One Kill Away

by Alex MacLean

  Joanna frowned. “You look tired.”

  “Dan tells me the same thing.”

  “You need to look after yourself. You’re not helping her if you get sick too.”

  “I know.”

  Joanna looked over at Tabitha. She was curled forward, talking to Daphne in soft tones.

  “Stay as long as you want,” Audra said. “We’ll wait outside.”

  “No. Stay.”

  “We can’t. Only two people are allowed in at a time. But please, don’t let that rush you.”

  Audra walked outside the doorway with Daniel.

  “What’s up?” he said. “You barely said two words since you got here.”

  Audra shrugged. “Nothing.”

  “Uh, I know you, babe. Something’s up.”

  Quiet, Audra fixed her eyes on him.

  Daniel winced. “You went after that girl, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah. I did.”

  “Jesus. Why? What happened?”

  “Nothing,” Audra said. “Nothing happened.”

  “C’mon. Don’t give me that. You didn’t do something to get yourself in trouble, did you?”

  Audra closed her eyes, opened them again. She couldn’t shake that disgusted feeling.

  “I followed her home after school,” she said. “I knew it was wrong. But I didn’t care. I was going to confront her. And her parents if they were home. Let them all have it. Or just her. It didn’t matter. I just wanted to rip into someone. To get this off my chest.”

  She gritted her teeth, deciding not to say more.

  Daniel pried, “And?”

  Audra let out a breath. “I was outside in the hallway when I heard yelling inside their apartment, the sound of someone being slapped. I took out my badge and knocked on the door. The father answered, drunk. Could barely stand up. I knew I’d seen him before, but couldn’t place him. He knew me though. He remembered me.

  “It wasn’t until his wife called him by name that everything came back. Greg Tanner. Drunk. Abuser. Complete piece of shit. When I first learned Margi Tanner’s name, I never even made the connection. I’d forgotten all about him.”

  Daniel asked, “You met these people before through work?”

  “Yeah. Nine years ago.” Audra paused, lowering her eyes. “Classic story of domestic violence. The husband drinks. Gets abusive. The wife never leaves him though. She thinks conditions will improve because he says they will. He’ll never hit her again. Never yell at her again. Never belittle her again.

  “She doesn’t realize that’s the bait and switch these men use. He still drinks. Still gets drunk. Still beats her. Still yells at her. Still belittles her. But he loves her. He promises to never do it again. Just don’t leave him. Leave him all alone in the world.

  “That cycle goes on for years. Then, one night, the husband almost kills her. The daughter calls nine-one-one. She’s six years old. She’s Margi Tanner.”

  Daniel pressed his hands together and raised them to his lips. “So what’d you do?”

  Tears stung Audra’s eyes. “I gave Margi my card. Told her to call me if her father ever laid a hand on her. I kept thinking about that little girl. Six years old. Six years of living in that environment.”

  “You never mentioned Daphne?”

  Audra turned. “I told her I was her mother. I think she knew at that moment why I had gone there. That she dodged a bullet. I could see it in her face.”

  Daniel wrapped his arms around her from behind and buried his face in the side of her neck.

  “I’m proud of you,” he said. “You did the right thing.”

  The tears fell down Audra’s face. “Did I?”

  “Yeah. You did, babe. You did.”

  “Then why is it killing me inside?”

  “Because of Daphne. Because of what that girl did to her. I know, you know that underneath your tough exterior is a heart of gold.”

  Audra found it suddenly hard to get words out. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against Daniel’s shoulder, wishing their world would just right itself again.

  Tabitha and her mother stayed until 7:15. Audra thanked them for visiting, told them to come back again, then she and Daniel sat at Daphne’s bedside.

  They held her hand again, told her who they were. Daniel began reading The Healer’s Apprentice, a book he’d picked up for her at Chapters. Audra sat there listening, staring at her daughter’s relaxed face. She wondered if she should bring in Daphne’s iPod; play some of her favorite tunes to her through earphones. Would it help her? Would it even reach her?

  Audra looked over at Daniel, watching him read. For the first time, she realized how haggard he appeared. His face hung with a noticeable slackness. His eyes drooped and bags had begun to form under them. Audra wondered just how much sleep he’d actually managed over at their house, alone at night.

  When she’d gone home earlier to shower, she noticed the bodily impression in the comforter on Daphne’s bed, the rumpled pillows. It made Audra sad because she knew Daniel had lain there.

  At 9 o’clock, Daniel closed the book. He got off the chair and kissed Daphne on the cheek.

  “I’m going home now, kiddo. I’ll be back in the morning. Okay?”

  Then it happened again.

  Daphne curled her fingers around her mother’s hand. Audra perked up, made a “psst,” to get Daniel’s attention.

  A hopeful smile broke across his face. Hands still locked together with her daughter, Audra leaned in close to Daphne.

  “Daphne,” she said. “Do you know who I am, honey? Can you hear me?”

  She waited. Seconds passed. Then Daphne squeezed a little harder, let go.

  Encouraged, Audra asked, “Can you squeeze my hand again?”

  And Daphne did, not once, but twice.

  Audra could feel her heart racing, her body beginning to shake. That was a reaction, she told herself. A sign. Different than last night.

  “Can you do it again, honey?”

  Another squeeze, lighter than the others, but there. Moments later, Daphne’s head twitched on the pillow. Her eyelids fluttered.

  “Go get the nurses,” Audra told Daniel.

  He hurried out of the room.

  Audra bit her lip, weeping, as she watched Daphne’s eyes slowly begin to open.

  46

  Halifax, June 14

  9:32 p.m.

  Dr. Jones reminded Audra of a marathon runner. He stood around five-seven with a slight frame and narrow shoulders. He had kind blue eyes, pale blond hair, and eyebrows so light they almost blended into his skin.

  Audra and Daniel waited outside the room as Jones and the nurses removed the breathing tube from Daphne’s throat.

  Audra watched from the doorway, wringing her hands. A fury of emotions wreaked havoc on her mind—joy and relief at Daphne coming out of the coma; fear and worry about the amount of brain damage she might have suffered. Would Audra get her old daughter back or someone unrecognizable? Would Daphne know who her mother and father were?

  Daniel stood beside Audra. He had his hands clasped behind his neck and his head bent forward.

  One nurse wrapped the breathing tube in a towel. A second nurse shut off the ventilator. To Audra, the room sounded so much better without that machine constantly pumping.

  Dr. Jones removed the EEG electrodes from Daphne’s head. Then he leaned over her, moving a penlight back and forth over her eyes.

  “Can you tell me your name, please?” he asked.

  Audra waited to hear the sound of Daphne’s voice.

  “Can you tell me your name?” Jones repeated.

  A moment passed. Nothing.

  Audra saw Daphne’s feet moving under the bed sheets. She wanted to see her daughter’s face, but the wall of bodies blocked her view.

  Jones tried another question. “Do you know where you are? Do you know where you are?”

  Then Daphne responded. She didn’t form words or sentences, only made sounds similar to those of a baby.
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  She said, “ah-ah,” and “ooh,” and “ba-ba.”

  The sounds chilled Audra’s skin, lifted hairs at the nape of her neck. That dread, that bevy of negative thoughts she’d held back all this time, came rushing forward, filling her mind. She tried to push them back again, to remain calm and optimistic. Daphne had just emerged from her coma, she told herself. A promising sign in itself.

  Audra turned to Daniel. He had his head lowered, his eyes blinking rapidly. She could feel the ache of dashed hope tearing him up inside.

  She reached over and tapped his arm. “Hey. You okay?”

  Daniel’s throat moved. He did not look at her.

  “I kept my fingers crossed, you know?” His voice cracked around the words. “She’d be all right.”

  Audra felt the words like a cold hand around her heart.

  “We don’t know anything yet,” she said. “Let’s wait for the doctor. Okay? This might be only temporary.”

  Daniel touched his eyes, stared at his wet fingertips when he pulled them away.

  “You’re right,” he said softly. “You’re right.”

  Audra stared at him for a few more seconds, then she looked back into the room. Dr. Jones wrote something down on a chart and gave it to a nurse.

  Turning back to Daphne, he asked, “Can you grasp my hands, please?”

  Audra wished someone would move out of the way so she could see what was going on.

  After a long pause, Jones said, “Excellent. Now squeeze, please. Squeeze my hand. I know you can do it.”

  Audra waited in suspense. Beside her, Daniel seemed to hardly breathe as he gazed into the room.

  Ten seconds passed. Twenty.

  Daphne made another baby noise, faint this time.

  At about the thirty-second mark, Jones said, “Beautiful.”

  Audra felt a wave of relief push through her chest. Excellent. Beautiful. Those words inspired her, gave her hope. They meant good things, not something discouraging.

  Daniel came over and slid an arm around her waist, laid his cheek against the top of her head.

  A nurse removed the bed sheets from Daphne’s legs. Dr. Jones jotted something else on his chart, then moved down to the end of the bed.

  Audra saw Daphne now. She looked so helpless it broke Audra’s heart.

  Jones grasped her ankles and brought them together.

  “Can you point your toes up toward you?” he asked.

  Daphne rolled her head on the pillow toward the sound of his voice. She peered down the length of the bed at him.

  “Can you point your toes up toward you?” Jones repeated.

  Daphne stared at him with a blank face.

  Audra watched her feet. Come on, she wanted to call over. You can do it.

  More seconds passed. Then, ever so slowly, Daphne flexed her toes upwards, relaxed them again.

  Audra smiled. Daniel tensed his arm around her waist, set his chin on the top of her head.

  “Excellent,” Jones said in an encouraging tone. “Can you move your toes down for me? Move them down, please.”

  It took her another half minute, but Daphne managed to point her toes toward the foot of the bed.

  Jones gave her a big smile. “Beautiful. Now, can you lift your left leg?”

  Daphne hesitated again. To Audra, her daughter seemed to understand Dr. Jones and was able to keep her focus on him; she just had a hard time getting her body to do the things she wanted.

  “C’mon, kiddo,” Daniel whispered.

  Daphne lifted her left leg a few inches off the mattress, put it down.

  “Excellent,” Jones said. “Now your right. Lift your right leg, please.”

  Eventually, Daphne managed to do it.

  “Awesome job.”

  Jones covered Daphne’s legs with the bed sheets, then added something to his chart. He walked over to Audra and Daniel, leading them a short distance from the doorway.

  “How is she?” Audra asked.

  “Not too bad. She has localized responses.”

  “Meaning?”

  “She followed my finger with her eyes. She responded to simple commands. But it took her a few moments. She doesn’t react instantly like you and I would. There’s some fog there.”

  “Does she have brain damage?” Audra asked.

  Jones frowned. “Maybe some impairment, yes.”

  Daniel said, “I heard her making noises. Can she talk at all?”

  “No. She understands what you’re saying. She just can’t articulate words of her own to answer you. The Broca’s area of her brain might’ve been affected by the oxygen deprivation. Sometimes the CT and MRI don’t always pick up that stuff.”

  Audra shut her eyes, felt a sinking feeling in her stomach.

  “Is that reversible?” Daniel asked.

  Jones said, “I once had a patient who came out of a coma and talked like that for two weeks. Then out of the blue, he started talking normally again. Just like that. It was weird. So don’t let that discourage you.

  “Every patient is different. Every patient who comes out of a coma has unique problems. We have to wait and see how your daughter does in the coming days. When dealing with brain injuries, recovery is a slow process. It’s not like a broken bone or a cut. There’s no way to predict how things will go.

  “But you know, the brain can rewire itself, form new connections. A healthy part of the brain can take over the functions previously carried out by the damaged area. It’s an amazing organ. And we still know very little about.”

  “So what’s next for our daughter?” Audra asked.

  Jones held her in his kind eyes. “Well, we have to keep a close eye on things. Hope she doesn’t slip under again. There’s still that risk. In the morning, I’ll run more tests.”

  Daniel asked, “Can we go in?”

  “By all means. When you go in, talk calmly. Use simple sentences. Single words if possible. And only one of you speak at a time. Her attention span might only be five to ten minutes before she becomes tired. Try not to wear her out. If she falls asleep on you, let her. She needs rest.”

  “Thank you, Doctor,” Audra said.

  She and Daniel walked into the room. A nurse locked the side rails on the bed in place before leaving.

  Audra looked down at Daphne.

  “Hi, honey,” she said. “How you doing?”

  Daphne blinked up at her, dark eyes fuzzy with confusion.

  “It’s me,” Audra said. “Mommy. Remember?”

  Daphne continued to search her face and Audra could see the painful slowness it took her brain to work through the fog.

  Suddenly, the cardiac monitor beeped faster and Daphne let out a hoarse whimper. She gave Audra a wide grin and stretched out her hands.

  Audra felt a catch in her throat.

  “It’s okay,” she said. “I’m here. I’m here, honey.”

  They hugged for a long moment, mother and daughter reunited. Daphne leaned back, taking Audra’s hand.

  She said, “Ma…ma.”

  Her face pinched, as if she knew the sounds coming out of her mouth were not the words she wanted to say and couldn’t understand why. Her eyes began to moisten.

  “Aww, honey,” Audra said. “Don’t cry. It’ll be okay.”

  She wiped the tears from Daphne’s cheeks.

  “Your father’s here,” she said, gesturing to Daniel on the other side of the bed.

  Daphne paused, then rolled over on the pillow. Daniel cupped one hand at the side of her face.

  “Hey, kiddo,” he said. “Welcome back.”

  Daphne looked at him with the same hesitation she’d given Audra. At last, she cooed, let go of her mother’s hand, and reached for her father. Daniel hugged her, his body hiccupping with suppressed emotion.

  “I love you so much,” he said. “I’m so happy you came back.”

  Through her grief and joy, Audra smiled at them. She found the lever to unlock the side rail from the bed, then she dragged the chair over and sat
down.

  A nurse came into the room.

  “Sorry to interrupt,” she said. “I need to do an ABG.”

  Daniel got out of the way. The nurse moved up to the bed and gave Daphne a comforting smile.

  “This won’t hurt a bit,” she said.

  Daphne gazed up at her face. She didn’t even notice the syringe of blood being drawn from the arterial line sutured into her wrist.

  Audra followed the nurse out the door.

  “Excuse me,” she said.

  The nurse turned around. “Yes?”

  “My daughter. Is she allowed to have some ice chips to suck on? Maybe even to rub her lips with?”

  “We’ll see what the doctor says in the morning. Okay?”

  “Yeah,” she said. “Sure.”

  Audra watched the nurse walk away. She wondered if they were afraid Daphne would choke.

  When Audra went back into the room, she and Daniel took their respective seats.

  Daphne shifted glances between them, a faint smile playing on her face. After a short time, she closed her eyes.

  Watching her sleep, Audra ran the conversation with Dr. Jones over in her mind. She considered the challenges ahead of Daphne.

  Speech therapy was a given. But could she even walk? Would she have to relearn how to do that? Would she ever be normal again?

  There would also be suicide risk assessments. If therapists feared Daphne would hurt herself again, they’d keep her in the hospital.

  Audra checked her watch. 11:14. She looked over at Daniel. He was nodding off in the chair.

  “Psst.”

  Daniel opened his sleepy eyes, slowly turned his head toward her.

  “Are you going home?” Audra whispered.

  Daniel lifted his wrist, made a face when he saw the time. He yawned, then threw a quick glance to the doorway.

  “Nah,” he said with equal quiet. “I’m not going anywhere. Not until they kick me out anyway.”

  Audra chuckled softly. For some strange reason, she had an urge to go over and kiss him.

  47

  Halifax, June 16

  10:45 a.m.

  Daphne had drifted in and out of sleep since emerging from the coma. Every time she awoke, she showed signs of improvement, becoming more alert and cognizant of her surroundings. She’d begun to form short words, stuttering occasionally. Longer words gave her trouble.