by Lori Wick
“No, thank you, I’m not hungry. I read a verse yesterday …” and he was off again.
Kelly didn’t know how to handle this. The evening service started in 45 minutes, and she really would have liked a sandwich but told herself she could wait. However, she did not want to miss the service. When her watch read 5:30, Kelly plunged in.
“Are you going to the evening service, Mr. Hamilton?”
He stared at her, thoroughly nonplused. “You go to church at night?”
Kelly nodded. “Six o’clock. My ride will be here in a few minutes.”
“Oh, well, I can take you, and then we can talk on the way.”
Again Kelly wasn’t sure how to field this ball, but she decided swiftly, and the next few minutes were spent in a flurry as she made a phone call, changed her clothes, and rushed out the door to Nick’s long sports car. They sat together during the service, and afterward he had more questions about what he’d heard. Pastor Foy saw them talking and came to join them. The church slowly closed down while the three stood in the parking lot and talked.
It was after 8:30 when Nick said, “Well, you’ve given me a lot to think about. I’m going to go home now and look up these verses in James. Goodnight, Roger. Night, Kelly.” And with that he was gone. Kelly watched him, praying he would remember her, but a moment later his Jaguar roared to life and he was gone.
“He’s very excited, isn’t he?”
“Yes,” Kelly agreed. “It’s a joy to watch him. He’s as intense with this as he is with everything else.”
“Yes. Well, I’d better scoot. Jana has gone onto the Brennan’s and will think I’m lost. Goodnight, Kelly.”
“Goodnight, Pastor.”
Kelly stood motionless for a moment, her mind going over the easiest walk home. With the hills in San Francisco, it was going to be a climb. She was thankful that she was in slacks and low-heeled shoes. Suddenly Pastor Foy’s car pulled up alongside of her.
“I forgot that you don’t have a car, Kelly; how did you get here tonight?”
Kelly smiled. “With Mr. Hamilton.”
“Oh, no,” Roger said on a laugh as he shook his head. “Hop in. We’ll swing by the Brennans’, get Jana, and run you home.”
Kelly climbed in with a word of thanks.
“Do you think Nick will be calling on you again?” Roger asked as the car pulled into the street.
“I don’t know,” Kelly replied with a smile in her voice, “but if he does, you’d better pray for me. He asked me questions today that I’ve never even thought of.”
Roger laughed. “You’ll do fine, but if you do end up over your head, just pick up the phone, Kelly.”
Again she thanked him, and even though she hated to inconvenience him and his wife, she appreciated the offer and the ride home.
“I tried to call you today at that car place, but they said you were gone.”
No hello or greeting of any kind. Kelly smiled to herself as she held her apartment door wide and waited for Nick to enter. She had told him she was not going to be at Talmont Buick after last week, but he had not heard her.
“I want to know what you think of this animal in Job, this behemoth. Let’s go get some dinner and talk about it.”
Kelly hesitated as she always did when he mentioned eating out.
“Why don’t I fix us something here?” she finally asked.
Nick shook his head. “I’m in the mood for a steak.”
She sighed very gently. “I’ll get my coat.”
Kelly didn’t know how it had begun, but the first time they’d eaten a meal together, not wanting to presume, she’d pulled forth her wallet when the check arrived. Nick had never even blinked when she offered to pay for her share, and it had been like that ever since. So now, whenever he asked her for a meal, she had to do quick sums in her head to see if she could afford it. She couldn’t right now, but it wasn’t the first time she had settled for a salad or cup of soup while Nick enjoyed a full-course meal. He never noticed her meager portions in his effort to gain more answers about Scripture or tell her what he’d learned that week. Kelly thought she could have talked to him about her finances at the beginning, but this had been the pattern for nine months now, and she simply didn’t know how.
“I think the animal in Job 40:15 is a dinosaur,” Kelly told him as she tried to make her soup into a meal.
“Why?”
“Well, for one thing, it says he’s got a tail like a cedar. All other Scripture references to cedars are the cedars of Lebanon, and they’re huge. The tail on this animal is like a full-grown redwood. That could only be a dinosaur.”
He fell into a thoughtful silence that continued even when the waiter appeared with a carafe of coffee. Kelly had to speak to him twice.
“Mr. Hamilton, would you like coffee?”
“Oh! Yes, please,” he replied in a startled voice. After Kelly had creamed hers, she looked up to find him staring at her—really looking—for the first time.
“Do you always call me Mr. Hamilton?”
Kelly nodded.
“Why?”
“Well, that’s what I called you when I worked for you, and I still just do.” Kelly shrugged helplessly.
“Well, you don’t work for me anymore. Why don’t you call me Nick?”
“All right,” Kelly said softly and worked at hiding her pleasure.
“Is that a new blouse?” he asked.
“No.” Again Kelly’s voice was soft; she had owned the blouse for two years.
“It’s a nice color.”
“Thank you.”
It was the first time he had been even remotely personal with her, and Kelly took a sip of her coffee in order to hide her emotions.
At this rate, she said to herself, not knowing if she wanted to laugh or cry, he’ll ask me to marry him in just under ten years.
“Are you going to the wedding, Nick?”
“What wedding?”
“Gina North is getting married. It was in the bulletin.”
“Oh, yes, I saw that. I think so.”
“Could I get a ride?”
“Certainly.”
It was risky business going with him because she never knew when he was going to forget her, but she wanted very much to attend with him.
They were in another restaurant, and this time Kelly had enough cash for soup and a salad. It was one year to the day that Nick had knocked on her door, but only Kelly was aware of this anniversary of sorts. Everyone at church thought they were an item: everyone but Nick, Kelly, and Jill. Jill had been the one to see Kelly’s tears.
“I must not be the type men fall in love with, Jill. I mean, Russell fell for you the moment he set eyes on you. In a year’s time, I’ve been given permission to call him by his first name, and I’ve seen his house twice.” The tears had spilled over then, and Jill had hugged her. “I tell myself to move on, but I don’t think he would even notice.”
“Have you noticed,” Nick’s voice brought her back to the moment, “how many times Paul prays for grace for the believers of the early church? I haven’t been doing that, I mean, praying for grace, but I think it is significant.”
“I think you’re right,” Kelly agreed with him. “Grace is everything for salvation, but we couldn’t live for Christ without grace. His grace frees us to serve Him and return for fellowship and renewal time and again.”
They talked on for the next hour, and when Nick dropped Kelly off, she reminded him of the wedding.
“What wedding?”
Kelly stared at him. “I’ll get a ride with Jill and Russell.”
“All right,” he agreed so swiftly that Kelly felt crushed. A moment later he said goodnight and was gone. Kelly told herself not to cry, but she couldn’t help it.
“Should I move away, Lord?” she sobbed. “Should I tell him how I feel? I feel my heart can’t take anymore.”
It was a steamy night, so Kelly stepped into a cool shower and let the tears flow. She didn’t really have any an
swers, but she felt better, and when she finally climbed into bed, slept almost immediately.
Russell and Jill had just arrived to get Kelly on Saturday when Nick’s Lincoln pulled up to a silent halt before the apartment. Russell and Jill were not surprised to see him, so they only smiled at the look Kelly gave them and pulled away.
“I thought you were riding with me,” Nick said as she neared, having watched the other couple drive away.
“I wasn’t certain,” Kelly answered after deciding not to explain. Nick didn’t comment further, and after Kelly climbed in, they were on their way.
The wedding was lovely. So that Pastor North could walk his daughter down the aisle as well as perform the ceremony, both pastors were involved. The whole congregation cheered when the newlyweds turned and were presented to the assembly as husband and wife. The reception was right at the church, and everyone was in high spirits as they followed the wedding party over for a lovely meal. Kelly couldn’t remember when she’d had so much fun, but a dark cloud was looming.
They had been through the reception line and had just eaten, when Mrs. Casmont, one of the older ladies, approached. She zeroed in on Nick, and a moment later the fun went out of their afternoon.
“Has this given you some ideas, Nick?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” he replied sincerely.
“Why, marriage of course. It’s time you settle down. You and Kelly aren’t getting any younger.”
Nick, who had greatly matured in the Lord over the previous year, tried to smile, but Kelly could see that it was strained. She wanted to tell Mrs. Casmont to move on her way, but there was no way to do this gently. That her treatment of them was not gentle in the first place made no difference. Kelly felt humiliated, but she was not going to lash out in return.
“Well, I only hope this has given you some ideas,” she said again, trying to be coy. “It would be so exciting if you could make that announcement today, but well …” She gave a dramatic sigh, and Kelly gave one herself when she finally moved away.
“Let’s go, Kelly.” Nick’s terse voice came to her ears just a moment later, and Kelly swiftly made her goodbyes.
In the car Nick said nothing. Kelly felt tense with the strain and even more so when he didn’t take her home. It took a moment for her to see that he was headed to his own house. He still hadn’t spoken when he parked in the spacious garage, climbed from behind the wheel, and started toward the door. Kelly felt she had no choice but to follow. They were in Nick’s elegant living room when he exploded.
“I’m not the marrying kind! Mrs. Casmont had no business speaking to us in that way. It’s none of her affair!”
Kelly said nothing since he wasn’t really talking to her.
“And you just stood there!”
Suddenly under attack, Kelly was stunned.
“What was I supposed to do?” she asked, but he was raking his hand through his hair and didn’t hear her.
“Of all the interfering, rude women I’ve ever known, she just about takes the cake. And you probably put her up to it.”
If Nick had been looking at Kelly, he’d have seen her stunned look of disbelief and pain. Tears that she simply couldn’t keep at bay flooded her eyes. Nick chose that moment to look.
Kelly blinked furiously in an effort to control herself and just barely managed. Nick was silent but pacing.
After a moment Kelly said, “Maybe I should go.”
“Yes,” Nick still didn’t look at her. “I need to think.”
Still too shaken to speak, Kelly let herself quietly out the door. Unlike being stranded at the church, she was miles from home, but she began walking anyway. She wanted to cry her eyes out, but she had to keep her head until she arrived home. Kelly had walked nearly a mile when Nick’s car pulled up. The passenger-side window went down.
“Come on, Kelly, I’ll give you a ride home.”
His voice sounded normal, but Kelly shook her head.
“No. I’ll walk.”
“Come on, Kelly,” he ordered, but again she refused.
“I don’t want to be yelled at anymore.” With that she walked on and barely noticed when Nick’s car pulled smoothly ahead of her and parked at the curb. By the time she reached him, he’d climbed from his seat and was holding the door open on her side.
“I won’t yell at you anymore. Please get in.”
Kelly looked at him and realized she was trembling.
“Please, Kelly.” His voice was soft.
Finally, she went to the car. Kelly was so tense that she barely let her back rest against the seat as he pulled from the curb and drove her home. She was thankful that he didn’t speak to her, but when he stopped in front of her apartment, she spoke with quiet conviction without ever looking at him.
“If you think I actually put Mrs. Casmont up to that, then you don’t know me at all.”
“I don’t think that,” he admitted just as quietly. “I was upset.”
Kelly nodded and opened the door. Nick spoke while she was still climbing out.
“Do you want me to come in?”
Again Kelly couldn’t look at him. “No,” her voice broke on a sob, “I don’t.”
She closed the car door, and Nick watched as she rushed for her apartment. He stared out the windshield for a moment, knowing he had to make things right. He glanced around and found a parking place. A few minutes later he was standing before Kelly’s door. He raised his hand to knock but saw that it was slightly open. With a gentle push, he entered. He heard the evidence of Kelly’s tears long before he saw them, and something painful and tight squeezed around his chest. His footsteps sounded on the floor, and she jumped in surprise. She swiftly rose from where she’d been sitting at the kitchen table and wiped at her face.
“Kelly,” Nick began, but she shook her head, and he stopped. Kelly forced herself to turn and face him. She looked at him for the space of several moments and then began to speak.
“It’s all for you. This whole relationship is all for you.” She sniffed, but her voice spoke of her resolve without being harsh. “The whole church thinks we’re an item. What a joke! You have this big family that you share the holidays with. I spent Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter alone, Nick, because everyone assumed you’d asked me to join you.” She could see that she’d shocked and upset him but kept on anyway.
“I never call you. I never bother you. I wait for you to be in touch, and when you are, you never ask how Kelly is doing. It’s all for Nick. If I have trouble making ends meet, I don’t say a word for fear that you’ll think I’m asking for money. I do everything in my power to make you feel cared for and encouraged, and now I’m accused of trying to trap you into marriage.”
Kelly gasped a little now because the tears were coming back. She turned slightly away so Nick wouldn’t see them. After a moment she spoke, this time very quietly.
“I think I’d like you to go, Nick. I need some time alone.”
She watched from the corner of her eyes as he hesitated, but a moment later he turned for the door. Kelly went to that portal when she heard it close and this time made sure it was locked. She got no farther than the sofa in the living room before the tears came in a flood once again.
“Well, Nick! Come on in. We’ve just arrived home from the wedding.”
“Can I talk to you, Roger?”
“Certainly. Let’s go into the family room.”
They made themselves comfortable, but Nick didn’t talk. Roger was not a man given to light conversation, so he waited patiently. It took several moments before Nick began. He relayed the entire day’s events, his voice troubled and confused.
“And then she asked me to leave. I wanted to stay. I wanted to tell her I was sorry, but she was crying. I’ve never seen her cry. Is she right, Roger? Am I that self-centered? Is the whole relationship for me?”
Roger looked at him for a moment. “Tell me, Nick, how often do you see Kelly?”
Nick shrugged. “I don’t know.
”
“Every week?” Roger prompted. “Every month? More then once a week? How often?”
“I guess every week.”
Roger smiled a little. “You and I meet every week, and have for more than a year, but you never mention her. Jana has told me that she sees the two of you together, but I don’t see you together that often, and since you never talk about her, I’ve never given it any thought. You’ve grown so much Nick, but being a new Christian is almost like being an infant. Your world starts out very small, and the only person you can take care of is yourself. It sounds like that’s how it’s been for you.
“And Kelly, well, I don’t know her very well, but I know she wouldn’t do anything that might discourage you or make you stumble. It sounds like whatever has been going on in the past is too much for her right now. Because I’m not involved, you would be the best judge of whether or not you’re treating Kelly with love.”
Nick’s eyes slid shut. How did you treat someone with love when the only person you saw was yourself? Nick’s heart clenched in pain. He looked at his watch. It was only half past four. He still had time. He stood, and Roger asked where he was going.
“To make things right” was all Nick said, and after thanking Roger, he was swiftly on his way.
Kelly was dozing in a chair when Nick knocked on her door. It never occurred to her that he would return, so she was totally unsuspecting, but there he was, still dressed in his suit and holding an enormous bouquet of flowers. Kelly’s heart hurt just to look at him, and her voice was soft.
“You didn’t have to do this, Nick.”
“Yes, I did,” he told her, and then saw that his words had upset her. “I wanted to,” he rushed to say. “I wanted to buy these for you.”
Kelly looked up at him and then reached for the flowers.
“Thank you,” she said.
“May I come in, Kelly?”
Kelly looked away. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Nick.” She still felt bruised.
“I have something to say,” he told her. “If you want me to leave after that, I will, but will you please hear me out?”