by Gail Haris
I allow him to lead me to the dance floor as I mumble, “You couldn’t be a good boy if your life depended on it.”
He gives me a real laugh, then. One that causes me to see a glimpse of the man from the photo. He takes me in his arms and holds me close. “You don’t know how true that is. I stay in trouble with my crew.”
“Because you’re reckless.”
He leans his forehead against mine. “Hmmm, so you’ve heard about me?”
I hate that I can’t help but giggle at him. “I have. You have quite the reputation for being reckless. You’re not afraid to rush into the flames. Always the first to go in and last to come out. Nothing is too dangerous for you. One has to wonder where that stems from when your literal job is to save people, yet saving yourself isn’t a concern.”
His arms tighten around me and he holds me so close that there’s no space left between us. “That last part is a rumor. The only situation that is too dangerous for me is what’s happening between us. I look at you and I feel fear. I also feel desire, warmth, and all kinds of emotions I thought had been burned out of me. That scares the shit out of me. You’re dangerous for me, far more than any burning building, forest fire, or any disaster. If I walk away from those, I know I’ll be okay. If I walk away from this…I don’t think I could. If you walk away from me, I don’t know if my heart would survive.”
“I thought you said your heart was only ashes?”
“Then you’ll either reignite what’s left within the ashes—because there’s always embers hiding under the ashes—or you’ll completely extinguish it. Either way, it’s dangerous for me. You. Are. Dangerous. For. Me.”
His hard body pressed against mine, those words, the smell of whiskey, cologne, and even a little hint of smoke, and he has the nerve to accuse me of being dangerous. Does he not realize that he is the ultimate combination of temptation for any woman?
“I don’t like you,” I tell him.
“I don’t want to like you.”
I swallow my pride and confess, “I think about you too, even though I don’t want to.”
His nose touches mine as he whispers against my lips. “I want to kiss you, but I know I shouldn’t.”
“Why shouldn’t you?”
“Because you can’t truly miss what you’ve never experienced.” His hand fists my dress at my lower back, “But a part of me knows the pain will be worth it.”
“Only one way to find out,” I whisper.
His lips are a feather of a touch. When I don’t move, he applies a little more pressure. I part my lips only a fraction, but he doesn’t miss it. His tongue glides against mine, and slowly begins to massage mine. Carter is firm, yet gentle. He holds me so tightly against him, like he’s afraid I’ll slip away, yet his lips are so gentle as his tongue worships mine.
My breathing is heavy as he slowly pulls away. His chest rapidly rises and falls against mine. My hands slide down his biceps and fist his shirt. I have to hold on to him, or my weak knees might buckle. That was—that was unbelievable. I’ve never been kissed like that. There’s a slight quiver from his hands against my body. My poor panties are ruined, and I know if he touched me there right now, I’d explode on this dance floor.
He pulls away and holds my gaze, “Tell me what you’re thinking?”
“That was incredible,” is all I can say. Do I confess that I’m dying for him to kiss me again, but this time minus the clothes?
“I want to make love to you. It’s been…so damn long, but I can’t stop thinking about you and what it would feel like. I want to hear you screaming my name, but not because I told you to, but because it’s your response to me.”
“Carter,” I say somewhere between a moan and gasp.
“I’m ready to go to bed now.” He cocks a brow.
As we’re making our way through the bar, I spot Teagan and Macy. I wave to them as they both stare slack-jawed at me. Quite a few bar patrons are staring. Carter abruptly stops and I run into his back. I peek around him and Seth is standing in front of the door.
Seth slowly steps aside and watches us as we walk out. I give him a small smile as I pass him. We’re a few steps out the door when he calls out. “I guess you finally got drunk enough to be able to fuck someone after your brother fucked your fiancée?”
Oh my God. I groan. “Keep walking, Carter.”
“Think she’ll stay with you? She’s already shown interest in me. I mean, Payton went after Warren. What makes you think this one is going to stay? But then again, it isn’t like you have any other brothers she could fall in love with, right? We’re kind of in a similar situation, don’t you think? We know I can give her more than you can. You obviously couldn’t even give Payton enough before she died, and then you became a shell of a man.”
And just like that, Carter drops my hand and rushes to his truck. I chase after him yelling, “Carter, no! You can’t drive drunk and angry! Stop! You’re letting him get in your head!” He jumps in, slams the door, and starts the engine, taking off without a second look back.
Shit. I don’t have a car because I rode with Teagan. I turn on Seth who is watching me with a hard jaw.
“Give me your car keys! I have to follow him.”
“I don’t have to give you shit.”
“Yes, you do! You provoked him. He’s driving drunk, plus angry and hurt. It’s the anniversary of his brother and fiancée’s death, you asshole.”
Seth takes a step closer to me. His gentle voice doesn’t match the venom in his eyes. “I just saved you from making a huge mistake. You were about to be a pity fuck. Do you think he was going to see you? That he was going to be thinking about you? Him kissing you while drunk should’ve been your first sign. Don’t reduce yourself to that. He has nothing to offer you, babe.”
His words hurt. Was that all I was to Carter? No. He’s trying to get into my head. But…
“Either way. We can’t allow him to drive off like that. We have to follow him. Please.”
“Of course. But I’m driving.”
“Fine.”
I hurry to Seth’s sports car. The pristine interior and leather smell of luxury. Everything about the car makes me nauseous. Seth spins out of the parking lot and flies down the dark back road. It doesn’t take long for us to catch up to Collins’s truck. He’s pulled over with his hazard lights on. I jump out of the car before Seth’s even come to a complete stop.
“Collins!”
He’s standing there swaying against his truck facing the ditch. When I get closer, I see that he’s…relieving himself.
“What are you doing? Did you—um, couldn’t hold it until you made it home?”
“I’m pissing on their grave! Fuck them!” His voice is angry, but it’s also cracking. “I’m over it! I’m—” He stumbles, and I rush to catch him. His heavy body leans against mine. He jerks away and then vomits. I hold his hunched shoulders the best I can so he doesn’t fall over. Once he finishes, he sways, and I pull him toward me. I hold his head close to me and run my fingers into his dark locks. “Oh, Carter,” I whisper. His body shakes and I feel the wetness coming from his eyes. “It’s okay. Let it out. I’m here.”
“You’ll leave me. Worse, you’ll stay but your heart won’t.”
“You’ve been hurt badly, but I’m not her.” I take his face in my hand and force him to look at me. “You may not remember this tomorrow. I kind of hope you won’t, actually. But if you do remember anything, or take anything away from this night, it’s that I’m not her. I’m me, Carter. I’m Natalia. I won’t abandon you. I’m here for you.”
“I know you’re not her. You’re better than she was. That’s how I know I don’t deserve you.”
Oh, Carter. You damaged man. I use the truck to support most of our weight as I just hold him. His breathing becomes even, and I know he’s passed out. Before I call out to Seth to help me get him in the truck, I whisper to Carter, “They’ve knocked you down and hurt you so much. Lucky for you, healing people is what I do.”<
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Carter
I wake up to a pounding headache. Not from just the hangover either. As soon as my eyes open, last night replays over and over in my head. I took a piss in front of Natalia. I had a chance to have sex with the most gorgeous and amazing woman I’ve ever met, but instead I chose to go piss where my cheating ex and lying sack of shit brother died. Son of a bitch! What is wrong with me? Seriously, who fucking does that?
That little weasel Seth got inside my head. I wanted to beat the shit out of that asshole, but knew that would only cause more trouble than his dumbass was worth. He knew exactly how to goad me. Worse, it worked. I’ve already spilled my guts to Natalia. She probably thinks I’m the biggest idiot or carbon? Cabrón? Carabon? Carubonz? Whatever it is she calls me in Spanish! I need to find out how to say “dumb fuck” in her language, and admit to her that that’s what I am and I know it. I swipe my phone and Google how to say sorry in Spanish. I’ll tell her I’m sorry, and plead for her to still speak to me.
Per my anniversary routine, I walk next door to check on Lolly. A good grandson would have spent the day of with his grandmother to make sure she’s okay. But as we’ve already established, I’m a dumb fuck and not really good for anyone.
“Lolly!” I call out as I enter the back door.
“Carter,” she beams.
Uh-oh.
“You seem in good spirits…” I glance around the house for a clue as to why she’s smiling.
“I imagine you are as well?”
“Nursing a hangover.”
“Mmmm” she says as she pours a cup of coffee and hands it to me.
I groan and rub my hand down my face. “What is it?”
“I saw you and Natalia go in your house last night. And she didn’t leave until early morning.”
“What?” Natalia stayed?
“Oh, yes. Seth was there too. He left immediately, stomping off madder than a bull. But I noticed Natalia didn’t leave. I went to bed and woke up to see her sneaking across the street back to her house.”
“She stayed?”
“The night,” Lolly smiles proudly, then she pauses. “You act as though you didn’t know she stayed.”
“We didn’t do anything. Not that it’s any of your business, old woman. At least I don’t think we did. I was sort of out of it.”
“No. I imagine not in your condition. Would’ve been a disappoint for her, I’m sure.” I scowl at Lolly’s remark. Though she’s not wrong. Lolly smiles again as she says, “But a person who will take care of you at your worst is a far more intimate act than having sex with someone, don’t you think?”
Honestly, I don’t know what I think. After everything, she stayed. She took care of me through the night. It’s probably just the nurse in her? Or she has feelings too? Wait…too? Too. I really am falling for her. I confessed to it, but I’d been drinking. My mind was hazy, and she was in that dress. Hell, I’d seen her naked but somehow that dress was my undoing. I can’t deny it any longer. That kiss was real, it meant something. Her staying the night meant something.
“I’ve got to go!” I set my coffee cup in the sink, kiss Lolly on the forehead, and run across the street to Natalia’s house.
She opens the door in her scrubs. I swallow and rub my hands together, “You’re working this morning?”
Natalia smiles. I hate that there’s dark circles under her eyes. “Short staffed. I got called in.”
“You probably didn’t sleep much. I feel bad.”
“Do you feel bad about the whole night…or just that I didn’t get much sleep?”
“I wish I could say for the whole night, but there’s a few things that happened I don’t regret. Kissing you… one of the best kisses of my life. Can’t ever regret that.”
Her phone begins ringing. When she looks down, she groans. “Sorry, I’ve got to go.”
“I understand.” Before she walks away, I ask, “We’ll talk later?”
“Sure, Carter, I’d like that.”
As Natalia walks away, I’m reminded of how amazing she looked last night. However, that memory triggers more…her yelling my name. Her holding me. Me puking…puking! Oh, come on! I can’t win.
I’m mowing Lolly’s lawn when I see Natalia’s car coming down the street. In an attempt to gain her undivided attention, I take the riding lawnmower and park it back beside the house. I rush to Lolly’s shed and return to the front yard with the old push mower. I throw off my shirt and return to mowing the yard, but this time with a little extra thrust. I’ve got to do something to erase the images she may have of me from last night.
I push the mower, making sure to flex. I cut my eyes to try and discreetly watch Natalia get out of her car. She stops and watches me before shutting her car door. Sweat falls from my hair as I push the mower forward, but then pull it back, purposefully tightening my abs. Natalia doesn’t move as she stands there, obviously mesmerized as I push and pull.
Is her mind going to where mine is?
I wish she was standing closer so I could see her eyes. Are they heated with desire? I add a little more force as I thrust the mower forward, now staring at Natalia the entire time. My skin glistens with perspiration, but it’s not from the labor of mowing, it’s because I’m dying for her.
Ice cold water rains down on me. The mower shuts off and I turn around to find the source of the shower I just received. Lolly stands there with her hands on her hips.
“What in the hell do you think you’re doing? Look at my yard! Just look at it!”
I’ve effectively left a patch that’s almost dirt. I look across the street to see that Natalia is now gone. Wiping the water off my face, I shake my head.
“You really are like an ol’ dog.” Lolly holds a hand up in attempt to block the water droplets as I shake my hair. “I better not have to knock you off Natalia’s legs when she comes over.”
“She’s coming over?”
“Supper is in an hour.” Lolly gives me a knowing smile as she walks off and goes back in her house.
After I shower, I shave before putting on a nice button-up and my best jeans. I look like I’m about to go to church. Standing in front of the mirror, I worry I appear like I’m trying too hard. It’s been so long since I’ve pursued a woman. This feeling of doing everything wrong and she’ll find me lacking is driving me insane, to the point I consider not even showing up. This is a dinner with Lolly and a neighbor. Maybe if I don’t think about it as sitting at the same table as the most attractive woman I’ve met and knowing I’ll be within reach of her, I’ll be able to make it at least across the lawn.
I exit my back door into the night air. As I’m walking across, I stop and grab a few roses from Lolly’s yard. I inhale the sweet fragrance and sigh.
“Mi mamá always said we have to take time to sniff the roses.” I jump at the sound of Natalia’s voice. I squint my eyes and find her and Lolly sitting together on the back porch.
“Did your mamá also tell you to sniff but not pick other people’s flowers?” Lolly asks.
“Ha-ha, um, what are you two doing out here?” I ask.
“Apparently, I need to be out here guarding my roses,” Lolly deadpans.
“It was nice out. We decided to share a glass of wine outside until you arrived.”
“I’m here,” I tell Natalia. I hand her the roses and relish in the smile she gives me as she takes the flowers.
I help Lolly stand up to go in the house, she leans close to me and whispers. “I’m beyond thrilled to see you trying, son. But can you find a way to court the lady without it being at the expense of my yard?”
I press my lips into a thin line and nod. I’d cut down the whole bush and give it to Natalia if that’s what it would take. And quickly go replace it, because Lolly still scares the shit out of me.
Natalia
After dinner, Carter walks me across the street to my place. We don’t talk but it’s nice having his warm presence next to me. Him walking with me is speaking volumes. I can’t help but
smile thinking about how sexy he looked mowing the lawn when I got home and how adorable he looked picking flowers. As we step onto my driveway, Carter looks around my yard. “Want me to mow your yard for you?”
I bite my bottom and raise an eyebrow at him, “Only if you use the push mower.” I walk away from him backwards toward my door and continue, “Shirtless. And sweaty.”
It’s dark, but I’m pretty sure he’s blushing. He puts his hands in his pockets and nods. “I can do that. Can even do other things shirtless and sweaty too.”
¡Ay bendito! We are both treading in dangerous territory right now, no alcohol-induced confessions flowing from either of us. The lust and breathiness evident in both of our demeanors.
“Have a good night, Carter Collins.”
Without another word, I walk to my door, unlock it and shut the door behind me. I watch Carter walk away through the peephole. He appears to be ready to try for more…and with me. I go to bed smiling until I fall asleep, and even then, I’m pretty sure I was still smiling.
The next morning, I wake up to the sound of a mower outside my window. I jump up with excitement and hurry and grab my housecoat to rush outside. But instead of Carter, it’s Seth. I frown and cross my arms.
“Hey!” I wave to get his attention. “¡Hola!”
He rides up to me on the fancy mower wearing what is clearly a designer outfit. His polo and slacks are so out of place on the mower. What the hell is he doing here? He cuts the engine and smiles proudly at me. “Good morning!”
“Good morning, ummm,” I say, at a loss to ask him exactly why he’s here, and then suck in my lips. I’m trying to gauge my words carefully, but then I see Carter across the street. He’s standing on his porch watching us. I wish I could see his eyes. Is he upset? Does he think I called Seth? I mean, it’s just mowing the lawn for crying out loud. But he offered to mow my lawn last night. So I know this won’t sit well with Carter. I also know with their history and after the hurtful words Seth said to him, it goes way deeper.