by N. Michaels
Delilah comes out of my speakers, singing about, ‘Never Be Another’. I cry harder and my vision keeps getting blurry. I make my windshield wipers work faster, but it still it doesn’t help. I squeeze my eyes shut and instantly, I see Eric leaning down, kissing Eliza and fresh sobs escape my throat. I force my eyes open. I don't want to see that, I wish I never saw that, I don't want to see that! I hear myself begging inside my head and I know I’ve been broken like never before. In some way I know something inside me died, something I might never recover from.
Why did I believe him? Why did I give all of myself to him, all of my heart?
Eric will always belong to her. No matter what he tells me, he will always go back to her.
The traffic light blurs so I squeeze my eyes shut again, trying to rid of the endless tears. I hear the horn blaring a second before my eyes flash open. I look sharply to the right and the only thing I manage to do is gasp as the fast coming truck collides with the side of my car, hitting my passenger door with catastrophic force. In a nanosecond, the airbags in my car deploy and the seatbelt bites into my chest and neck, restraining me back. I hear the metal whine as it bends and feel the shower of glass flying at me when passenger’s window shatters, piercing my skin. I feel the shift in gravity and scream, terrified as my car flips over twice, throwing my head against my window.
The sharp pain is throbbing against my left temple and I feel warm liquid dripping down my hair. I open my eyes and the world swims before me. It’s also upside down. No… I'm upside down. I hear the raindrops falling furiously on the metal. I hear voices calling out for me, but they sound so far away… and Delilah… she’s not singing anymore. I close my eyes again… I'm so dizzy. I hear a familiar voice calling my name, asking me to open my eyes, and weakly I open them.
Eric’s upside down wet face materializes before me. He’s blurry so I blink the fog away. I hear his voice, but he sounds like he’s underwater.
“Katherine! Can you hear me? Katherine! Please say something...”
I close my eyes again… I’m so tired.
“Katherine! Open your eyes, baby. Please, look at me!” Eric begs with a choked voice.
I open my eyes again but when I focus on Eric’s face, I see his eyes. I see that mesmerizing color that will haunt me for the rest of my life, and feel the devastating pain in my chest coming back with a vengeance.
I don’t want to see you... I don’t want to see anything... I want to sleep.
The thought keeps circling in my mind and my heavy lids drop and close. The last thing I hear is Eric’s voice begging me to stay with him, whispering that he loves me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep…
My alarm clock sounds its annoying little peeps. I raise my hand to smack it, but I can’t move far… my arm… it’s restrained. I make a plaintive sound that comes out dry and weak.
Wait a minute... my alarm clock doesn’t beep, it tunes into my favorite radio station.
What’s wrong with me? Why does my head feel funny? Why is it so –
“Katya? Katya, baby, are you awake?”
Mama… what is she doing here?
“Ma… mama?” I rasp.
Oh God…
My throat feels like someone took sandpaper and went to town with it.
“Gregory! She’s awake!” I hear mama’s voice further away.
Distant footsteps sound louder on the floor, nearing me. Someone holds my hand, a soft delicate hand. It’s mama. I open my eyes and blink.
I smell clean antiseptic scent and the air is cool, not naturally though… like the A.C is on.
“What’s going on? Where am I? Why is it so – “
“Katya! Oh my God…” papa exclaims.
He sounds weird, chocked up. Papa’s arms wrap around me gently and he presses me to his chest. I smell his scent, my papa’s scent, clean clothes and his aftershave. I inhale deeply. He hasn’t hugged me for so long. I missed his scent so much.
“How are you feeling Miss Slavsky?” a voice I don’t recognize asks me.
Papa kisses the top of my head then puts me back against the pillow.
I blink again…
“Fine, what’s happening? Why – “
“My name is Dr. Banner. You were in a car accident, do you remember that?” Dr. Banner’s voice is soft and low.
Accident?
The memories rush to me like a fast forward movie. Our first date together, the necklace, Eric carrying me to his car. Our perfect night filled with loving, tender words and breathtakingly passionate lovemaking. My devastating morning… him and Eliza… I close my eyes and feel a tear slipping down my cheek.
“I remember.” I whisper.
“You’re in Lenox Hill Hospital, you arrived a few hours ago. There are no severe injuries but some minor cuts from the glass and a small bruise on you left temple. Other than that, you’re very lucky. You’re receiving pain relievers through your I.V. we’ll take it out in a few hours.”
I lift my free hand and put it against my forehead. I feel a gauze bandage wrapped around my head. I realize my other hand is not restrained but connected to an I.V.
“Why…” I swallow through my dry throat. “Why is it so dark in here? Turn on the lights… I can’t see anything.”
Silence.
Dead, still silence.
“Mama?” I squeeze her hand.
“Ka… Katya, the lights are on.” her voice wavers.
Confused, I frown. I open my eyes and see darkness. Nothing. I blink rapidly then try to find the smallest hint of light, something… anything.
“Why… why can’t I see? Wh… what’s happening!” I cry out.
Panic seizes me and cold sweat breaks through every pore, I shake uncontrollably and start to hyperventilate.
“Mama! Why can’t I see?!” frightened, I scream at her.
“Katya! Calm down! You’ll rip your I.V. out!” Papa begs me with a worried voice.
A warm hand cups my tearstained cheek.
“Open your eyes.” Dr. Banner asks with a calm voice.
I breathe shallowly and open them, still shaking, looking into a pitch-black world.
“Her pupils are responsive. That’s good. Page Dr. Whales please.” Dr. Banner says to someone in the room. His warm hand leaves my cheek and I shiver harder.
“How could this happen? How…?” I mumble frantically.
“Katya… baby, please…” mama cries and squeezes my hand.
I start crying again. I can’t believe this.
No… how could this happen? I was just in a car accident, with minor injuries! No, no!
I will never be able to see again…
I wail with heart wrenching cries. My emerald eyes will never see again, they will be just a decorative feature in my face. They won’t show me the sunsets and sunrises, the snow and the sand, the bloom of flowers. They won’t show me the people I love, my parents, Laura… oh Laura…
Mama takes me in her arms and holds me close, kissing my hair repeatedly, rocking me back and forth, like I’m a small child.
“Shh… Shh… dochinka moya (my babygirl), don’t cry. We don’t know anything yet. We cry if we know it’s bad, ok? But not now, now you need to take deep breaths and calm down. Do you want them to give you something to go to sleep?” she whispers softly into my hair.
I shake my head, “No… no…”
“Katya, Dr. Whales is here.” Papa says.
Mama wipes my cheeks and kisses my forehead.
“Everything will be ok. Relax.” She whispers and lets me go.
“Hi, Katherine. I’m sorry to hear you were in a car accident. How are you feeling?” Dr. Whales asks me and I notice his voice is rich and bass.
Funny… the things you notice when you can’t see.
“I… I just don’t understand. How could this happen? I thought I had minor injuries...” I sob softly and cover my mouth.
“We’re not sure what happened Katherine, but w
e’re going to send you for an MRI scan. We’re going to check if your optic nerves are intact, and if there is any damage to the optic chiasm, the part that receives the images your eyes are seeing, and then send the information to the brain. This might be salvable, so don’t despair.” His voice calms me a fraction.
I nod solemnly.
“Dr. Slavsky, the police are here. They want to speak to Katherine.” A young woman says.
Probably a nurse…
“The police? Why?” I panic.
Did I hurt someone? Oh my God… did I kill someone?
“I’m sure they just want your statement, nothing more. Don’t worry about them Katya, I’ll deal with them, you go and do your MRI.” Papa says and I hear his footsteps receding.
“Are you ready?” Dr. Whales asks me.
I inhale a shaky breath and nervously say, “Yes.”
A nurse named, Ruth and physician assistant named, Rich introduce themselves to me, then help me to a wheelchair and wheel me out.
“Katherine!” Eric’s desperate voice calls out my name from behind me.
The air halts in my throat, I can’t breath. My heart triples its speed and I bite my lower lip to push back the new wave of sobs that is lodged in my throat.
“Mama, keep him… away from me. Don’t… let him near me.” I whisper brokenly to mama.
Mama says something to Kirill, her driver, and I hear Eric arguing with him, causing a scene.
“Ruth, please stop.” I ask the nurse and we stop moving.
“Eric.” I say his name loud and clear and hear everyone quiet down.
When it’s silent enough to hear a pin drop, I somehow find strength to speak.
“I don’t want to see you anymore. We’re done.” I keep my voice strong but my heart squeezes painfully, so tightly, I quietly whimper in agony.
Ironic isn’t it? Even if I wanted to see him now… I wouldn’t have been able to.
“Katherine, please!” I hear Eric’s voice crack in torment.
Kirill manages to hold Eric back from us I think, because I hear Eric growling at him, “Let me go. I need to see her! Let me go!”
“Please take me to the MRI.” I whisper with a shaky voice.
The nurse pushes me away from my room and away from Eric. Mama takes my hand and we weave our fingers together, holding on tightly. I feel the anxiety radiating from her and I’m sure I’m projecting much more than just anxiety. My heart thunders in my chest as we make our way to the radiology department.
My physical pain is managed by the medication I’m receiving through the I.V. but my emotional pain is overflowing. Not being able to see anything to distract myself keeps bringing me back to the sight of Eric and Eliza kissing, breaking my heart all over again, like a damn broken record.
When that gets old, my brain shows me the approaching front bumper of the truck, shooting towards me and colliding with my car. I keep trying to think about something else, something that won’t hurt me so terribly and all I come up with is the terror inside me.
Is it permanent? Is it fixable? Will they be able to fix it? Did I hurt someone? Did I kill someone? Did Eric ever love me?
The questions bombard my brain and I begin to sob softly, seized with fear of the unknown. With my mind caught between two evils, I clutch mama’s hand tighter and let the tears fall, letting them wash my agony away, or at least that is what I hope they’re doing. Soon enough I will find out if I will return to the world of light, or stay forever in darkness.
End of Part One