like ours is written in the stars, fated from the beginning of time – it’s endless. She is my goddess in the shadows. An enchanting beauty, too lovely for this world. The missing piece of my soul. Bound together for all eternity. I was born to be her Master. She was destined to be my submissive.
“Nyx?”
“Yes… Master Fitzgerald.”
Sienna is originally from Scotland, but lives in Houston, Texas with her husband, two kids, and a dog. She first fell in love with British Literature while majoring in Linguistics, Poetry, and Shakespeare at Strathclyde University. She is an avid reader, and started writing her own work in 2014. Sienna recently became a writer at Prism Heart Press, and is working on some exciting new projects.
First and foremost, the biggest thank you I could ever give, is to my amazing husband. You took supportive to a whole new level with this book. You lived through the tears and self-doubt, the moments when I threw in the towel and you picked it back up and shoved it in my face. You forced me to find myself again, and to give my all to these characters. Bribing me with watching an episode of Outlander every day in exchange for a chapter was a stroke of genius on the homestretch! You’ve given up your weekends with me, to allow me to focus on my writing, and you let me talk incessantly about my characters as if they were our friends. Venting my frustration when they didn’t want to talk to me, and jumping around, rambling when they finally did! You took it all in your stride, the way you do with everything. You continue to teach me what true love is, on a daily basis.
It’s been a rollercoaster couple of years for us. We uprooted our life in Scotland and moved to the U.S., taking on the greatest adventure and the most grueling challenge of our marriage. You soared through with flying colors, dragging my sorry ass with you. You are my home, my calm. Your arms are the one place on Earth that I feel at peace; completely loved and cherished, and for that, I will never be able thank you enough. You are part of me, the better part, and you will always have my heart. I love you.
Now for the amazing people that have helped get this book across the finish line in style!
Sharron – Where do I begin? I’m in tears just thinking of how much I want to say to you, to thank you for everything that you are to me. To have such amazing support from a family member means more than I can ever express. You have become such a close friend, and I feel blessed every day to have you in my life. You’ve kept me going with your words of encouragement, and a good Scottish kick up the backside when I needed it. I love you to the moon and back.
Ria – The girl who made me a published author! How many meltdowns have you suffered through? You’ve seen the worst of me, and the best of me throughout this process, and you always gave me love in return. We understand the ups and downs in each other’s lives in a way that strengthens us both. You have championed me, but also, Logan and Vittoria, from the start. You loved their characters, even when I couldn’t. You believed in me, when I didn’t, and you always knew that I would find their story inside of myself. That I would be able to use my own emotion and despair, and channel it into this book. You never gave up on me, and for that, I will always be grateful. Your red pen skills are wicked, and I’m excited to see what’s next for you. I love you so much.
Megan Davis – My HTML savior! You have saved my ass so many times girl, and you always rock it! I was honored to have you come on board as a beta on this book, and your reaction – well, we were both exhausted by the end of that day!!! Your reaction to Logan made all the blood, sweat, and tears that went into writing him, worthwhile. There are always a few people who make a book memorable when they read it and message me, and you are that person for this book, so thank you so much. You’re a great friend and I love your guts!
Diane, Diane, Diane – Logan is all for you, baby! I don’t think I would have finished this book if I didn’t know how desperately you wanted to know Logan Fitzgerald. You are by far, his number one fan, and I love you for it. You made me strive to make him the best that he could be, and I can never thank you enough for that. And the fact that you wrote a line in the epilogue kinda rocks!!! Thank you so much for sticking with me through thick and thin. Love you, girl.
Leslie – Here we are at the end of the series… for now! It’s been the never-ending story at times, but I want to thank you for giving me the confidence and courage to tell Xander and Lily’s story. If you hadn’t, Logan and Vittoria’s story would never have been written. Thank you so much. You are a testament to true friendship and strength. I love you.
Noemi – You have championed me from the start, and loved my characters as much as I do. You stood by me through all of my ups and downs. Thank you so much for all you do to promote me. You’re a beautiful friend. I love you.
To my editor Jaye Hart – Where to start? Master Fitzgerald would never have found his way to Prism Heart Press without you. Your appreciation of Vittoria’s connection to ballet, fills my heart with joy! I’m sorry your MacBook overheated on this one! Thank you for being so easy to work with, and understanding of my particular brand of cray-cray. You’re a kickass editor and an even better friend. Love you, bud.
Patricia – Thank you doesn’t seem like enough! Thank you so much for taking a chance on the Manhattan Knights Series. Your dedication and hard work are truly appreciated. I can’t wait to share our next project! And thank you for understanding the big bag of crazy that is me.
To my anonymous Dominant and submissive – Thank you so much for letting me pick your brains throughout this process! Your willingness to help me portray a realistic, emotional relationship between a Master and his very much loved submissive, was invaluable. I wanted to do justice to how beautiful, tender, and real a BDSM relationship can be, and you helped me achieve that. You are a wonderful couple, and true friends. Thank you.
And last, but by no means least: To my readers. My eyes are filling with tears as I try to think of a way to convey how deeply you have touched my heart. When I started this journey, I didn’t think anyone was going to take notice of my books, but you took a chance on a new author, and gave me a dream come true. There are no words that could ever do justice to how truly grateful I am. Thank you so much for taking this journey with me. I have cherished every minute of it.
Love always,
Sienna x
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Glasgow 1999
“Can you shut the fuck up with that racket, wee man?” My daddy is always mad at me. “Lisa, why the hell would you let your mum buy him a guitar? He’s annoying enough without it. Now all he does is sit on that floor and strum those fucking strings all day long. It does my head in.”
“He’s four, Ewan. He’s only wee. Don’t be so mean.”
Mummy turns to me with a smile as bright as the sun. “You keep playing, baby. Mummy loves to hear her special little man make music. I love you, Cam-bear.” She walks over and pats me on the head before she leaves for work. Mummy works in a bar. I’m not sure what that is, but she says it’s ‘honest’ work, which is ‘more than she can say for daddy.’ They say a lot of things I don’t understand, but I know their angry voices, and I don’t like them. When daddy shouts at mummy, she cries, but when he says mean things about me, mummy shouts a lot. She always hides her face with her hair after she shouts at daddy. She thinks I can’t see the marks… but I can. I give her extra cuddles and kisses those days.
As soon as the door closes behind her and I hear the clunky noise of her key turning in the lock, my tummy starts to feel squishy. I don’t like this feeling. My tummy always does this when it’s just daddy and me in the house. Usually gran
ny comes to see me when mummy is out, and she plays with me, and watches all my favorite cartoons. She gave me my new guitar. It’s the best thing in the whole world. I play it from the moment I finish my cereal in the morning, until I crawl into bed, and sit it nicely in the corner of the room where I can see it. Mummy makes me laugh when she says ‘night, night’ to it. She says she has two babies now – me and my guitar. She’s funny. I can’t wait till she gets home from work. Until then, I’ll play my guitar in my room, away from daddy.
I can hear him on the phone in our kitchen, so I creep past the doorway as quietly as possible, and then run to my room, closing the door behind me. I have a lock on my door that you need a key as big as my hand to work. Daddy doesn’t know I have it. Mummy gave it to me the last time he was angry. She said that if she’s at work, I should use my magic key to lock the door, and then hide it until she comes home. I do it exactly the way she told me to – twist it two times towards the picture on my wall. It’s of me and mummy at the park with granny. It makes me happy when I look at it, and I feel safe when I know the door is locked.
When my tummy feels normal again, I climb up onto my bed and run my hands over the strings of my guitar. I can hear daddy’s voice getting louder. He’s saying bad words, and throwing stuff. There’s a big crashing noise. I strum the strings harder…louder…humming along to drown out the angry sounds. They scare me.
“Fucking Hell! I’ll fucking kill you if you don’t get this shite sorted out. It’s my fucking neck on the line.” I play louder. “No excuses, ya arrogant wee bastard. I’m running this show, so get it done and stop asking questions you don’t need the answers too. Christ almighty! If you fuck this up, you’re done.”