“Man up, Joshua. Stop messing around. Harness your will. If a being as powerful as this showed up for you? It’s a pretty big sign. I’m frankly more than a little worried about that larger danger message, and we’re sure as hell going to need to discuss that, but the message for you? It’s clear as day.”
Joshua bristled at the “man up,” hating that term. But he took Legis’s point. He had to. But…
“So what do I need to do?” he said, trying not to sound like a mewling jerk.
“You need to look at the ways you’ve been living your life,” Frater Louis said, calm and cool as a cucumber, despite the thick emotions in the room. “You need to take a clear, hard look at what restricts you. Keeps you in chains. Diminishes your life force and your power. And why.”
His gaze caught Joshua’s with so much kindness, Joshua could have wept.
“Some people are truly chained by their circumstances. Grinding poverty. Abuse so hideous we don’t even want to imagine it. Any number of things that humans create to control one another rather than letting each person live his will, as he wills. But you, Joshua? That isn’t you. You’ve only chained yourself.”
Tears filled Joshua’s eyes then, but he held Frater Louis’s gaze, unflinching, the truth of the man’s words penetrating every cell in his body.
“That isn’t true,” Joshua said. “My partner was taken away from me.”
“And you’re finally ready to deal with it,” Louis replied calmly. “That’s good. We can help you.”
They sat that way for a while, three men around a table, breathing together.
Finally, Joshua wiped his face.
“So what do I do?” he repeated.
“You have a lot of options, brother,” Legis said. “Just choose one. Stick with it for a while. Train yourself again. Train with us if you want to.”
Legis stretched his big hands across the table, and pried Joshua’s hand from the glass. Then he held Joshua’s hands in his own.
“Get free. Then figure out how to help other people get free, too.”
Joshua, never a crier, couldn’t stop the tears.
13
Selene
They were still in Raquel’s garden, and it was still hot, though the cold lemonade was helping. Selene felt calmer, though a little wrung out. Alejandro had added a splash of rum to Selene’s glass, and Selene had to admit, that was helping too.
The witches of Arrow and Crescent used alcohol pretty deliberately. It was one of the things Selene appreciated about them. Oh, they weren’t immune to the charms of a good party, but they also knew how and when to use alcohol medicinally. On occasion, a small amount of booze could help modulate wide open psychic channels, easing the openings to smaller, more manageable wavelengths.
The untrained psychic often misused alcohol, it being the only tool they had to slam things shut when things got frightening or overwhelming. Arrow and Crescent made damn certain every member had the tools to bring themselves and one another back into alignment when the magical workings grew more powerful than most humans could stand. They had the tools to navigate the astral planes properly, and were trained to meet the Powers, the Elements, the Goddesses and Gods.
And some days? They helped you out with a splash of rum in ice cold lavender lemonade when you’d had too many days of intensity in a row.
They’d been discussing the overdoses and the case of flying ointment that had shown up on the stoop of The Road Home. Most of the coven agreed that the two things felt too synchronous to not be connected, especially given that Tabitha had offered Selene some ointment, and then ended up in the hospital pretty shortly after.
Word was that the seizures were preceded by heart arrhythmia. Something was short-circuiting people, and doing so pretty quickly, if Tabitha was an example.
“We never catch a break these days, do we?” Alejandro said. “There’s no breathing room to just do our jobs and enjoy being a coven anymore.”
“We are here to serve,” Brenda reminded him.
“Yes, of course we are.” Alejandro gestured with his lemonade. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to just enjoy a holiday for once this year.”
Selene had to agree but felt too wiped out to even nod. They took another drink of spiked lemonade.
“I hate to be even more of a Solstice party-pooper,” Moss said, rummaging through his messenger bag, black faux hawk bobbing as he attempted to peer inside. The cavernous purse Moss called his Bag of Holding was so loaded with pins, patches, and buttons, Selene could barely tell it started out khaki. Not Your Asian Sidekick read one button. Black Lives Matter said another. There was also a Hufflepuff school crest patch, which was pretty damn endearing. Just like Moss. One of the newer coven members, Moss didn’t always say much, deferring to Brenda and Raquel unless he had something solid to contribute.
Moss pulled a crumpled flier from his bag and smoothed it out over his thigh. “I pulled this off a corkboard at Daily Grind,” he grinned. “Sorry Raquel, but I date other coffee shops.”
Raquel gave a pfft and a wave.
“Any of you heard of this guy?”
He held up the flier. The Shamanic Mysteries it read, in bold, black letters.
“Hoo, boy,” Raquel said. “You better read us the rest of that.”
Moss cleared his throat. “Have you ever wondered if there was more to life than meets the eye? Have you ever wanted to tap into the power of your mind? Have you ever longed to journey to realms unseen? You are not alone.”
“Damn it,” Alejandro groused. “Who the hell are these people?”
That made Selene smirk a little. Totally upstanding, and a little tight-laced, Alejandro hated anything that smacked of a charlatan taking advantage of n00bs.
“But wait,” Moss held up a finger, “there’s more! ‘Uncover the secrets known by alchemists and shamans of old. Unleash the power of magic and change your life.’”
Moss passed the flier to Raquel, who was holding out her hand, lips tight and brow furrowed. She was working on a mad, which, if Selene weren’t so wiped, and the situations they were dealing with weren’t so serious, might have been amusing.
“Who the hell blends alchemy, shamanism, and who knows what other forms of magic and tries to sell it to people?” Raquel said.
“Fools,” Brenda replied. “Can I see that? The flying ointment jars Joshua brought in mentioned alchemy.”
Brenda hovered one hand over the flier, trying to sense an energy signature. After a few moments, she shook her head, silver drop earrings shaking.
“Nope. My psychometry’s just not good enough. Lucy? If I get you a jar of that ointment, can you see if there’s a connection? Joshua gave one to me and I left in my car.”
Every witch in the coven had their specialty. While most people were fluent in several magical and psychic techniques, it was great to be able to draw on someone’s particular strength when needed. The array of skillsets made the coven a stronger, more cohesive whole.
While Brenda went off to her car, Lucy closed her eyes and attempted to tune in to the flier.
The housepainter’s blue sundress floated around the chair she was sitting on, caught by a welcome breeze. Selene watched, always interested in how other people’s skills worked. Selene thought of the design that still needed finishing, trying to capture a bit of Lucy’s essence in their mind as she worked. Perhaps Selene could weave a bit of Lucy’s magic into the ad. Something to entice customers. To set Lucy’s business apart.
Brenda scurried back into the yard. “I’m sorry. It got melted in the car, so be careful with it.”
Lucy opened her eyes and held out a hand, keeping the flier anchored with the other. Her pale brown hand closed around the two-ounce glass jar. Selene felt as Lucy’s breath deepened and slowed down. They could almost sense Lucy’s ætheric body simultaneously opening to the paper and the jar.
“I need the table,” Lucy said, eyes opening again. Alejandro set up a chair at the white wrought iron table a
s Moss and Raquel cleared the lemonade, scones, and rum to one side. Clutching the jar and paper, Lucy sat down.
“Thanks.” Then she started the whole process again. After three minutes listening to the distant party, a chattering squirrel, and the clink of ice cubes in lemonade glasses, Lucy shook her head.
“There’s something there, but I can’t get a clear enough read on either the jar or the flier.” She looked at Brenda and then over to Raquel. “I want to open the jar.”
“I really wouldn’t do that,” Brenda said. “We don’t know what’s in there.”
Lucy looked at Raquel again. Raquel shrugged. “I think Brenda’s right. But I’m also not going to stop you.”
Lucy cracked open the lid of the jar. Brought the half liquid ointment close to her face and sniffed. Her mouth turned down slightly. “Tobias?” she asked. “What do you smell?”
Tobias set down his lemonade and got up from his chair. When he got to the table, hands behind his back so as not to touch anything, he sniffed.
“Well…along with the base oils, I smell traces of the usual. Some datura. Belladonna. Mugwort. A little cannabis… Salvia.” He sniffed again, then stood, rubbing a hand over his soul patch, dark hair flopping over his pale forehead. “There’s something else I can’t identify though.”
Lucy stuck a finger in the jar.
“Lucy!” Brenda said. “What in Goddess’s name do you think you’re doing?”
Lucy closed her eyes again and rubbed the fingers of her right hand together, clearly trying to get a sense of the salve. “I can’t get a proper hit on this and it’s driving me crazy. I can almost taste the person who made this and…”
Selene saw sweat pop up on Lucy’s face. Was it there before? Just from the temperature.
“Oh no,” Lucy moaned.
Raquel was instantly at her side. “What’s happening?”
Lucy smacked her left hand against her temple. “Headache. Bad. Nausea.”
“Tobias?” Raquel asked, eyes never leaving Lucy.
“None of those herbs should have that effect. I mean, they could, but only in concentration. And not that quickly.”
“Shit,” Selene said, leaping up. It all came rushing in. Janice. Tabitha. “She’s being poisoned! Tobias! What do we need to do?”
Lucy’s pupils dilated.
Tobias grabbed Lucy’s right hand and plunged it into the pitcher of lemonade. Raquel picked up a napkin, grabbed the lid, and quickly screwed it back on the jar.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Raquel said. “Moss! Go in the kitchen and get a bowl, dish soap, and a towel!”
Moss ran off toward the house. Raquel ran to the garden hose, cranked the valve open, and ran back to the table. “Get her hand out of the lemonade!”
Tobias yanked Lucy’s hand out, and held it away from the table. Raquel squeezed the hose trigger and doused Lucy’s fingers with hard spray. Selene felt the spray hit their legs.
“Tobias! Get her hand closer to the ground. I don’t want this stuff flying off her skin and hitting someone.”
Tobias got Lucy down to the ground, holding her as Raquel drenched them both.
Moss ran back with a bowl, towel and soap.
“Forget the bowl! Just dump the soap on her hands! But don’t touch her fingers!”
Moss squirted pale yellow, viscous liquid over Lucy’s hands. Lucy rubbed her hands together as the soap and water cascaded to the grass. Moss squirted more soap. Lucy scrubbed and scrubbed her hands.
Selene watched, aghast, helpless to do anything else. They felt that creeping, lifting sensation along their skin again. And then a slight tug. No! Selene practically shouted the word, imagining their ætheric body flaring, shoving whatever it was away.
Alejandro stood next to Selene and pulled them close. Selene wrapped an arm around his trim waist, trying to hold themself together.
“You okay?” he murmured near their ear. Selene just nodded. They looked up at his profile, and the sheen from the hose on his face. Should Selene tell him about whatever it was? The hook or whatever it was that Cassiel sensed in their aura, and that they never got around to talking about today?
It barely seemed important anymore.
“Okay. Okay. Stop,” Tobias said. “If there are still toxins on her skin, we can’t reach them. Lucy, we’ve got to get you to urgent care now, okay?”
Raquel released the hose trigger. The summer sounds returned. Finches. A hummingbird in dive. Music.
Moss handed Lucy the dishtowel. She began to dry her hands, then moved to wipe her wet legs.
“Lucy,” Moss said, “Don’t touch the rest of you with that towel, okay? I’ll run and get a bath towel from the house.”
“Let’s get you up,” Tobias said, arms around Lucy, helping her to stand.
“I’ll get my car,” Raquel said.
14
Joshua
Legis, kindly, would not let Joshua go home, so the men were at a pizza place in NE Portland, not too far from Joshua’s house. Every window was wide open. The outdoor patio was packed. But Legis knew the couple that owned HearthFire and had been able to score one of the few two tops in the place. Every other slab of wood was occupied by parties of four to eight, all in varied phases of party mode.
With a pitcher of local lager in between them, and a large pie on the way, Legis seemed intent on getting Joshua to reveal all of his secrets. Trouble was, Joshua had spent years avoiding those selfsame secrets, so articulating them was proving difficult. Even after his waterworks at Light Eternal Lodge.
The lager was crisp and cool, which was good, because the restaurant was overly warm.
“I don’t know how the guys working the ovens stand this,” he remarked.
“I wouldn’t want the job,” Legis replied. “Give me drug addicts over sweating in front of a massive open flame, any day. Even midwinter, it’s got to suck.”
They both drank.
It was clear Legis was just waiting him out now.
“I feel so stupid,” Joshua finally said.
“And why is that?”
Joshua swallowed. Drank some beer. Looked out the window at a young Black couple feeding pizza to three small kids. They looked like they were having a blast, which was nice. Too often, Joshua saw parents of young kids and they just looked tired. The dad wiped a smear of sauce from the youngest boy’s face. The boy high-fived his father with a tiny, chubby hand.
“I feel stupid for taking so long to figure out what’s going on with me. I feel stupid for slacking. For God’s sake, I own a damn esoteric shop!” He drank more beer. “I feel stupid for all the years I’ve run away from…”
The pizza arrived, carried by a short, skinny white woman with a shaved head and three piercings above her right eyebrow. She set the pizza stand on the table with a flourish, and placed the giant pie perfectly in the center of the wire ring.
“Get you anything else?” she asked.
“No, thank you,” Legis replied. Before he even finished the sentence, she was on the move.
Legis poked one of the slices, then poured more lager into their pint glasses. He must have decided the cheese needed to cool down.
“Run away from what?” he asked.
“Myself.” But no. That was only part of it. “Jessie… Love.”
“Ah. The old fear of confronting our desires move.”
“What do you mean?”
Legis grabbed a slice of pizza and transferred it to his plate. He shoved a bite of pepperoni, mozzarella, and arugula into his mouth and chewed. Then he did it again.
Joshua grabbed a slice for himself and took a bite.
“Gods, that’s good.”
Legis nodded and dabbed his face with a napkin.
“I really wish you were a Thelemite. It would make explaining all of this so much easier.” He scratched his chin, then picked up his diminishing slice and took another bite. Joshua could practically see the wheels turning as Legis chewed.
He took two more bites of his
own slice before Legis spoke again.
“People think desire is bad. It isn’t. We just can’t be attached to the outcome, right? That’s what trips us up. People get so attached to what they think love should look like, or work, or success. So they miss what love or success actually are. Uncle Al talks about ‘Pure will, unassuaged of purpose, delivered of lust of result.’”
Legis wiped his hands on his napkin and took another swig of beer.
“You didn’t get the result you thought you wanted, so you gave up your will and purpose. Happens all the time.”
Legis grabbed another slice.
Joshua sat back in his chair.
“Holy shit,” he said. It was as if everything about the past five years had been instantly illuminated. “You’re right. You’re fucking right. I couldn’t bring her back, no matter what I did, so I think I just started to fade away.”
Joshua grabbed a second slice, but before he took a bite, he had to ask.
“So, what do you think I should do now?”
“Eat pizza. Drink beer. Enjoy these people. Enjoy the heck out of all of it.”
Joshua chewed. Swallowed. Drank some more beer.
“I see what you’re getting at,” he said. “But it’s not enough, and you know it.”
Legis put down his slice again, looking slightly annoyed at the interruption of his own enjoyment.
Tough. He was the one who’d insisted on coming out in the first place. If Joshua had to suffer through himself, Legis had to, too.
Legis finally shrugged. “I don’t know, man. That’s up to each person. We all have to figure out will and desire for ourselves. But if I were you?”
“Yeah?”
Legis raised his pint glass, gesturing for Joshua to do the same.
“I would join Light Eternal Lodge and get serious about studying again.”
Then he clinked his glass to Joshua’s and made a toast.
“Ninety-three, my man. Love is the law, love under will.”
By Moon Page 7