by Dena Christy
He eased away from her, snatching his jeans from the chair in the corner. He pulled them on and walked down the stairs to the kitchen and out the back door. He thought about going for a run, but he’d lost the taste for running by himself now that he and Hadria ran together every night. Besides he needed to think, and he could do that much better as a man.
He didn’t know what he could do to prove to Hadria that she could trust him with her heart. He would never consider betraying her, no matter how it seemed. And no matter what Cadric wanted her to think.
His head turned sharply when he heard the snap of a twig to his right. Had Hadria woken without him there and come out to follow him? He drew in a deep breath of the still night air and realized it was not Hadria.
“Who’s there?” Nick growled out, tensing his body as he prepared to fight if he needed to. He wished it was someone with bad intentions. He was itching to get out some of his frustrations.
“We need your decision by the end of the day tomorrow. Someone will be in contact with you at that time to hear your decision.”
Nick quickly turned around, but he was unable to see the identity of the figure standing in the shadows.
“Why won’t you show yourself to me?”
“When you agree to join us you will see who we are.”
Nick took a step toward the voice. He heard the crunch of leaves behind him before he felt a blinding pain in the back of his head. It bloomed through his skull, and he dropped to his knees. He shook his head, trying to clear it. He heard the faint sound of footsteps fading into the night, and he knelt on the ground for a long time, forcing his eyes open despite the pain lancing through his brain. His vision blurred, and he could feel himself wavering. Taking several deep breaths, he got shakily to his feet. He reached up to touch the back of his head and his hand came away sticky with blood.
Staggering back to the house he tried to be as quiet as he could. He didn’t want Hadria to wake up and come looking for him. He would only have to lie to her. The burden Cadric placed on him ate away at him.
“Nick, are you okay?”
Nick flinched when he heard her voice behind him. He really wished she’d stayed asleep. He tried to walk as normally as possible and barely managed it. The back of his head throbbed as he approached the kitchen sink.
“I’m fine Hadria. Why don’t you go back to bed?” Nick pulled a glass down from the cupboard and filled it with water. He drank deeply while he waited for her to leave. He couldn’t take care of his head until she was gone.
“Nick, why were you outside? Was there someone out there? I thought I heard voices.”
Nick closed his eyes, trying hard to ignore the pain lancing through his skull. With tremendous effort he loosened his grip on the glass he was holding before it shattered in his hand. “There was no one out there. I just felt like going out for some air.”
The lies he told her burned like acid on his tongue. He could smell them rolling off his skin, and he was thankful she wasn’t a werewolf, otherwise she’d be able to smell them too.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re acting a little strange.”
“Jesus Christ,” he shouted, still keeping his back to her. The pain in his head had become a dull throb, and all he wanted to do was look after his wound and not have to lie to her anymore. “When I need a nursemaid I’ll let you know.”
He heard the swift intake of her breath. Before she could say anything to him, he softened his tone. “Hadria, please just go back to bed. I’ll be up shortly.”
Still facing the sink, he heard her soft footfalls leave the kitchen and go up the stairs. The door to his bedroom shut so softly that he barely heard it and he wished she’d slammed it. He flung the glass in the sink and it shattered as it crashed against the stainless steel.
Chapter Twelve
Hadria lay curled up on her side of the bed as she waited for Nick to come back. She tried closing her eyes and going back to sleep, but she couldn’t. He was lying to her again, and he’d never spoken to her like that before. She’d woken as soon as he left the bed, and thought only that he had to use the bathroom. When he failed to come back, she’d gotten up and looked for him. She heard him go outside and figured that he’d gone for a run. Then she heard him talking to someone. She couldn’t make out the words, but she could detect the rumbling of other voices in addition to Nick’s. She let out a long slow breath, hoping it would ease the tightness sitting low in her stomach.
Was she in denial about Nick? Sometimes she was so sure of him. She thought she knew him better than any other person she’d ever met before. Then things happened, like the late night phone call, tonight’s clandestine meeting, and the sharpness with which he’d spoken to her. Sometimes it felt like Alex all over again. She didn’t know what to think anymore, and with every lie and evasion, she was finding it harder to believe in him.
She heard his footfalls on the stairs, and quickly closed her eyes. Feigning sleep seemed to be her best option. She didn’t want to talk to him right now. With the mood they were both in it was a definite possibility that they’d say something they’d regret in the morning.
She didn’t move when he came into the room and pulled back the covers. He got into bed as far away from her as he could get without falling out of it. That hurt more than the way he’d spoken to her downstairs. She could feel a gulf widening between them, and not just the physical one on the bed. A prickling started in the back of her throat, and she opened her eyes, blinking rapidly, as if by doing so the tears could be held at bay. Too much had gone on over the past few days, and all of it came crashing down inside her, and the tears rolled free. She tried to sniff quietly, but he must’ve heard. He shifted on the bed, but didn’t reach for her. Shoving her fist in her mouth, she bit down hard to keep in the sob that fought to work itself free.
“I know you’re awake. Are you okay?” Nick’s voice rumbled behind her. “Hadria?”
“No, I’m not okay Nick. I’m about as far from okay as I can get.”
He finally moved, putting his hand on her back and rubbing in smooth circles. “Is this about what happened downstairs? I’m sorry I yelled at you. I had no right to do that.”
“It’s everything Nick. It’s this whole mess with Samara’s blood, with someone trying to frame you at work. Everything.”
“What can I do to make it better?” Nick pulled her close and pressed his lips against the back of her neck. She drew away from him, not wanting his affection if he was going to continue to hide things from her.
“You want to fix it? You can start by not lying to me anymore.”
She felt him stiffen behind her, and knew she’d hit a nerve. “When have I lied to you Hadria?’
“You lied to me tonight Nick. I know you weren’t outside taking some air, and I know you were talking to someone. Who were you with?’
“Are you spying on me now?” She heard the defensive anger threaded in his voice. Defensive and angry. She ticked another thing off the list in her head, the one that told her he was going to betray her.
“I’m not spying on you. I woke up and you weren’t here and I wondered what was wrong when you didn’t come back to bed.”
“So you thought you had to check up on me?”
“I wasn’t checking up on you, I was concerned that something was wrong. And I have to wonder why you’re getting angry with me now if you don’t have anything to hide.”
Utter silence followed her statement, and Hadria turned over onto her back to look at him. He was on his back staring at the ceiling. She could make out the muscle in his jaw tightening in the dim light coming through the bedroom window.
“I think it would be best if we just went to sleep.” He rolled over onto his side away from her. Hadria stared at his back, longing to do as he asked, but a part of her wanted to get everything out in the open.
“I don’t want to go to sleep. I want to know what you’re hiding from me.”
“Leave it alone Hadria.” She could
hear the steely edge in his voice and was tempted to do as he said.
“Nick, please tell me what’s going on. I want to be able to trust you, but you need to be honest with me.”
Nick sat up abruptly and turned to look at her, his face thunderous. “You know what? That’s a lie.”
“What’s a lie?”
“You don’t want to trust me. You’ve been looking for any excuse to justify your belief in that stupid curse from the moment we got together. You’ve been trying to put me in the same little box as the lovers who’ve gone before me.”
He stood and strode out of the room, slamming the door behind him. She stared after him in shock. Was that really what she was doing? Was she looking for any excuse to justify not trusting him? She loved him, and that scared her. Love always led to betrayal for her. Was she trying to push him away so that when he did betray her it wouldn’t hurt as much?
She lay back down and pulled the covers close. The bed felt so empty without him. She was tempted to go after him, to try to talk to him. She stayed where she was. She didn’t want to make him angrier, and if she was being totally honest with herself, she could see he had a point. It would look to him that she didn’t trust him. She didn’t know how to convince him that she did, since she could barely convince herself. Closing her eyes against the gritty feeling behind her eyelids, she tried to relax. Sleep was a long time in coming.
***
Nick drummed his fingers on the steering wheel the next morning while he waited for Hadria to come out of the house. He’d spent an uncomfortable night in the guest room. Tossing, turning and punching his pillow hadn’t helped his body’s craving for her beside him. Thus far they hadn’t spoken to each other and she wouldn’t meet his eyes when their paths crossed in the kitchen this morning.
Perhaps he shouldn’t have said what he did last night because she was right. He was lying to her. The rational part of his brain felt guilty for getting angry with her. His heart, on the other hand, wanted her blind faith. That was what had made him so angry, her suspicions of him. It was almost like she was looking for an excuse to doubt him. He didn’t think she was conscious of it until he had pointed it out to her, but she’d been trying to erect a barrier between them from the beginning of their relationship. And he realized he was an asshole for wanting her to trust him, when he was hiding things from her. His head was so screwed up right now. He wanted to be honest with her and knew he couldn’t be if he did what Cadric wanted.
He looked up as she stepped out of the house. The sun hit her golden hair, and his stomach clenched. God he loved her. He would fight all her demons if it meant she could love him in return. Only she wouldn’t if he went through with Cadric’s plan. Maybe there was a way around it.
She got in the car and did up her seatbelt, staring straight ahead. He took a deep breath, knowing what he had to do.
“I was out of line last night, saying what I did to you about trusting me. I’m sorry. I guess I want you to have blind faith in me, and I forget what you’ve been through. I should be more patient with you.” He reached over to clasp her hand. He moved to bring it to his lips but didn’t know how she would react, so he clasped it loosely instead.
“Oh Nick, I’m sorry too. You were right last night. There is a part of me that wants to doubt you. I’m so afraid of getting hurt that I guess I’ll do anything to protect myself.”
He let go of her hand to frame her face. Drawing her in close, he kissed her swiftly and pulled back. He didn’t want to linger because they both had to get to work.
“We should go,” he said as he started the car.
“I know. For the first time in a long time, I wish I didn’t have to go in. I’d rather spend the day alone with you.”
“Me too, but we’ll have tonight,” Nick said. He started the car and headed down the driveway, keeping his eyes on the road lest he be tempted to say screw it and take her back home.
By the time they got to work Nick was feeling better about where things stood between them, and he was optimistic that they could move forward together. His mood was upbeat when he got to his office, until he remembered that he needed to see Cadric about his visitor last night. He rubbed the back of his head absently as he left his office and headed over to Cadric’s.
He knocked on Cadric’s door and waited until he was given permission to enter. He walked into his boss’ office, closing the door behind him before he took a seat.
“Nick, what brings you here? Not more bad news I hope. I’ve had just about as much of that as I can take.”
“Then you should be pleased to hear what I have to say. I received a visitor last night. The organization we are looking for wants an answer. They’ve given me until tonight to decide and will contact me.”
“Did you recognize the messenger?” Cadric leaned forward in his seat, the light in his eyes as sharp and intense as the expression on his face.
“I never saw his face, and his scent wasn’t from anyone I know.”
“That’s not surprising, They would hardly send someone known to you if they weren’t sure if you were going to join them or not. Damn. This doesn’t help us very much.”
“I know. If I were to come in contact with this person again, I would be able to identify them based on their scent.”
“That’s not really good enough.” Cadric stood and paced around his office. He ran his fingers through his hair and Nick had to swivel in his chair to keep him in his line of sight. “When I suggested you start this, I didn’t know how we were going to proceed, but it’s become clear to me. I need you to infiltrate their organization, and the only way to do that is to agree to work with them.”
Nick sat back in his chair, not sure what he should say. When Cadric had brought it up the other day, he hoped his involvement in this case wouldn’t go this far. He wasn’t trained for undercover work, and was surprised Cadric had suggested it.
“Are you absolutely sure I’m the right man for the job? I’ve never done this sort of work before. I know you think the fact that they’ve approached me counts for something, but I’m not a trained agent.”
“Actually I think you are the perfect choice. Your medical background helps. They’ve already contacted you, you’re the one they want. They won’t expect you to act any other way than the way you are. I want you to go in, find out what they are doing, and find out who is our traitor. Once you’ve done that, contact me and we’ll send a team in to shut them down and extract you.”
A sick feeling settled in Nick’s stomach. It looked like he was really going to be doing this.
“When do you want me to tell them I’m coming?”
“Tell them you’re coming as soon as they make contact with you. If they contact you tonight, then I want you to leave tonight. And Nick, don’t tell Hadria any of this. Once you’re out, and the organization knows it, I’ll let her know quietly.”
Leave tonight and don’t tell Hadria? “Are you sure I can’t tell her? She’s a professional, I’m sure she could keep this under wraps.” Nick did all he could to keep from pleading to be able to be honest with Hadria. If he left, and made it look like he had betrayed the Order, his relationship with Hadria would be destroyed.
“We don’t want our traitor to find out that you haven’t really switched sides. In order to do that no one must know what we are planning, not even Hadria. It will be more believable for everyone if she believes that you’ve betrayed the Order right along with everyone else. Once you’ve gone and it becomes known around here that you’ve betrayed us, I will give you the broken mark. That will make them think that even I believe you’ve gone over to their side.”
Cadric had a few more instructions for him, but Nick was hardly listening. All he could hear in his head was the death knell on his relationship with Hadria. Nick pinched the bridge of his nose after Cadric finished speaking.
“Are you okay, Nick? I know this is going to be hard for you, and I really respect that you may feel inexperienced doing this. If there w
as any other way, I wouldn’t ask it. This could be our only chance to get the bastards who have ruined a lot of lives. Look at what they did to your brother.”
Nick didn’t need a reminder that these bastards needed to be stopped. Rowan was still broken after his experience with these people, and he’d always told himself that if he could find a way to stop it from happening to anyone else, he’d do it. He just didn’t want to hurt Hadria. He needed Cadric’s word that he would tell her that he hadn’t betrayed her. “Promise me that you’ll tell her that I didn’t stab her in the back. As soon as you can, promise that you’ll tell her. That’s the only way I’ll be able to do this. Swear to me, Cadric.”
Cadric looked at him, his face set in serious lines. “I swear, I’ll make things right with her. You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”
“I am. And this couldn’t be happening at a worse time.” Nick blew out his breath, and focused his mind on what needed to be done, as he hoped the fall out from his new mission didn’t destroy what he and Hadria were trying to build. “How do I get in contact with you once I get in?”
“You don’t. I don’t want them to suspect that you are a mole, so I don’t want you to contact me until you are ready to be extracted. Under no circumstances are you to contact me until you’ve identified the traitor and figured out where the missing women are and what they are doing with them.”
“Okay.” So he was in this alone. He was confident enough in his abilities to take care of himself. Whether or not he would have Hadria to come home to when this was all over was a whole other story. He was putting his complete trust in his boss to make things right with her.
“Do you have any questions?” Cadric sat back behind his desk and looked at Nick. Nick shook his head. He had plenty of questions, just not ones Cadric could answer. “Why don’t you head home and take care of anything that needs to be taken care of. I’ll get Lee to come in and cover your shift.”