Rayne had never seen this side of Lisbet, but came to her senses and rushed to help her brother.
Rayne got Jason and the woman settled into the bed and covered with three quilts. She was busy wiping down his forehead when Lisbet came in with the sleeping child.
“I got the baby to sleep, he seems healthy, poor little thing was starving so I dipped a rag in some milk and put it to his lips and he sucked on it. “Here, hold him while I make him a bed.”
Rayne watched in fascination as Lisbet emptied out the top drawer of the dresser and put a small blanket that she’d knitted in there.
“Give him to me.” Lisbet took the infant in her arms, walked over to the open drawer, and laid the sleeping boy in there and covered him with the blanket. “There that’ll do for now until we can figure something else out.”
“Where’d you learn to do that?” Rayne asked.
“That doesn’t matter now, Rayne. I’ll take over here, you run and fetch the doc. Has he drunk anything?”
“Not much, maybe a couple of sips,”
“Go, these folks don’t look good, Rayne.”
“He’s my brother, Lisbet…its Jason. Take care of him, please; I’ll be back soon as I can.” And with that, Rayne was gone.
†
A little under two hours later, Rayne and Doc Adams rode straight to the house, and jumped off their horses. With the doc in tow, Rayne rushed inside. “The baby don’t seem like he has a fever or anything, but Jason and the baby’s mama are bad doc.” Rayne said as she hung her coat up.
“I’ll check him out first.” The doc shrugged off his coat and handed it to Rayne.
They both hurried into to the bedroom.
“How they lookin, Lisbet?” Doc Adams asked.
“Not good, Doc. He’s shivering and sweating up a storm. He’s soaked the sheets twice, and she is…I don’t think she has much longer.”
Doc Adams listened to the man’s heartbeat and could clearly hear the rattle in his chest—it wouldn’t be a good outcome. “Rayne, I’m sorry to say but there ain’t nothin’ I can do for this poor man.” As he reached the woman’s side, he had just reached for her hand when he heard her last struggle for breath and the final exhale. With a shake of his head he looked over to Rayne.
Their attention turned to the bed when they heard a weak voice coming from Jason. “Rayne, I prayed I’d find you. Please take care of my boy. Make sure Ben grows up to be a good man. And don’t let pa near him,” Jason struggled to catch his breath before he fell into unconsciousness again.
“Lisbet, I would boil those sheets, hell, burn 'em. He behaves like he’s got the influenza.
Rayne stood staring at her brother in shock. I didn’t hear him correctly…did I? He said not to let pa near Ben. He’s alive.
That doesn’t make any sense. I watched his body slide to the floor… saw the blood ooze from the wound on his head. Rayne stumbled back in a daze.
“Rayne, sweetheart, are you all right?” Lisbet asked catching Rayne so she wouldn’t fall.
“Father’s alive…he said my father is alive,”
“Yes, honey, he did.”
“I saw him dead on the floor, with the blood and all…I…I hit him, and I know I killed him.”
“Rayne, here sit down. Lisbet, get her some water,” Doc Adams said. “Now Rayne tell me about all this nonsense, you hit your pa and thought you killed him?”
“Yes, before I arrived here. He said he had arranged for me to marry and then got real mad when I told him I wouldn’t do it. I knew I was in for another beating and when he had me against his desk I picked up a heavy paperweight and hit him over the head. I saw him fall, saw all the blood.”
“Rayne, honey, your brother is weak but I don’t believe he is delirious. Sounded to me like he knew exactly what he was saying and he doesn’t want his son around your pa…who is still alive from the sounds of it.”
“But I saw him all crumpled up on the floor.” Rayne shook her head before swiping a hand across her forehead. “How can he still be alive?”
“Rayne, it’s entirely possible that you just knocked him out. An open wound to the head bleeds quite a bit sometimes.”
The coughing from the bed had them moving back to Jason, who was once again conscious. “I tried to hang on long as I could…never thought I’d see you again, Rayne. Promise me you’ll take care of Ben…you’re all he’s got now.”
“Of course I will. Jason, is Father still alive?” She asked afraid to hear the answer. Is it possible that I didn’t kill the man? She supposed it was logical that she had merely wounded him. But there was so much blood.
Her brother answered weakly. “He knows you’re here, and that I’d come here too. He wants Ben. Please don’t let him take him....”
Rayne stood holding Jason’s hand as he took his last breath.
Lisbet had entered the room as Jason said his final words.
“I’m sorry, Rayne, there was nothin’ we could have done. He was too far gone.” Doc Adams closed Jason’s eyes then covered his body.
Rayne had never imagined she would see any of her family again, let alone be left a nephew to raise. It was all too much for her; seeing her brother, hearing that her father was still alive, losing her brother…thoughts raced through her head.
“Rayne, I’m sorry.” Lisbet placed the glass of water on the night table and walked over to her lover. “Come on, you need to sit down.” Lisbet led her out of the bedroom and toward the chair in front of the fireplace. “I’ll have Doc check Ben.” Lisbet went back into the bedroom. “Doc, I’ve got the baby over here. Will you take a look at him, make sure he’s okay.”
“I will but first I need to wash my hands thoroughly before I touch him. You and Rayne should too. Do you have some hot water and a bottle of whiskey?”
“Yes, there’s a bucket of hot water by the fireplace and I’ll get the bottle of whiskey although I don’t know why you need it.”
“To disinfect our hands. Once we are sure we are all washed up, you can bring the baby out to me. I’d suggest you wear a kerchief around your nose and mouth when you go in there. Also I think we need to make sure the baby is clean too.”
“It’s that bad?”
“‘Fraid so. I know it is Rayne’s kin and all, but the sooner you get ‘em in the ground, the better. After I look at the baby, I’ll ride back to town and send the undertaker. We’ll want to get them buried as soon as possible.”
“You need to get cleaned up and change those clothes.” Lisbet said. She picked up a towel and tied it around her face and nose. “I’ll go get the baby.”
With the baby cradled in her arms, Lisbet brought Ben to the doctor. “Here he is.”
“Ok, let me see the lil’ tyke and I’ll examine him,” he said as he reached for the boy.
Rayne heard the cooing of the baby for the first time since she heard him in the buckboard. She saw the doc looking at the baby and paid attention to what was happening. “Is he all right?
Both Rayne and Lisbet held their breaths until the doc looked at them with a smile.
“He looks to be healthy and free of the disease. The best thing to do for your house is to leave all the windows open and let nature take care of the three of you. But I’d burn those sheets as soon as John gets out here to take them both.”
“Thank you, Doc.” Rayne patted the man on the back. “Do you have any idea of how old Ben is?”
“I’d say no more than seven months perhaps a bit younger.”
“I don’t even know what his mama’s name was.”
“We can look through their things. Maybe there is a family bible or something that will tell us. Come on, I’ll help you with that, Rayne.” The doc secured his things on his saddle. “Come on, it won’t take long. And bring your kerchief to cover your mouth.”
“Thank you for coming out, Doc Adams,” Lisbet looked up from the baby as Rayne and the doc left the house.
†
Rayne and the doc looked through
the few bags and things and among a few baby items, they were pleased to find what looked to be a family bible. She decided to leave the clothing outside till morning when she could build a fire and boil them. The last thing she wanted was anyone else getting sick especially Lisbet.
I won’t lose Lisbet. I couldn’t survive that kind of loss again. Especially not now, with the responsibility of a baby, I don’t think I can handle it alone.
She jump out of the back of the covered wagon and gave the doc a hand down.
“At least now you will have a name to go with your brother’s wife. Of course, Lisbet will want to burn the sheets and pillowcases out here too. I’m sure Bessie has some extras I can send with Elmer and John when they come out for the bodies.”
“Thank you. I’d appreciate that, Doc. Oh, and could you let Tom know? We had plans for dinner tomorrow. I can’t see that happening now.”
“Let me know if you see any signs of influenza in the little guy, especially fever.”
“Will do.” Rayne watched the doc’s horse gallop away and turned back to the house. She felt the weight of the world on her shoulders along with a deep grief for her brother and his wife.
Raising her eyes toward the sky, she prayed, “Please, Lord, I don’t have the strength to make it through losing someone else in my life. I lost Em, I just lost Jason, please don’t make me lose Lisbet as well,”
Rayne, my love believe me, you won’t have to live through losing Lisbet. Your life with her will be long and happy. The softly spoken words came to her on the gentle breeze.
“I don’t know that,”
But I do. Your dreams of a family filled with loved ones and children will come to be.
“Those dreams were with you,”
Yes, you had them with me, but just because I died don’t mean they did too. They’ve been there...you just haven’t wanted to see them there.
“I couldn’t see it after losing you. You were my world…it just all ended when you died.”
I know. Now you have a second chance at that, remember all things happen for a reason.”
“I can’t for the life of me understand why I had to lose you. Why couldn’t I have had my family with you?”
I don’t have the answer, Rayne. I just know that now is the right time, and Lisbet and that infant are the ones that will be there for you through everything.
“I coulda done with some warning, you know. Jason showing up here took some years off my life, I’m sure,” Rayne said.
I know, but there was nothing you could have done.
“What’s gonna happen now? Jason said my father suspected I’d come here and would certainly show up now that Jason took off.”
You have friends here Rayne, trust in them.
“Troubles are heading this way,” Rayne said to herself as she closed her eyes. No answer came in reply nor was it expected. With a heavy sigh, she pushed herself away from the wagon and walked toward the house.
†
Rayne stood just inside the door and watched as Lisbet fussed over Ben. Her heart clenched knowing that her brother was gone. “I never got to say hello or goodbye.”
Lisbet looked up. “Come on over here and get used to your nephew. He sure is a sweet baby and he even looks like you.”
Rayne moved closer, saw the thick black hair, and smiled. “Just like Jason.”
“He’s got your eyes too.” Lisbet motioned for Rayne to come closer. “Here, hold him.
Rayne moved closer and held out her arms as Lisbet placed Ben in them. When he smiled up at Rayne, he showed two sweet dimples and a brightness which caused his eyes to shine.
Both Lisbet and Rayne smiled as well.
“Rayne, this little guy looks to be in good health and spirits. Thank the Lord that he won’t remember this day.” Lisbet looked at Rayne who was staring intently at the baby. “Rayne, are you all right?” Lisbet asked
“I’m … I don’t know. I haven’t seen my brother in five or six years and he shows up here only to die and leave me his son. What do I know about raising a kid? On top of that, he tells me to keep Father, a man I believed I had killed, away from this boy. How in the hell am I supposed to do that?”
“Rayne, first off you need to realize that you didn’t kill your father. Now it is time to let the guilt you felt over that go. Grieve the loss of your brother and his wife, and you do what the rest of us do when it comes to babies.”
“What’s that?”
“You do the best that you can at teaching them right from wrong.” Lisbet took the baby and laid him back down on the blanket and knelt beside Rayne. “I believe your brother knew that what he was asking of you is a big responsibility and he also knew you could handle it.”
Rayne thought about what Lisbet was saying and she knew the truth in it…however, it didn’t help to dispel the fear. “What if I don’t have the temperament to raise a child? I’d never want any child to fear me like I did my father.
“Rayne, together we will give Ben the family he deserves along with all the love we can. We can do that,” Lisbet said softly.
The look in Lisbet’s eyes was full of love and hope, and it melted Rayne’s heart. Rayne knew what Lisbet said was true and the fear disappeared.
Chapter Fourteen
The next few weeks were a whirlwind of activity as the newly formed family settled into a routine. After having buried her brother and sister-in-law, Rayne found herself adjusting to having an infant in her home rather quickly. She was in awe of Lisbet and how quickly she took to mothering Ben.
Benjamin Thomas Mathews, she found was born six months ago to Jason and Mary. Mary Jenkins had been the daughter of Levi and Margret. Rayne vaguely remembered the family, of course that could have been because she had left town shortly after they had arrived and settled into the congregation.
Rayne stood at the fence, repairing it as she tried to figure out what to do. No matter the events of the past, she had to decide whether to inform Mary’s family of their daughter’s passing. If she did that, it would clearly open the door to her father showing up and demanding the return of his grandson. As it was, she half expected that to happen anyway.
“How unfair would it be to say nothing? Hundreds of families headed west every year and the families they left behind often never hear from them again. Mary could be one of them.” She pounded a nail into the wood.
Rayne what are you thinking? You can’t leave her family not knowing that their daughter passed on.
Rayne heard the disapproval in Emma’s voice.
“I’m thinking I need to protect my family. Ben is a part of that now. I tell her mother and father that I buried her here; they’ll tell father for sure that I’m here. Then he’ll come to take Ben away. Or maybe Mary’s folks will. I can’t let that happen, Emma, no matter what you say.” Rayne kept on fixing the fence, trying to work her thoughts out so that they would make sense to her.
You know that is not right.
“I know that Jason asked me to raise his son. Me not my father or anyone else…just me. I know I can’t and won’t let that little boy go back to that poor excuse of a man. And to Mother who is terrified of him. I know what he done to me, and I don’t trust him to not do it again for whatever reason that comes along.”
Rayne, have you considered that he is going to show up regardless of what you do?
“Yes, but I will stall it for as long as I can.”
You’re being ridiculous. You can’t allow a family to not know of their child’s welfare just to save you from some unpleasantness.
“Jesus Christ, woman, do you have to make sense even in death? I…I’m afraid of him showing up here…of him taking Ben away and of what he’d say about Lisbet.”
You’re afraid of those things, yes, but you’re more afraid of facing him and standing up for this life that you’ve chosen. The life that you say is what you’ve always wanted. You behave as though you’re ashamed of the choices you’ve made.
“I’m not! You…you don�
�t know what he was like or the things he demanded of me.”
I know you, Rayne. I know the kind of woman you are and things you believe in and I know you’re not a coward. To see you behave like one breaks my heart.
“How the hell am I behaving like a coward?”
You’d rather let some poor family believe that their daughter is off somewhere living her life than to tell ‘em that she isn’t and let them grieve, all because you’re afraid to face your father. In my book that’s behaving like a coward. Do you see it otherwise?
“How does me not wanting to see that bastard again make me a coward? I took every one of his beatings with exception of the last one when I knew he’d kill me and hit him with the first thing I could pick up. How does that make me a coward, I ask you?”
How does making a dead girl’s family sit and wonder about her not? Rayne, sweetheart, not every father behaves like yours did.
“How can you be so sure, you didn’t know your father and Lisbet doesn’t have a father in her life. Mine beat me…looks to me like a pattern.”
Fair enough, but do you believe Jason would have been the kind of father you’re describing?
“No. Jason was a good man and he would have been a good father had he been given the chance.”
There are other good men out there too, sweetheart. My point is you need to let that poor girl’s family know she passed on and that you buried her here.
“You’re right. It just scares me, that’s all. It’s just opening a can of worms I don’t know if I can handle.”
You’ll handle it just fine. It was a softly whispered answer.
Rayne knew she was alone again as she went on with her chores.
The sounds of a horse trotting up brought her head up from the fence post she was mending.
“Howdy, Rayne, how ya doin?” Tom asked as he dismounted.
“Oh, I can’t complain. How about you, how’s that boy of yours?”
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