“You do that all the time. Reading my mind,” she said and I didn’t understand if that bothered her. “It’s cool somehow I guess. It’s different.”
“Yes! Different. And different is good, right, Ems?”
“Oh, yes.”
We drove in a comfortable silence until I reached Monica’s building and it was weird the fact that I lived there now and Emma had to wait for me. She decided she’ll go get coffee while I changed and I was relieved Monica was not home. She and her job were awesome. Not that I didn’t like spending time with Monica, cause I did, that was the main fact why I moved with her and… proposed? But I loved spending time on my own. Recently. Because when I lived with Emma we did a lot of things together. We watched the same TV shows, because of her, obviously, I only enjoyed FRIENDS and Arrow, but she was into so many shows I could barely keep count, and we played video games - and I always let her win, and a million other things.
I stopped in the middle of the living room trying to get my tie to stay in place and noticed a picture of Emma and Monica on a shelf and stared at the fact that Emma was so cute. Monica was, obviously, amazing like she always is, but Emma…
Stop it. You made your choice, didn’t you?
Right.
I shook my head and finished dressing and headed out before starting to think whether I made the right choice or not. Because when I was with Monica everything was so simple. But I didn’t want simple, I wanted…
“Seriously, you spend more time than I do getting ready,” Emma complained when I got to the car. “And it was a terrible line at Starbucks. You’re such a girl.”
“Shut up,” I said as I opened her door and took my cup of coffee.
“Did I just hurt your feelings or what?” she joked when I sat on my seat and took a sip of coffee.
“It’s not what you said, it’s the way you said it,” I played along and Emma started laughing. “I know I’m awesome.”
She continued laughing and ruffled my hair.
“Hey, what’s wrong with you? I spent almost…”
“I know, never touch a girl’s hair,” Emma joked laughing hysterically.
“Really funny. I can’t stop laughing,” I commented with a serious expression.
“I know!” Emma said still laughing.
I shook my head and focused on the road although Emma didn’t stop laughing until we reached the office. And then obviously she started making fun of me again in the elevator when I started arranging my hair again.
“You’re fabulous, c’mon,” Emma said laughing.
“You’re so not funny. My hair looked better when I left home.”
“Yeah, obviously.”
“You’re in such a good mood today!” I noticed and she stopped laughing. “Why is that?”
She looked at me for a second and opened her mouth to say something, but the elevator’s doors opened and she smiled as she was saved by the bell. I shook my head and followed her towards my office.
“You know it’s awesome having you back?” I said when she sat on her chair and she raised an eyebrow at me and I laughed.
“I’ve been back for quite a while now…”
“Yes, but… You know.”
“No, I don’t,” Emma said seriously and I leaned into her office and crossed my arms against my chest. “Yes I do,” she continued with a smile.
“Yeah,” I said awkwardly and she moved her gaze away. “I have to… go and…”
“Yes, sure,” she said immediately and I smiled and headed into my office and ran a hand through my hair.
*
I was talking to Emma for a while, leaning on her desk while she laughed at my bad jokes. Every now and then people turned around to glare at us because we were making too much noise, but who cared? I had nothing urgent to do, and therefore neither was Emma.
Her hair was straightened today and I hated the fact that I don’t get to see her every day in the morning fighting with that thing and occasionally burning herself. Not that I enjoy that, it was just funny. And now I couldn’t tease her in the morning or bring her coffee while she stumbled across the furniture because she was always late.
“Hey. Earth to Mr. Nicholls,” she said with a smile. “You’re weird lately. You’re having this thing, like you escape from your body and go somewhere else.”
Somewhere else where you and I could still happen, my mind whispered.
Yeah, but you made it pretty clear that won’t happen, didn’t you?
I know.
“Who is that?” Emma asked completely leaning over the desk to see someone.
I turned my head and followed her gaze and saw a guy, maybe twenty-five years old with short, light brown hair and from where I stood I thought he had blue eyes maybe grey and was talking to Ginny, our main secretary and he had this annoying smirk on his lips and I somehow recognize it from somewhere. Oh, yes, when I look into a mirror I have the same smirk. Is the guy copying me?
How could he, he doesn’t even know you!
He had this dark blue suit and a tie that matched and I hated it, because I can never choose a tie by my own, Emma always helped me with it and now I just use those ones. And he was unshaved and had that cool attitude and I already hated him. Deeply.
I looked back at Emma whose eyes were still scanning the new suit guy. What’s that awesome about him that makes Emma look at him like that? She looks at me like that not at another dude.
You don’t get to be jealous, you’re with Monica now.
I know, I know, but it’s annoying!
“Man, he’s hot,” Emma muttered and I felt my insides burning out of rage.
“No, he’s not!” I yelled a little harder than I should have.
“You should really let me start working,” Emma whispered and I stared at her in shock.
“Seriously, that one’s not hot,” I insisted.
Just when I turned to take a look at him again, I saw him coming towards us. Oh, God why? This is the worst day ever. Even his walking resembled mine. God, I hated this man. It was like looking into a mirror. And it didn’t mean that I hate myself. I hate anyone who tries to be me. Not that this guy knows me or anything. I guess I just hated the fact that Emma said he’s hot.
“Hey. I was just told by that girl over there, I forgot her name, anyway that you’re Matt Nicholls. I’m Alex Ryder, new Human Resources’ Manager.”
What? Who the hell introduces himself like that? I turned to look at Emma and she was staring at the guy named Alex in front of me! What? And he was looking back at her with a smile on his stupid face. No, no that’s not happening.
“Yeah, I’m Matt Nicholls,” I muttered as I shook his hand.
“And you?” he asked looking at Emma, completely ignoring me.
“Um… Emma West,” she said with a smile and I cleared my throat, making both of them look at me in surprise.
“Well, nice to meet you, Alec. If you need anything, be sure I’ll help you,” I added with a fake smile and Emma rolled her eyes.
“It’s Alex.”
“That’s what I said,” I told him with a shrug.
“You said… Never mind, Matt. I’m sure you have a lot to do, so I don’t wanna intrude or anything.”
“No, don’t worry. I can manage it just fine, thank you.”
“Good.”
We both nodded and Emma looked at both of us in surprise. I hated she got stuck in the middle, but she said he seemed hot. He was just an arrogant version of me. And he wasn’t that good looking. He was average, I guess. I definitely have more style and I can name at least two guys who can wear that suit better than him. Firstly me. And secondly… Ben. Definitely Ben.
“You know, I actually do have something to do, so… Matt? Will you let me work now?” Emma asked with an innocent smile and I stared at her in surprise. Seriously? She was asking me to leave?
“Sure, Ems. I’ll be there if you need me. Nice meeting you again, Alec.�
��
I gave Emma a smile and she rolled her eyes, but I knew she found that somehow funny because of the smile on her red lips. I walked back to my office trying not to picture Alex and Emma talking. Without me. She liked him.
Yeah, she thought he looked hot. But a lot of guys look hot and they’re stupid and that doesn’t mean Emma would actually like him. Maybe she’ll just figure out that he’s stupid as hell and he’s not worthy of her.
I started pacing around the office, wondering how she could like the new guy. I couldn’t believe I was that selfish, but I couldn’t help it. It is my Emma we are talking about.
But she’s not your Emma anymore.
I wanted to go and told her I’d give up on everything for her, and just when I opened my office door I saw her still talking to the new guy. Alex. After she told me to leave her to work.
“So do you like working here? With that guy, Matt?”
“Um, sure. I mean, he’s actually great. Seriously great.”
“Really? He seemed a little arrogant for my liking.”
What? I was arrogant? What about you, Mr. Arrogant?
“Matt isn’t arrogant!” Emma said and a smile appeared on my face. “Okay, maybe he is a little bit arrogant. Just at first. But…”
“Are you guys dating?” Alex cut her.
“What? No! He-He’s getting married. To my best friend.”
“Nice…” Alex muttered and I felt the urge to kill him. “So listen, Ems, if I asked you out would you say yes?”
Ems?! I’m the only one who calls her ‘Ems’. Stupid copy!
“I think I would,” Emma answered and I couldn’t help but understand The Hulk now. I would totally kill and torture Alex in this moment. In the most painful way possible.
I returned to my desk and sighed. I couldn’t believe Emma accepted to go out with that cheap copy of me. But I couldn’t say anything, because I was dating Monica and it would be selfish to do something.
Focusing on actual work was a torture. I hated everything lately. Starting with my decision of dating Monica. It’s not that Monica wasn’t hot and we didn’t get along well, because she was and we did, but I knew that I messed everything up with Emma. And I hated working, because it wasn’t like before. Emma and I barely spent time together now, especially after we argued when I hooked up with Monica. We weren’t that close anymore since she moved out and I didn’t feel like I could suggest her not to date or date anyone. Especially the arrogant suit guy. But recently things have worked out pretty good and Emma and I were almost like before all this drama started and just when I was starting to get used how amazing is just to talk to Emma, this arrogant guy shows up, ruining everything between Emma and I.
“Matt! So… Alex just asked me out,” Emma said walking into my office with a big smile on her face. “Isn’t he adorable?”
“No! You don’t even know the guy!”
“But I will, right?” she asked sitting on the leather chair in front of my desk, still smiling.
I hated that. I hated I can’t make her smile like that anymore and Mr. Arrogant got all the credit now. Because I loved seeing Emma smiling, no matter who made her smile. But Mr. Arrogant couldn’t come here and act like he owns the place and ask Emma out!
“I wanna know what you’re thinking right now,” Emma whispered and I caught her eyes and sighed.
“I think that the guy’s kind of arrogant and I think he’s up to no good… And you’re rushing into it. You don’t even know him!” I repeated a little louder than I should have.
“Where’s this coming from, Matt?” she asked and her smile faded. “I didn’t know you when you asked me out when we first met.”
Oh, so she remembered that one too. Of course, the stupid arrogant version of me uses my lines! “I know, but I’m… me, and he’s…”
“He’s Alex, and you don’t even know him so why are you being so annoying?”
“I’m annoying now?”
“Yes! Because I was so happy until two minutes ago and now you’re making me question everything… Every single time. So what if I don’t know him? Am I not allowed to like someone, or what? What do you want, Matthew? Because I’m so tired of guessing what you think every single moment and why you’re acting like that lately!”
“Like what? How have I been acting lately?” I asked rolling my eyes.
“Like that! Like you’re better than anyone else and you’re so arrogant and annoying and no one could even talk to you properly and I happen to know you’re nothing like that… Or at least you weren’t.”
“I’m not arrogant! He is!”
“You don’t even know him!” she repeated, yelling at me.
“Why are you defending him? I was supposed to be your friend, right?”
“It has nothing to do with the fact that you’re acting like a jerk and judging people you don’t even know! And making me feel guilty for going out with a guy I’ve just met.”
“I’m not acting like a jerk,” I whispered and she sighed, running a hand through her hair.
I started pacing around my office and she didn’t say anything else. I hated seeing her mad, especially at me. She was right, I was acting like a jerk but that was because I didn’t want her to go out with him. Maybe I didn’t want her to go out with anyone and I knew that was just selfish coming from me.
“I just don’t like that guy, okay?”
“Why? Because he’s so much like you?” Emma asked with a sad tone.
I shook my head and sat on the chair next to her. She was avoiding my eyes, like she always did when she was mad. I slowly tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and she looked at me with her big brown eyes and my heart stopped.
“No. Maybe I hate the fact that you wanna date him, and not me.”
“Matt, we’ve been through this. You’re not… dateable anymore,” she said and I laughed.
“So you’re gonna think about it?”
“No. I kind of like him, okay? He seems interesting. Get used to the idea. Maybe there are times when I hate seeing you with Monica, did you ever think about that?” she blurted out.
I took a deep breath and leaned over her, placing my hand on her back and pulling her into me while my lips touched hers. At first she fought it, but I was holding her tightly in my arms and she had no way out. I didn’t want to leave her any way out of this. I ran my hand through her beautiful brown hair and she wrapped her hands around my neck, our kissing becoming even more passionate than before. I lifted her carefully and placed her on my desk without breaking our kiss. Emma was holding onto me so tight, kissing me like she used to, making me feel so many sensations, and I didn’t care about anything else except her, wrapped around me.
Our breathing was heavy and she tasted heavenly. Like strawberry and caramel and her legs were wrapped around my waist and I pushed away everything I had on my desk, kissing her without stopping. It was addictive.
“Hey, Matt I need to… Uh, sorry.”
Emma and I broke our kiss and I turned and saw Alex standing in the door frame with a confused expression on his face. I sighed and looked at Emma, who was definitely embarrassed, because she wasn’t looking at neither of us. Alex looked at us and nodded, walking out of the door and suddenly the air felt heavy as I sat on the chair I’ve sat before, without even looking at Emma. I knew what she was thinking. That it was my fault and I shouldn’t have done that and she hated me, because now I was dating Monica. Correction, I was engaged to Monica. And I was telling her that she can’t date Alex because I was stupid and selfish. I haven’t said that, but I knew she was thinking that. I know I was.
“I’m sorry, Emma. I’m being stupid, okay?”
“Yeah, you are,” she said and sat on the chair, running a hand through her now messy hair. “But I can’t help not being attracted to it.”
Emma said that in a heartbeat and before I even knew it, she was kissing me again as passionate as before. I immediately kissed her bac
k, without thinking of anything else. Mr. Arrogant was irrelevant now and so was Monica and everyone else. She was sitting now on my lap, her hands around my neck holding me so tightly I could feel her heart beating so fast and I thought this was ironic, because my heart was beating equally as fast and we were just so perfect together, but I was stupid enough not to do something about it. And I was still dating Monica, and Emma wanted to date Mr. Arrogant, who just interrupted us.
When Emma started unbuttoning my shirt, her hands trembling whilst she kissed my neck, I felt bad about it. Not because I didn’t enjoy it, because I totally did, but it was unfair for Monica. And Emma.
“Hey… Emma, stop,” I told her as I pushed her away.
I didn’t even dare to look into her eyes, because I knew she was hurt and disappointed. Hell, even I was disappointed I was doing that!
“I just…” I stared without even knowing what to say.
“You’re right, I’m sorry,” she said as she rose from the chair and started walking towards the door.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m being stupid. I’m always being stupid and I…” I took a breath and ran a hand through my hair. “Look, this is… Not good.”
“No shit, Holmes,” Emma said sarcastically. “This is seriously fucked up.”
“I know. And I… I’m sorry this has to be like this. I know it’s my fault.”
“No, it’s not, it’s mine too,” she said as she sat back on the chair. “We’re so not good for each other right now, you know? I should… take a vacation or… quit?”
“No! I don’t… I don’t want things to be like that for us, Emma.”
“Me neither,” she whispered. “Still, I think I should get a few days off, okay? Just to clear my head and… It’ll be good for you, too.”
“I love you, Emma,” I said again, and she didn’t even meet my gaze.
“You can’t keep saying that if you don’t mean it,” she whispered.
“But I do. I can’t, I…”
“Don’t do that again, okay?” she sighed and ran a hand through her hair again. “I’ve just started to accept this, and you tell me that you love me? You can’t do that!”
I nodded even though I couldn’t image how it was good for me now seeing her for a few days. But I had to stop thinking like that about her since I couldn’t break up with Monica now. It was weird even thinking about breaking up with her. She seemed into this wedding thing and I couldn’t do anything but accept it. It was stupid when I said it and it’s stupid now. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care for her or that I don’t want her to be happy. After all, that’s why I’m doing this.
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