Adam’s hands move to the hem of his shirt where they hesitate. He starts to lift it up then changing his mind, quickly shoves it down. "This is stupid. I don't know what happened while I was there, but it can't be what you're saying because," He looks at me with conviction, but I can see him struggling. "Because it just can't."
"I can finish healing it for you, if you want." I take a small step in his direction. His entire body tenses at seeing the glow of the symbol on my wrist.
"Don't touch me," he says fast and harsh. Whoever said 'sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me,' is a total liar with a capital L. Adam moves further down the porch while keeping his eyes trained on me to make sure I don't. "I just. I just need you to stay away from me while I sort things out. Okay?"
"Okay." If he notices the crushing amount of hurt in my voice he doesn't acknowledge it. Turning his back to me he leans forward, resting his arms along the edge of the banister.
In a daze I go back inside the house. I don't know what hurts worse, the thought of Adam hating me, or the thought of him being afraid of me.
I take a seat on one of the stools along the kitchen island. Owen slides a plate containing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in front of me. I stare at it.
"You should eat something. You look a little pale."
"I'm not hungry."
"Suit yourself." Owen reaches for the plate.
"Wait." I glance up at the loft. "How is he? Has anyone spoken to him since..." I trail off unable to say her name.
"No. He hasn't come out of his room since they came to take her away."
I wonder who exactly they are since I wasn't here when they came, but I don't ask. Honestly, I'm not sure if I even really want to know who they are.
"Has he eaten?"
"I don't think so."
"Maybe I can take this to him then," I say indicating the PB&J. I can't avoid Eric forever. Eventually, we're going to come face to face, so I might as well get it done and over with now before I chicken out.
In the living room I pass Kat and Luca on the sofa. She's throwing out all her best flirting techniques while he sits there with a slight grin of amusement. Apparently, no situation is strange enough for her to put her flirting on hold. That or she's completely lost it and is in total denial of recent events and is coping the only way she knows how by throwing herself at the nearest guy she deems ‘Hot’.
Once I reach the top of the stairs, I see that the loft isn't an open loft like I originally thought. The front half of it contains nothing more than a pool table placed in the middle of the floor and two high back chairs with a table stacked with books shoved up against a wall. At the end of the space is a hall. Turning the corner, I follow it down to the only door I see. Hesitating, I let myself get temporarily distracted by all the stars in the night sky visible through the angled glass ceiling. A part of me wishes I could just stay here watching the stars until the sun comes up instead of confronting Eric, but sadly that’s not an option.
The plate in my hand shakes precariously as I prepare to knock on Eric’s door. I take a deep breath rehearsing an apology in my head that will never be good enough. After I've stalled longer than I should, I knock.
"Eric." My throat constricts and I have to take several more deep breaths before I can get any more words out. "It's Hanna. I brought you something to eat."
"Thank you, but I'm not very hungry right now." His voice is strained, muffled even, but not unkind.
"I'm sorry about Logan and I completely understand if you hate or blame me," I blurt out. There I said it, now I can go before I throw up all over the floor.
The sound of the door opening stops me before I get too far. Slowly, I turn back around. Eric's form fills the doorway. His eyes are swollen; his face puffy, but not one inch of it contains any anger.
"I don't blame you Hanna."
"Why not?"
"Because it wasn't your fault."
"But I hesitated when Blondie made his ultimatum."
He shakes his head. "You did the right thing in trying to protect Jared."
"But I could have done something. I could have blasted Blondie away or—”
Eric takes the plate from my trembling hands. "There was nothing you could have done Hanna. Things happened too fast, and Zoe..." He suddenly stops and I know right away without him having to say a word because it's written all over his face. Zoe mind controlled him. She mind controlled her brother so he couldn't do anything other than watch his girlfriend die, just like she did to me when Blondie moved to Adam. "There wasn’t anything any of us could have done."
He looks down at the plate of peanut butter and jelly held in his hands. "Thanks for the sandwich." He gives me a weak smile before disappearing back into his room.
"You’re welcome," I say to the door.
I take the stairs, slowly dragging my feet to my next destination. Will's room. Everyone keeps telling me that what happened tonight wasn't my fault, but I still can't help feeling responsible. Because of me this is the second time Will's nearly died.
I hesitate at his door, hand held to knock. Muffled angry voices seep through from the other side. Should I knock? Should I not? I decide on the former.
Cassidy opens the door, her eyes raking over me in distaste. "What do you want?"
After having just left a grieving Eric upstairs the sight of her face stirs up memories of the way she talked to him right after he watched his girlfriend get murdered and I'm tempted to punch her square in the mouth. "When the hell did you get here?” I ask my voice saturated with spite. “And why are you here? Shouldn't you be plotting things with Thomas behind our backs?" She rolls her eyes. My fingers itch to at least smack her.
"Who's at the door?" Will asks.
"It's Hanna," I say.
"No one important," Cassidy says at the same time.
"Quit being a bitch Cass and let her in."
"Fine. Whatever, I need to speak to Owen anyway." She shoulders past me, knocking me back a step.
Rubbing my arm where she'd hit me on her way out, I step in closing the door most of the way shut behind me. On the bed, Will wipes away green goo from his chest with a washcloth. He has so much of it on his torso it's like he's wearing a patchy green goo sweater.
"Wouldn't it be easier to just take a shower?"
His mouth draws up in a lopsided grin. "Probably."
I sit down at the foot of the bed. "Do you want some help?"
"With taking a shower? Sure. I'll go start the water." He makes like he's going to stand.
Heat rushes to my face. "No. Not with taking a shower. I meant with wiping off the goo."
He laughs. "I know what you meant. I just like making you blush." He hands me the washcloth then shifts so his back is facing me. "If you don't mind."
"You nearly died tonight. Helping you wipe off this nasty smelling goo is the least I can do." After dipping the washcloth into the bowl of warm water sitting on the nightstand I begin wiping his back. Under the goo, pale white scar after pale white scar emerges from all the places he was stabbed. There's so many. Dropping the washcloth onto the bed I trace over his scars with the tip of my finger, his muscles tensing under my touch. When we first met he had none that I could see and now, now he has more than I want to count.
"Hanna." He shifts back around to face me. I drop my hands into my lap. He wipes away a loose tear I hadn't even realized fell.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper.
"For what?"
"For all the scars."
"Why? You're not the one who gave them to me."
"No, but I'm the reason you got them."
"No, you're not. Scars are a part of this life Hanna, so don't feel like you need to take responsibility for my getting them."
"I feel responsible."
"But you're not, so stop trying to take the blame for them and adopt my motto instead."
"And what motto is that?"
"Shit happens."
I smile.
"Do you think we'll find him?"
"Jared?"
I nod, my eyes once again roaming over Will's scars as I wonder how many Jared will come back with.
"Yes."
"Do you think Blondie will hurt him?"
"No. Jared's important in obtaining his goal, so I doubt he'll do anything to jeopardize that." He doesn't sound as confident as I'd like him to be, but I suppose it makes sense, so I'm going to choose to believe it. "We’ll start looking for him first thing in the morning." Seeing that I'm about to protest, he places his finger against my lips. "It's been a long night and we've all been through a lot. If we're going to get Jared back we need to do it the right way and that starts with getting some sleep."
There's a knock followed by Kat's head poking through a crack in the door. "Hanna?" Her eyes immediately lock onto Will's naked torso. Not oblivious to her obvious ogling, Will's mouth hints at a smile. "Adam wants to go home," she tells Will's abs, since that's what she's still staring at.
"Okay. Can you give us a ride? I don't have my car here and I don't want Adam staying home alone." Even if that's what he'd prefer right now being that he sees me as some kind of freak, I think to myself with a heavy heart.
"Huh?"
I slightly shake my head. If she ogles any harder, I swear she's going to start drooling onto the floor. "I said, can you give us a ride home?"
"Yeah, sure." She clears her throat and reluctantly tears her eyes from Will's semi-nakedness. "I'll let Adam know.”
"Put some clothes on will you." Grabbing a shirt off the floor I toss it at Will. He catches it with a knowing smile.
***
I ride shotgun leaving Will, (who insisted on tagging along), and Adam to share the back seat of Benzie. Adam scoots himself so close to the door to be as far from Will as possible he's practically sitting on it. Guess I'm not the only one he sees as a freak that needs to be avoided. I don't know whether I should feel better or worse about that.
Worse. Definitely worse.
I hate that Adam is afraid of me. I hate that he's afraid of Will. I hate that he's afraid at all. I wish I could somehow magically go back in time and erase the last two days so Adam could go back to being safe and oblivious.
Our eyes meet in the rearview mirror and for a moment I have hope that Adam won't look at me with fear, however that moment is short lived because half a second later he's looking away in haste and squishing himself even closer to the door. I may have gotten Adam back tonight, but I lost him too.
Kat turns into my driveway pulling in beside my blue Chevette. Adam's out of the car and halfway to the front door before Kat even has a chance to put Benzie in park. Kat gives me a sympathetic look that only makes me feel worse.
I open the car door. "Thanks for the ride home Kat." She shuts the engine off and I look at her in confusion.
"If you think I'm going home to an empty house after the night I've had you're crazy. Mom and Dad are out of town and I have no intention of being by myself. I'm staying here with you tonight," she tells me, mind made up, decision made whether I like it or not.
Will leans forward, resting his arms over the back of the front seats. "I'm staying too. There's no way I'm leaving you with Blondie still lurking somewhere out there. Now that he has Jared, he has no use for you and there's nothing to stop him from coming back for a little more fun and torture."
"Well, when you put it that way," I say, intending it to sound light and joke-ish because everything is so damn dark and depressing and I need a little comic relief before I explode, but it ends up coming out dark and depressing anyway. I sigh heavily. "Come on then." I get out of the car with the both of them trailing silently behind me.
Inside, the grandfather clock strikes four am, the sounds echoing throughout the house. None of the lights are on except for a soft glow coming from upstairs. A sad slow beat escapes from the broken heart in my chest. I wish Adam could see I'm still me despite all the terrifying things he's discovered.
Will turns on a lamp in the living room. He tosses his jacket over the back of the recliner. "I'll take the sofa." He plops himself down on it throwing an arm over his forehead.
"I'll bring you down some blankets and a pillow," I say in a monotone, as I head for the stairs leaving Kat behind to drool over Will in the living room. Climbing the stairs with slow feet I peel off my leather jacket, tossing it onto my bedroom floor as I pass my room. Further down, I notice Mom and Dad's room is closed once again.
Adam must have shut it.
Continuing down the hall I stop, hesitating at his door. I raise my hand, poised to knock, conflicting emotions raging inside of me. Do I knock and plead for him to see me like he used to? Do I leave him alone and hope he comes around on his own? Do I...
The light shining from beneath his door flickers out and I lose my nerve to do anything at all. I sigh, my shoulders drooping at being defeated by the extinguishing of a lamp. He needs more time to digest everything I rationalize. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow we'll work things out and everything will go back to the way it was.
I'm totally lying to myself. Nothing will ever be like it was before.
The door to the linen closet at the end of the hall opens with a creak. I grab the first blanket and pillow I see from the shelf. Balancing them over my arms I head back downstairs.
A cold shiver creeps down my neck when I near my room. All the hairs on my arm stand on end, my breaths coming faster and faster and I'm overcome with a sick feeling in my gut that something’s not right.
Gripping the pillow and blanket tighter to my chest with one arm, I take baby steps toward my room stopping at the threshold. It's completely dark inside and my hand shakes as I reach in for the light switch. Light floods the room. The blanket and pillow held in my arm falls to the floor. My hands cover my mouth, stifling a scream ready to burst free.
All the pillows and blankets on my bed have been ripped away and thrown carelessly on the floor and at the center of my bed lies a very fresh, very bloody, very dead crow. On its back with its wings spread out, its chest has been ripped open exposing its insides. A gust of wind from my open window ruffles a piece of paper stuck under its head.
I inch myself closer, ignoring the urge to gag. Blood from the bird has made its way onto the edges of the note. I pull it out with my fingernails holding it at arms length. The words are written in red, with the ink most likely coming from the bird.
Had Fun Tonight Hanna.
Can't Wait To Play Again.
Sweet Dreams.
J.
I gaze swiftly around the room as the note falls from my fingers back down to the bed, my eyes searching every corner before landing on the open window. The curtains are drawn, the breeze behind them moving them ever so slightly. I reach for the lamp on the bedside table. Taking the shade off I hold it like a baseball bat. With my breath held, my heart racing a never-ending marathon, and courage I'm barely holding onto, I step closer to the window. The blood from the bird is fresh, so in theory Blondie could still be lurking just outside, waiting to see if I'm stupid enough to look and if he is...
You'll what? Pummel him with the lamp in your hand? My inner voice shouts.
Ignoring it, I inch closer. If he is out there he's the best shot I have at getting Jared back and I'm not going to waste it.
Lamp held tight in one hand, I slowly move the curtain back with the other.
A scream pierces the silence. Followed by an, "Oh, my God!"
I startle at the sound of Kat screaming and yelling. The lamp drops at my feet where it breaks into pieces.
So much for stealth.
Before I lose my nerve I shove the curtains aside and peer out the window. Perched in the tree, Blondie blows me a kiss from blood stained fingers. I gasp, he laughs, then jumps from the tree to the ground below. Like an idiot I climb out after him. But by the time I make it to the edge of the porch roof to look over, he's gone.
/> Kat is standing in front of the bed staring opened mouth at the gruesome mess of the eviscerated crow when Will rounds the corner into my room, his chest heaving in and out, as I’m climbing back in. I jump down from the windowsill crushing one of the broken pieces of the lamp under my boot.
Will's head jerks in my direction. "What happened?" Taking long strides, he heads straight for the bed. "Shit." He reaches for the note. His jaw clenches tight while he crumbles it into a tiny ball in his hand. His eyes rake over me before he side steps around Kat and sticks half of himself out the window behind me. When he finds nothing out there he pulls the window shut and locks it.
"Blondie happened," I finally answer.
Adam's face appears in the doorway. His eyes are glazed over not really focusing on anything. "Everything okay? I thought I heard screaming."
Will moves in front of the bed blocking most of Blondie's gift while Kat continues to stand frozen in place with her eyes locked onto the bloody sheets.
"Everything's fine," I lie as I swiftly move toward Adam. He looks like a zombie standing there and I can't tell if it's because he's still in shock over the horrible things that happened earlier tonight, or because he's still trying to process the informational overload I laid upon him, or because the sound of Kat's screaming has him locked inside himself where he's reliving being tortured and beaten. I wish I could take it all away and make him forget. "Kat just saw a spider is all," I say, unable to do anything at all to help him.
Realizing that I'm now standing right in front of him, Adam blinks out of whatever stupor he was in. He backs away from me. "Well, in that case, I'm going back to bed." His eyes dart side to side, his whole demeanor becoming twitchy.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I'm just tired. It's been a long day." He walks backwards toward his room. "I'm fine," he says again as he closes the door.
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