by E. L. Todd
“You said that last time then ended up on my doorstep.”
He shook his head slightly. “And it won’t happen again.”
She tucked a loose strand behind her ear. The overwhelming frustration built inside her. She never wanted something so much in her life, but there was nothing she could do to get it. So she gave up. “Whatever…”
He raised an eyebrow. “Whatever?”
“I can’t think of anything to convince you otherwise. I’m not seeing Fernan, and I’m not seeing anyone. Maybe you’ll realize that in time, but even if you do, you’ll probably be with someone else by then.” She stepped around him and maneuvered to the path. “Let’s get this over with.” She started to jog.
Toby caught up to her and ran beside her. “Are you ready?”
“I’m running, aren’t I?” She breathed through her nose and out her mouth. Toby pushed her for the past few months. Now she could keep up with him with ease. Her body was toned and defined. She still had fat on her stomach and her ass, but that would never go away no matter how hard she tried. But she was okay with that.
“I mean for the Tough Mudder this weekend.”
“Oh.” Abby completely forgot. “Shit.”
“What?”
“I just have a lot of stuff going on this week.”
“Like what?” His voice was demanding.
“My sister is going to see our parents. I need to go with her.”
‘Where?” he asked.
“Atlanta, Georgia. They are moving up their wedding date, so they’ll probably do two birds with one stone.”
Toby stopped running. “What?”
She halted then started walking. “They want to move up the wedding because she’s pregnant.”
“What?” he repeated. “Are you serious?”
“Does it sound like I’m joking?” she snapped.
“Don’t be a smartass.” He stared her down.
“I’ll be a bitch all I want.” She lashed out at him because she wanted to push him away. If she couldn’t have all of him, she didn’t want any of him. It was getting too hard.
“I never said you were a bitch.” He walked beside her, still looking at her. “Does Paul know?”
“No. He’s already struggling. The last thing I want to do is push him over the edge.”
Toby nodded. “He’ll probably figure it out anyway. And it would probably be better coming from you.”
“You’re his brother. It should be you.” She walked quickly down the path, swinging her arms by her sides.
“I’ll tell him at the right time.”
“Anyway, I’m going to be too busy to do the Tough Mudder right now.”
“And what about our tour of the museum?”
Abby forgot about that too. The idea of spending more time with him made her nauseous. She stopped walking and placed her hands on her hips. After a deep breath, she met his gaze. “Let’s just forget about it.”
“And what does that mean?” His eyes brightened with his intensity.
“We aren’t friends, we aren’t anything to each other. And being around you is too hard for me. I said I loved you and I wanted to be with you, but you don’t believe my sincerity. So why should we continue to see each other?”
Toby held her gaze and didn’t look away. But emotion clouded his eyes.
“Let’s just go our separate ways and forget about each other.”
“That’s how it’s going to be?” he snapped.
“Yes.” The emotion escaped her voice. “That’s how it’s going to be. Unless you take me back right now, which I know you won’t. I want to move on. Maybe if I do, I can work out things with Fernan. But if I see you every day, that’s not going to happen. So I’m done.”
“What about our deal?”
“The deal is stupid. Take that girl you met to the competition.” She felt the tears bubble under her eyes then leak down her face. “I love you, Toby. I only want you, and everyone knows it. But this clearly is never going to work out. You’re never going to trust me or give me the benefit of the doubt. And I can’t change that. So this is my last goodbye. Don’t come to my apartment. Don’t call me.”
His eyes widened at her words. His clenched his jaw then squeezed his palms. “Fine.”
“Fine.”
Toby stared her down then stepped back. “Have a good life.”
Abby couldn’t believe he was really leaving. She desperately hoped he’d recognize her sincerity and give her another chance. But he never would. The tears continue to fall. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.
After he was gone from her sight, disappearing into the trees, she let herself grieve openly. When people passed her on the path, they eyed her but kept their mouths shut. After she dispelled all the water in her body, she composed herself and forced herself to move. She did everything she could to get him back and nothing worked. Now it was time to move on.
Chapter Eighteen
Abby’s desk was covered in wedding invitations, decorations, magazines, and crap she couldn’t remember buying. Rather than looking like a secretary’s desk, it was an ultimate wedding planner station.
Fernan came down stairs then stopped in front of her desk. “Do you have the invoice from Roger?”
“Yes.” She moved papers and magazines out of the way. Carnations spilled onto the floor, and envelopes overflowed off the surface. Fernan stared at it with an eyebrow raised. “It’s here somewhere…” She pushed everything around until she found the document. “Here! I knew I had it somewhere.”
Fernan took it then smirked at her. “Stressed?”
She rubbed her temples. “I’ve never planned a wedding in my life, let alone in two weeks. And to top it off, the wedding is in another state. Kill me now.” She sighed loudly.
“I’m sure it will be amazing.”
“I sincerely hope so. My sister deserves nothing but the best.”
He nodded. “I’m glad you worked out your differences.”
“Thanks to her dirty little secret.” She chuckled at her own joke.
“So…are you taking a date?”
Abby hadn’t even thought of that. Toby was the only thing on her mind for the past two weeks. Nothing she did pushed him from her mind. Instead of continuing the fight, she broke down and started an intimate relationship with three cartons of chocolate ice cream. Every time she imagined him with someone else, she ate her feelings. As a result, she gained all the weight she lost. “It slipped my mind.”
“Oh.” He rubbed his chin and put his hands in his pockets. “I’ve always loved Georgia, especially in spring.”
Abby stilled at the meaning in his words. She and Fernan hadn’t resumed a romantic relationship. She hadn’t spent time with him outside of work, called him, or paid attention to him at work. Toby consumed all her thoughts. “It’s so far away, and such a short trip for such a long flight. You wouldn’t want to go.”
“Actually, I would. While you’re busy taking care of this wedding, I’ll take care of you.” His hands moved into his pockets and he stared her down. The compassion and love shined bright. There was no mistaking the depth of his emotion. Every time Abby saw it, she hated herself more and more.
“No.” She grabbed a pen from the rubble and moved it through her fingers. “I have to go to Atlanta first then fly out the next day. You would have to take your own trip.”
“And that’s perfectly fine,” he said. “I prefer to be alone. You know that.”
Abby was running out of excuses. “Fernan, I love you. And because I do, I don’t want to hurt you. You shouldn’t spend any time with me.”
His face didn’t change or respond. It was as if he hadn’t heard a word she said. He rubbed his chin again then studied her face. “You’re still hooked on Toby?”
She shrugged. “I guess.”
“That lucky bastard.”
Abby spun the pen in her fingers.
“I’d still love to go with you—even if I don’t get an
y.” He winked at her.
Her cheeks reddened.
“This is the bottom line. He doesn’t want you but I do. And I can make you happy, so let me do what I’m good at. I’ll support you and listen to you vent as you stress out over this shotgun wedding. We don’t have to be serious in any way. But don’t push me away. I’m good for you.”
She would love to have Fernan there. He always took care of her when she needed it, and he always pardoned her sins like a priest. But Toby was right. She didn’t deserve to be forgiven for every transgression. She needed to take responsibility for her actions. “I can’t stop thinking about him. Is it really fair to you to spend time with me knowing I wish I was with someone else?”
His eyes lost their light. “It’s better than nothing, Abby. You may feel this way now, but it won’t be forever. And I would never accept this compromise with anyone else. But you’re different.”
“I don’t deserve you…”
“Stop saying that,” he said firmly. “Because you do. Now let me take care of you.”
“I can’t give you anything in return.”
He nodded. “For now.”
She marked her finger with the ink. She licked the skin and smeared it away.
“So, can I be your date, Abby?”
“I would love to go with you.”
He smiled. “Good. I was prepared to argue with you until you changed your mind.”
“I guess I saved us both some time.” She chuckled lightly.
Fernan stepped back. “Well, I should get back to work.”
“Me too.” She dropped the pen then knocked over a stack of papers. “And I should organize a few things.”
He laughed. “I’m glad I’m not you right now.”
Abby separated her wedding plans from her work and finished her day. When she went to Alexandra’s apartment, the place was messier than her desk.
Alexandra was on the phone and hung up as soon as Abby entered. Blaise was sitting at the table, looking stressed.
“I have the cake,” Alexandra said. “The buttercream frosting and white chocolate.”
“Good,” Abby said. “I got the shoes you wanted.”
“They have the low heel, right?” Alexandra asked.
Abby rolled her eyes. “You’re aren’t that pregnant. But yes, I got them.” She pulled them from her bag.
Alexandra’s eyes shined in excitement and she snatched them. “They are beautiful.”
“And I picked up your dress.” She held the hanger with the plastic sheet over it. Blaise couldn’t see the dress inside.
“Good.”
Blaise yawned. “Is there anything I can do?”
“No,” Alexandra said.
Abby eyed him jealously.
“Martha said she’ll take care of everything on her end,” Alexandra said. “That helps speed things along.”
“I’ll say.” Abby sat down on the couch and rubbed the bottom of her feet. She was unusually sore. “How are you feeling?”
Alexandra immediately touched her stomach. “I got morning sickness today, but it wasn’t too bad.”
“She gets hot at night,” Blaise added.
“Is there anything I can get you?” Abby asked.
“No, Blaise has been taking care of me.”
Blaise nodded.
“I feel like all we do is talk about me.” Alexandra sat beside her.
“Because it’s true,” Abby said with a laugh.
“Then what’s new with you?”
Abby shrugged. “Nothing. Just work and stuff.”
“How’s Fernan?”
“He’s alright.”
Alexandra eyed her. “How are things between you?”
“Uh…we aren’t seeing each other anymore.”
“What?” Alexandra’s eyes widened. “Since when?”
“Almost a month.”
“What happened?” Alexandra asked. “I thought you were happy.”
“I thought I was too. But when I picked him, I realized I made a mistake.”
“How is that possible? Fernan is perfect for you. Blaise and I love him.”
“But I don’t.” Abby stared at her hands in her lap. “Not in the way I love someone else…”
Alexandra raised an eyebrow. “Toby? Are you with him?”
“No.” She felt the depression rise up her throat. “He won’t take me back. He’ll never be able to forgive me for choosing Fernan. I’ve tried.”
Alexandra stared at her sister for a moment. Her eyes darted back and forth. “So why aren’t you with Fernan?”
“Because I can’t. I can’t be with him when I feel this way about Toby. It’s wrong and unfair.”
“Since when did you start caring about being righteous?” Alexandra asked with a laugh.
“I only want Toby. If I ever get over him, I’ll give Fernan a chance. But until that day comes, I don’t want anyone else.”
“Wow…so you really love him.”
“I wish I didn’t,” Abby said sadly.
“He’s so…different than you. I don’t see how the two of you have anything in common. Fernan seems like the logical choice.”
“I can say the same thing about Blaise and Paul.” The words escaped her mouth before she could stop them. “I’m sorry…”
“No, it’s okay.” Alexandra glanced at Blaise then returned her gaze. “I loved Blaise the moment I saw him. It was like love at first sight. We may not always get along, but the love is there, bright and powerful. Can you say the same about Toby?”
“There is no doubt.” She rubbed her hands together, trying to take her mind off the pain.
“Then how can he not love you?”
“He doesn’t trust me.”
“He should give you another chance,” Alexandra said. “He isn’t being fair.”
Blaise laughed. “You’re one to talk.”
Alexandra glared at him. “You can harass me later.”
Blaise closed his lips and fell silent.
Alexandra turned back to Abby. “I could talk to him.”
“No,” Abby said immediately. “It wouldn’t change anything. He thinks I was engaged to Fernan.”
“What? Were you?”
“Of course not,” Abby snapped. “I just wish he’d believe me.”
Alexandra rubbed her back, trying to cheer her up. “It’s his loss, Abby.”
“No, it isn’t.” She controlled her emotions, stopping them from escaping her lips. “I don’t blame him for feeling that way. I just wish I didn’t have to lose him.”
“It’ll get better.” Alexandra tried to console her.
“Maybe…but maybe it won’t. I hate the idea of him being with someone else. I just want to crawl into a ball and die. Now I understand how he felt.”
Alexandra fell silent, unsure what to say.
Abby knew she made the conversation dark and heavy. “Are you ready for the flight?”
“I just have a few more things to pack. Thanks for coming with me.”
“Of course. You’re my sister. If Mom and Dad are assholes to you, I’ll tell them to fuck themselves.”
Alexandra laughed. “You’re always so classy.”
“Not when it comes to my sister. And I won’t let them be rude to Blaise.”
Blaise smiled. “Alexandra, did I mention I really like your sister?”
Alexandra smiled. “I don’t care what they think of Blaise knocking me up. I’m marrying him anyway.”
“Like you have a choice,” he said with a smile.
Listening to their cute banter was making Abby nauseous. “I should go.” She grabbed her purse and headed to the door.
“Are you bringing a date?” Alexandra asked.
She opened the door but didn’t step through. “Fernan.”
Alexandra breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. He’s a good extension of this family.”
“We’re only going as friends.”
“Well, when you’re over Toby, I hope you give Fernan
the chance he deserves. He’s been nothing but sweet to you.”
“I know he has.”
“We’re going to have so much fun at my wedding.”
Abby tried to force a smile to her face but it was difficult. “We will.”
Chapter Nineteen
“Let’s go out to dinner,” Fernan said when he came downstairs. “I want to spend some time with you before you leave.”
“You’ll be joining me in Savannah.”
“That’s too long for me.” He grabbed his bag then smiled. “You’ve been stressed and miserable for the past two weeks. Now that you’re done with everything, let’s have a drink. You need to relax.”
“I’m not sure if I’m up to it…”
Fernan leaned over and turned off her computer. “Come on. I’m not taking no for an answer.”
Rather than waste time fighting it, she agreed. “Okay.”
“Good.” He approached the door and held it open for her. “After you, darling.”
She stilled at the nickname. He always used it when they were being intimate, or when they were more than just friends. “Please don’t call me that—not yet.”
His eyes darkened. “My apologies.” He closed the door and locked it behind him. “There’s a new bar just a few blocks away. And they have a good selection of wine.” He walked beside her but kept his hands to himself.
Abby watched the people pass them on the sidewalk. Every time she saw an affectionate couple, she felt nauseous. Everything reminded her of Toby. They hadn’t spoken or seen each other in weeks, but her heart still ached for him.
“Is everything ready for the big day?” Fernan asked.
She turned back to him, forgetting about Toby. “I think I got everything covered. Weddings are stressful. I never want to have one.”
He smiled. “And what would you want?”
“Just to get married on the beach. With just a few people.”
Fernan nodded. “It sounds like my dream wedding, especially if you were my bride.”
Abby ignored his comment. There was no logical response to it anyway. When they entered the bar, they sat in a dark corner. Abby couldn’t function in normal social situations. She felt awkward, out of place. Fernan grabbed their drinks and carried them to the table.
He sipped his glass. “So, how are things going with Toby?”