I never thought he’d look twice at me. Ten years older, far more experienced. Damn, I was so naïve to believe him when he said he hadn’t remarried as he was waiting for me. So stupid to accept his declaration of love was true. So gullible to let him take me for a second time. Unprotected. My uninjured arm touches my stomach. What if I’m pregnant?
“How long was I unconscious?” I suddenly ask.
Nijad looks surprised at the change of topic. “Two days.”
So now this is the fourth. Is it too late for the morning after pill? I shiver, unable to understand my reluctance to even enquire, though knowing I’ll have to. “Nijad, Jasim,” I start, making sure I’ve got their attention. “You need to do something for me.”
“Anything, Aiza. We’ll do anything we can.”
Jasim nods at his brother. “Aiza, we know we’ve failed you. Haven’t been there for you. All that changes now. Where you go from here, whatever you want to do… We’ll support you.”
I take a deep breath. “I never want to see Rais again. He might have taken you in, but he’ll never dupe me again. He…” I swallow, it’s hard to get the words out. “He didn’t use a condom. I need the morning after pill.”
Nijad and Jasim look at each other, then Nijad draws in a sharp breath. “Talk to him first, Aiza.”
Give him a chance to deceive me again? To feed me a pack of lies I suspect I’ll have no difficulty believing.
“No.” I refuse with one word. “When I’ve recovered I’m going back to London with Hunter.”
“With Hunter?” Jasim raises his eyebrow.
I shrug, then regret it as it pulls on my injured shoulder. “That remains to be seen. Hunter’s got my best interests at heart. I know he’d never hurt me.”
Nijad barks a laugh. “You know I’m not a fan of Hunter. And Kadar would have a fit.”
“You’ll all get over it.”
“Why not Rami?”
“Rami’s a sub.”
Jasim stands up straight, his face forming an expression he probably wore as owner of a BDSM club. “Sounds ideal for a Domme.” He stares at me for a moment. “You’re experienced enough to know that being submissive sexually doesn’t mean you’re weak outside the bedroom. His needs might fulfil yours. Hunter’s a Dom, I can’t see you’d ever be happy with him.”
“I don’t think you should make any decisions now, Sister,” Nijad says sympathetically. “You’ve been through a hell of a time over the past few days. Don’t do anything hasty. What I suggest is you come back to the palace in Al Qur’ah. Take some time to relax. Get to know your niece and nephew. You need time to recover mentally as well as physically. When you’re stronger, you can decide what you want.”
“Fuck, Aiza.” Jasim’s eyes soften. “I know better than most how it feels to want to run from Amahad and all it represents. Ni and I had to reform our relationship. Now we need to do the same with you. We’ve neglected you in the past. Please give us this opportunity to get to know you, and you us. I can relate to what you’re thinking. I never wanted to come back home, expecting I was walking into a trap. If you still think this is a trick, I’ll make you a vow. Anytime you want to leave, I’ll help you. Just give us a chance first. Please.”
“Come home with us, Aiza. Let us be your family.”
Chapter 40
Rais
The scream awakes me. The scream that came from my own mouth as the recurring nightmare strikes again. The one where I see Aiza slowly slip off the branch and crash to her death in the ravine below.
My sheets are drenched with sweat, and my whole body shaking with fear, unable to comprehend how I could ever forget, let alone even start to deal with the memory that replays in my mind on a loop. I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was that night, perched in my own precarious position, unable to reach her.
She’s safe. She’s alive, I remind myself. It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t want to see me. She’ll recover, no one’s after her anymore. I can be content with knowing she’s in the land of the living even if my knowledge of her is only secondhand, my glimpses of her from a distance.
I turn over and groan, every part of my body aching. I could have taken Nijad on with one hand tied behind my back. Fuck knows how often I beat him when we were boys. When he came at me, I didn’t fight back, didn’t raise a hand to defend myself. I deserved all I’d received. Every blow, every punch, and finally, when I could stand no longer, every kick.
At first when I was brought back to the palace they’d taken me to the dungeon, and not one anything like the playroom in the converted harem. No, this was a dark and dismal place where prisoners give up all hope, where traitors meet their end.
Being too early to rise, and not wanting to slip back into sleep and invite more bad dreams to assail me, I let my mind drift back over my interrogation. It was Nijad, my very good friend, who’d taken the lead. I close my eyes as I go through it again…
“What the fuck were you playing at Rais?”
I stare at Nijad. “I had a plan to kill Amir al-Fahri and avoid bloodshed. Well, except for his and that of his men.”
Bertram steps up. “We wanted to take the jihadist alive. Get information.”
I prefer terrorists dead. “He wouldn’t have told you a thing. I doubt any prison would have held him. He’s got too many followers. He would have corrupted other inmates, recruited them, and probably escaped with help from the outside.”
“And you? Why should we trust you or one word that comes out of your mouth? You nearly got the princess killed.” Hunter’s looking like he’s having difficulty holding himself back. “No one could accuse you of being stupid, Sheikh. Now you’re thinking fast how to get out of this.”
I can’t blame them for their anger. Fuck, I’m furious with myself. I’d known Aiza would be frightened. The rewards were worth it. If it had gone to plan, not one hair of her head would have been harmed. But it hadn’t. She’s braver than I gave her credit for. Who could have expected she’d try to take her own life to avoid being used against her country?
“Just go through everything from the start. Then we’ll see if we believe you.” The emir’s stern voice gives nothing away. My emir. The ruler of Amahad. My country that I’ve given my life in service for, and now will probably die for. His palpable disappointment cuts through me as sharply as any blade.
I thought I was acting for good. Now I’m in shackles and being interrogated like a traitor. I can do nothing less than tell the truth, and trust they believe me. Whether they do or don’t, the end result will be the same. No one can deny it was me who caused harm to come to the princess. I can’t see how it’s possible for anyone to ever forgive me. I’ll never stop blaming myself.
Chained to the wall, stripped down to my shalwar kameez, I’m deliberately exposed and vulnerable. Up to now they’ve not resorted to physical encouragement. They haven’t needed to. I’m not afraid of pain, and in the circumstances, I’d welcome it. I deserve it.
Kadar pulls up a chair, turns it so the back is facing me, and straddles it. His arms resting on the back, he steeples his hands. “Tell us when al-Fahri first contacted you.”
“I contacted him,” I correct.
“Bastard!” Rami flies forwards, punching me in the stomach. He put sufficient power behind the blow to impress me.
“Continue.” Kadar doesn’t waste his breath reprimanding the prince.
“I wanted to make al-Fahri an offer which would be tempting enough for him to come in person. It was something only I could do. Any other intermediary would be suspect.” After the royal family, as the leading desert sheikh, I speak for all the tribes of the desert. The tribes who invested in the oil exploration in Amahad. Kadar will know as well as I do that my word would have been taken as having half the country of Amahad behind it.
Kadar doesn’t speak, just waves his hand for me to continue.
“Al Fah-ri had planned to abduct Aiza from the palace. He wouldn’t have come himself, just sent his loyal
troops. It would have been a bloodbath.” By Allah, the prince has a mean fist. I’m having difficulty breathing.
“There was a bloodbath,” Zaram growls. “Good men died.”
I nod, accepting that, still taking shallow breaths. “Fewer than there would have been if he’d followed his original strategy. al-Fahri was planning to launch a major assault. Those bombs? Nothing to what he had planned.”
“Go on.” Kadar throws a look at Zaram, who’s clearly fuming, but keeps quiet.
“I told al-Fahri that I could get Aiza somewhere secret. That in the confusion of an attack on the palace I would be trusted to take her away. And, in exchange for a few million dollars, he could have her.” At their looks of derision, I hurriedly continue. “My excuse was that the tribes were fed up of promises of wealth in the future. That life was cheap in the desert, and the sacrifice of one had been agreed in return for real money now.”
“It nearly fucking worked. Amir al-Fahri nearly escaped with Aiza…”
“He never would have done.” I direct my comment to Hunter. “I had a sniper ready to take him out, my most trusted men waiting to kill the rest of them. He was trapped on a narrow path with no means of escape.” I then glare at Bertram and Kentwell, the intelligence men. “All I’m guilty of is wanting him dead rather than taking him in for questioning. There was too much danger to Aiza if he continued breathing.” I let my eyes rest on each of the key players in turn. “Even from behind bars he’d have found a way of hurting her.”
There’s silence, then Kadar speaks. “I, for one, will sleep easier knowing he’s dead.” He casts a glance at the intelligence men. “Oh, I’ve no doubt his men will regroup, but al-Fahri had a personal agenda towards Amahad. It remains to be seen whether any of his lieutenants still breathing have the same appetite.” He brings his eyes back to me. I’m subjected to his stare for what seems like hours before he eventually nods his head and proclaims, “I believe Rais. And that he was, and remains, loyal to Amahad.”
Hunter steps forwards, his face red. “He almost got Aiza fucking killed.”
“That was not his intention.” Kadar gets to his feet. “Enough. I have spoken. Free him.”
“Free him?” Hunter is incredulous. “Just like that?”
Kadar moves fast. He may be the emir, but he’s kept himself in shape. Taking Hunter by surprise, he grabs him by the throat and backs him up to the wall. “I have spoken,” he thunders. “I know you have a vested interest in my sister, and you are very well aware of my feelings towards you.” He takes one hand away and waves it in my direction. “Sheikh Rais’s actions have freed Aiza from the shadow hanging over her. You know yourself the best plans in war can have casualties.”
“But Aiza…” Hunter croaks.
“I agree with Hunter, Kadar. Rais cannot go unpunished.” Rami offers the Grade A man his support.
“Oh, he won’t go unpunished,” Nijad growls from the back of the room. “I can assure you of that.”
Kadar turns to look at his brother, something passes between them, then Kadar lets Hunter go. “I’ve made my decision. Rais is a hero, not a traitor. He’ll be treated that way. Understood?”
As he snarls the last word there’s a shuffling of feet, and nobody looks at either him or me. I don’t deserve the label of hero. I nearly got the woman I love killed.
Now the emir softens his voice. “If Aiza hadn’t taken things into her own hands, Rais’s plan would have worked smoothly. Aiza’s alive, no lasting harm has come to her. And she’s been freed from the threat of Amir al-Fahri. That’s what we need to focus on.” He waits for that to sink in. “Leave now. Nijad can stay to have the conversation he wants with Sheikh Rais, and after that there will be no further retaliation.”
Zaram’s staring at me, then he nods to the emir. “You’re right, Kadar. Apart from the loss of life during the attack on the palace, which I accept would have been greater had we been up against a larger and better trained army, it was a good plan. I, for one, admire the ingenuity of the sheikh.”
Bertram shrugs. “For now, al-Fahri’s organisation has been thrown into turmoil. We’ve identified the dead bodies, and from what we can tell, he had several of his most senior men with him. Rais, you did well.”
I don’t want praise.
Hunter and Rami still look unconvinced, yet follow as one by one everyone else leaves the room. I’m left alone with Nijad.
He prowls towards me, his face emotionless. “Your strategy was flawless. Nevertheless, it almost got Aiza killed. It was a miracle she lived.”
He doesn’t need to tell me that. I see Aiza hanging from that branch every time I close my fucking eyes. It continually goes round and round my head without relief.
Nijad reaches down and frees one of my legs, then the other. He stands and undoes the chains shackling my hands to the wall. Then steps back.
Rolling my shoulder to get the circulation going again, I stand tall and face him. The first punch comes quicker than I expected.
When I came around, I was lying in a comfortable bed, no longer in a dungeon.
That had been three days ago. My first waking thought had been for Aiza. Painfully making myself get up, I gingerly tested all my limbs and found all of them in working order. Working my mouth, my jaw is sore, but unbroken. Likewise, the blow to my nose had blackened my eyes, though there was no damage to the bone. My balls are something else, they throb and are swollen in direct opposite to my shrivelled cock, my stomach clenching in agony. When I piss there’s blood in the water. It’s nothing more, and probably less, than I deserve.
When he’d next seen me, Nijad greeted me, not warmly, yet without animosity.
My only concern was for the woman I love. I asked, even resorted to begging, but still they wouldn’t allow me to see Aiza. At first the excuse came that her visitors were limited to only close family while she was unconscious. I couldn’t presume on the basis of being her fiancé, that glorious dream is lost to me now. Instead I spent my time sat outside her room, waiting for news, thinking it was a bit of a joke to refer to her brothers as ‘close’. When had they ever been there for her? They know nothing about her at all.
For two days I maintained my position, hoping to hear she was awake. Then when she’d woken, it appeared the last person she wanted to see was me. I couldn’t blame her, but would have given up everything I have just for one chance to explain. I can’t bear her not comprehending that everything I’d done was with her interest at heart, that I didn’t lie when I told her I loved her. The thought that she hates me hurts worse than any blow Nijad delivered.
It’s so fucking hard to stay away.
I’d had hopes of making Aiza mine for so long, it’s hard now to give up my dream, resolving to continue my life of solitude, knowing there’ll be no other woman for me. I go through the motions on autopilot, forcing myself out of bed in the mornings, weary from lack of sleep when the nightmare visits again. I shower, trim my beard and put on my robes on automatic pilot, part of me wishing Nijad had killed me, then I wouldn’t be feeling this pain.
Today, I’m just about to leave my suite when I have a visitor.
“Sheikh Nijad.” I greet him formally with a small bow, his appearance at my door unexpected. I can’t presume on our previous friendship. After I caused his sister so much distress, I’m surprised he even wants to talk to me again.
Nijad doesn’t stand on formality. He enters, brushing past me, taking off his headdress and throwing it down, then turns to me and frowns. “She still won’t see you.”
I nod. She’d made that quite clear via her messages. I’m surprised Nijad feels he needs to tell me yet again.
Making himself comfortable on the couch, he stares at me before speaking, and then gives me his next piece of news. “Aiza says she’ll be coming back to Al Qur’ah when she’s no longer under medical attention.”
“When will that be?” I ask through gritted teeth, knowing that my presence won’t be welcome in the capital for some time. Much
water has to flow under the bridge before I can return. Maybe it’s better to put distance between us.
“Tomorrow.”
That’s so soon. Once she’s gone I’ll no longer have a chance to correct her assumption that I’d deceived her.
Then the intonation in his voice breaks through the fog in my mind, and I look at him expectantly, realising he has more to say.
His eyes meet mine. “You took her virginity.” My brow creases as I wait for censor again, noting he seems resigned rather than upset. He lifts his hands. “We all thought she was no longer pure, so I know you didn’t expect to find her that way. That doesn’t change the fact that you took it. She believes that was all part of your plan.”
She thinks I defiled her on purpose? Fuck, how did this become such a mess? I struggle for the words, then admit to my long-time friend, “I love her, Nijad. I think I’ve loved her forever. Yes, for my plan to work I had to be the one she trusted and turned to, though that was only an excuse. I’d have taken any chance to bed her and make her mine.” Uncomfortable with his eyes on me after my admission, I turn away, walking to the windows. “There will never be another woman for me if I can’t have her.”
“You think I don’t know that? I’ve seen the way you’ve always looked at her. And Rais, my friend, I couldn’t wish for a better man for her.”
What?
It’s the last thing I expected him to say. I’d been anticipating him asking me to step away so she could marry someone more suitable. I close my eyes in relief, then go to face him, sinking down on the couch opposite, grimacing as my balls still throb with any sharp movement.
Nijad notices and smirks. Then grows serious. “She says you didn’t use a condom.”
I sit forwards, trying to ease the pressure and the ache. Aiza seems to have told him everything. I admit it. “That last time, I didn’t. I always intended to wait until we—she—was ready. When we got to the valley, I wasn’t prepared. I got carried away.”
Hard Choices (Blood Brothers #6) Page 34