I’ve known Tanner my whole life, and I’ve probably loved him the same amount of time. Although, I didn’t admit it to myself until middle school when the bottle stopped spinning on Gretchen Hinkle, and I witnessed those soft lips I’d craved cover her disgusting overly pink glossed ones. My heart was crushed when I saw her snake her tongue into his mouth, but even worse was witnessing him welcome it with his hot and horny pubescent one. When Parker Nichols’s turn came up and his spin landed on me for the second time, I tried to make Tanner jealous. Unfortunately, when I attempted to jolt a full-blown make-out session, Parker wasn’t interested. Always being known to be the prudent and shiest guy in Kendall Middle School, Parker didn’t welcome my slutty advances. When I turned around to go back to my spot in the circle, I hid the smile pulling at the corners of my lips. Tanner’s unwavering emerald eyes were glued on mine, and his chest heaved with every breath. That was when I knew, I wasn’t just his best friend’s twin sister anymore.
Finally, what seems like a lifetime later, I’m pulled from my thoughts when Tanner opens the door. I reflexively lick my lips, admiring his bare chest and faded jeans hanging off his hips. Those appraising eyes peer down at me with an insidious grin splashed across his face.
“What are you waiting for? For someone to see you?” He laughs.
As his hand passes the threshold of the door, my nerves zing from only the anticipation of his touch. Those tingles quickly morph into shocks when his fingers entwine with mine, and he forcefully yanks my body into his.
My palms land on his chiseled chest, and my face gingerly looks up to him as he holds me in his arms. My safety and happiness shouldn’t be wrapped up in Tanner McCain, the sweet next-door neighbor who’s turned bad boy over the years. Ever since we started college, a live-on-the-edge and deal-with-consequences-later persona burst from his seams until it was all he encompassed—a guy who drove fast, drank hard, and bore a confident swagger, making every girl want to throw their panties at him.
“What on earth is up with you?” He backs us up into the small two-bedroom apartment he shares with my brother.
Every nerve becomes aware of his presence once the click of the door signals it has shut behind us. Excitement and anxiety fills every void in me because, for the next hour, all of his attention is directed on me—at least until my brother returns. Then, we’ll be forced to revert back to the roles we’ve fulfilled since grade school—the one where we act similar to brother and sister rather than two horny teenagers ready to pounce on the other at every turn.
“Let’s go to your room.” I inch up on my toes and nip at his bottom lip.
The palms of his hands slide to my ass, and his trained muscles lift me up with ease. I wrap my legs around his stomach and then gasp.
“Shit, Tanner. I forgot. Your back.”
I unlock my ankles, but he holds me firm.
“It’s been two weeks. I’m good. Maybe not for a hundred-meter butterfly but enough to get you to the finish line.”
He chuckles his usual deep throat laugh, and I smile against his lips.
“Will you be back—”
“Piper, the last thing I want to talk about right now is swimming,” he cuts me off just like he has during the last two weeks.
“Then, let’s not waste any more time. Whisk me away to your bedroom, stud,” I joke.
He laughs again before his smile falters. “I’m thinking I don’t want to hide out anymore,” he admits.
My stomach plummets like an elevator dropping ten floors in a second, and I suck in a sharp breath.
“What? No, no, no,” I ramble.
He lowers me before pressing his finger lightly against my lips, effectively silencing me.
“Piper, I’m done. Brad will understand.”
He begins his argument of wanting to out us to my brother, but I shake my head and retreat to the safe confines of his room.
His bare feet stomp on the wooden floors behind me, and when I turn around, he leaves the door open. I shake my head, and hammer across the floor to shut it, flicking the lock over just to have double protection on the off chance that Brad comes home.
“Okay, what do we really gain from telling him?” I diplomatically ask. The thought of not giving myself a mini-heart attack is nice.
He shakes his head, bearing the smirk that brings out the naughty side of me. “For starters, I can take you on a real date.”
The crooked grin erupts on his face, and my willpower fades instantly.
“There’s nothing wrong with our dates,” I counter, stifling my giggles because of the antics we’ve done to not get caught over the past few weeks.
“Piper, come on. Secretly holding your hand under a table when we’re out or holing you up in my room when Brad’s on a date are not the ways I want this to be. I’m done with it, and you should be, too.”
“I should? Why exactly?” My hands land on my hips, and I jut one out for dramatic effect.
“Because.” His voice is low and sultry as he slowly steps toward me, already knowing he turned me.
Taking my hands in his, he brings them up in the air and links our fingers. My heart thumps hard in my chest, and my body zings from his nearness.
“I want everyone to know that you’re my girlfriend. I want to treat you the way you deserve. I don’t want to hide you out like a damn whore I’m ashamed of.”
His tone is so calm that I know there’s no way I can fight him on this issue. I’ve waited too long for this admission and damn my brother if he doesn’t understand it.
“Okay, let’s tell him,” I whisper.
I’m still unsure if my decision is a good one, but Tanner’s eagerness assures me that it is. A slow smile slides across his face as he begins backing me up to the bed. When my knees hit the edge of his queen-sized bed, he grabs me by my hips, his hands molding around my curves as though they were meant for my body.
“No more talking.” His green irises glimmer at the expectation of what we should be doing in the fleeting moments we’ve stolen.
“No more talking,” I confirm. My hands glide down his sculpted shoulders and biceps. I suck in a breath as my hands memorize every smooth and rigid line of his lean body. Pretty soon, I’ll have each contour of his swimmer’s body memorized.
His head dips down while I wait breathlessly for his lips to claim mine in the dance we’ve perfected over the past few weeks. His sweet breath fans across my face, and just as his lips brush against mine, the apartment door slams shut, rattling Tanner’s door in the process. I leap out of his arms, and my hand flies to my mouth, nervously biting my fingernails.
Unless Brad gave his key to someone else . . . our secret’s about to come out.
“Shit,” I mumble.
A cool Tanner sidesteps and places his hand on my wrist, pulling my fingers out of my mouth.
“Come on,” he says, tugging on my arm.
But I’m frozen in place. My feet stay planted on the floor as I shake my head.
“No way,” I whisper, the confidence I sported only moments ago quickly disappearing. A loud thud lands against the door, and I jump again.
“Tanner!” Brad yells.
I flinch from the anger in his voice. Something is wrong. I search out the glowing blue lights from Tanner’s clock by the bed.
“Why is he back?” I whisper, troubled about why he’s here. “Practice goes for at least another forty-five minutes.”
“Tan, come on, man. I need to talk to you,” Brad pleads, his voice sounding panicky and scared.
“Go. Go.” I push Tanner toward the door, intent on staying in the far corner. “Sneak through the door, and I’ll hide.”
“Just come with me.” Tanner’s so calm that it’s eerie.
I throw my hand over his mouth and shake my head. He bites the flesh of my finger, and I snap it from his mouth.
“Ouch,” I hiss, shaking my hand in the air.
“First of all, it doesn’t matter if he hears my voice. Second of all, let’s
just tell him now.” His eyes widen, signaling I’m being stupid and he’s done with the secret relationship.
“I will but not now. Something’s not right. His voice . . .” I whisper as close to him as possible, trying not to inhale the scent of his body wash that I love so much.
“Fine, fine. I’m going to go talk to him, and then you’re coming out. Got it?”
He smacks my ass, and I jump, landing right in his arms.
He bends down, and his soft lips land on mine. My brother is slamming every cabinet in the kitchen, but it doesn’t matter. I’m still able to lose myself in Tanner. He gently licks my lips, parting my mouth open for his taking. His hands grab my hips and yanks me closer. Melting in his arms, Tanner’s safety is something I’ve always found. His tongue tangles with mine, and I moan into his mouth. Unable to keep our lust at bay, Tanner backs me up against the wall, pinning me with hips. His strong hands cup my face, tilting my head to the side, so he can devour me. His controlling and demanding mechanisms, when it comes to me, spreads a fire through my body.
I forget that my brother is outside the confines of this small room, allowing Tanner to hijack my every nerve.
Then, he pushes away, keeping his hands cupped on my cheeks. “Stay here, and I’ll be back in two minutes.” He winks, and one side of his lips curve up into a seductive smile.
“Hurry.” I take a deep breath and fall back to the wall. My stomach drops as I watch him walk out the door, sliding through the small opening.
Rushing to the door, I try to eavesdrop, but since they are in the kitchen, it’s hard for me to hear. Brad yells, and I can tell Tanner is trying to calm him, but I can’t make out what they are saying.
Giving up after a few minutes, I resort to sitting on the bed, cross-legged, fiddling with my phone. I glance at Tanner’s phone on the nightstand, and the urge to grab it is strong. A small part of me wants to make sure he really is faithful to me before I put my relationship with my brother on the line. Tanner McCain never had a problem getting girls at any point in his life. Shaking my head, I disperse the absurd thought from my mind. That’s no way to launch our new relationship.
Then, I glance to his corkboard hanging on his wall, and warmth radiates in my heart. A picture of the three of us on vacation when we were freshmen in high school is pinned next to his latest swimming medal dangling from the edge. In the picture, Tanner and Brad are resting in their rafts by the McCains’ lake house while I am floating on a raft a few feet away, oblivious to a camera taking a picture. I’m leaning back as I worship the sun in my black bikini, Brad is doing some sort of silly sign to the camera, and Tanner’s eyes are locked on me. Then, I remember that summer and Dylan, Tanner’s younger brother, being so fascinated with photography. The whole vacation, he had a camera in front of his face.
I miss that kid. I should talk to Tanner about making a trip up to visit Dylan at school. After he graduated and decided to attend NYU, the McCains were happy and sad all mixed together. Their youngest being so many miles away was hard on them. They made extra trips up here that year.
I’m surprised I’ve been in this room so many times and never noticed this picture. Maybe it’s because I’m usually on my back or facing his headboard.
I scramble back to the corner when I hear their voices coming down the hall.
“You got someone in there?” Brad casually asks.
I’m amazed at how Tanner can always calm him down.
“Um . . . yeah,” Tanner stutters.
I huff because I need my hotheaded brother in a drunken stupor before divulging that I’m banging his best friend.
“Shit, man. Sorry to take you away from a hot piece of ass.”
If he only knew who the hot ass was . . .
“I’m going to take a nap. I’ll put my earbuds in,” Brad snickers.
My face flushes.
“We’ll go over stuff in a little bit.” Tanner’s voice is quiet.
I’m curious about what stuff they need to go over.
A second later, Tanner slips through the door, and I slide out of the corner when he shuts it. He’s no longer the easygoing, fun-induced Tanner who stepped out fifteen minutes ago. Now, his nostrils are flaring, and his fists are clenching, but when his eyes meet mine, his body relaxes. Automatic suspicions of what I missed run through my brain like a ticker on the news channel.
“What is it?” I run over to him, and he leads me to the bed.
He head shakes, making my stomach churn with the bad thoughts of why my brother is home so early from practice. If anything, he usually stays later to gain an edge on his competition. With Tanner unable to race for at least the next month, Brad is their team’s only hope.
A heavy breath releases from his lips, and he turns my way before taking my hands. My body is on high alert. I know that whatever he’s about to tell me will change things between us . . . immediately.
I SHUFFLE BACK AND FORTH from my dresser to my suitcase. It’s been two weeks since I walked out of Tanner’s room. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I empty my drawers and all the belongings I’ve accumulated in the past four years.
I miss him. I miss us.
Pushing my heart away, I rationalize that he’s not the person I thought he was. He’s not someone for my future. He’s now my past. After a soft knock on my door, I wipe the wetness with my thumbs and take a deep breath. Double-checking my face in the mirror behind my door, I open it.
Wendi is standing on the other side, her glasses low on her nose and her dark hair pulled back into a ponytail. The book in her hand is open with a highlighter in the middle, signaling she was studying. I finished my finals yesterday, but she still has two more. That’s why I have every intention of spending tonight at Bea’s.
She limply holds a white envelope in her hand out to me. “This just came for you.”
“From who?” I ask.
“Who do you think?”
“I’m sorry, Wendi. I told him to stop two days ago.”
“It wasn’t him. It was Matt,” she reveals.
Matt is one of Tanner’s teammates.
“Oh.” I take the envelope from her hand. It’s light, and I notice Tanner’s chicken-scratch handwriting scribbled on the outside. “Thanks, Wendi.”
“Sure.” Her eyes soften for the first time in a while. Our one year roommate relationship has been hot and cold lately. “I’m sorry, Piper.”
Her lips straighten, and I see her sympathy for me. She’s been great at lying to Tanner these past two weeks, always telling him I wasn’t home even if I was hidden in my bedroom.
“Thanks. Sometimes, things don’t work out, but thank you, Wendi.” I mean it, too.
We were closer friends before we moved in together. It’s nice our roommate situation might end on a nice note, other than the constant passive-aggressiveness over the past few months.
She nods and then turns around, walking back into the living room. After shutting my door, I sit on the edge of my bed. Flashes of Tanner in front of me and me undressing him run through my mind. Staring down at the letter, it sinks in my hands as though it weighs twenty pounds. My finger rests along the seam, and I tear my finger through the barrier. After taking the letter out of the envelope, I inhale a deep breath while slowly unfolding the paper.
Piper,
I don’t blame you for not talking to me, and I’m hoping you’re reading this letter. It’s my last attempt to get you to listen to me. When you read this, I’ll be on a plane to Colorado already. I’m not going to try to get you to understand anymore. I’ve made my bed.
There are a few things I wanted you to know though. I love you, Piper. Regardless of my actions, it’s the truth. You’re the girl for me, and I doubt a carbon copy of you is out there somewhere. I’m praying, with more time, you’ll forgive me and call me, but your silence these past weeks have proven that I might have hurt you beyond repair.
It’s the first time in my life that I don’t want to swim. I want to sit outside your apartme
nt and wait for you to come back to me. But if I can’t have you, swimming will be the next best thing to fulfill my life.
Just know, you’ll always hold my heart.
Love,
Tanner
The letter floats to the ground, and my head drops into my hands. My throat constricts, and tears build to capacity before shedding down my cheeks. I wish I could go to him and take him back. But what kind of future can I have when, after only a month, he lied to me, deceived me, and made me believe he was someone he wasn’t? Standing up, I walk over to my suitcase. It’s time I move on, time I get on with my life, without Tanner McCain.
ten
Two Years Later
LOCKING MYSELF IN MY CHILDHOOD room, I pile my chestnut hair and pull them into a tight ponytail. The summer humidity of Michigan is stifling, and leaving my hair down is not an option. After a swipe of mascara and a little eyeliner, I look in the mirror, long and hard.
This is the day I’ve been dreading. I have no idea how my body will react to him. It’s been two years since I walked out of his bedroom with a shattered heart. Taking a deep breath, I will those repeated pep talks to take root.
From the day my brother called to tell me he proposed, I’ve feared this day. It was easy to be indifferent to Tanner before our month fling. Should I even refer to it as a fling? Probably not. I doubt my heart would have broken if all he meant to me were a few times rolling around in the sheets.
And that leaves me here, standing in front of my mirror, with perfect makeup, a new dress, and lungs that barely fill with air. The noises float up from the patio outside. Brad’s friends are having fun and razzing each other. Without seeming too interested in Tanner, the only information I have is, he flies in tonight, and he will be staying at his parents’ house. They are thrilled because he hasn’t been home in two years. He’s remained in Colorado this whole time, training for next year’s Olympics. His parents and Brad have gone out to visit him, but I’ve kept my distance. Plus, it’s not as though he’s tried hard to reach me.
Love Surfaced Page 10