by E. L. Todd
“Now you know how we both feel.”
Abby felt the guilt well up. “I’m sorry, Fernan. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“It’s okay,” he said quickly. “I want you to be honest with me. As long as you never hide anything from me, we’ll be okay. And I know you never will.”
“Am I horrible person for feeling this way?” She sniffed.
“No. You’re in love with two people. Your emotions are obviously complicated.”
“I wish I didn’t feel this way. I just wanted something simple, and instead I got more problems I’m not able to handle.”
Fernan grabbed her hand and moved his fingers over her knuckles. “I hope I can help with that.”
“You are. Fernan, you’re always so sweet to me.”
“And it’s not hard to figure out why.” He smiled at her then kissed her hand. “Do you want to sleep over? My bed feels too big when you aren’t here.”
“I would love to.” Abby immediately knew that was a mistake. “But I shouldn’t…”
“We would just sleep,” he said gently.
“No…I’m too vulnerable right now.”
Fernan looked disappointed. “Okay.”
“I should probably go home and figure out what to do about my sister.”
“Okay.” Fernan walked her to the door and gave her a big hug. “There’s something I want to ask you, but in light of your pain, I feel like an ass for bringing it up.”
She pulled away. “Don’t feel that way, Fernan. I feel like everything is always about me. What’s on your mind?”
“My parents are visiting me this weekend.”
“Both of them?” she blurted.
He nodded. “They didn’t explain why. But I know my mom will be anxious to see me settled down with someone, or at least have a serious girlfriend…” His meaning hung in the air.
“Oh.”
“I was hoping you could you be that serious girlfriend.”
“But—”
“It would just be for show. I understand you aren’t ready for that. But since you will be my girlfriend eventually I didn’t think it was too inappropriate to ask.” Fernan stared at her face, watching her every expression. “You don’t have to do it, Abby. I just want my mom to stop pestering me about it. And I don’t know when they’ll visit again. They are getting old…”
Abby felt uncomfortable pretending to be something she wasn’t, but Fernan would do anything for her and she should do the same for him. “Of course I will.”
He smiled. “Thank you, darling. My mom is a very warm and affectionate woman. I have no doubt you’ll love her. My dad…well, I’m not looking forward to seeing him. I’m terrified, actually. Which is another reason I want—need—you beside me.”
“You can count on me, Fernan. Just let me know when and where. And what to say.” She fidgeted in place. “I don’t know anyone who isn’t American. I wouldn’t want to offend them.”
He chuckled. “Just eat whatever my mom makes and compliment her cooking. You’ll be set.”
“That sounds simple enough.”
“And be yourself, “he said. “Because I don’t give a damn what my parents think.”
Her cheeks blushed. “Now I feel a little better.”
“And I’ll still love you as much as I do now.”
“Even if I get sick from her food and throw up everywhere?”
Fernan laughed. “Yes, but I highly doubt that would happen. My mom knows her way around the kitchen, and how to kill salmonella. You do have one problem though…”
Her eyes widened. “What?”
“You’re too skinny.”
“I am?” Abby saw her stomach everyday.
“I think you’re absolutely perfect. But my mom won’t. She’ll be shoving food down your throat—literally.”
“Uh…I’m not sure about this anymore.”
“You want to know the secret to dealing with an Italian woman?”
“What? Tell me.”
He smiled. “Say you have a health problem.”
“What? Can’t I just say no thank you?”
“You would think,” he said with a laugh. “If it’s sweets, go with diabetes. If it’s meat, say you have bad cholesterol. And if it’s anything else, just say your doctor has you on a strict diet. That’s the only way they’ll back off.”
“Thanks for the advice.”
He shrugged. “I’m Italian. I know a few things.”
Abby realized something in that moment. She hadn’t thought about it before. “Were you planning on living in America permanently?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Well, I’m just wondering…”
“I haven’t decided. I’ve considered moving to Rome a few times. I have a need to roam the Earth every now and then, but if I were in a serious relationship or married, I wouldn’t consider it. Unless she said otherwise.”
She nodded. “My sister lives here. I don’t think I could ever leave her.”
“I understand,” he said. “But I really love hearing you say that.”
“What?”
“You’re thinking of the future—with me. That’s a good sign.” He stared at her affectionately.
“Yeah…”
He kissed her forehead. “Text me when you get home.”
“Okay.”
“Am I ever going to see your place? I think you trust me at this point.”
“Oh.” Abby hadn’t thought of that. “I guess so. Maybe in a few weeks.”
“I’m just glad you’re considering it.” He stepped back. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Fernan.” She left his apartment and returned to her own.
As soon as she walked inside, she felt empty, hollow. She tried to read or watch TV, but the unbearable pain came back to her. She kept thinking about Toby, picturing him with the blonde woman from the gym. She felt sick every time she imagined him on top of her. The last words he said to her rang in her ears. Without thinking, she grabbed her keys and stormed from her apartment.
When she realized where she was headed, she started to question her sanity. She moved up the flight of stairs to his landing then reached his door. She stood on the other side of it and breathed deeply. She had no idea why she was there, and more importantly, what she would say. She just told Fernan that she wanted to meet his family, and now she was standing outside Toby’s door—like a confused idiot.
The sound of laughter echoed down the hallway. Merriment and joy were not on her mind. She stared at the door, encouraging herself to knock on the wood. Every time she tried, her hand remained by her side.
“Abby?”
Toby appeared beside her, but he wasn’t alone. The blonde woman had her arm hooked through his. She wore a dress so short, there was no room for imagination at what was underneath. Her breasts were pressed together, showing an open view of her cleavage line. She blatantly glared at Abby, not pleased to see her outside Toby’s apartment.
When Abby saw them together, the air left her lungs.
“What are you doing here?” he demanded.
“I…”
The blonde girl eyed her. “Come on, speak up. You can do it.”
Abby glared at her then clenched her fist.
Toby caught the movement. “Theresa, go inside and wait for me.” He unlocked the door and pushed it open. She looked Abby up and down before she walked inside. Toby shut the door then moved down the hallway, out of earshot.
“What?” he snapped. “Did you need something?”
“I wanted to talk to you…”
“I have a phone. And I’m pretty sure it works.” He wore jeans and a black t-shirt. The lines of his body were evident in the fabric. His hair was messy, like someone had been running their fingers through it. She stared at it, mesmerized. He waved his hand in front of her face. “Earth to Abby.”
She smacked his hand. “I don’t want you to sleep with her.” The words escaped her lips in a flash, unimpeded be rational thought
. “Please don’t.”
“Why?” He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall. He seemed bored, uninterested.
“I—I just don’t want you to. Every time I think about it, it makes me sick.”
“I know the feeling.” He continued to stare at her.
“Toby, I’m sorry about everything.”
“What are you saying?” he asked. “You can sleep with whoever you want, but I have to remain faithful to you? You seriously need to get a grip on reality. You’re a selfish brat and I’m sick of it. I will not be a pawn in your sick game.”
“You aren’t a pawn,” she said firmly. The emotion built behind her eyes but she kept it there.
“Then what are you saying?” he asked. “Are you still with Fernan?”
“I’m not with anybody.”
“But does he know that? Or does he still think you’re his?”
Abby was cornered. And she couldn’t lie. It was wrong. “Yes…”
“So what the fuck do you want me to do?” The anger escaped his lips. “You need two men in your life to make you complete? You have some serious issues.”
“That’s not what I’m saying. Just shut up.”
“Fine.” He sealed his lips.
“I’m confused.”
He rolled his eyes.
“I—I know Fernan is the clear choice but I can’t stop thinking about you. I—I love you, Toby. And I have no idea why. But I always think about you, wondering what smartass comment you would make to something random. Even when I’m arguing with you, I’m happy.”
Toby stared at her, a slight flicker of emotion in his eyes.
“I think I made a mistake…why do I feel this way?”
He straight his back and put his hands in his pockets. “Abby, I don’t have a tolerance for a woman who doesn’t know what she wants. If you did, you would have picked me on that final day. So let me make this simple for you. There isn’t two guys to choose from. Just one. And that’s Fernan. You can never have me again. I may be in love with you, may think you’re the love of my life, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to settle for a woman who treats me like shit. So I’m out. Don’t bother me again, don’t confess your undying love for me. Because. I. Don’t. Want. You.”
She took a deep breath as his words stung her. The tears escaped her eyes and fell down. She covered her face and turned away.
“This would be different if I knew you loved me, and only me. But you don’t, Abby. You made the right decision choosing Fernan. He’ll put up with your bullshit. And you need someone that has a temperament like that. I always assumed that if I married someone, it would be a woman that loved me with her whole heart, not part of it. And I’m not settling for anything less. My wife will be what I want her to be. In the end, you fall short.” He walked down the hallway back to his apartment. “Go back to Fernan. It’s where you belong.”
Chapter Thirteen
Abby was miserable. She lost her sister, her best friend in the world, and now she lost Toby. When she reflected on their relationship, she realized it wasn’t traditional. Their relationship was difficult and hard work, but she loved every second of it. But she did love Fernan…
It was easy with him, simple. A part of her wished she never met Toby at all. She and Fernan would be happy right now. But fate loved to play twisted games with her.
Paul sat across from her and looked equally depressed. He already had too many beers and was beginning to slip away. His eyes drooped and his eyes became hooded. Abby drank her wine like it was water. She didn’t have any reason to stay sober.
“I can’t believe where I ended up,” he said with a sigh.
“Neither can I.” She felt the glass in her fingers and stared at it. The room was noisy with people, but the sound faded to the background. “I should have picked Toby.”
Paul nodded. “I like him.”
“I would hope so.”
“So, you don’t feel anything for Fernan anymore?”
“No, I love him too. They are just very different emotions.”
“Sounds complicated,” he said.
“You have no idea.”
Paul finished his glass then leaned over the table. “I think I’m….full.”
“I can take you home.”
Paul pulled out his phone and fumbled with it. “Nah. I’m supposed to call Toby for these things.” He held the phone to his ear and listened to it ring. “Besides, he needs to walk you home too. You’re as bad as I am.”
“I don’t need him to do anything for me.”
Paul’s voice became louder when his brother answered. “Dude, come get me. I’m at McCormicks.” He paused for a moment. “Because I’m drunk.” He hung up and tossed the phone on the table.
“We should just get drunk at home.”
“Not really as much fun.” He looked at the women in the bar. “I may have wanted to pick up one of these fine ladies.”
Abby glanced at the room. There were only two women in the bar, and they were both overweight middle-age women—with their husbands. Apparently, Paul lost his sight when he was drinking.
They sat across from each other and wallowed in their own self-pity. They didn’t need to speak. Just being with each other made it a little better. Abby wasn’t sure how she ruined her life in such a short amount of time, but she did.
Toby approached their table a few minutes later. He stared at Paul, waiting for him to notice his presence. Abby didn’t look at him, staring at the people in the bar like he wasn’t important.
Toby eyed the bottles on the table. “You’re going to get a huge beer belly.”
“I work out,” Paul said quietly.
“Let’s get you home.” Toby hooked his hand around Paul’s arm and pulled him to a stand. Paul wobbled for a moment but regained his balance. Then he turned to Abby. “Come on. Get up.”
“I don’t need you to take me home.” She still didn’t look at him. “Goodnight.”
“You seem pretty far gone to me. Come on. You can stay with Paul.”
“No.” She rested her elbows on the table.
Toby sighed. “I don’t have time for this. Bye.” He pushed Paul forward and they left the bar. When they were gone, Abby felt insignificant. She couldn’t believe he actually left her there. But she knew it was her fault. She should have taken his offer when she had the chance. The more she couldn’t have Toby, the more she wanted him. And the idea of him being with that girl drove her insane…
She placed the cash on the table then stood up.
“Long time, no see.”
She immediately recognized the voice. She would spend a lifetime trying to forget it. The deep tone, and the slow speech immediately struck a cord. Every memory flashed before her eyes. Without even looking, she knew exactly who it was.
“You don’t seem happy to see me.” He remained at her side, slightly behind her. That’s usually the stance he took, able to grab her by the neck at a moment’s notice.
Her initial response was panic. She’s spent the last year trying to get away from this guy. But here he was—right beside her. But she calmed her body immediately. She was tired of being preyed upon. She didn’t work her ass off to be afraid. Abby took a deep breath then met his gaze, appearing unaffected. “Why would I be?” The hatred was clear in her voice.
He took a slight step forward, coming into full view. His blue blazer was unbuttoned and his black jeans didn’t have a single wrinkle. His arms were swollen with muscles, and his thighs were tight. Nothing had changed. His dirty blonde hair was the same length, even the same style. When she saw his green eyes, time slowed down. “I think I deserve a better greeting than this.” His eyes were green like the forest, deep and powerful.
“You do.” She pushed him as hard as she could.
He stumbled back and almost fell to the ground. He caught his balance then glanced at everyone in the bar. People were staring at him, wondering how he would react. He straightened his blazer than came back to
her, a look of rage on his face.
Abby was scared for her life, but she acted like she wasn’t. “You want me to push you again?”
He grabbed her wrist so quickly she didn’t see him move. “Try.” His menace hung in the air.
“Vance, let me go.” She tried to sound as intimidating as possible, which was hard to do.
Vance constricted her wrist, cutting off the circulation. “No.”
Abby turned her wrist out, forcing him to release his hold. She kicked him in the groin then slugged him in the stomach as fast as possible. Vance gripped his stomach then bent at the waist, holding back the moan in his throat. “Don’t fucking touch me.” She turned around and left the bar without looking back.
Whens she reached the sidewalk, the fear settled in. The city was huge, and she never expected to run into him. She changed every aspect of her life, her apartment, her gym, her grocery store, her job, and even Alexandra’s apartment just so he wouldn’t find her. But that didn’t work out.
He burst through the doors. “Abigail.”
She shoved through the crowd of people and tried to get lost in the swarm. She had no idea what her next plan was, but she couldn’t go back to her apartment. He might follow her and find out where she lived. So she kept moving forward.
“The more you run, the harder I’ll strangle you!” He chased her down.
Abby knew that wasn’t an idle threat. Her escape plan flashed in her mind. She could move to the subway and try to blend in, or she could move through the market and hope he’d lose her scent. But she didn’t think those were good options. When she passed Toby’s building, she got an idea. She pulled out her phone and called him.
“Please pick up…” She listened to it ring.
“Get out of my way!” Vance pushed through the people behind her, closing in on her. “Abigail.”
“Toby, pick up the damn phone!” It kept ringing.
He finally answered. “I’m not going back down there. Call a cab.”
“Shut up. I need help.”
Toby dropped his attitude at the seriousness of her voice. “What’s wrong? Where are you?”
“I’m outside your apartment, and he’s chasing me. I don’t know what to do.” She heard the sound of a door slamming and the loud thud of feet down a staircase. “Kick his ass, Abby.”