“Get real, Meagan. You don’t owe me anything.”
“So I’m just supposed to accept you paying him off?” She fought the tears she refused to cry. “How can I condone that?”
He tugged a hand through his hair, his movements tense, choppy. “Maybe we should stop seeing each other. Maybe being together isn’t going to work.”
His dismissal cut her to the core, and so did the stubborn pride in his eyes. Instead of trying to understand, instead of coming to an emotional compromise—he was ending what they had.
“I don’t want—” To lose you, she thought.
He went as still as a statue. “You don’t want what?”
She didn’t reply. If she gave in, there would be nothing left of her, of the independent woman she was trying so hard to become.
He remained as motionless as before. Then he roughly said, “This doesn’t change the status of your job. I’d never take that away from you. It’s yours, for as long as you want or need it.”
She held her breath, her lungs ballooning with air, filling her with pain. “Ivy is going to miss you.”
“I’m going to miss her, too.” He cleared his throat. He was speaking softly now. “I don’t think I should stop by the day care to visit her, though. That might confuse her, if I’m not with you anymore.”
“Will you still come by the stables when I’m there?”
“Yes, I’ll still see you when I go riding. I just won’t be able to...”
Touch her and hold her and kiss her? His unspoken words tore a hole through her heart. Neil was gone, but so was her romance with Garrett. That wasn’t supposed to be the solution.
“I need to go,” she said. She couldn’t stay here a millisecond more. It was killing her to be this close to him.
Hurting worse than anything she’d ever known.
* * *
Meagan went home and told Candy what had transpired. But by now she was too distraught to keep her emotions under control, bursting into intermittent tears and drying them with the tails of her shirt. “I swear, I didn’t mean to push him away.”
Her brother’s fiancée gently replied, “You were just being honest with him about how it affected you.”
Meagan drew her knees up to her chest. She and Candy were in the garden, seated on the grass. Ivy was inside, playing with Tanner and the dog. Meagan was surrounded by family, yet she felt so horribly alone. “His intentions were good, but he shouldn’t have taken his protection that far. Of course, that’s what he does. Protect people, I mean. When he was young, part of his motivation to become wealthy was to have the means to take care of his mother. And when he was in foster care, he stood up for Max when he was being bullied.”
“Those are amazing qualities for someone to have.”
“Yes, they are.” Garrett was the most amazing man she’d ever known, right up until the moment he’d let her go. “Before today, he kept reassuring me that it was okay for us to explore our feelings, and that he was as attached to me as I was to him.”
“I’m sure he still he is, Meagan.”
“Attached, but detached.” She rubbed her swollen eyes. “I can’t fathom not having him by my side. It’s going to be unbearable waking up every day, missing all of those wonderful moments I used to spend with him.”
“I wish I could make it better for you.”
Only Candy couldn’t do that. No one could. But the worst of it, the most difficult part, was the fear that was unfurling: the knee-jerk panic that Meagan had already fallen in love with him.
She didn’t want to feel that way, but she didn’t know how to stop it. Nor could she bring herself to admit it out loud. Yet it existed in the recesses of her broken heart, turning her life inside out.
It was painful. Too much to grasp.
“This shouldn’t have happened,” she said, talking in riddles, trying to make sense of it. “Not now.”
Candy plucked at a blade of grass. “I’m sorry he hurt you.”
“What am I going to say when Ivy starts asking me where Garry is? How do I tell her that he won’t be coming to our house? Or that we won’t be going to his? She loves curling up in front of the TV with him. He watches princess movies with her.” Fairy tales, Meagan thought, with happy endings. “But I have to be strong for myself and my daughter. To make my own decisions, to be my own woman. That’s what I was trying to explain to Garrett, what I was trying to make him understand.”
“Maybe something will happen that will bring him around to your way of thinking. Or maybe you could discuss it with him again after the dust settles.”
“It’s a big issue for us to resolve.” And now that she was fighting the ache of loving him, it seemed even bigger. “I can’t make the first move. If I do, then I’ll go back to being the girl I was when I was with Neil, desperate for a man’s approval.”
“However this turns out, at least you’re free of Neil and any future damage he could’ve caused.”
Because of Garrett, Meagan thought. Even as mixed up as all of this was, he’d acted on her behalf, protecting her and Ivy like the fallen hero he’d become.
* * *
Garrett plastered an upbeat smile on his face, faking his way through the happy occasion. Jake and Carol’s beautiful new daughter had arrived today, and the hospital room was filled with love and cheer, with flowers and balloons and teddy bears.
Brightness. Life.
Carol was in bed, cradling the blanket-wrapped infant, and Jake was seated on the edge of the mattress, beaming like a first-time father should be. Max was there, too, in full-fledged uncle mode. If only Garrett could feel their joy.
Five grueling days had passed since he’d ended his romance with Meagan, and he battled the loss every second of every hour. He hadn’t even seen her at the stables, as he’d claimed that he would. He’d been taking his horses out when he knew she wasn’t there, sparing himself the ache of being in her company. He’d tried to do right by her and Ivy, but Meagan had made him feel like an interloper instead. Were his actions wrong? Had he overstepped his bounds? He was too damned lost to even know.
He gazed at his foster brothers, cooing over the baby. He hadn’t told them about his breakup. He hadn’t told his mom, either. He’d been keeping it inside.
Finally, Garrett moved closer to the bed. “Can I hold Nita?” he asked. He’d yet to cradle his niece, to press her against his heart, to absorb her newborn warmth.
Jake proudly replied, “Of course.” He removed the child from his wife’s arms and the transfer was made.
Garrett looked down at the baby’s chubby-cheeked face. She’d inherited Jake’s golden skin and thick dark hair. Her eyes were shaped like his, too, except they were green like her mother’s.
The baby made a cute and comical noise, a tiny snort of sorts, and Garrett smiled, this time for real. “Hello, funny bear,” he said. “I’m your uncle Garry.”
The infant gazed at him. Or he thought she did. For all he knew, she was staring into space, trying to get those Irish eyes of hers to focus.
Now he longed for Meagan and Ivy even more. He wished they were here, sharing this experience with him. “She’s perfect,” he said to both of her parents. “You created a wonderful little person.”
He returned Nita to her mother. He couldn’t hoard a baby who wasn’t his.
When it was time for Nita to nurse, Garrett and Max left the room, leaving Jake alone with his wife and child.
Once they were in the hallway, Max said, “I’m going to grab some chow at the cafeteria. Want to come?”
“You go ahead. I’ll just get a granola bar or something out of a machine.”
“Then I’ll see you in a bit.” Max shot him a quick wave and headed for the elevator.
Garrett scanned the choices in the vending machines but decided to sk
ip it. He was too preoccupied to eat. So he went to the nearest waiting room, an open area with pastel-painted walls and floor-to-ceiling windows. He was the only person there, alone with his scattered thoughts.
About five minutes later, he spotted his mom heading toward him, clutching a small gift bag. He stood and went over to her.
“I didn’t know you were coming by today,” he said. “I thought you were going to wait until they took the baby home.”
“I was, but I changed my mind. So I called my driver, and he brought me over. I’m just so excited to see little Nita.”
“She’s a doll. But Carol is feeding her now, so we’re just biding time until we go back in. Max went to the cafeteria.”
“That’s fine. I’ll wait here with you.”
Garrett resumed his seat with his mom by his side. “What did you get the baby?” he asked.
“I made her a pair of moccasins. I’ve been working on them for a while.”
“I’m sure her parents will love them.” He didn’t doubt the love and care that had gone into them. “You’re going to be a terrific great-aunt. Nita is going to adore you.”
“She’s going to adore you, too. Just the way Ivy does. You’ve got a good thing with Ivy and her mommy.”
His chest crumbled, right along with his heart, but he didn’t say anything. He merely sat there, mired in his loss.
“Are you okay?” his mother asked, catching sight of his discomfort.
He tried to shrug it off. “I just have a few things on my mind.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Really, it’s all right. I can handle it.”
She tucked a strand of her gray-streaked hair behind her ear. “Are you sure?”
No, he thought. He wasn’t. But he didn’t want to burden anyone with his problems, least of all his mom. Yet keeping it to himself was starting to tear him apart, too.
Looking for an emotional escape, he glanced out the window that was behind him. The view was of the parking lot.
He turned back around to face her. “If I tell you, you might agree with Meagan and think what I did was wrong, too.”
“Whatever it is, I promise I won’t judge you, Garrett.”
He relayed the entire story, and she listened patiently, her gaze trained on his.
Afterward he asked, “So what do you think?”
“Truthfully, my opinion doesn’t matter. What happened is between you and Meagan. But I do think that there might be some other factors involved, things you haven’t even considered.” She adjusted the gift bag on her lap and the paper made a crinkling sound. “For example, why did you do it? Why did you go to such an extreme measure to get rid of Neil?”
“I already told you, to get him out of their lives.”
“Yes, but why?”
“Because I couldn’t bear to see Meagan and Ivy get hurt.”
“Again, I’m going to ask you why.”
Troubled by her tactic, he pulled back. “Why are you grilling me like this?”
“Because I want you to think about it. Not off the top of your head like you’ve been doing, but all way down—” she leaned forward, pressing a gentle fist to his gut “—from your soul.”
Garrett flinched, feeling as if he’d just been shot. Suddenly, he knew exactly what she meant. Or maybe, fool that he was, he’d known it all along and just hadn’t dealt with it properly. But the truth was there now, like a lead bullet piercing his already-frayed spirit. A gaping hole, he thought, that provided the answer.
For every lovelorn thing he’d done.
Fourteen
Eager to see Meagan, Garrett left the hospital. Since she was at work, he drove to the stables, preparing to unleash his heart.
But would she forgive him? Accept him? Love him? Want him? There was only one way to find out.
As soon as he arrived, he parked his truck, climbed out of the vehicle and searched the barn for her.
She was in the tack room, by herself, cleaning a stack of leather bridles. She was so focused on her task that she didn’t even know he was there, standing in the doorway, watching her.
She looked pretty, as always, in her rough-hewn clothes and long shiny braid. But she looked troubled, too. Because of him, Garrett thought. The last time they’d talked, he hadn’t listened to her reasoning. He hadn’t respected her thoughts or feelings. He’d flown off the handle instead, destroying the bond they’d built.
And now he was trying to fix what he’d broken.
“Meagan.” He said her name softly, so as not to startle her.
She glanced up, and their gazes met from across the space that stretched between them. He entered the room and closed the door behind him. But he didn’t crowd her. He kept a cautious distance.
“What I did was wrong,” he said, getting straight to the soul of it. “I can’t lie and say that I’m sorry Neil is out of the picture. But I had no right to pay him off without your permission, and for that I am sorry.”
She set aside the bridle she’d been oiling. In a bucket at her feet were the bits and chains that went with it.
She said, “I’ve missed you, Garrett. I’ve been waking up every day, thinking about you, wishing I could see you. And now you’re here.”
Yes, he was here and had a lot more to say. “Jake and Carol’s baby was born today, and she’s just the sweetest thing. And when I held her, it made me miss you and Ivy and everything we had. Everything I ruined.”
Meagan seemed to sense that he wasn’t done talking, so she remained quiet, allowing him to say his emotional piece.
He continued, “I didn’t tell my brothers what was going on with you and me. I’d been keeping it inside. Then my mom showed up at the hospital and noticed that I seemed out of sorts. It wasn’t easy, but I admitted it to her.” He paused to ask, “Did you tell your family?”
“Yes,” she replied. “Mostly, I confided in Candy. But my brother knows what’s going on, too. They feel bad that I’ve been hurting, but they’re grateful to you that Neil is gone.”
“I don’t want to be responsible for your pain anymore. I don’t want to be that guy. Because that would make me like Neil, and I’m not him. I love you, Meagan. And I love your daughter. That’s no excuse for what I did, but it’s the reason I was so desperate to get rid of Neil. I couldn’t stand for him to hurt you anymore than he already had, but then I ended up hurting you, too. I behaved horribly afterward, letting my pride tear us apart.” He shook his head, chastising himself for it. “You were right to hold your ground, to show me the kind of woman you are.” He took a step toward her. “The woman I love.”
She moved forward, too, until she was walking straight into his arms.
“Does that mean you love me, too?” he asked, needing to be sure.
“Yes, I love you.” She confirmed her feelings, saying it out loud, letting the words soothe him. “You just made me happier than I’ve ever been.”
Garrett held her close. “I want to keep making you happy, Meagan, to marry you and adopt Ivy. But I won’t push you to make it happen. The time has to be right for you.”
She looked up at him. “I want to be your wife more than anything and have you become Ivy’s father, too. But I do want to wait awhile. It’s important to me to finish my parole and pay my restitution first.”
“I understand.” He truly did. He wasn’t going to take her for granted. He’d nearly lost her, and he was never going to let that happen again.
She stayed in his arms. “Can I still work at the barn after we’re married? I like it here.”
He ran his hand down the length of her braid. “You can do whatever you want.”
“Can we give Ivy lots of brothers and sisters?”
“Absolutely. I’ve always wanted a houseful of kids.” He e
nvisioned his home the way it should be, filled with love and joy. “Will you come to my house later and bring Ivy with you?”
“So we can tell her that I’m going to marry you and you’re going to become her daddy?” Meagan smiled. “We’ll be there with our bags packed.”
Garrett grinned. “So you’re going to move in with me, are you? This future family of mine?”
“If you’ll have us.”
He kissed her, giving her his answer, this forever lady who would someday be his bride.
* * *
On the day of Tanner and Candy’s wedding, Meagan marveled at every splendid detail. The colors they’d chosen were silver and gold. There were bits of blue, too, like the dyed rose in Meagan’s hand. She waited in the wings, preparing to walk down the aisle with the other bridesmaids. But, for now, she was watching Ivy.
Her daughter toddled toward the makeshift altar, with Yogi by her side. Ivy’s dress was a puff of ruffles and lace, trimmed with delicate bows. She wore a crown of posies in her hair and sequined shoes. She was the cutest, brightest flower girl, hanging on to the dog’s rhinestone leash.
Ivy kept glancing around at all the people. When she spotted Garrett sitting in the front row, she dropped the dog’s leash and ran over to him.
Meagan’s heart melted on the spot. Both man and child were the loves of her life.
Ivy climbed onto Garrett’s lap, where she decided to stay. Yogi, the brilliantly trained Labrador, continued to the altar by herself.
Tanner stood like the elated groom that he was, dashing in his traditional tuxedo and white rose boutonniere. Ivy waved at him, and he smiled and returned her greeting.
When Meagan’s turn came to walk down the aisle, she took the arm of the groomsman she’d been paired with—her oldest brother, Kade. His wife and son were seated in the same row as Garrett, along with Garrett’s mom. Shirley was already becoming a grandmother to Ivy.
The ceremony continued, and, finally, when the bride’s song was played, everyone stood and turned to view her.
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