by Paul Kidd
“Maybe.” Xoota hesitated. Her antennae were tingling. “Wait. I’m having a moment.”
“Ah … Triumph? Satisfaction?”
“Hypercognition.” The quoll’s antennae flicked. “Shush.”
She had a clear image of a tentacle smashing her to a pulp. She grabbed the rat by the tail and yanked hard. “Down.”
Something long and large whipped through the dark, smashing into the walls, gouging open the rotten hull plates. The light showed only a glimpse of tentacle, suckers and dripping slime. The two women stared then plunged into the hole in the funnel’s side. Xoota scrabbled up the ladder with Shaani hard on her heels. High above, a wide oval of daylight promised sweet, sweet safety.
The girls went into overdrive, clambering like roaches up the soot-encrusted ladder. A rung came clean off in Xoota’s hands. She started to slip, but Shaani caught her backside from below and gave a shove. Xoota latched on to the rungs above, blew rust out of her whiskers, and climbed for all she was worth.
Shaani stopped and started to hammer her entrenching tool against the side of the funnel. Xoota gaped down at her in shock.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“This.”
The metal wall shook. Shaani sped up the ladder like lightning. Just below her, the sand shark came bursting in through the side of the funnel. It missed Shaani and plunged down to the bottom of the shaft. The green tentacle lashed out, and the shark bit the thing with mighty teeth. Suddenly an epic battle was being waged down in the dark. Xoota didn’t bother stopping to watch. She climbed fast, yelping as another rung almost pulled free. The patch of brightness above grew closer and closer. She yelled up at the sky.
“Budgie. Budgie, where the hell are you?”
Up above her, the bird gave a chirp. Thank the sacred Space Goat for that one. Xoota clambered to the rim of the funnel and out into the blinding glare of day. Shaani joined her, producing little dark lenses that she clipped over her spectacles. Apparently pink eyes were not the best choice for functional eyesight.
Budgie was perched on the edge of the funnel nearby, feathers fluffed out and feeling burned by radiation. The ground was half a dozen meters below. All three beings chose a landing zone and jumped down. The impact stung Xoota’s feet like hell.
Somewhere far below, the monsters still raged. Xoota gave a sigh.
“Come on. Let’s get the hell off the salt.”
The rat collected her speaker box, picnic rug, parasol, and bicycle. All packed up and happy to go, she walked the bike along beside Xoota and Budgie as they plodded wearily toward the nearby sand.
Xoota spared the girl a dire glance. “You seem happy.”
“Information. We have successfully plumbed the vault of ages and have discovered knowledge.”
“And what knowledge is that, exactly?”
“Oh.” The rat wrenched her string bag around and read the mildewed titles, her glasses perched on the end of her nose. “Ah, Principles of Sailing, Volume One and the Nautical Almanac.”
“Oh, very useful …”
Xoota plodded along, antennae flat, fur fluffed out—injured, burned, and seething with ill humor. The eternal cheeriness of the damned rat grated on her nerves. Xoota held out one hand and saw that her pink skin was turning beet red.
“Damn it. I’m rad burned.”
“Never mind. It will mend. You’ve only had half an hour.” The rat offered bottled lemon tea to her companion. “Chins up. We can’t all be lab rats.”
Xoota took the proffered drink of tea. “Why is it you don’t even have any scrapes or bruises?”
“Oh, luck of the draw, old bean. Alpha mutations. See, I’m already healed.”
“Lovely.” Xoota was covered in scrapes and bruises from head to foot, and radiation would probably make her wake up the next day with two heads. “I’m so happy for you.”
Shaani waved her hand happily out toward the salt. “Well, never mind. Soon have you to safety, old horse. At least it’s peaceful and quiet now.”
It was quiet. Not a sound disturbed the world except the soft sigh of the wind. Shaani looked at Xoota. Xoota looked at Shaani. A sudden thought prickled through their minds.
Budgie took off in a panic, leaving the girls behind. The women sprinted for the sand shore. Behind them on the salt, the surface suddenly split as a curved fin broke up from the ground. Wailing, the women raced madly for the sand with the sand shark in hot pursuit. Xoota swore at Budgie as she ran for her life.
Bicycle bouncing in her hands, Shaani led the charge. As she headed away from the sands, Xoota could only stare at her in shock. But the shark roared, and Xoota ran after the rat. Shaani jounced madly along the shore, onto yellow rocks then up into a promontory crammed with boulders. She tossed her bike aside and hauled Xoota up. She sat them both down and patted at the stone.
“Solid sandstone. It can’t tunnel here, and it can’t climb. So we’re safe. QED.”
“QED?”
“Quod erat demonstrandum, old bean. It’s Latin. What was to be demonstrated.”
Xoota stood, puffing too hard to speak, leaning on her knees while she tried to catch her breath. Down below the rocks, the sand shark roared in frustrated hunger.
Budgie strutted toward her, chirping merrily. Xoota fixed him with a dire glare.
“You’ll keep, you ingrate.”
The day’s excitement was clearly over. Xoota rose and grabbed Budgie’s halter. She looked and saw that her water skin and packet of rations had somehow come free and fallen off the bird’s saddle. They must be lying somewhere back on the salt.
Perfect, just perfect.
Shaani watched innocently from off to one side. “Is everything all right?”
“It’s fine.” Xoota sighed. Darwin only knew what she was going to eat and drink. It was eight days back to Watering Hole. The quoll rubbed her eyes and tried to figure out what to do.
Shaani settled her string bag and looked to the south. “Are you headed back to town? We can go together. Companions in the wild and all that. I can extend you some hospitality. Plenty of food and water for all.”
Xoota accepted the inevitable. She wearily nodded her head. The rat girl clapped her hands together, pleased, and led the way, pushing her bicycle jouncingly across the rocks. Xoota trudged after her, feeling thoroughly tired.
“A good expedition.” The rat was thoroughly pleased. “A first jaunt into the wilds. Monsters beaten, dangers overcome. One more sliver of information gained.”
“Really?”
“Really.” Shaani took a deep breath of the desert air, feeling refreshed despite the building heat. “Knowledge is the foundation. Upon the foundation, we build a better world. That’s the creed of science.”
“Right …” Xoota decided to increase the pace, hoping it might make the rat shut up. She led Budgie over to where a stand of tall, spiky plants grew in the shadow of the rocks, where she could mount the bird more easily. She climbed a rock, and Shaani called out to her from below.
“Oh, watch out for the pink ones.”
The what?
A pink, spiny plant a few meters away suddenly bulged. Xoota blinked then flung herself into cover. Long spines hissed overhead. One lanced right into her exposed buttocks, jutting out like a second tail.
Oh, for kack’s sake.
Shaani appeared, full of concern. Budgie emerged from behind a rock and gave the spine plants a wide berth. They both approached Xoota, who was much the worse for wear.
Budgie blinked. “Chirrup?” said the bird, expanding the limits of his vocabulary.
The rat girl saw the great, jagged quill jutting from Xoota’s rear.
“Ooh, did that get your bottom? I mean, did that just alpha mutate there, or …?”
It hurt like fire, but Xoota just felt tired. “Yes, it’s a plant spine. Yes, it’s in my arse.”
“Right. I’ll handle it. Never fear. A bit of simple first aid.” Shaani grabbed hold of the quill. “Eyes front and think o
f science.”
Xoota’s eyes went wide in alarm. “Wait! Don’t just—”
Shaani yanked the quill free. The thing had barbs. Xoota squealed like a piglet. She screeched again as Shaani poured alcohol from a first-aid kit all over the wound and patted it dry. The rat admired her handiwork.
“There we are. Good as new.” Shaani patted Xoota’s sturdy bottom. “With a bit of luck, you’ll mutate overnight, develop regeneration for a day or two, and just be right as rain. Odder things have happened.” The rat girl cheerfully clapped her hands together. “Let’s make camp. Who’s for lunch?”
Xoota felt dizzy. There was a concept—a thought so profound, so simple it almost defied expression, but somehow Xoota managed to articulate it. She looked at the rat girl and groped for words, and finally they came.
“I … hate you.”
Sitting beside her on the rocks, Budgie puffed out his feathers and beamed. “Who’s a pretty boy, then?” Where did he learn that?
CHAPTER 2
Late afternoon in the desert: the shadows were growing long, termite mounds stood tall and stark against the sky. Off in the distance, something blue, carnivorous, and hairy drifted through the skies. A few errant clouds gathered, all touched with a soft glow of radioactive green.
Another wonderful day in the wilds …
A row of termite-eaten poles stretched off into the south, following the path of an ancient blacktop road. Beside the road, beneath a flowering acorn myrtle, Shaani had dug out a delightful little camp. She had plumped up two little pillows filled with gel and dampened them with water from her canteen, which caused a chemical reaction that kept the pillows sinfully cool. She set up a shade cloth and a parasol, put her music on low, and solicitously parked Xoota in the choicest piece of shade. There was even room for Budgie, who immediately tucked his head into his feathers and went to sleep. Xoota lay on her stomach and scowled, determined not to enjoy the comforts of the day.
A tiny sand gecko raced past, hungrily chasing a beetle. Five seconds later the gecko ran past again, pursued by zaps of electricity shot from the horribly mutated beetle. The world was that sort of place. Xoota ignored the spectacle and sighed.
Shaani had a solar still set up nearby, converting a cactus into a bucket full of water. She had clearly designed and made the system herself, just as she had built the little fan she plugged into a homemade battery to blow a soothing breeze across the camp.
Xoota’s backside stung. Her skin was healing slowly. Shaani remained cheerful, self-possessed, and hospitable, in short the perfect companion. It drove Xoota to distraction.
The rat wrapped one of her odd little cooling pillows around a canteen. She poured a glass—nicely cooled—added lemon cordial, and proffered it genially to her guest. “Lemon barley water?”
Why anyone would put grain in a cool drink was beyond her, but Xoota’s mouth watered at the sight of the cold, dew-beaded glass. It was incredibly delicious. She drank like a horse only to find another glass waiting for her once she had finished. Shaani laid a cold compress upon Xoota’s throbbing rear and settled it happily in place.
“There we are. Should keep the swelling down.” The rat waved one neat, elegant hand. “It’s a cooling pack. Once you moisten it, the thing stays cold.”
It was a miracle. Xoota blinked in surprise. “Where did you get those?”
“Oh, I found them. A lot of ruins—the buildings most people don’t bother with—have them. Old camping stores, clinics … I tested the beads, found what they did, and put them to use. QED.” The rat clinked a cool glass against Xoota’s drink. “Cheers.”
All right, Xoota had to concede that the rat had a certain gift. Nevertheless, she was annoying; bright and chipper people always were. The Great Sky-Bunny only knew how many scavengers had looked at those damned little clear beads in the past and dismissed them as packing material. The rat was clearly something of a genius. Well, perhaps an idiot savant. But she was still a damned liability in the wilds.
The long afternoon finally drew toward night. Xoota seethed, even as a wonderfully varied dinner was prepared from sets of premade meal packets that the rat, of course, had prepared far in advance.
Xoota was more of a take-away food fan. She would find an animal, take away its life, take away its skin, heat it, and eat it. The rat’s cooking—mouthwatering with herbs, spices, and sauce—was a definite shock to the system.
Shaani served her guest first, giving her the correct cutlery, then ate happily in the shade beneath her parasol. She peered genially over the edge of her glasses at her scruffy, scowling guest. “Feeling anything?”
“What, a pain in the bum?”
“No, alpha mutation?” The rat wriggled her toes, perfectly happy with life. “You know, shifts in the old DNA. Dark essences surging through your soul?”
“No, not really.”
“Ah, well. Can’t be helped.” The rat stretched deliciously, gaping her chisel teeth in a wide yawn. “Shall we get moving? The heat seems to have bogged off at last.”
Xoota rose, wincing as her backside twinged with pain. Budgie tried to pretend that he was fast asleep. Xoota rapped him on the head to let him know that she was on to him and hobbled off to fetch the pack and saddle. She stood and scanned the horizon. Nothing moved; nothing stood out. There was only the long line of poles and occasional patches of ancient asphalt road.
“Who’s a pretty boy, then?”
Shaani was messing around with Budgie again. Xoota flattened her ears and ignored it. She changed clothes, swapping one stained singlet for another, ready to armor up and hit the road. Shaani bustled by with her blankets and parasol and looked at the quoll’s midriff in delight. “Oh, that’s so cute.
“What?” Xoota looked down at herself and covered up. “Quit looking at my pouch.”
“Sorry. But the marsupial thing is fascinating.” Shaani made a closer inspection. “So technically I guess you’d have three breasts?”
“No, technically I have two breasts and a pouch.” The quoll pulled her shirt as far down as it could reach. “Could we forgo the reproductive curiosity?”
“All in the name of science, old horse. To the inquiring mind shall come the treasures of wisdom.”
Xoota muttered a curse, threw on her armor—making sure it covered her damned midriff—then buckled on her knives, mace, binoculars, and a quiver of crossbow bolts.
Dressed in a red and white bobble hat, her pocket-smothered shorts, and a neat new singlet, Shaani trundled her bicycle over onto the hard sand and mounted up. She rang the bell, much to Budgie’s delight. Xoota swung up into the saddle and took another sharp look around the horizon. Then the two women moved south.
The shadows grew long and rich with orange light. In the evening, insects began to stir. Overhead, a few wisps of cloud streamed rose pink into the west. The sands were hushed and quiet; it was the desert at its best. Xoota heaved a sigh, glad to just be riding through the quiet of the day.
Shaani kept pace with the giant budgerigar, cycling along happily, taking in the view. The white rat drew in a breath of sheer delight. Then, inevitably, she began to chat.
“Ah, marvelous. So good to get out and do real field research at last.”
Xoota glanced down at the slender white rat. “I’m not sure you’re suited to it.”
“Of course I am. It’s in the blood, in the soul. We were the first mutants, you see. Rats, made into the partners of mankind.”
Xoota raised one antenna. “Really?”
“Really.” Shaani warmed to her subject. “We are the very embodiment of science.”
“Is that good?”
“Of course it’s good. It’s pure. It’s noble.” Shaani waved one hand in enthusiasm, almost steering into a rock. “Science is liberty. The breath of freedom. The noble reach of minds seeking to make a better world.”
“I’m fairly certain that dried-up seas, mutant porcupine plants, and killer sand sharks have not made this place a better world.”
Xoota sucked on a fang. “And you’ll be orchestrating this because you’re some sort of hereditary genius?”
“Evolved. Evolved as a help mate, as a partner.” Shaani looked eagerly up at the quoll. “You see, once upon a time, long before the Great Disaster, a perfect union was formed. Humans and laboratory rats worked hand in hand to try and further the benefits of science. Both races working together. Humanity created the laboratory rats to be beings of science, to help both species onward to a better future.
“Then came the Great Disaster. The humans are no longer the only evolved creature, so now the noble task falls upon us, their partners. Lab rats are here to carry on the noble tradition. To learn, to research, to benefit and heal the world.”
They had drawn to a halt on a low rise of sandstone. Shaani excitedly fished into her pockets for her spare glasses. Kept lovingly inside the case was an ancient, yellowed piece of newspaper. She unfolded it carefully. With reverent hands, she pressed the paper flat, looking at it with love.
“I found this in an ancient archive when I was a nestling.”
Xoota had no idea how to read. “What does it say?”
The rat girl gently stroked the ancient headline. “Laboratory rats give final proof: cure for ovarian cancer found.” Shaani’s eyes looked from a perfect past into a glorious new future. “A partnership. Humans and rats—one family, researching together, side by side, trying to make a better tomorrow.”
Shaani gazed at the paper a moment longer then folded it back up and put it away as carefully as she’d taken it out.
They rode along together in silence. Xoota heaved a sigh and kept her thoughts to herself.
They moved steadily down the old, ruined road, carefully watching the world around them. Here and there, luminous bugs perched in the scrub, stretching their wings. Small creatures were on the loose—speedy-snails and geckos—moving around under a huge full moon. The light was excellent, predators and scavengers would all be out and on the job.