Spit Against the Wind

by Anna Smith

  ‘That’ll be right,’ Kevin joked. ‘No woman is going to look in his direction as long as I’m there.’ He pouted in front of the mirror, eyeing his profile one way then another.

  ‘I’ll tell you something,’ Mum said, lifting cups from the table. ‘I know for sure that the Pole is coming, for Sara spoke to Mary McCabe today and said she was looking forward to it, but that she was a bit worried that the Pole had decided to go, especially when he never goes anywhere.’

  ‘Could be good fun,’ Kevin said, strutting out of the room.

  *

  Tony, Jamie, Dan and me all made our way down to the church hall at the bottom end of the priest’s garden. It had been built years ago, before Father Flynn had been there, and looked more like a big long wooden garage than an actual hall, but it was where all the dances were held as well as all the meetings of the Legion of Mary and the St Vincent de Paul groups.

  We watched fascinated as the band tuned up on the stage of the empty hall.

  ‘One two, one two.’ The singer with the Beatle-cut hairdo looked casual but confident as he tested the mike.

  The drummer rattled his sticks across the drums in a fast, dramatic beat as if to fill the place with the excitement of what was to follow. Every now and then there would be an ear-splitting screech from the speakers and the sound of one of the band rasping, ‘Aw, for fuck’s sake!’

  It must have been great to be up there and be somebody in front of the whole village, I was thinking. Just singing your songs and everybody staring at you, hanging on your every word.

  The hall was beginning to fill up with people arriving in dribs and drabs, bagging their tables nearest the makeshift bar built with two long tables joined together. The old caretaker walked across the floor shaking slippery powder and immediately we were racing up and down the wooden floor sliding and falling. He shouted at us to get up and we did, brushing off the dust from our party clothes.

  Jamie, in his black jeans, was already sneakily helping himself to sandwiches from underneath the covers in the buffet. He was always starving and took every opportunity outside of his house to stuff himself. My mum used to say there was no bottom to his stomach.

  I was dressed in my lime-green silky sleeveless top that buttoned down the back and I thought I looked great. It had been sent to me by a cousin in America, and even though it wasn’t new, it looked fantastic against my auburn hair, or so my dad had said when he saw me all dressed. I had my cream jeans on and I had been warned to be careful not to dirty them, so I was constantly checking them to make sure. Tony was wearing a black shirt and it made him look older. His face was thinner now and with his tan and blond hair he looked just like a film star. Dan was wearing a T-shirt that was too big for him and blue jeans with huge turn-ups at the bottom. His hair was all kept down by Brylcreem because every time he washed it it sprung up like a hedgerow.

  As more and more people came in, the band struck up for a trial song.

  The singer caressed the microphone as he pouted and sang Lazing on a Sunny Afternoon. He was just like the guy in the Kinks and the people at the tables nodded to each other approvingly.

  We went outside into the early evening sunshine and watched as dozens of young people arrived, some with carrier bags of drink. They were all laughing and carrying on, and some of the older people frowned as they looked at their gaudy clothes and hairdos.

  Mum and Dad arrived with Dessie O’Hanlon’s parents and Dan’s mum, and they sat close to the bar. Dad looked happy and relaxed and I was immediately relieved. Mum had on a white cotton dress with bold red roses on it. It hugged her figure and she looked the youngest I had seen her for ages. Since Ann Marie left she had been getting up every morning with her eyes all red. But tonight she looked fantastic. Dan’s mum was smiling and seemed happy. She hadn’t been seen out anywhere for ages, but now she had her make-up on and her hair done. Dan’s face lit up when he saw her and I guessed he was pleased that she looked so well.

  Jamie looked edgy when his mum arrived on her own. She looked around her, nervously, her face thin and her eyes darting around the hall. Mum noticed her and immediately shouted her over, patting a chair, signalling for her to come and sit with them. Mary McCabe was relieved and moved across to join them.

  I heard her speak softly to Mum.

  ‘Oh Jesus, Maggie, I hope to Christ he doesn’t come. I had an unholy row with him this afternoon and I threw a cup of tea in his face. He went off his head. But I just got off my mark and by the time I came back he was sound asleep. That’s where I left him. God forbid, but I hope he never wakes up.’ She said the last bit so quietly I barely heard her, but I was shocked. Mum just squeezed her hand.

  ‘Never mind, Mary. We’ll have a good night. Maybe he’ll sleep right through the night.’

  ‘Fat chance,’ Mary said, then turned to me and ruffled my hair. ‘Aren’t you the little madam now,’ she said. ‘God, you’re looking great, Kath. Not be long now till you’re grown up. You and our Jamie and your wee gang. God, you’ll all be gone soon enough,’ she said, and her eyes looked sad.

  Kevin and Dessie O’Hanlon came strolling in with two other mates and three girls. They all looked as though they were straight from the movies. Kevin was laughing and punching Dessie, who had his arm around one of the girls. I thought they must have been drinking because they were all carrying on and were really happy. Kevin was wearing his dark blue Levis and a tight white T-shirt to show off his muscles. His denim jacket was slung over one shoulder. They took their seats close to the band and immediately Dessie was at the bar ordering pints, and Babychams for the girls.

  The hall was getting packed now and Jamie, Tony, Dan and me were standing at the doorway watching as the band were getting ready to start.

  Suddenly Tony nudged me and I looked over my shoulder.

  It was the Nazi and Tony’s mum. She had that faraway look in her eye that she always seemed to have of late, and the Nazi was ushering her by the elbow. I thought he might be supporting her because she was a bit tipsy, but I decided it was probably because he wanted to push her into whatever seat he chose, in case she would sit with any friends. The Nazi grabbed hold of Tony’s hand as they walked past us, and Tony resisted.

  ‘C’mon, sit with us, Tony. You’re not standing around here like a stray dog. C’mon.’ The Nazi yanked Tony’s arm. Tony resisted.

  ‘No. I want to stay with my pals. Leave me.’ He pulled his arm free.

  The Nazi stopped in his tracks and still held on to Tony’s mum’s arm. He looked as if he was squeezing her arm and she winced slightly, looking pleadingly at Tony. Tony’s eyes were raging, but I knew he was worried that the Nazi might take it out on his mum and embarrass her in public.

  ‘OK, OK, I’m comin’. But just for a little while.’ Tony went under protest, looking over his shoulder at us.

  I turned around just in time to see Father Flynn coming striding up the path, his big frame filling the doorway.

  ‘Hallo, Kath,’ he said, slapping my bare arm, which stung. I rubbed it and looked up at him. I hated him so much.

  ‘Hallo, Father,’ I said, looking away.

  ‘How’s yerself, Dan? And Jamie? Howya? Mother of God, this looks like a bit of a do, eh? A bit of a do all right!’ His eyes roved the hall, taking everything in. He looked half mesmerized and half disgusted that all these people should be out having a good time. He looked at the bar disapprovingly and clocked everyone who was standing there, nodding at them with that look of disdain he always had. He walked right across the floor and down to the stage, climbing up the side stairs and chatting briefly to the boys in the band before taking hold of the microphone.

  ‘Right now, right now, your attention, please, ladies and gentlemen,’ he boomed. The din in the hall diminished to a few mutterings. I looked at Kevin, who was sitting back on his seat, smoking a cigarette and eyeing the priest with disgust.

  ‘Now, I just want to say, everyone have a good time. It’s all for Kevin and Dessie here, fine
boys. Now God be with us all. And let’s hope nobody lets themselves down,’ he said and walked off the stage full of his own importance and pleased at the hold he had over everyone. The noise level rose again and the priest roamed from table to table, sitting down or standing chatting to people. He was always slapping somebody’s back or joking with somebody. Everybody had great respect for him, but we knew what he was and we all looked at him with disgust.

  ‘I feel like getting up on the stage and telling everyone about him,’ Jamie said.

  ‘Me too,’ I agreed.

  The party was in full swing and everyone was dancing to the beat of the band, who were belting out great songs from the charts. Kevin was hardly off the dance floor, gyrating and swinging his hips with the girls who were fawning over him. Dessie always seemed to be kissing some girl and I thought at one point that he was going to suffocate because he was kissing one for so long. If Father Flynn had seen him he would have hauled him off as if he was a dog after a bitch in heat.

  Tony had managed to slip away from his mum’s table and we were all together hanging around the bar area and nipping back and forwards to the buffet to help ourselves to sandwiches and cakes. Every time somebody’s back was turned, Jamie was drinking out of their pint and giggling as he urged us to join in. Tony took a couple of swigs of beer but Dan and me didn’t touch it. We just kept out of the way of anyone who looked as though they might pull us on to the floor to dance and embarrass us. I hadn’t noticed Slippy Tits McCartney coming in, but when I turned around he was standing at the bar, knocking back whisky and half-pints of lager. He nodded to me and I looked right through him, feeling quite pleased that he looked a bit embarrassed. I could tell from the look on his face that he wondered if I had seen what he was trying to do to my mum that day when I walked in on him. Tony wouldn’t even look in his direction, but he watched closely as his mum slipped away from the Nazi and came past McCartney to go to the toilets. The two exchanged furtive smiles. I glared at McCartney, who knocked back another whisky.

  Mum and Dad were shaking themselves about the dance floor and I was mortified at their attempts to dance like the young ones. But they didn’t care. Dad had had a few drinks and he felt as though he was twenty again, and by the look on Mum’s face she felt sure they had wound the clock back and were young and in love again. He kept throwing his arms around her and she was giggling.

  Dan’s mum was reluctantly being glided around the floor by James Hennessy, a bachelor whose fiancée had died in a car crash ten years ago and who had never really found another woman. He had a bit of money because he owned the local bookie shop and most of the men and a few women spent a lot of time there at the weekends hoping to bag the big winner. Everyone knew Hennessy, and even though he was the bookie who usually always won, he seemed to be a good guy. Dan looked at them a bit suspiciously but was happy when he saw his mum smiling.

  Mary McCabe looked miles away, smoking nervously and fidgeting. She kept glancing at the door, hoping the vision of Jake would not appear. But the look on her face said it all. When I saw her expression I turned and saw Jake McCabe standing in the doorway. His face looked mean and his mouth was tight as though he was about to spit. He didn’t move from the door for a few minutes, but just stood watching everyone. Jamie moved further away from the door and pulled me with him.

  ‘Shit!’ he said. ‘Look what the cat’s dragged in.’

  ‘Maybe he’ll be all right,’ I said, trying to console him. ‘Maybe he’ll just stand at the bar and drink. He’ll probably not bother anyone,’ I said, knowing there wasn’t a hope.

  We moved closer to my mum’s table and sat at the edge of it. I felt a bit embarrassed as Dad put his arm around me and kissed me on the cheek, his lips wet from beer and smelling of tobacco. Dan, Tony and Jamie sniggered. I pulled away from Dad a little.

  ‘I hope he stays where he is,’ Mary said to Mum, jerking her head in the direction of Jake.

  ‘Don’t you worry yourself, Mary,’ Dad said, putting a protective arm around Mary. ‘Jake McCabe will do you no harm tonight, darlin’.’ I felt really proud of my dad. Sometimes he could be a real hero.

  Kevin came bursting up and dragged Mum on to the dance floor and was throwing her around like a rag doll. She was laughing as he took her in his arms and spun her around.

  ‘Jesus, Martin,’ Mary said, looking at Mum and Kevin. ‘For a minute there I thought it was twenty years ago and it was you throwing Mary about like that. Kevin’s so like you.’

  Dad laughed, but stared into the distance as if he was remembering those nights when he promised Mum that he would love her until the day he died and she believed their lives would be like one long happy dream.

  ‘Aye, dreams, Mary … dreams,’ he said, swigging his pint.

  *

  Halfway through the night everyone was getting stuck into the buffet and coming back to their tables with plates piled high with sandwiches, sausage rolls and cakes. Tony, Jamie, Dan and me were making our fourth visit of the night and I was beginning to feel bagged up. Jamie looked as if he was a bit drunk and was laughing and larking about all the time. I wasn’t sure I liked him like this. He looked as though he could get out of control, and somewhere in his eyes there was a look of his dad. It didn’t bear thinking about.

  McCartney stood at the bar by himself, but was joined from time to time by some of the young boys and the occasional woman who stood flushed and fluttering her eyes at him. I couldn’t understand why anyone could like him. At one time, when there was a crowd at the bar, a young woman, who was only about thirty and who I knew was married, squeezed in beside him and was talking to him, smiling up to his face. He was chatting to her, but his eyes were everywhere. Suddenly through the sea of bodies at the bar I saw her slip her hand in between his legs and he flinched slightly, then smiled at her with a lecherous look on his face. I was horrified as she kept her hand there, moving it up and down. McCartney’s face seemed to change its expression and he leant forward and whispered something to her. He put his drink down and went outside. A second or two later she followed him. I looked around the hall to see if her husband was there, but I couldn’t see him.

  ‘I know what they’re up to,’ Tony said, nudging me. ‘Did you see them?’ he asked, knowing that I had.

  ‘Jesus,’ I said. ‘If her man finds them he’ll kill her.’

  Before we knew where we were, the four of us had sneaked outside the hall and stood in the silence. We knew it was wrong, but curiosity overcame us. I remembered Shaggy Island and that night with Ann Marie and the shock I got, but still something in me wanted to see what McCartney was doing. We heard whispered tones coming from the side of the hall and we tiptoed round. In the darkness, I could just make out McCartney’s figure as he huffed and puffed over the young woman, who was lying on the grass with her pants at her ankles. She had her hands on his backside and we all looked at each other in disbelief as we heard her say quite clearly, ‘Oh McCartney! Oh! Oh! Now! Faster! Faster!’ We were horrified. What did she mean, faster? Her moans were getting louder and more like one long wail. McCartney was telling her to sssh.

  ‘Christ,’ Jamie said. ‘You’d think he was riding a horse.’ We all burst out laughing and ran away.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Inside the hall, the young band had taken a break and the two old guys with accordions were playing tunes that made the mums and dads dance and shimmy round the floor. We were stunned when we saw the Nazi pulling Tony’s mum around in some kind of waltz. He danced like he knew what he was doing.

  ‘That proves he’s a Nazi,’ Dan said, knowingly. ‘It’s them who invented the waltz.’

  We all looked at him. ‘How do you know?’ Jamie said, not really believing him.

  ‘I just know,’ Dan said, brushing him off.

  Tony pulled me around towards him. He clicked his heels like the Nazis on the television and said to me, ‘Would you like to dance, Fräulein Slaven?’ He put his hand around my waist.

  ‘Yes,
Herr Keenan,’ I said, and we were waltzing at the corner of the bar, with Jamie and Dan laughing at the side of us. Some of the older people were pointing us out and we stopped, feeling everyone stare at us.

  The dancing stopped and the man on the stage announced there was going to be a sing-song and they were looking for singers. I went to sit with Mum and Dad, and was happy to see that Kevin had joined them. He gave me a friendly pat on the head, but he was deep in conversation with Dad and they were debating something that I couldn’t quite understand. Mum and Mary were talking closely. Dad had had a lot to drink and he was trying to explain something to Kevin, who was also attempting to make his point.

  ‘But Da,’ Kevin said, ‘I’m not saying you’re a failure. But there is more you could have done. You have a good head on you. You could have made something of yourself.’

  ‘I did! I did! I tried, Kevin! But every time I thought I was going somewhere it all fell through! All my dreams fell through … my whole life! No matter what I did, all I seemed to do was spit against the wind!’ Dad’s face was flushed and his eyes looked as though they were filled with tears.

  ‘Well that’s your answer. That’s why I want out of here. There’s another land, Da, another land with opportunity for someone like me. I’m going to take my chance. I’m not going to spit against the wind. But I want you to be behind me, Da, it’s important to me. Give me your blessing, Da.’ Kevin looked as though he was going to cry. They both looked at each other, their eyes filled with tears. Suddenly Dad shook Kevin’s hand and threw his arm around his shoulder. They both hugged and Dad’s eyes were closed as he squeezed Kevin tight. Mum suddenly stopped talking to Mary and they both looked at Dad and Kevin. Tears came to Mum’s eyes.

  *

  After the break and the raffle, Father Flynn took to the stage again and shouted that he wanted everyone’s attention. A chorus of ‘sssh’ went around the hall and finally there was silence.

  ‘Now, ladies and gentlemen,’ Father Flynn began. Kevin and I looked at each other, then at Tony, Jamie and Dan, who were all sitting at Mum and Dad’s table.