by Kylie Brant
“Are you drunk?”
“No.” He raised the glass before him and contemplated its contents. “But it’s an option I’ve been seriously considering.” He watched the way she scanned the room and his brow arched. “Looking for bodies?”
Her attention snapped back to him. “Of course not. I just…I mean, it was late when I went up. I assume you showed Sully to his room?”
“A couple of hours ago.”
He said nothing else, and for a sudden aching moment she doubted he would. Was this just one more experience then, for him to shove into a forgotten corner of his mind, one he would do his best to avoid dealing with?
She edged further into the room and perched gingerly on the edge of the couch. “So how long will Sully and Ellie be staying?”
“They’re leaving today.”
She bounced from the couch with the energy of a launching rocket. “I knew it! I just knew it!” The anger flooded, as much at herself as at him. She despised herself for the fragile bud of hope that had blossomed inside her. Hated to admit that her desire for things to be different could still blind her to the reality. A couple of paces took her away from the desk, then she whirled to stride over to it. Shoving her face close to his, she accused, “You did everything you could to push him away, didn’t you? You just couldn’t hold out one tiny particle of faith that Sully could actually be something to you. Mean something to you. Because you’re scared. Scared and selfish.”
He replaced the glass on the desk without taking a drink. He watched as fury pushed her away from the desk, carried her across the room and then back again. “Selfish?”
“You’re damn right, selfish. That’s exactly what it’s called when you hoard parts of yourself like a miser, as if by opening up you chance someone sneaking in and stealing them.”
“Actually,” he said slowly, “that’s a fairly accurate description of what’s happened.”
She didn’t stop to listen. Disappointment and nerves rasped fresh, raw wounds inside her. Furiously she called herself every kind of fool. For believing that things could change. For wanting to believe it.
“I didn’t kick him out, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“No,” she agreed caustically. “You rolled out the red carpet, right? Made him feel right at home like a member of the family? Oh, I forgot. You don’t have any family. You won’t let yourself.”
The glint in his eyes could have been temper. In the next instant it was gone. “Sully couldn’t take much time away from work right now. He told me that when I called him. He’s in the middle of a case.”
Not entirely pacified, she stopped to eye him suspiciously.
“He’s a DEA agent in Florida.”
“Oh.” The memory of the pale scar that stretched across Sully’s neck flashed into her mind, and a shudder worked through her. No doubt the man was as tough and hardened as Jed. There was absolutely no reason to be encouraged by the fact that the two men had exchanged such rudimentary information as their occupations. She wouldn’t allow herself to be.
He took out a cigarette and lit it, causing her brows to climb. “Taking a liking for living on the edge?”
“After the last few hours, one more cigarette isn’t going to matter.” For the first time, she noticed the heavy cut glass on the desk filled to overflowing with cigarette stubs.
“I’m going to arm Annie with the wooden spoon myself.”
He inhaled deeply and released a narrow stream of smoke. “She’ll have to take on two of us, and I’m betting I can outrun her.”
“So, Sully smokes.” Calmer now, she sat down again.
“Something you have in common.”
“A bit more than that, it seems.” Pensive, he blew out a smoke ring. “It appears we share the same mother.”
It was so little, but more, much more than she’d begun to expect. “You believe him, then?”
At first she didn’t think he’d even heard her. He was watching the smoke that drifted between them reflectively. His answer, when it came, seemed directed as much to himself as to her. “I really don’t remember much about her. But the life he described seemed like a long-forgotten echo. The poverty, the men.” His gaze slowly lifted to hers then, and held. “The drugs.”
His voice had a rawness to it that made her wish she could leap in and save him from the scars inside that had never quite healed. She remained motionless. There was no rescue from feeling, no escape from emotion. It was a lesson Jed had learned from the most bitter experience.
“I’m sorry,” she said, and meant it. Sorry that the memories he had of his childhood were ragged bits of hurt and despair. And sorry he seemed intent on letting them ruin any chance of happiness he could have in his future.
He seemed to find the glowing tip of his cigarette fascinating. “Sully did some research before coming here.”
“I wondered how he found you.”
He lifted a shoulder. “Since I took back the name Sullivan it probably was simple. He had my original birth certificate. Mine and Cage’s.”
Her heart was a dull knot in her chest. “Did you tell him about the fire?”
“He already knew. Seems he has copies of the court proceedings to sever custody.” His gaze finally lifted, as if drawn by an invisible force. His voice was deceptively detached when he added, “The proceedings were for two children.”
She blinked, comprehension slow to dawn. “But you said Cage was…”
“Dead.” He completed her words when her voice trailed off. “I thought…I was always sure…”
Hope unfurled inside her. Understanding came on wings. “Oh, my gosh. Oh, Jed.” She sprang to her feet and moved, unconscious of doing so. She rounded the desk and came to stand before him. “You were told Cage was gone, and to your traumatized mind that meant dead. But he must have been alive, had to have been, to have been named in the court proceedings.” The prospect dazzled; relief flooded her. “There’s some other explanation. He was placed in a different foster home, he was adopted….”
“You’re way ahead of me,” he warned. “All we know is that Cage survived the fire. We don’t know what happened to him, or if it would be possible to find him.”
She surveyed him with eyes suddenly brimming. She wondered if he even realized how naturally he’d just said we. “But you’re going to try.” The words were a dare, one she could only hope he’d take her up on.
“Sully intends to.”
When he said nothing else, she could have wept with frustration. “What about you?”
Slowly, meticulously, he stubbed the cigarette out and dropped it in the glass with the others. “I told him I might be tied up for a while.”
“What can be more important than reaching out for your first chance of family?”
“We’ve got things to settle. You and me.”
Her gaze streaked to his and her nerves stumbled. “You and me?”
“I’ve been thinking about what you said.” He rubbed his fingers across his palms in a nervous motion that was curiously unlike him. “About the last few weeks. About…everything.” With restrained violence he pushed away from the desk to pace. “I hate that you’re leaving because you’ve lost everything that’s meant something to you. Because Harley hurt you…again.” His eyes were flinty with suppressed emotion. “I hate that I was part of that.”
She shrugged awkwardly. At that moment she knew exactly how bitter pity felt, when it was directed at her. “Like you said, if you hadn’t bought the ranch, someone else would have.”
“You don’t have to leave.” The words hung like fragile crystals between them, as if the slightest force could shatter them.
She released a pent-up breath. “Yes.” She forced the word out and struggled to mean it. “I do.”
He wasn’t looking at her anymore. He dragged his hand through his hair and stared at the floor. “You’re only leaving because you think there isn’t a place for you here anymore. You’re wrong. You could stay.” The words began to p
our from him in a deluge. “The place belongs to you as much as me, in a way.”
She struggled to keep the ache from her voice. “Not in any way that matters.”
“It could. Legally. If you married me.”
Shock shot her spine with steel. “Married you.”
His gaze was so fierce, she felt scalded by his regard.
“It’s not such a bad deal. You’d get to live here. I know you love the ranch. Half of it would be yours. You’d be close to Gabe, to Annie. You could still finish school. Hell, I’ll even teach you to fly.”
Taking advantage of her stillness, he strode over to her and took her shoulders in his hands. “Think about it.” His voice was a warm river of temptation trickling through her mind. “I can give you exactly what you want.”
“Can you, Jed?” she asked in an aching whisper. “Can you really?”
His hands rubbed up and down on her arms in a heated glide, bringing a shiver to her skin, a heaviness to her heart.
“It sounds like you’ve thought this out. You’ve managed to appeal to my love for this place, my need for security and my sense of adventure. Too bad I recently decided that I deserve more.”
A muscle worked in his jaw then. “You mean the ranch isn’t enough for you.” He dropped his hands and moved away. “Well, that shouldn’t be so surprising, I guess. I never thought the day would come when I’d feel the same way.”
She went completely still. “What?”
Driven to move, he paced the room, away from her, back again. He didn’t seem to have heard her. “It should have been enough. It would have been…” He shook his head in frustrated bafflement. “You changed everything, Jules. You said you deserve more. And damn you, you’ve made me want more, too. I want it all. I must be crazy. I know I’m crazy about you.”
That stopped her breathing for a moment, but just for a moment. Then heat suffused her, and her pulse began to thrum. “Nice touch, Sullivan.”
“You could walk away at any time. I realize that. I know a wedding isn’t a guarantee.”
“I could walk away from the ranch,” she agreed. “It isn’t the land that would hold me.”
He hadn’t seemed to have heard her. “You talk about taking risks. Well, this is the biggest one I can imagine. But there’s no other way for me, Jules. I love you.” He stopped, seeming as shocked as she at hearing the words. He reached for her, ran a finger down her throat. “I love you. And I’m willing to take a gamble that given enough time, you’ll love me back.” She noted the tension in his jaw, the control it took for him to relax it again, and her heart turned over at his show of nerves.
It was difficult to swallow around the boulder in her throat. “Still going for the sure thing, Sullivan?”
His eyes brightened, and he slid his hand up her neck to cup her jaw. “What are you saying?”
“Just that I love you, too.” His eyes squeezed shut for a moment in a display of emotion that made her heart stutter and swell. Then they were reopened, trained on her intently.
“Say it again.” He pulled her up and into his arms, demand implicit in his touch, in his words.
She complied willingly. “You, too.” Her hand tangled in the hair at his nape. “I’m getting a taste for even odds, myself.”
“I need you.” His mouth pressed against the pulse throbbing at the base of her throat, cruised up her neck.
“I’m not letting you go.” He took her earlobe between his teeth. “I’m willing to bet we’re for keeps.”
She twined both arms around his neck and smiled brightly. “That’s one bet I’ll take you up on, cowboy.”
ISBN: 978-1-4268-8340-8
HEARTBREAK RANCH
Copyright © 1999 by Kimberly Bahnsen
All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the editorial office, Silhouette Books, 300 East 42nd Street, New York, NY 10017 U.S.A.
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*The Sullivan Brothers