by Callie Croix
After a minute she sucked in a deep breath and tensed her muscles, trying to control the little quivers she couldn’t seem to stop.
Reid tightened his arms. “No. Just let it roll through you,” he murmured against her ear. “It’ll end faster if you don’t fight it.”
Her mind was too foggy to analyze his words but some part of her knew he spoke from experience. She nodded, and a small shudder ripped through her, the tremors finally easing once she let herself relax into him and closed her eyes. His clean, masculine scent enveloped her.
As the last vestiges of fear ebbed she became hyperaware of the hard length of his body pressed against her from cheek to thigh. He was all warm, hard sex appeal, wreaking havoc on her overloaded nervous system. Prickles of heat raced over her skin, tightening her nipples and intensifying the ache between her legs.
With only a hug, she was a second away from giving in to temptation.
Shaking her head at him, she released the back of his shirt and started to pull away, embarrassed. “Thanks. I needed that.”
He held her fast. “Yeah, me too. You scared the hell out of me tonight.”
Surprised, she stopped and looked up at him. “You didn’t look scared.” He’d been calm, decisive and fully in control. The very definition of a hero.
He shook his head slowly. “That’s not what I’m talking about. I mean way before I saw you in that car.”
“What?” How could she possibly have scared him?
The clenching of his jaw was his only reply. That unspoken tension in his body was more noticeable than ever. At an inch or two under six feet, he still dwarfed her with his size. His broad, powerful shoulders all but blocked the light coming from the hallway. In the faint illumination through the window from the streetlight outside, his dark eyes glowed with hunger. One she wanted desperately to see unleashed. He’d been so gentle with her in the past, but all along she’d sensed something very different beneath his controlled surface. Tonight that dangerous edge was a living, breathing thing inside him. She needed to feel it firsthand. The thought of him taking her fast and rough shortened her breathing.
Becca yearned to touch him again so badly, stroke and caress the hard planes of his face, soothe away whatever was haunting him. She ached to thread her hands into his hair and press her mouth to his. Though every cell in her body screamed for the contact, the slightly ominous vibe he gave off confused her as much as his withdrawal from her had.
She found her voice again. “How did I scare you?”
Rather than answer, he lifted a hand and brushed a lock of hair back from her temple, pausing to trail his fingers over the curling ends. The innocent caress flashed through her heightened body like an electric current. She sucked in a startled breath as sensation shot to her tingling breasts and deep in her core, where a secret ache bloomed.
His dark gaze never wavered from hers, raging with some suppressed emotion she couldn’t begin to decipher. “Did you kiss him?” he asked softly.
The abrupt change of subject jarred her, and his proprietary tone made her bristle. After the way he’d treated her, what the hell did it matter to him who she kissed? She raised her chin. “Not that it’s any of your business, but no.”
“None of my business,” he repeated softly to himself, the underlying threat in his voice sending a shiver up her spine. She opened her mouth to argue, but he continued. “Why didn’t you?”
“Why do you care?” she flung at him, not bothering to hide the hurt in her voice. A roiling mass of emotions swirled inside her, begging for release. Fear, need, loneliness, anger.
“Just answer me.”
Confused, totally off-balance, she stared up into his hard face. “Because I’m not interested in him.”
Damn it, why was he toying with her like this when he had to know how much she needed him? The last time she’d been alone with him, they’d had their hands and mouths all over each other in that fancy hotel room. Sex with Reid was ten times more intimate than with her handful of previous lovers. He’d patiently guided her through her initial nervousness that first time with him, taking great care to ensure her pleasure. As he had every time since.
Now he was almost angry about her date, something she didn’t understand, considering how concerned he’d just been. She could practically feel the possessive anger humming under his skin. Despite all the reasons she shouldn’t touch him, the urge to soothe him overcame everything else.
Before she could change her mind, she reached up a hand to curl her fingers around his solid wrist. His skin was warm beneath her palm, the muscles and tendons in his forearm flexing as he continued to rub the lock of her hair between his fingers. “That answer make you feel better?”
“No. If you’re not interested, why’d you go out with him?” he pressed, studying the way his fingers played with her hair.
Becca hid a frown. He’d driven hours to get here from Virginia Beach, so whatever he’d come to say had to be important. What did he want from her? If this was a game he was playing, she’d had enough of it. “Because he asked,” she answered quietly, trying to pull away.
He didn’t release her. “You go out with every guy who asks?”
His words hurt, since he of all people knew better. “No, not that I get asked often.” Partly because she didn’t socialize much and partly that men found her unapproachable. Or so she’d been told.
“I asked you,” he reminded her. “And you kissed me.”
“Not until the second date.” They’d done a hell of a lot more than kiss that night, though Reid had stopped short of fucking her. Somehow they’d waited almost a month for that. Just remembering their first time together made her body grow warm and weak.
As though he sensed her thoughts, Reid smiled slightly, the first show of any real emotion since he’d come into her room. A dimple creased his right cheek. “I thought it was worth the wait.”
Oh, he’d made the wait for everything more than worthwhile. But she couldn’t afford to think about that right now. Stepping back, she folded her arms across her chest and raised an eyebrow. “What are you really doing here, Reid?”
“I already told you.”
“That you wanted to talk to me?” She made a scoffing sound, all her emotions boiling to the surface. This confrontation had to happen sooner or later, so she might as well get it over with. The anger was so much better than feeling scared and vulnerable and lost.
She let it build inside her, all the other emotions consumed by its fire. “You stopped talking to me weeks ago. You didn’t care how worried I might be about you after that crash was reported all over the news. Do you know how scared I was that you were on board that chopper when it went down?” Her voice shook as she remembered the helpless fear. “I couldn’t find out anything about you. I ended up having to call my cousin three days after the crash so he could contact your family to find out if you were even still alive.” That’s when she’d fully realized how little she must mean to him.
For a split second pain flashed in his eyes, and suddenly she felt awful for lashing out at him. He’d lost a lot of friends that day. “I told you I was safe,” he said gruffly.
Incredulous, she stared at him. “I hardly think an email a week later as an afterthought saying, ‘I’m okay, talk to you later’ really cuts it in a situation like that. Unless I was only imagining I meant something to you.”
“That’s not what I said. I told you I’d call you when I got home,” he said softly. “Which I did. And now here I am.”
Yes, here he was. And now what? She swallowed back the rest of the questions crowding her mouth. “I guess I just never realized we were just a fling.”
“We were never a fling and you know it,” he growled.
“Then what were we? If I meant more to you than that, how could you just cut me off all of a sudden?”
/> He shook his head, his eyes tormented. “There was so much going on over there, more than you’ll ever know. We lost more than twenty guys on that mission.”
She knew that. Since the details had been released in the mainstream media despite the uproar from the Spec Ops community, she’d seen every name, rank and face of the men killed that day. The hot bite of anger drained away, leaving her feeling raw and vulnerable. “Were you called out to the…site?”
“Yeah. I was part of the recovery team.”
So he’d have seen his friends’ bodies lying amongst the wreckage, all of them burned beyond recognition. He’d have helped put them in body bags for transport back to base. She flinched. “I’m sorry. But I’m glad you’re okay.” At least on the outside he was, as far as she could tell.
Running her gaze over him, Becca searched for any hint of injury she might have missed. Since hearing about the crash, she’d worried herself sick over him. She’d barely slept until her cousin had called back three days later to say Reid was okay. Her relief had been short-lived, however. From the moment the story broke on the news, she’d known if he was alive he’d be going right back out there to find the Taliban members responsible for shooting down the Chinook.
She frowned up at him, not having a clue how to gauge his mood right now. “Are you really all right?” As soon as she asked she wanted to roll her eyes at herself because even if he wasn’t, she knew he’d never say it.
Reid stroked a hand over the crown of her head, down her hair to where it fell past her shoulders. “Yeah. I am now.”
A thread of alarm skittered through her. That weird undercurrent in his tone, in the silent tension gripping his body worried her. There was something far more serious going on here than him being worried or jealous, or trying to prove a point about her locking her window, but she didn’t know what it was. He was so still and unreadable.
She pulled back slightly to scan his body again more thoroughly this time, trying to see all of him in the darkness. “Were you hurt?”
“No. I’m fine.”
He didn’t feel fine. He wasn’t acting fine. This wasn’t the same man who had turned her inside out with his teasing humor and sinful kisses. The man holding her right now was edgy, maybe even a little dangerous.
Rather than answer, Reid slipped an arm around her waist and brought her close again, holding her fast as he gazed down at her with that oddly hungry expression. Despite her unease, a hot thrill shot through her.
When he didn’t offer any further explanation or try to kiss her, she licked her lips nervously and searched for something to say to fill the empty void. It was almost like he was testing her, waiting for her to do or say something. But what? “So you’ve been…overseas this whole time?”
“Yeah.”
“In Afghan—”
“Bec, I want to, but you know I can’t tell you more.”
It frustrated her, but yes, she knew. She’d known since the night he’d told her he was a SEAL and warned her about what to expect if she wanted to have a relationship with him. But that was back when she’d thought they were actually in one. Although she thought she’d known what to expect when he deployed, the reality had been much harder. She wasn’t sure she could handle more of it.
Gathering her courage, she set her hands on his hard shoulders and fixed her gaze on the hollow of his throat. “When you stopped contacting me, I thought it was your way of saying you’d moved on.”
Reid shook his head and leaned down. Becca tensed as his warm breath teased her jaw. His lips brushed the curve of her neck, right where it met her shoulder, making her shiver with a heady combination of nerves and need. This man could tear her up inside. “No way, beautiful. I told you I’d come back to you.”
The endearment helped take away some of the ache in her heart, but didn’t erase the uncertainty. “So what do you want from me? Sex?” Despite how badly he’d hurt her by shutting her out, she still wanted him. If that was all she could have of him, she’d take it this one last time.
Reid raised his head slowly and met her eyes, the censure in his gaze slicing into her. “I’ve thought about you every single day since I left.”
She blinked in surprise. “Then why did you—”
His thumb swept over her cheek, down to brush across her lower lip, leaving tingles in its wake. “God, I’ve missed you.” The haunted look on his face alarmed her. Something was wrong, and he wouldn’t tell her what it was. Before she could answer, he looked beyond her, gesturing across the room with a jerk of his chin, his expression closed. “That the mirror you told me about?”
Startled, she followed his gaze to the antique oval cheval mirror she’d bought right after he’d left, set in the corner of the room. A quick rush of heat flowed through her as understanding dawned. He knew what it represented, why she’d bought it. “Yes,” she whispered, her body suddenly empty and aching for him as she realized his intent. At least, she hoped she did.
Hold me. Touch me. Make me forget.
He drew a callused fingertip down the side of her throat, over the exposed curve of her shoulder. With him looming over her, she felt fragile all of a sudden. “I’ve been thinking a lot about that mirror the past few weeks,” he continued. “That fantasy you wrote me about. Remember it?”
Blood rushed to her face, a heavy throb settling between her legs. “I remember.” Like she could forget that X-rated email? Her sex clenched in anticipation at the thought of acting out her explicit fantasy. Of giving herself to him in a way she’d never done for another man but had always dreamed of. Reid was the only man she’d met who made her want to explore her most secret desires. Now he’d saved her and was standing in front of her with all that heat in his eyes…
Oh, God.
Swallowing, she tried to slow her slamming heart. His mood and actions all made a strange sort of sense now. Him taking her by surprise when she’d stepped out of the bathroom, being so detached and mysterious about everything. Exactly what she’d described in the fantasy. But she still wanted answers.
“Why now?” she demanded. There was still so much unresolved between them. Giving up the kind of control the fantasy demanded was risky.
“I came to see you the first chance I got. I told you I would.” His arm tightened around her waist in a possessive, protective move, stirring up needs she knew she should bury. Dropping his voice to a velvet whisper, he added, “And I didn’t like seeing you with him tonight.”
Rather than anger her, his admission filled her with a thrill of satisfaction. More heat slid through her, making her knees weak. “That’s a pretty territorial thing for a guy like you to say.”
“Yeah. You seem to bring that out in me.” Before she could answer he tipped her face up. His deep brown eyes were full of shadows she wanted to wipe away. “When I spent the night with you that first time, I told you what I was, what I did. I’ve never told any other woman that.”
The implication slowly penetrated her brain. “So…you’re saying you’re more serious about me than the others you’ve hooked up with before? Because that’s not how it feels to me.”
His eyes narrowed. “It doesn’t feel like I’m serious about you?” One strong hand buried itself in her hair and tilted her head back. “Then how about this?” She gasped into his mouth when his lips covered hers.
Hot. Hungry. On the edge of desperate.
She dug her fingers into his shoulders for support as she opened for him, whimpering at the sensual feel of his tongue stroking her mouth, the heady taste of him. Reid kissed better than any man she’d ever been with, and this was one she knew she’d remember for the rest of her life. His powerful body vibrated with suppressed hunger. He didn’t plunge his tongue in and out like he was trying to conquer her; he caressed and seduced, made her ache and strain against him in the most delicious way as she responded helplessly.
He pulled back far too soon. Her legs were unsteady and she was breathing hard. His eyes bored into hers, burning with heat and something deeper she couldn’t make out. “I’ve thought about you every single day I’ve been gone and every damn time I closed my eyes to grab some sleep when I could get it. I remember every single fucking word you ever wrote to me while I was away, including every single detail of that fantasy.”
His admission took her breath away. Those hands held her head still, forcing her to meet his gaze. Powerful hands capable of lethal force, yet they cradled her so carefully despite his anger. He’d always touched her with such gentleness. But she’d always wanted to see the other side of him too.
Frustration pulsed off him. “You thought I’d moved on? Not a chance in hell. I’ve been dreaming about seeing you and doing this for weeks, of making it real for both of us. I want to watch you, feel you give in to whatever I do to you. Sometimes thinking about that was all that got me through the day while I was over there.”
Her throat closed up at the stark emotion in his voice. Too stunned to speak, she couldn’t reply as vivid images scrolled through her mind: her helpless beneath him while he took her to the brink of madness with his hands, his mouth. The way his muscles would bunch beneath her palms when he at last settled between her thighs and drove his cock into her aching pussy. She wanted that. Wanted him so badly she shook with it. Only she needed it to mean something more to him than fulfilling a fantasy.
Long fingers slid around her nape, squeezing the taut muscles. “Say yes.” The words held a note of desperate longing that made her heart constrict.
Swallowing convulsively, she struggled to find her voice. “I…”
Holding her captive, Reid bent his head and touched his forehead to hers. He lowered his voice to a murmur, his voice a deep rasp of need that scraped over every sensitized nerve ending in her body. “Say yes, Bec. Let me make it real.”
Chapter Five