What kind of parent would do that to their child? I could tell by looking at Vanessa that it was hard for her to admit that her own father would trade her for money.
“So, when you overheard him, you ran.”
She nodded. “One of the guards that always seemed to like me overheard also and helped me get out. He took me to a friend’s apartment and gave me what cash he could.”
“He should have gotten you out of there himself.”
“He has a little boy. He couldn’t leave.”
“Obviously he didn’t do enough if your father found you so quickly.”
“It wasn’t him. My friend made a deal with my father. She needed money because her parents were going to cut her off financially. She thought that if I gave the guy a chance, it could turn out really well for me.” She huffed out a laugh and sat down on the bed. “It’s a strange feeling to realize that you don’t have a single person in your life that cares about you enough to fight for you.”
I had no clue what to say or do. My family and I weren’t particularly close any more, but I still had the guys at Reed Security. They would always have my back no matter what. Vanessa had run for her life and left everyone she knew behind. I was all she had now and I wouldn’t let anyone ever make her feel like she wasn’t worth the effort again.
“Why don’t you get dressed and meet me in the living room.”
She nodded and I left the room, grabbing my phone to call Cap.
“Hey, Cap. I just talked to Vanessa. Her dad made a deal with whoever’s after her. Her dad was going to trade her for money he didn’t want to pay back.”
“Like what? To be his slave?”
“To be his wife. She doesn’t know who it was and she didn’t stick around to find out.”
“That doesn’t really help us at all.”
“No, but the problem is that if this guy doesn’t get Vanessa, he’s still going to go after her father for the money. Either way, someone will be looking for her.”
“What a clusterfuck. Keep her close.”
“You bet your ass I will.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Vanessa
“SO, WHAT DO we do?” I asked Sam as we sat down to dinner. The other guys didn’t join us tonight because of what was going on. They were on high alert until the situation was under control.
“We just go about our days like nothing’s changed. Cap will let us know if something happens.”
“Except that you’ll be with me everywhere I go.”
“Except for that.”
“You’re not going to follow me into the bathroom, are you?”
He smiled at me and shook his head. “No. I think you’re pretty safe in there. No windows are big enough to get through.”
Something had changed about Sam since we found out about Sinner being taken. I had expected him to become harsher and even more of an asshole than he normally was, but instead, he seemed to soften toward me. I didn’t know if he just felt sorry for me or if he was finally breaking down those barriers he had erected. I didn’t really care right now. I was just grateful that I didn’t have to deal with his bad mood on top of my guilt over Sinner being taken.
“Do you think they’ll find Sinner before..”
“Before he spills his secrets?” Sam eyed me as if he wasn’t sure that was what I was going to say.
“No. Before they..torture him. I know I don’t know him that well, but I can’t stand the thought of any of you going through something like that because of me.”
“It comes with the job,” he said flippantly.
“That’s what you all say.” My fork clanged to my plate in my frustration over the situation. Every single one of these men seemed to just accept that death or torture was a part of the job. “How do you just accept something like that?”
“It was ingrained in us from when we joined the military. When you sign up, it’s with the understanding that you’ll be asked to do jobs that could get you killed.”
“But you’re not in the military anymore. At what point is it enough for you guys?” I almost shouted. I didn’t understand how they could so willingly put their lives on the line for people they didn’t even know. “If I were family or at least a friend, I could maybe understand it. This is totally different. Sinner doesn’t know me. I’m just someone he was asked to bring out here. Now he’s missing and could be tortured? It’s not right.”
Sam watched me as I fought the tears that were accompanying the anger building up inside me. I was angry at my part in all this, but I was also terrified that someone might die because of me. He wheeled over to me and gripped my hand.
“I’m sorry that this is happening to you.”
“Happening to me? I’m insignificant in all this. I’m just what caused it. Good people are being dragged into this mess because of my father and his greed. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I just want everyone to come back safe. I couldn’t stand to have one more person’s blood on my hands.”
“Is that what you think? That you’re responsible for me being shot?”
“Aren’t I? You wouldn’t have been at that event if it weren’t for me.”
“I also would be out of a job if it weren’t for people like you. Look, I understand that you don’t get the mentality that we have. Yes, we willingly put ourselves in danger, and yes, I would do it for anyone I was protecting. And if it were some other random person, I might even regret it. But for you? I could never regret what happened because it means you’re still alive today.”
My breath caught when he looked into my eyes. This was the first time we had ever really discussed what had happened between us. I only hoped he wouldn’t stop talking.
“You and I both know that there was something between us back then and if something had happened to you, I would have never forgiven myself,” he continued.
“And now?”
He chuckled and rubbed his thumb over the top of my hand. “Now? Now I know that no matter what I want to happen with you, nothing can unless I can get back to the man I was.”
“Why? Do you really think I care about whether or not you walk or if you’re out chasing down bad guys? Actually, I would prefer you weren’t out chasing down bad guys.”
“You may not care, but I do. It’s not that I can’t walk or that my world is so much different from what it was a few months ago. It’s that I’m different. I get angry a lot faster and I can’t trust myself to treat you the way you should be treated as long as I’m this way.”
I didn’t buy it. “So, it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re in that chair?”
“I would be lying if I said no. I can’t stand that you see me like this. I can’t stand for anyone to see me like this. I’m supposed to be a protector and I couldn’t protect you now if I wanted to. But that’s not what’s really holding me back from wanting more with you.”
“You never know what’s going to happen in life. What if we just did what we wanted and took things one day at a time? No pressure.”
“I could never do that to you. What the hell would I do if things didn’t get better for me and I was already in deep with you? How the hell would I ever walk away?”
“Why would you have to walk away?” Men were so confusing. It was strange because men thought women were complicated, but I practically had to pull teeth to get him to tell me what the heart of the problem was.
“I know myself. If things don’t get better for me, I’ll get more bitter over time. You think I’m pissed now at how things are? This is nothing. I know myself and sitting behind a desk and watching all my buddies go off and do the job that I’m supposed to do will kill me. I’m not trying to give you excuses. I’m telling you that I know this about myself and there is no way that I could ever put you through that.”
“If you know this is temporary and I know this is temporary, why couldn’t we just go with it? At some point, when this is all over, I’ll need to find my own way in this world. I won’t be living off my father
and I could actually go find something to do that I enjoy. Believe me, I never wanted to major in art history. This is my chance to have the kind of life I want. So, until our time is up, let’s not worry about the rest.”
He shook his head slightly. “I don’t know that I can do that. You don’t take a taste of something you crave and then put it down. You savor it. You devour it. You’re not someone I could walk away from.”
I knew that he was right. What I felt back in Pittsburgh with him was life altering and though I’d only seen glimpses of that man since I’d been here the past week, I knew that if Sam ever allowed himself to be the man he once was, there would be no walking away.
I was suddenly very uncomfortable with our conversation and wanted to get away. I knew that he was just being honest with me and trying to keep both of us from getting hurt, but the sting of rejection was still something that I felt.
“I think I’ll clean up the dishes now.”
I stood and started clearing the plates, but Sam grabbed my wrist. “Hey, don’t do that. Don’t start thinking that I don’t want you. I do, but I can’t give you what you need without hurting both of us.”
I gave a small smile and walked over to the sink. It was the story of my life, apparently. I was someone that was wanted, but not someone worth fighting for. Even when I told him that we could keep things temporary, it still wasn’t enough to be worth the risk.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Um, what are you doing?” I asked as Sam wheeled into my bedroom.
“I’m staying in here for the night. Don’t worry, I’ll sleep in the chair.”
“Wait, why are you staying in here?”
“Because, there’s someone out there that took Sinner to get to you. We have no idea if he’s given up anything on your location, so until we do, I’m attached to your hip. We’ve gone over this already,” he said as if I was slow on the uptake.
“I know we have. I just didn’t realize that you were going to take it this far.”
“I may not be able to chase after the bad guys, but I can still shoot straight. I just can’t do it from the other room.”
“I thought this place was like Fort Knox. Won’t sensors go off and the sky fall if anyone tries to get past your security?”
“That’s the general idea, but even I’m not too proud to admit that the right person could hack my system.”
I went to my side of the bed and slid under the covers, watching as Sam got himself comfortable on the chair. It looked awful for him and as much as he wouldn’t want to admit it, that probably wasn’t a good position for him to sleep in with his present condition.
“Why don’t you just come sleep in the bed? There’s plenty of room and I promise to stay on my side of the bed.”
“I’m fine over here.”
“Yeah, and I’m sure you’ll be stiff in the morning and it’ll be harder than it usually is for you to get around.”
I probably shouldn’t have said that last part. Pointing out the downfalls of the strong man in the wheelchair was not the smartest thing I’d ever done. Still, pretending like it wasn’t true wasn’t helpful either.
“Look, I don’t want to be responsible for any more issues for you. So, either you get in the other side of the bed or I’m going to sleep on the floor.”
“That’s ridiculous. It’s your bed and I’m not going to make you uncomfortable just so I can do my job.”
“Yeah. You’re right. It would be uncomfortable to sleep next to a man that I find insanely attractive and want to lick every inch of, but I’m sure I could summon the strength to endure it,” I said sarcastically.
“Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me. Aren’t you?”
I laughed so hard that tears were streaming down my face. Never had I expected that Sam would quote the graduate.
“Would you like me to seduce you?” I asked. Although I was smiling, my heart started beating rapidly as I wondered what his answer would be. Would he quote the movie or would he try to wiggle his way out of this one?
“Goodnight, Vanessa.”
Disappointment hit hard, but I bit it back and smiled that he had at least joked with me for a few minutes.
“Goodnight, Sam.”
✯✯✯✯✯
“It’s time to get up, sweetheart.”
“Hmmm. Sam, you’re so comfy. I don’t want to leave the bed yet.”
A low chuckle rumbled through the chest I slept on top of. What? I shot up in bed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. A very sexy Sam was lying in bed in just his sweats. Damn, he looked hot. And I had been sleeping on him.
“When did you come to bed?”
“Middle of the night. You were right. It was very uncomfortable to sleep in that chair.”
“Excuse me? Did you just say that I was right?” I feigned shock.
“Yeah, don’t let it go to your head.”
“Don’t let it go to my head that you not only admitted that I was right, but you also snuggled up to me in the middle of the night?”
“Let’s look at this logically for a minute,” he said with a lazy grin. “Me, the man who can barely move below the waist, crawled into your bed last night and somehow managed to pull you against me and hold you to me the whole night?”
“Well, when you put it that way, it does sound a bit unrealistic.” He smiled triumphantly. “But I know your true strength. Remember that I was conscious when you hauled me over your shoulder and hoisted me into your wheelchair off the bathroom floor with the strength of a demigod.”
“Something I still haven’t forgiven you for.”
“I’m surprised you focused on that and not the demigod part.”
His smile faltered slightly, but he continued. “Well, even if I don’t have the abilities of a demigod, I will admit to having amazing upper body strength.”
“So modest.”
“You brought it up. I just agreed with it.”
It got quiet as we both watched each other for a moment. When my eyes started drifting down his body, I decided food was the best distraction.
“I think I’ll make some breakfast. Should I ask the guys if they’d like something?”
He nodded and swung his legs off the bed to get in his wheelchair. Our playful morning had turned slightly uncomfortable. As I made breakfast, I tried to figure out what had made Sam do a one eighty from the other day. The only thing I could figure out was that he pitied me, and that was something that I couldn’t stand. I didn’t want pity, just like he didn’t want it because he was in a wheelchair.
“Are you being nice to me because you feel sorry for me?” I asked as I set his breakfast on the table. He wheeled up to it and gave me a curious look.
“Sorry?”
“When I came here, you were a total asshole to me. I was invading your space and you didn’t want the guys around. Then we had the bet and you were forced to be nice to me for the whole day, but I could tell that you were still irritated. Then we got the call about Sinner yesterday and all the sudden, you’re being nice to me.”
“Yo!” a shout came from the front door. “What’s for breakfast, my little sweet potato?” Jules said walking into the kitchen.
“Answer me,” I said forcefully.
“What do you want me to tell you? Yes, I’m an asshole most of the time. What do you expect? I’m in this fucking chair and the things I used to be able to do, I can’t fucking do anymore. I have special handrails for taking a piss on the toilet. Sebastian had to have my kitchen counter altered so I could still fucking cook.”
“That doesn’t explain why you’re being nice to me all the sudden. You don’t want me to pity you, but now you’re doing the same to me.”
“Uh, maybe we shouldn’t have come for breakfast,” John said to Jules and Chris.
“I don’t pity you! I like you and it kills me to know that your own fucking father had so little love for you that he was willing to trade you like cattle. So I said to myself, ‘why the fuck are you being an asshol
e to a person that doesn’t deserve it?’ And I didn’t have a good reason other than I was feeling sorry for myself and you were a good person to take it out on. So I could keep treating you like shit like everyone else in your life or I could try to be the man that I once was. The man that would try to take care of you and make sure that no one would ever make you feel like you were nothing. I may not be able to give you all of me, but I can sure as fuck treat you the way you deserve to be.”
You could have heard a pin drop. The guys hadn’t left and were staring at both of us, as if we were some reality TV show they couldn’t stop watching. When I looked at the guys, they were all staring at me, like they expected me to make some smart ass remark or snap back at him, but I was stunned.
“Well, okay then.”
I turned back to the stove and plated up more dishes for the rest of the guys who were still standing in the doorway to the kitchen.
“Sit down, assholes. Vanessa made breakfast,” Sam grumbled.
“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Jules said, rubbing his hands together.
“What did we miss? We weren’t here for a day and all the sudden you two are getting along,” John said.
“Did you not just hear her harping on me for being nice to her?” Sam asked. “Here I was, trying not to be a total asshole for once, and now she has a problem with that.”
I raised an eyebrow at him, but he winked at me. Frickin’ winked at me! What the hell was going on? Had we entered some parallel universe where Sam suddenly was a jovial person? Maybe jovial wasn’t the right word, but he was definitely nicer.
“What’s for dinner tonight?” John asked.
“Um, I hadn’t really thought about it. I guess I need to see what we have.”
“Are you taking requests?” Chris asked.
“Hey, that’s not fair. She made you meatloaf the other night. Give someone else a turn,” Jules scowled at him.
“I think since it’s my house, I should be the one that gets to make the requests.”
Cazzo: A Reed Security Romance (Reed Security Series Book 3) Page 8