by Mel Sherratt
Eden pulled away from her sister and took her face in her hands. ‘You’ve always been there for me, Laura, and I’ll always be there for you. When have I ever let you down?’
Laura stared at Eden before bursting into tears again. ‘I want to believe you, but I can see in your eyes that you have doubt.’
Eden didn’t know what to say to that. Laura was right. She couldn’t hide her uncertainty that Jess would come home. But she did have faith in her colleagues.
She held her sister’s hands in her own this time. ‘We will find her, Laura. We will bring Jess home.’
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Sitting in the living room, Maxine tried to read that evening’s newspaper so that she could stop stressing about the last visit to Katie in the morning. The 10 p.m. news had just finished. Across the room, Phil lay on the settee, gently snoring. She wished she could switch off as easily as he did. He could go to sleep on a washing line, whereas she could take hours to drift off. Especially when something was on her mind.
All day, the rest of the volunteers had been out and about trying to locate Jess. With Josie Mellor’s help, and the police that had been drafted in during the day, they must have covered most of Stockleigh. Social media had worked a treat to share new details as they emerged, but although there had been several possible sightings after the press conference, all of them had led to nothing. Still, the police said a lot could happen in a few hours, and they would keep working on it until something came up.
It had been dreadful thinking that Jess’s disappearance might have something to do with the trial for Deanna Barker, and part of her had been grateful when it had been proved that it wasn’t. But for the police to have reason to believe that Jess had been kidnapped, well that was even worse. It had made her feel guilty too.
Jess and the investigation were spread over the first few pages. Her disappearance had really got to Maxine that afternoon, especially when she was helping some of the other mums and volunteers with Josie. It had been strange to go to the park, to see the subway where Deanna Barker had been murdered on the night that changed her daughter’s life for ever. But gradually she’d started chatting to some of the local teenagers about Jess and then the conversation had turned to Deanna, and then someone had started to ask about Katie. For the first time in a long while, people had listened to her rather than condemning her before they got to know her.
But it had been terribly upsetting to see Laura collapse when they had gone back to her house. They’d left quickly, but now she felt really guilty. She should have stayed behind and comforted her, even if Laura hadn’t wanted her to. Laura had always been there for her, and she had no way of thanking her for that. Lots of people had ignored her since April – the phone had stopped ringing after Katie’s arrest. There had been some nosy friends after gossip, but once they realised they weren’t going to get any, they hadn’t called again. Her circle of friends had turned into something resembling a hula hoop.
So she should have shown more support for Laura. She would do as much as she could tomorrow instead, once she’d been to visit Katie. She hoped Jess would be found safe and well long before that though. That poor child. Wherever she was, she hoped that man wasn’t hurting her.
Phil snored and woke himself up. Staring around as if he had lost where he was, he grinned at her before closing his eyes again.
Unable to relax, she got out Katie’s letters. Last week she had received several all together that Katie had written over the months she had been at the secure unit but had never sent. At the time, Maxine had been really upset that she hadn’t known anything of how she was feeling. Katie had kept a lot of it hidden.
The last letter had all but broken her heart:
Dear Mum,
I can’t believe the trial is only two days away now. I can’t wait to see you on Sunday.
I’m sorry that I was miserable when you came last weekend. But it’s getting so near to the trial that it’s all I’m thinking about. I just wanted to come home with you. I hope I didn’t make you angry, because I know how hard you try to get to see me every week. Some of the kids here don’t have any visitors at all, and I know I’m lucky.
Like you said to me, it is hard in here, but please don’t stop coming to see me if I don’t get out because I’m sad. I get low all the time. It’s not my choice to be here. And I really want your support.
I know you need to remember that smile of mine, and my face lighting up when I see you, but it’s when you leave that I go to pieces. I just want to come home, and every time I see you leave it makes me sad that I can’t go with you.
You’re right – I do have to look after myself while I’m here. I’ll try and eat more regularly, even though I have no appetite. I do need to keep my strength up. It’s hard to think past the trial at the moment. All I can think about is if I get a long sentence and I’m brought back here. And then when I’m eighteen, I’ll go to a proper women’s prison. I won’t be put in with normal people either – I’ll be put in with the bad ones. The ones who really did murder someone or killed their babies.
It was good to see you though. To have a hug and have your arms wrapped around me. You’ve always been there to protect me. I couldn’t wish for a better mum. I’m really sorry you have to go through this too. I can just imagine how everyone will be, staring at you and Dad and Matty. Condemning me before I have time to say what happened. My side of the story.
I know I should plead not guilty, despite my solicitor saying I should plead guilty to get away with a lesser sentence, but I shouldn’t really be sentenced at all. I haven’t done anything. If I say I’m guilty, then I am guilty. But I’m not guilty. I tried to help Deanna when the boys ran off.
All the memories have been rushing back to me over the past week. The blood on my hands as I tried to cover up the wounds in her stomach and chest. I tried to press on them, stop the blood from oozing out, but it didn’t work. The blood kept on coming, all over Deanna’s stomach and on the ground. It was on the knees of my jeans. I’m sorry I hid them away from you, Mum. I didn’t know what else to do. The police got to them before I had a chance to wash it away anyway, and the blood was all over my boots.
But I didn’t kill her, Mum. And everyone needs to know that, because I just want to come home. I love you, and I miss you all. I want to be with my family again. Please don’t let them keep me away from you.
Love Katie x
Maxine hoped tomorrow morning would be the last time she had to visit the secure unit. If Katie was found not guilty after the trial, she could come straight home. If she was convicted, she would go back to the unit and be sent to God only knows where in later years. She would be without a daughter for a very long time. And, although she kept telling Katie to remember Deanna and her mum, Lulu, and how the family would be feeling, she didn’t want to think of them right now. All she wanted was her own family to be one again. Life could be so cruel at times.
After reading the final letter in the order that Katie had written them over the past six months, Maxine picked up her pen and began to write a reply. It wasn’t the one Katie would want, but she had to make sure it was ready if it was needed.
It was the letter she had been dreading writing most, and yet she had to write it just in case. If Katie was convicted and given a long sentence, then she hoped her words would be soothing, hoped that in time she would be able to find comfort in them.
Dearest Katie,
This breaks my heart to write. They found you guilty of manslaughter, but it doesn’t change anything for me. I feel very sorry that Deanna is no longer with us, and Lulu Barker has my sympathies, but I’ve lost my daughter too, for the time being, and I’m hurting as well.
I want you to know that you and Matty are the most precious things in my life, and I love you both so much. I can’t believe I won’t get to see your smiling face every day. But these years will go quite quickly. I’m sure you will think they could have been the best years of your life, but as young as y
ou are, you will be able to start again and put all this behind you.
Your dad and I will still fight on your behalf to bring you home. Just because the jury found you guilty doesn’t mean they’re right. We’ll help you to appeal, and we’ll get you home as soon as we can.
Please don’t worry about anything. I will take care of whatever needs to be done. I want you to concentrate on getting over the shock.
I’d also like you to remember that Deanna Barker died. I know you won’t want reminding, but she was someone’s daughter too and you mustn’t forget that. Just as much as I love you, Lulu loved Deanna.
Please don’t let this ruin you. You have your whole life ahead of you. Your dad, Matty and I love you very much. We miss you and we want you to come home. Until then, chin up, young lady, and let’s do this. Believe me when I say you are brave and strong. Hang on in there.
We’ll fight this, Katie.
Love always,
Mum x
Maxine put down her pen, trying desperately to stop her tears from falling but failing miserably. Really, she hoped Katie would never get to read it. But what mother would have let her daughter get in so much of a mess? Guilt consumed her, yet surely it couldn’t be down to her and Phil? They hadn’t taught her to be violent. It was just a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. If only Jess had been out with her on that night, it might have been her then.
Even as she thought it, she despised herself. How could she even look Laura in the eye again as she thought such things about their daughters? She knew it was only grief talking. Grief that she had lost her daughter for at least six months, maybe years if she was found guilty, for something she hadn’t done. Grief and worry about Jess still being missing.
But at least at the end of the trial she would still be able to see her daughter. She hoped that Jess would be found soon and returned to Laura. But Lulu Barker would never see Deanna again.
Somehow, no matter how bad things were for her, Maxine should never forget that.
Chapter Sixty
After Laura’s breakdown, Eden returned to the station, hoping for any kind of lead from the press conference. But there was nothing, and she wished she’d stayed with her sister. The weather was still atrocious and she’d need to collect Casey anyway.
There was nothing more that could be done until the morning. She and Sean had put in every possible request to agencies to find out as much as they could about Jason Proctor. Every call after the press conference had been logged and any follow-up actions had been listed.
Amy and Jordan had gone home, but Sean was still in his office. She knocked on the door and walked into the room.
‘You should be at home, Eden,’ he said, looking up quickly and then back to his screen.
‘So should you. It’s your weekend off.’
‘There’ll be others.’ He looked at her again. ‘Go and get some rest. I won’t be far behind you. There’s not a lot we can do until the morning.’
Eden didn’t want to hear that. Not from him. It sounded defeatist. It must have shown on her face.
‘We’re doing all we can,’ he said. ‘But it’s tough without any intelligence to go on. Usually by now we’ve had a ransom demand or a phone call asking for something to let us know what it’s about. He seems only to want to speak to your sister.’
Eden sighed in frustration.
‘Let’s hope tomorrow brings more leads. My mobile will stay on. I’m here for you, if you need to chat about anything. I can’t begin to imagine how you feel.’
She left quickly with the weight of the investigation on her shoulders.
When she arrived back at Laura’s house, Casey was asleep in the armchair, a single quilt tucked around her. Eden didn’t want to wake her – she’d had a traumatic day too – but it wasn’t fair to leave her there. Besides, she needed to go home and grab a bit of sleep so that she could push on through the following day. It would be all hands on deck again until they found Jess. She nudged her gently.
‘Mum.’ Casey stirred. ‘Have you found her?’
‘Not yet,’ said Eden. ‘But we’re working on it. Come on, let’s get you home.’
In the hallway, she hugged Laura fiercely. ‘I’ll be back about six, unless I’m called out sooner. Are you sure you’ll be okay? I can stay if you prefer.’
Laura shook her head.
‘I’m only on the end of the phone if you need me.’
‘Go and get some sleep. I know I won’t be able to, but I need you alert tomorrow.’
‘I’ll be back soon, I promise.’
‘And you’ll let me know anything you find out the minute it comes through?’
Eden nodded. Casey gave Laura a hug before opening the front door.
As they walked outside, Laura reached for Eden’s arm. ‘If anything bad has happened to her, I only want to hear from you,’ she whispered.
Eden swallowed. She had done plenty of death knocks in her time. Telling relatives bad news was always harrowing, no matter who it was or the circumstances. So it was a cruel thing to ask, but she respected Laura for it. And she would have it no other way.
‘Always,’ she told her.
She drove slowly through the streets, the wind howling around them, buffeting the car as it went along the main road. There was hardly a soul on the pavements, but still she kept her eyes peeled, looking for Jess. The rain was still lashing down, the wipers on full finding it hard to deal with. She and Casey had been quiet with their own thoughts until Eden pulled into the drive. Casey seemed wide awake now.
‘Will Jess come home, Mum?’ she asked as Eden pulled up the handbrake.
Eden switched off the engine and turned to her daughter. By the light of the street lamp, she could see tears glistening on Casey’s cheek. She wiped at them gently with her thumb.
‘I don’t know, sweetheart,’ she replied. ‘I can’t lie and say everything is going to be okay, because there are some nasty bastards out there. Until we hear from him again, and see if we can figure out where she is in the meantime, we won’t know.’
‘Why can’t you find him?’
‘We’re doing our best to locate him. He doesn’t have a criminal record, nor does it seem he is at a place of work, so it just takes longer.’
‘How long?’
‘I don’t know that either.’ She sat quiet for a moment. ‘Casey, is there anything you can tell me about Jess that might be worth me knowing?’
Casey shook her head quickly.
‘Not even about why you haven’t seen too much of her lately?’
Casey and Jess had been really close as children. Spending a lot of time together as cousins, they had formed a bond that both her and Laura had thought would be unbreakable. But they had fallen out about something recently and no matter how much each mother had talked to them, tried to coerce them into making up, the girls hadn’t bothered with each other. Eden and Laura often talked about it, wondering if they had rowed over some boy and hoping that once the troublesome teen years were behind them, they might become as close as they had been before.
‘Jess changed when she started to go out with Cayden,’ said Casey. ‘It was like she became this big show-off, like she was untouchable. She said they were like Bonnie and Clyde – she was almost proud of the fact. I didn’t want to be around her much after that.’
‘Did you know about the phones?’
The look on Casey’s face told Eden that she did.
‘I wasn’t involved, Mum! I swear. That’s why I’ve been avoiding her. I was hoping she would see what a prick – sorry – Cayden is, but she didn’t. She just adores him.’
The outside light came on and the front door opened. Joe stood on the step, his face sombre, but Eden almost smiled with relief at seeing it. How thoughtful of him to be waiting for her to come home.
‘I didn’t know what to do with myself,’ he said. ‘I hope you don’t mind me coming over.’
Eden shook her head. ‘Not at all.’
&nb
sp; The wind blew them into the house and the kitchen door slammed, making them jump. Joe closed the front door and they went through to the living room.
‘Would you like a mug of hot chocolate, Casey?’ Eden asked.
Casey shook her head. ‘I just want to go to bed. There might be news in the morning.’
Eden nodded. ‘Let’s hope so.’
Casey ran into her arms. ‘I love you, Mum.’
Eden put her arms around her daughter and squeezed her tightly. ‘I love you too. So very much.’
She kept in the tears until Casey had left the room and she’d heard her pad up the stairs. But when Joe wrapped his arms around her, she sank into his chest and finally let them fall freely. Rasping sobs escaped her as she fought to get her breath. It was all too much. She felt so disappointed.
‘Where is she, Joe?’ she asked over and over. ‘Where is she?’
Chapter Sixty-One
Laura flopped down onto the settee. The news channel had covered Jess’s story for most of the day, since her photo had first gone online. Now it was telling of the aftermath of Storm Monica as it had torn across the West Midlands, showing shocking images of the damage and despair it had left in its wake. Two people had died, killed by falling trees, and there was a man who had been walking his dog who had gone missing. Silly idiot, she thought. Why would you go out in those conditions, put your life in danger, unless you had to? He should be at home, safe with his family. She knew the pain that they would be going through.
It was close to midnight, and it had been nearly thirty hours since she had last seen her daughter. The longest time of her life. She was glad she had Sarah, and Eden, but she missed Neil. She didn’t want to do this alone.
She sat quietly for a few moments before her eyes returned to the television. A photo of Jess flashed up on the screen and she gasped. Even with the storm raging, Jess was still headline news. The photo was her last one to be taken at school, at the beginning of the autumn term. Jess wore her hair down, a cheeky smile and her school uniform. A tear dripped from Laura’s nose as she wondered where she was.