by Ava Alise
Watching them made me realize that I want that kind of love. That love and all of its terrifying bliss. So I knew Renee was right because I know that trying to control what I’m feeling for Drex isn’t possible. I also know that jumping head first into this thing with him won’t work either, so all I can do is take it in stride, day by day, moment by moment. Can I do it? Will it work? Will I ever be able to look at Drex and not think of William? I don't know. But what I do know is… my heart won't let me walk away from this guy, no matter how terrified I am of love. To quote my crazy brother, if it ends up making me cry more than it makes me smile, then I’ll know the situation is more than I can deal with. I’ll know it’s time to walk away.
Renee, Cam, and I walk silently to the door of our apartment and enter. I’m so lost in thought that I feel like I’m floating as I walk down the hall to my room. I overhear Renee as she asks Cam to take a look at the thermostat. Was the hallway still cold?
I change out of my dress into comfortable clothes and lie across the bed trying to decide if I want to call Drex or not. I have no idea what to say, or why I want to call. I just know I agree with what he said earlier. I hate how messed up everything is between us right now. I don’t know how much time has gone by, but when Renee enters my bedroom, she’s in a pair of sweatpants and a NYU sweatshirt.
“Me and a few co-workers are thinking about catching a movie. Want to come?”
I tell her yes at first, but change my mind just as fast. Instead, I decide I want to spend the rest of the evening in a hot bath, listening to soft music and getting my shit together… and that's exactly what I do.
The snow still has not returned to New York City, but the cold lingers, and along with it an icy breeze that promises more snow to come. I tighten the belt of my trench coat as I begin my two block walk to the subway station. The streets are alight with holiday cheer as everyone prepares for Christmas next week. Various doors and windows are framed with blinking holiday lights throughout the streets. A “Merry Christmas” sign hangs neatly in the center of a wreath on the door of a coffee shop, and everyone seems to be a little lighter on their feet. Renee and I are a little late this year with finishing our decorations and I feel a slight pang of embarrassment as I imagine the lonely red bow that hangs on our front door. I continue my steady pace toward the subway station passing by various people moving throughout the streets. Cameron always offers to drive me to work, and technically, I could drive myself. I have a driver's license. But after Renee and I graduated college and moved into the apartment, I decided to sell my car. Finding and paying for parking with all the internships I had right out of college was more of a hassle than it was worth. Plus I’ve always enjoyed riding the subway. It was something we didn’t have where I grew up and ended up being a lot cheaper than parking. Now that I’m pretty stable in my career at EDG, I may consider buying another car. Well, that is, if I’m still stable at EDG. Today is Monday, the day Harold Tanner plans to try and ruin my career. Nervousness bubbles to the surface as I descend the two flights of stairs leading to the subway platform. Shit. I really hope Cam and Drex are right and the issue becomes a non-factor.
The musty damp smell of the subway begins to surround me the closer I get to the bottom of the stairs. Sounds of whooshing air, hurried footsteps, and muted conversations echo through the platform as I scan the waiting area for a place to stand. My gaze immediately falls on the small area to the left of the staircase that houses four small benches sitting opposite each other. I expect to see Mrs. Teller sitting in her usual spot on the bench amongst the waiting passengers. Her last name couldn’t be more fitting because “tell” she does. That sweet old lady will talk you to death. Usually I don’t mind the chit chat. We have actually grown quite close over the years, yet I'm a little relieved to see her seat is empty today. I don't really feel like being bothered, I just want to get this day over with. A few minutes go by before the train comes and I spend the entire ride to work with my heart in my throat worried about what’s to come.
As I'm entering EDG, I see Drex standing off to the side of the lobby talking to Phillip, our co-worker from Martin's. At least, it looks like Phillip, they have their backs turned, but I'd recognize Drex anywhere. He's wearing my favorite black suit, the one that shows off his broad shoulders and perfect ass. My insides are at war as I approach. The part of me that missed him all night battles with the part of me that can barely look at him, and I already feel as if I'm choking on my words. The closer I get to Phillip and Drex, the clearer it is to see that it isn’t Phillip after all, but someone else. Someone I don't recognize. The hushed sounds of angry words begin to reach my ears, but before I'm able to make anything out, the Phillip imposter hisses something inaudible at Drex and brushes past him angrily. His eyes lock onto mine as he heads right toward me. Drex has his back turned and my eyes slide back and forth between them. Drex stands with his hands folded behind his head, clearly angry and trying to keep his composure while the other guy keeps a hardened gaze on me as he strides my way.
“You're going to wish you’d quit!” He spits in my direction as he stomps by. Drex turns when he hears his voice, notices me, and immediately begins walking after him. I can tell this is about to go south quickly so I step in front of Drex, stopping him in his tracks. His fists are tight, his jaw is set, and his eyes are burning through the back of the guy’s head as he makes his way toward the elevators.
“What the fuck did he say to you?” Drex asks through gritted teeth.
“Was that Tanner?” I ask.
“What did he say, Kelsa?” His eyes are fixed on the guy with so much fire that it startles me, I've never seen him so angry, and I don't like it.
“Hey,” I say, placing a hand on his chest. “Look at me. That asshole isn't worth it. Ok?”
Drex hesitantly looks away from the guy, then at me. His eyes soften a bit and he swallows hard.
“Yes. That's Tanner,” he says, blowing out a large breath. “I told him to go fuck himself… that neither of us would be quitting, and if he knew what was best for him, he'd stay as far away from you as possible.”
“He said that I'm going to wish I'd quit.” I turn to look at the asshole just as he disappears into the elevator. Drex is still fuming as he stares at the closed doors through the nearly empty lobby. My eyes drag through the space, pass the large Christmas tree, and focus on the expertly decorated room with poinsettias, large glittery Christmas bows, and holiday lights. Only me, Drex, and the receptionist remain in the lobby. She’s totally unaware of the altercation and smiles at us as we stand in place in our corner of the lobby.
“What do you think he's going to do?” I ask.
“Try not to get his ass kicked,” Drex says.
I sigh as another group of EDG employees enters through the front doors.
“We should go,” I say, meeting his eyes.
“Yeah,” he huffs, and we make our way toward the group waiting by the elevators.
My nerves are a total mess as I walk into my office five minutes later. Everything is the same as I left it Friday, and I can’t help but worry a little. My partner, Shane, gets in an hour before I do. He likes to get an early start and there hasn’t been one morning since I got this job that he hasn't left some type of file or packet on my desk to review for the day.
Have I already been fired? Did Harold already make his move?
Before I can spiral too deep into my panic, my office door flies open and Shane comes into view.
“Morning, Kelsa. I’m running a little late today.” He smiles, walking toward me with a large manila envelope. My words don’t come to me right away and I stare at him like a deer caught in headlights.
“Are you ok?” he asks, the smile falling from his lips.
“Yeah…” I say, forcing out a breath. “Yes, I’m fine.” He looks at me curiously as I quickly pull off my coat and reach for the envelope.
“Ok. Good.” He says as he sits down in the seat at my desk. “How was your weekend?”<
br />
“It was ok. Went to a wedding, nothing much.” I shrug. “What’s this?”
His eyes fall to the envelope that I’m now opening.
“That’s some updated information on Delon’s, the Paris client,” he says, his smile returning.
“Oh, wow. Shane, thank you for being so cool with me going in your place. You are amazing.”
“It’s nothing,” he says. “You will benefit from the learning experience. We get clients from all over the world, so you better get used to traveling.” He winks.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. Marsh has executives flying out of here all throughout the month. Usually it’s just one per client, but with the bigger clients, like this one, he’ll send two of the senior executives to close the deal.”
“Two?” I say with a furrowed brow. “So, who’s going with us?”
“Fullerman and your buddy from Martin’s.” He grins.
“Drex?”
“Yeah… Adams.”
Anxiety fills my chest and I stare at him unblinking, waiting for him to say something more, Mention the email, or video. Am I being paranoid?
Shane only looks at me oddly again.
“What?” he finally says. “Is that a problem? I thought you guys were friends, and that you’d be happy you both get a chance at such an amazing client going in your portfolio.”
I silently release a breath.
I have got to get a fucking grip.
“No.” I shake my head. “I am…sorry. It’s just been a weird morning.” I say.
He nods and I pull out the contents of the envelope. We spend the next twenty minutes going over our schedule for the week as I try my damnedest to keep the paranoia at bay.
By lunchtime, I have chewed off most of my nails and gotten absolutely zero work done. I’ve had to force myself not to call Drex and ask him if he’s heard anything. I know for a fact that he’d let me know if anything happened and I’d only be wasting my time asking. The elevator slows to a stop at the floor of the lobby and I exit with the two other passengers, head across the lobby, and out the door. I’m meeting Drex, Phillip, and Lisa at the diner across the street for lunch, and once inside, I find them sitting in a corner booth by the window.
“Hey,” Lisa says. Phillip offers an identical greeting.
“Hey guys,” I say sliding in next to Drex.
“You all right?” he asks quietly.
“Yeah.” I nod, slipping out of my coat.
We have a pretty typical lunch. Phillip tells stories and Lisa talks about her incompetent coworkers. I have had to fight hard not to ask Lisa about Harold Tanner. I know he works on her team, but I’m sure if she knew anything, she would have mentioned it by now.
God, this sucks.
We are about done with lunch and are gathering our things when Lisa randomly speaks up.
“So, how long have you two been… ya know?” Lisa asks, wiggling a brow. Drex and I snap a look at her.
“What?” I ask. Not meaning to play dumb, but out of genuine surprise.
Drex looks from her to me as a smile spreads across her face.
“I saw you two at the wedding dancing… and that didn’t seem like an innocent dance between friends,” she says. Phillip’s eyes widen as he now peers up from his phone at the three of us.
My words evaporate on my tongue and I find Drex’s eyes briefly. He looks away from me, clears his throat and says, “Sometimes a dance is just a dance.”
Lisa’s eyes narrow untrustingly as she looks back and forth at us.
I clear my throat and repeat Drex’s words.
“Yeah. Sometimes a dance is just a dance.”
Lisa purses her lips, but then gives up, shrugs, and we head back across the street.
I can tell Drex wants to say something, hell I want to say something. It didn’t feel good denying my feelings for him in front of them, but we still haven’t decided what we are going to do… or I haven’t decided. There’s this job thing, William, his family… still so many unanswered questions.
The four of us stand at the elevator continuing our small talk about Mila’s wedding, and gushing about how much fun she must be having on her honeymoon. The elevator rises and we make our way upstairs, but before we arrive at our floors, everyone’s phone goes off at the same time. I fumble as I grab for mine in my purse. Our momentum slows as we reach Lisa and Phillip's floor and I say goodbye, still fumbling in my purse. When I notice neither of them step off I look up to see both Philip and Lisa looking back and forth from me to Drex with widened eyes.
“What?” Drex asks.
Phillip turns his phone toward us. It’s the company's email host.
Subject: Thought everyone should know
The only thing in the comment section is a video… our video, sent to everyone in the company.
Drex
The four of us stand like statues in the elevator as the doors slide back to a close. No one speaks right away. I snatch my phone from my pocket and open the email.
The video starts as the elevator begins climbing.
“I can't believe he'd do that,” Lisa says to no one in particular.
The video shows the moment right after Kelsa kissed me in the parking garage. Her hands are in my hair, mine slowly wrapping around her body. There's a brief exchange of words after I pull away, which the video was unable to pick up due to the distance of Tanner's phone. I cringe as I watch myself look around the garage, saying a silent prayer that this is where the video stops because I know what comes next. Kelsa’s eyes move to mine briefly with a pained expression.
I swallow hard as the elevator slows to a stop at our floor.
Phillip and Lisa are lost for words as they stare at us, and the moment the elevator opens, I grab Kelsa's hand and pull her directly toward my office.
“Oh God, oh God, oh God,” she repeats, and begins pacing the moment the door shuts behind us. “Please tell me he ended it there.”
I'm pissed and it's taking everything I have not to go find this guy. I focus on my breathing and steady myself as I watch Kelsa slowly unravel.
Fuck this guy, seriously.
“Babe. It's going to be fine.” I hear myself say.
She stares at me hard. “Let’s finish it.”
I grit my teeth and hit play. The video shows Kelsa speaking right before I move around her, backing her against the car. My mouth crashes against hers as her hands crawl up my back. The kiss is intense, it's heated. My hands slide from her hair to her breasts, where I cup them and then continue down her body. Her head falls back against the car and my lips travel down her neck. Her hands are stroking my dick through my pants, and by the time my lips find hers again, her legs are wrapped around my waist and I'm pressing against her. We continue like this on the brink of losing control against the car in the middle of the damn parking garage. It’s clear that this isn't a first kiss moment, or a moment between a couple who are new at this. This is a moment between lovers, one of passion, of familiarity and heat. There is no way anyone would believe we haven't been hiding this. By time the video gets to the part where my cellphone rings and I pull away, I can already feel the tension radiating from Kelsa.
“Oh fuck,” she says. “Oh fuck!” Her eyes are wide, her hands are in her hair. My eyes move from her as I stare back at my phone.
“Everyone saw that! Our bosses, Mr. Marsh?” she exclaims.
I'm at a total loss for words, but not due to panic, it's anger. I can't find the words to console her because all I can think about is finding this prick and beating the shit out of him. I’m staring past Kelsa now, my eyes fixed on the door, and the best I can do is to pull her against me and hold her. I do that until she calms, then I kiss her forehead and tell her I'll be right back.
I fucking can't with this guy. It's one thing to try to take my job, but it's another thing to embarrass Kelsa. Now I know why he told her she'd wish she'd quit. He's trying to make her seem easy, like a whore. Women have it hard in marketing a
nd this guy just fucked with the wrong one.
I'm already out the door by the time Kelsa realizes where I'm headed.
She calls my name, but I stalk down the hall toward the elevator. A woman and Shane are standing at the door of Kelsa's office, no doubt having just watched the video and now looking for her. I stare silently as I pass them. My hand slaps the elevator call button and it lights up.
“Drex, wait!” Kelsa says, appearing at my side. I don't speak, I just press the button a few more times willing the damn door to open, then remember the stairs and head for the door. I take them two at a time until I reach his floor and I push open the door. Their floor is identical to ours in style and in general layout. All of the office doors line the perimeter of the space, but, where we have a large meeting room in the middle of our floor, they have cubicles.
“Tanner's cube,” I say to the first person I see. An older woman, well into her fifties. The moment she lays eyes on me, recognition floods her expression.
“Over there,” she points toward the opposite end of the room.
I back out of the woman's cube and bump into Kelsa, who's been on my heels since I left the office.
“I want to kick this guy's ass myself, but he's not worth it,” she says.
“He's not,” I say, as I pace in the direction the woman pointed. “But this asshole is going to face me. This shit was cold and calculated. He knows exactly what he's doing. Shit won't fly.” My eyes fall on another worker sitting in a cubicle towards the end of the row. “Tanner's cube,” I say again.
The young guy looks from me to Kelsa and back, our video displayed on his laptop. I reach over, slamming the top down, and the kid nearly jumps out of his skin. I repeat my question. “Tanner's cube?”
The kid fumbles, dropping the pin he was holding. “Um. Three cubes up.”