by Pam Howes
Dora swallowed the lump in her throat. She was tempted, so tempted. No more struggling and both her daughters under one roof, back in her own little house. They could move on from Joe’s infidelity. But when she looked up and saw the hunger in his eyes, she knew she couldn’t risk it. Another pregnancy would finish her off. The doctor had warned of the likelihood of falling into depression again after giving birth, even of the risk of suicide and the possibility of her harming any further babies. There was no guarantee that she wouldn’t fall pregnant again, no matter what they did to try to prevent it. Sterilisation was the only solution and she’d already turned that idea down. She was glad she had as well, because she’d recently read a magazine article about a woman who’d had her womb removed to prevent further pregnancies after a sterilisation operation failed and she’d almost lost her life giving birth.
Dora couldn’t take any chances; she had to let him go. They’d never be able to live together like a proper man and wife, and he might stray again, if not with Ivy then another woman. She couldn’t expect him to live like a monk for ever. He was too young for that and he was an attractive man. It wasn’t fair. But the choice had to be hers and although it would further break her heart she had to tell him.
She pulled her hand away from his. ‘I’m sorry, Joe. I… I don’t love you enough to give us another try,’ she lied as his hazel eyes clouded with hurt. ‘We need to start getting that divorce sorted as soon as possible. We’ve been apart for ages now so it shouldn’t take too long. You should move on and start afresh.’
‘But, Dora, I love you; I don’t want to start afresh. Surely you can see how much better it will be for the girls and for us. If I change jobs, Carol will have to go to strangers after school and in the holidays. She’s struggling as it is. And there’s no way you’ll get her back while you’re at your mam’s. There’s no spare bedroom for starters. The welfare takes all that into account, you know. You’re being selfish. You should think about the kids. Okay, you say you don’t love me enough. I don’t believe you, but even if it’s true I don’t want to be apart from you. I’m happy enough to put up with it if you’ll come back to me.’
Dora chewed her lip. ‘I’m not the selfish one, Joe. You ruined it for us when you slept with Ivy. I can’t trust you. Don’t you see that? I’m sorry, but I just can’t do it. I’m probably going to be leaving Mam’s place in a couple of weeks anyway. I’ll write to the welfare people and let them know as soon as I’ve got my own house, with two bedrooms. I’m going to carry on fighting tooth and nail to get custody of Carol again, Joe. And I’m determined to get to the bottom of who reported me. If I find out it was that bloody Ivy, I’ll kill her.’ She turned and stormed out of the hall, leaving the two ladies who were filling tea pots staring after her and shaking their heads at Joe, who was following on her heels.
He grabbed her arm and pulled her round to face him. ‘What was all that about?’ he demanded. ‘It wasn’t Ivy who reported you. I can assure you of that. And what do you mean about a house? Where is it? How come you haven’t told me until now?’
Dora pulled away from him and pointed in Sadie’s direction. ‘It’s Sadie’s neighbour’s house. She’s just told me about it. The neighbour’s moving out and all being well, I’m going to take over the tenancy. I’ll be moving in with Jackie as soon as I can and then she and Carol can share a room when I get her back.’
Joe frowned. ‘You can’t take the kids to live down there. It’s like a bombsite still. Half the houses are falling down. It’s bloody dangerous, Dora, and there’s rats as big as dogs running around.’
Dora shuddered inwardly at the thought of rats of any size, but stubbornly stood her ground. ‘It’s only temporary. We’ll get rehoused quite quickly, I’m sure,’ she said, with more confidence than she was feeling. ‘And hopefully I’ll get some work, living in the city. More than round here anyway. I’ll try a few of the drapers’ shops to see if there’s any out-work available.’
Joe shook his head wearily and followed her back to the girls, dancing on the lawn with a crowd of other children to the Boys’ Brigade band, who were playing a rendition of ‘The Sailor’s Hornpipe’. ‘Look, can we just agree to be friends, for their sake?’
She nodded, hating arguing with him in full view of all their neighbours. ‘Of course.’ She lowered her voice. ‘Look, I’m sorry I can’t be more than that to you, Joe. Let’s just try and enjoy the rest of the day with the kids.’
Jackie was dancing in rhythm to the happy tune while Carol tried her best, but she wasn’t a natural. Frank waved Dora and Joe across to where he was standing.
‘Our Jackie’s good, you know,’ he said proudly, watching his little niece weave and swirl in time to the music, her long blonde hair, escaped from its restraining ribbon, flowing freely on her shoulders. ‘I’d like to pay for her to have dancing lessons, Sis, if that’s all right with you two.’
Dora beamed. ‘It’s more than all right. She’ll love it. She’s always dancing and singing when the wireless is on. Thank you.’ She gave her brother a hug and Joe shook his hand.
‘No point wasting money on our Carol, she’s got two left feet,’ Joe joked.
Frank nodded. ‘True, but we’ll find something she’ll enjoy. Maybe swimming lessons. See if you can get Jackie a place at Marjorie Barker’s dancing school, Sis.’
‘I will. I’ll do it next week.’ Dora was conscious of Mam waving her arms and trying to catch her attention. ‘Mam wants me. Won’t be a minute,’ she said to Joe. ‘The Punch and Judy show will be starting soon, so take them over to that if I’m not back.’ She walked over to where Mam was helping to clear the tables. ‘What’s up?’
‘That woman in the long black coat’s over there,’ Mam said, pointing towards the gate. ‘She’s just helped herself to all the leftovers from the tables and rammed them into her pockets, crusts and all. Poor bugger must be starving. I’ve asked around but no one knows who she is or where she’s come from. I’m just wondering if I should offer her a brew. She’s got a bit of an unwashed pong when you stand downwind of her though.’
‘Mam!’ Dora stifled a giggle. Her mam never minced words. She always spoke as she found, sometimes embarrassingly so. People in the village were used to Mary Evans and her outspoken manner, but heaven help a stranger who crossed her.
‘Well, she could do with a good wash if you ask me. Anyway, I’ll try and find out a bit about her if I can. Very strange how she’s just appeared from nowhere though.’
Dora nodded. ‘I’ll go and ask her if she’d like a cuppa.’ She made her way towards the woman, who stared at her and then hurried out through the gate and onto the lane without looking back. Dora shrugged in Mam’s direction and made her way back to Joe and the girls. The woman’s face didn’t look familiar and her eyes looked blank, as though she wasn’t quite all there.
Ivy Bennett walked slowly down the road, Roly on her heels and her thoughts in a jumble. She wondered how Joe was getting on at the Knowsley village street party. She’d avoided the party on the avenue where she lived – too many noisy kids for her liking – although she’d watched the coronation ceremony on her landlord’s telly with him and his elderly wife. Would Joe be playing happy families now with Dora and their daughters? The thought sickened her and no matter how hard she tried to push it away, it wouldn’t go.
Joe and Dora had been living apart for ages now and although they showed no signs of getting back together, every time he told Ivy they were having a family weekend she was sure it wouldn’t be too long before they’d be announcing their reconciliation. Keeping a low but supportive profile wasn’t really working in her favour. She felt no further forward than she had done a few years ago when they’d spent their one and only night together. She needed a plan of action to force his hand, but at the moment she had no idea what that could be.
6
Dora linked her hands around her knees and sighed. She and Mam were sitting on the sofa, mulling over the day’s events, which had been a
great success with the rain holding off right until the end. Frank had gone down to the docks to celebrate with some mates and he said he’d stay over to save him having to get up too early for work. Joe and a very tired Carol had gone back to Kirkby and Jackie was asleep upstairs after crying for her sister to stay. Dora choked on her own tears as she pacified her youngest with the promise that one day Carol would be able to sleep over. They’d just watched the news on the television, reliving the morning’s ceremony with Dora trying again to get as close a look as possible at the dress on the tiny screen.
‘Mam,’ Dora began. ‘Sadie told me about a little house near her and Stan’s place that’s coming up to rent soon…’
‘What, down near Scottie Road?’ Mam shook her head. ‘Oh, I don’t know, chuck. You’d need to grow a thick skin down there with some of them women. Tough as old boots, a lot of ’em.’
Dora smiled. ‘Sadie’s not tough and she’s survived. Anyway, she says I’d probably get rehoused into something brand new eventually. I need to let her know if I’m interested as soon as I can though or it’ll go to someone else. It’s time I got out of your hair. We’ve been here long enough.’
‘Well, it’s up to you, love. I suppose you can give it a try. You’ll have to keep a close eye on our Jackie, though. She’ll be like a fish out of water.’
‘She got on well with Sadie’s lot today. I’m sure she’ll be fine. And if I have my own place and show that I can manage all right I might be able to get Carol back eventually.’
‘Aye, if Joe’ll let her go.’ Mam pursed her lips. She fiddled with the hairnet that was keeping her curlers in place. ‘I think you’ll have a job on your hands there, my love. She’s still no nearer getting close to you than she was last year. She’s spent so much time being looked after by Joe in her young life it’s not surprising. If you want my honest opinion, and I’ll give it to you anyway, you’ll have your hands full with Jackie and work, and living on your own. Carol’s best left with Joe where she’s settled, and maybe the authorities will let her have a few weekends with you in time.’
‘We’ll see, but I have to fight to get my daughter back. It’s unfair that she was taken away in the first place.’ Dora chewed her lip before continuing. ‘Joe asked me to take him back earlier.’
Mam sighed. ‘It’d be the best thing all round if you got back together. You’d have your nice home again and the kids would soon get used to it. And you’d only need to work when you wanted to, not because you have to. Personally, I think you’re making a big mistake in not having him back, my girl. Marriage is supposed to be for life. Couples get over things given time. Joe’s always been sorry for what he did with Ivy. You need to think carefully about giving him another chance. Somebody else will snap him up soon and then that’ll be it and you’ll be sorry.’
Dora raised an eyebrow. ‘Well I’ve given him my answer, and I’m not going back on it. It’s not fair on him or me.’ She got to her feet. There was no point in arguing. Mam would never understand. She was of the you make your bed and you lie in it generation. ‘I’ll go and make us some Horlicks.’
In the kitchen Dora waited for the milk to boil and considered her options, of which there were few. She was certain she’d made the right choice. If she could manage to keep her head above water she’d be fine. Living alone wasn’t something she was looking forward to, especially in a tough area. Okay, she’d had a few months alone at the prefab after Joe left, but she’d always felt safe and secure there and she’d had both girls with her. She’d just have to get her head around things and toughen up a bit more. It was her life and she was determined to make something of it. She’d either sink or swim trying. Anyway, she’d go and take a look around the house as soon as possible before she talked herself out of the idea.
Dora hoisted her bag up onto her shoulder and crossed over Scotland Road. She looked at the piece of paper with the address she’d written down. She’d left Jackie with Mam while she came to look around the house that Sadie’s elderly neighbour had recently vacated. Turn right as you get off the tram, Sadie had told her, go past St Anthony’s church and then turn into Wright Street. Sadie’s house was at the bottom end of the terrace. She looked around as she hurried along the cobbled street and her spirits soared a little. The area didn’t look too bad. Not a patch on Knowsley village. It was fairly quiet as the local kids were at school. No doubt be a lot noisier later. She could hear the seagulls in the distance and a couple flew overhead, screeching, on their way to the nearby River Mersey.
A lot of houses had been damaged in the Blitz and had been cleared, leaving grassed-over spaces in-between, although there were still a few standing that were boarded up. Most of the windows of the occupied houses looked decent enough, with net curtains to deter prying eyes. Some of the nets were brighter than others. Mam always said you could tell a woman’s standard of housekeeping by whether she dolly-blued her nets regularly and kept her front steps and windowsills donkey-stoned. Dora grinned to herself. Mam would have a field day when she visited, judging who best to get pally with and who to leave well alone.
She knocked on the door and stood back. The dark green paintwork was peeling slightly, but the brass knocker and letterbox gleamed and the spotless step would pass Mam’s muster any day. A child shouted ‘Mammy’ and then the door creaked open and Sadie, looking slightly harassed, greeted her and welcomed her inside. The little boy who had shouted smiled shyly and shot off upstairs.
‘Peter, don’t get all your soldiers out, I’ve just tidied them away,’ Sadie yelled up the stairs. ‘Please excuse the mess,’ she apologised as Dora followed her down the narrow hallway and into the back room. ‘Pull one of the dining chairs out and I’ll put the kettle on. I’ve some Camp coffee in if you prefer it to tea.’
‘Tea’s fine,’ Dora said, smiling at the little dark-haired girl sitting on a rag rug in front of the fireplace. All Sadie’s kids had her dark hair and brown eyes. There was no mess evident at all. The room was spotless; and although the furniture showed signs of wear it was well-polished and cared for. Sadie seemed to manage very well with four children, despite being heavily pregnant again. It suited her and she always looked content. ‘Hello Belinda.’ The child beamed and crawled over to Dora. She pulled herself up by the chair leg and held out a well-chewed soggy crust. Dora took it and put it on the table as Sadie came in with two steaming mugs. She set them down and dashed back into the kitchen, reappearing with a packet of lemon puffs. Belinda pointed and smiled.
‘You can share one with me,’ Sadie said, breaking a biscuit in half. ‘Help yourself, Dora. Sit back down again, Belinda. Aunty Dora doesn’t want your messy paws on her nice clean skirt.’ Sadie lifted her daughter and sat her at a distance with her snack.
‘I’ll pop them both in Vi’s next door while I take you to look around the house,’ she said. ‘Vi’s a nice neighbour, another one that lives alone since she was widowed, like Elsie did. Her sons live miles away, one in Southport and the other in Crewe. They don’t visit as often as they should, but that’s lads for you. My lot are her substitute grandchildren and she’s dead good with them. They run to her when I start yelling if they’ve misbehaved. Your Jackie will love her. She’s always reading them stories.’ Sadie smiled and took a sip of tea. ‘Elsie was lovely too. I’ll miss her but it’ll be great having you so close by. There’s a couple of women across the street that I don’t bother with. Gloria and Freda Smyth. Sisters married to brothers, strangely enough. Thick as thieves and hard as nails, they are. Don’t do them any favours. If they come knocking to borrow anything say no from the off. And they quite often send one of their kids over. One little lad has big sad eyes and makes you feel sorry for him, but he’s a slippery little sod so don’t ever let him in your house. He’d rob his own grandmother, that one.’
Dora frowned. ‘Thanks for the warning. I’ll keep myself to myself until I get the measure of them all.’
‘Best way,’ Sadie said. ‘The landlord dropped the keys in this mor
ning so I can show you around, he apologises that he can’t do it himself today, but he’s left a rent book for you just in case and a lease to sign if you decide to take it. I told him you’re a respectable lady with a little girl and your own business. He said that’s the type of tenant he likes. The rent’s nineteen and six a week, payable on a Saturday morning. He or his son comes to collect it between ten and eleven. You’ll need a bit of money for decorating and some floor coverings because Elsie took her carpet squares with her.’
Dora nodded. ‘I’ve got some put away and our Frank said he’ll help me out.’
Sadie finished her tea and swung Belinda up into her arms. ‘I’ll take her and Peter to Vi’s. Won’t be a sec.’
The rent was very reasonable for a house with two downstairs rooms as well as a tiny kitchen and two equal-sized bedrooms, Dora thought. It was identical to Sadie’s house, with the narrow entrance hall and steep staircase going up between the two rooms. Dora tried not to wrinkle her nose at the stale smell of a closed-up house. Once the windows had been opened for a while and the place aired through it would smell fresher. The walls needed a coat of distemper and the scuffed woodwork would need painting too. But Dora could see beyond that and imagine herself and Jackie living here, certainly for the foreseeable future. The cream and brown tiled fireplace in the front room was modern with no evident chips; and in the back room a black-leaded range, like Mam’s at Sugar Lane that she baked her bread in, would heat the room as well as the one above. She’d soon have it all looking nice. Joe could bring Carol here for her Saturday visits. The kitchen had a white pot sink and wooden drainer set under the frosted glass window and three shelves near the back door. Frank would probably be able to get her a couple of cupboards for pots and pans. Elsie had left a gas cooker that was clean, if not old-fashioned, but if it worked it would do for now and save her having to buy one.