A red spot appeared on Nurse’s cheek, and – could she be actually smiling? She fanned her face, and … Yes! She was smiling.
* * *
I sat in the study, watching mother’s quill travel down the column of figures. I felt pleasantly tired. I’d spent the afternoon in the training ground, and defeated four guards at once, quite my old style. So now I sat sideways in a high-backed leather chair, swinging my legs contentedly and watching the distant sun set into the sea.
“When you arrived, you were skin and bones. You’re looking much more healthy now,” she said.
“You mean I’m fatter?”
“Healthier,” she said firmly. “Oh. I forgot to tell you; Rosa wants to see you.”
I stopped swinging my legs. “Rosa? Why?”
“I don’t know.” There was a knock at the door. Mother set down her pen “Come in.” She glanced at me. “You can ask her yourself.”
One of the tower guards entered the room. “Greg, isn’t it?” Mother asked.
He saluted. “Majesty.”
Mother stubbed the nib against the blotter. “Lovely to see you again. How are you?”
“Very well, your Majesty, thank you. I’ve come for the Princess. If you don’t mind.”
“Do you know …” Mother considered the spreading puddle of ink, “I rather thought you had.” She picked up the blotter, and waved it at me. “What do you think this looks like?”
I squinted at it. “I don’t know? A dragon?”
“Yes,” she sighed. “That’s what I thought. All right, Dana, you had better go.”
“What does Rosa want?” I asked Greg, as we crossed the courtyard.
“You’ll have to ask her, Miss.” He looked at me, up and down. Then he smiled. “You’re looking well, Miss. When is your baby due?”
Baby? What baby? Then all at once I realized what he was saying: that I, Dana, was pregnant! I glared at him. How dare he! Then, in a rush, I realized:
My clothes were getting tight.
I felt sick in the morning.
And, most tellingly: I had not had my monthly courses. (In truth, my monthly bleeding had been haphazard and erratic since I’d left the kingdom. Too much rough living and hard exercise. At the time I’d been grateful for its absence. Now, though, I wished it had returned.)
Greg was still smiling at me. But suddenly, I found it hard to breathe. The world began to spin. Then, quite suddenly, everything went black.
I woke to panicked shouting, and Greg shaking me. “Lady, lady! Reg! Reg! Help!”
Footsteps thudded on the cobbles and I heard Reg calling. “What have you done? She’s not moving.”
“Nothing! I did nothing. She just upped and fell.”
“You must have done something. Princesses don’t just fall for no reason.”
“This one did,” Greg said.
A pause. “The Guardian!” Reg said. “She’ll know what to do.”
“We’d better carry her.” Greg scooped me up and threw me over one shoulder, as if he was the collier carrying coal.
“Careful!” Reg called, opening the door to the guard’s room. “Put her down on this bench.”
Greg set me down on a hard surface. “Lady, lady!”
With a groan, I opened my eyes.
“Are you all right?” Reg helped me to sit up. I was on a settle in the guard’s room at the base of the tower. Through the open door I could see the dark walls of the inner keep and the sunset-orange sky.
“Lady?” Greg sounded worried.
“I’m fine.”
“But Miss, your head. You’re bleeding.”
I patted my hair. My fingers came away bloody. “Nonsense,” I said absently, “it’s just a scr–” Suddenly, I remembered what they’d said, that had caused me to faint and hit my head.
“What’s she doing here? Is that blood?” said an angry male voice, and I felt, rather than saw, the guards snap to attention.
I tugged on Greg’s arm. “A baby! That’s what you said, isn’t it? That I’m having a baby?”
“Congratulations,” said the ferryman. The setting sun fell on his face, so one half seemed lit and the other was shadowed. I thought of foam on the water, and firelight on the sea, and a man with the ferryman’s face pouring marshwater over his head, and swallowing it into him. A girl running, and a city burning, and the globe of glass.
“I saw you,” I whispered. “In my dreams.”
He smiled. “Did you, my dear? How gratifying. But now it is time to wake. You there, you two. Help her to her room.”
Reg looked at Greg. “Who, us?”
“Of course I mean you, fool! You think I was talking to the furniture?”
“But, the Guardian …” Greg said.
“Rosa is not strong,” said the ferryman. “And neither, thanks to you two, is this girl.”
“We didn’t mean to upset her.”
“Then you’d have done better to keep your mouths shut,” the ferryman said grimly. “Go! Escort the lady to her room. Explain to her nurse what happened. Then return here.”
“Very good, sir,” said Greg.
“All right, Miss?” Reg said gently. “Are you up to walking?”
“I can walk,” I said, although I still felt woozy. “Am I really here?” I asked the ferryman. “Or am I still in a dream?”
His dark eyes gleamed. “Who can tell, Princess? Who can tell?”
They helped me across the courtyard, into my tower and insisted on half-carrying me up the stairs.
“You need to rest,” Reg said, when I protested.
“Aye.” Nurse stood at the top of the stairs, glowering. “That you do. In here, gentlemen, if you please?” She ushered them inside my chamber and they settled me in a chair. Nurse glared at me. “Small wonder you feel poorly! All this foolishness. And now you’ve gone and hit your head! Some people have no sense at all! Into bed you go.” She glanced at the guards. “And you! What are you looking at?”
“Ain’t never been up here before,” rumbled Reg. “Thought it would be different and all.” He sounded disappointed.
“You thought it would be cleaner, I imagine,” said Nurse tartly. “Lady here ain’t one for tidying, are you missy?” She shook her head at me. “What are you still doing upright? Come on! Into bed with you.”
“I’m not a child!”
“Then you should stop acting like one. Falling over? Hitting your head? At your age?”
“Not tidier,” Reg said. “I dunno. Newer, I suppose. Fancier, maybe.” Again, the disappointment. “Come on, Greg.” The guards backed from the room.
“Good bye. Thank you,” I called feebly.
“Wait a minute,” Nurse called. “I want a word with you.” She glared at me. “Into bed!”
Obediently, I clambered between the sheets. There was a hot brick there, and the sheets were warm, the mattress soft. I sighed with pleasure at this luxury. Never again would I take such things for granted.
Perhaps this had all been a dream. Perhaps when I woke everything would be normal.
Outside my room, Nurse was talking low. This was the tone she used when she didn’t want me to overhear. So of course, I strained to listen. “How is she going?”
Was she talking about me?
“Fair to middling,” Reg said.
“Some days, not so good,” Greg added. “Swear ’twill be her last breath. Then she perks up, is as right as rain, and acts like there’s nothing wrong.”
“Aye, she always was stubborn,” Nurse muttered. “Even as a girl.”
Not me. Rosa.
“They have to be, I reckon,” Reg rumbled.
“True,” Nurse said.
“Will your lady be ready for it, when the time comes?” And I knew they spoke of me.
“She’ll be ready,” said Nurse. “She’s strong, she is. And determined.” I heard the smile and the pride in her voice, and this warmed me more than the heated brick.
“We thought –” Reg stopped.
�
��Thought what? Come on, boy. Spit it out.”
“Well, Greg and me that is …” He sounded strangely hesitant. “We thought … that is, we worried.”
“Worried? What about?”
“With the baby and all,” he said quickly. “Time might not be right.”
“Baby? What baby?” Nurse’s voice was shrill.
Oh no!
There was a long, ominous pause.
“We thought you knew,” Reg said, finally. “You being the closest to the Princess and all.”
“A baby! You mean …” She was panting now.
“It’s all right, missus,” Reg rumbled. “It will be okay.”
“You do a grand job, missus,” Greg said anxiously.
“Do I?” She sniffed. “Do any of us?”
“Well,” Reg said, “we do.”
“You,” Nurse said sharply, “can go.”
She pushed my door open. I resisted the urge to climb out the window, or to hide under the bed. Instead, like a coward, I closed my eyes. I’m asleep, I thought. Go away! I felt her staring down at me, but I lay as still as I could and kept my eyes tight shut until finally, with a sigh, Nurse left. And then I think I fell asleep.
Fortunately, this time I did not dream.
* * *
I woke late next morning. Sun, streaming through the lead-light windows made rainbows on the ceiling. What had happened last night? There had been the guards, and the ferryman, and … Something else. Something about a baby … Memory flooded back. A baby! They said I was having a baby. I ran a hand across my belly. It seemed no different. Certainly, save for my corset becoming tighter and a certain sickness in the morning, I felt no different. How far into a pregnancy did you have to be before your belly grew?
Nurse, carrying a tray, pushed the door open. “Awake, are we?”
Anyway, Reg and Greg were men. How would they know?
“Thank you.”
Nurse glared at me. “And here was I, thinking you were getting over your trip. Skin and bone, so you were. Thought it would do you a mite of good to get more flesh on. They do say there’s no fool like an old fool.” She deposited the tray on my lap. “Turns out, I’m the fool. Come on. Eat up. Nice nourishing porridge.”
I shook the bowl; the contents wobbled. I swallowed. The porridge was gray, the color of old wood. “I hate porridge.”
“Well, hark to you, with your airs and graces. You’ll eat that up, and be grateful, my girl.” She dropped onto the edge of the bed. “Dana, Lady, why did you not say?” She sounded near to tears.
I stared down at the bowl. Now I really felt sick. “Oh.” I poked a spoon into the thick porridge. It left a depression that slowly filled with milk.
She put a hand on mine. “Lady?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry! You’re sorry? All these years, I’ve cared for you, like you were my own. And now, at such a time, you didn’t think to tell me!”
I plucked at the eiderdown. “I didn’t know. Really. I only just realized …” I looked up at Nurse, at her kind, wrinkled face, and saw the worry in her eyes. Not just anger. She was concerned, and fearful and … something else.
“You think I’m a slut.”
Her gaze fell from mine.
“You’re ashamed of me.”
“Not ashamed. No.”
“Then what?”
“Disappointed.”
Strangely, this seemed worse. “I didn’t choose this. I didn’t choose any of this!”
“Should have thought about that,” she said angrily, “before you spread your legs.”
I curled my fingers around the bowl, and damn near threw it at her.
“Aye.” She smiled dryly, and suddenly looked older and crueler. “The truth has an ugly ring, does it not?”
“Get out,” I said. “Get out! And,” I heaved the tray off the bed, set it on the ground, “take this bloody porridge with you!”
“What will you say to your mother?” she asked. “Have you thought about that, eh?”
“My mother can go to hell. And so can you!”
I clambered from the bed. And now I was taller than her, yes, and stronger too.
Her eyes fell from mine. “Aye, well, Princess. We’ll see about that when the time comes.” Taking the tray, she left the room.
* * *
I scrambled into my hose and jerkin, tied back my hair and headed out. She is not strong, the ferryman had said. I needed to see Rosa.
As always, the inner keep was empty. A cold wind gusted around the walls as far above, black crows circled. As I gazed at the tower, I saw a line of white fire, deep within its stones, and I realized: this tower, no, the entire castle had been built as a structure to sift and channel power.
Stunned, I pressed my hand to the stones. They seemed to vibrate against my fingers. There are moments in one’s life when one sees things clearly. Not as one thinks things should be, but how they are. When one looks properly, it is amazing what one sees. Quite abruptly, I felt a flicker within the walls. A wooden door appeared. On either side of the door were the tower guards, alert and ready. How old were these men? How many years had they stood beside this tower?
Greg opened the door. “Princess. Welcome.”
I stepped into the tower. With a snap the power surged and the shock of it picked me up, whirling me up, up, up. Outside, crows called. I thought I heard a woman’s voice calling. Then a hand grabbed mine. And panting, I stood in the topmost room of the tower. My ears rang and I felt limp, exhausted. The hand I held quivered, as though the owner wanted it back, so I let it go.
“You know,” I said to Rosa, “it would be a lot easier if you had a bell.”
She laughed and, opening her arms, hugged me tightly.
* * *
Later, we sat by the window. Rosa set out small treats of dried bread on the sill, but the crows declined to come near. “They’re suspicious of you.”
I thought of my long flight through the clouds. I wondered what form I had taken, and realized why the birds were reluctant to approach. “That’s all right.”
Rosa seemed pale, and so thin that a strong wind might blow her away.
“I wish you had come to see me earlier,” she said. “There is much I want to know. N’Tombe? How goes it with her? I thought, I hoped, she would return with you.”
My tutor and the Guardian had always been close. Of course Rosa would miss N’Tombe; of course she would worry. I wanted to kick myself. “No. I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier. N’tombe went home. Her aunt was alone, and … she said something about soldiers.” Rosa’s face was pale as a mask. “If she hadn’t had family, she would have stayed.” For a moment I thought I saw tears in her eyes.
“There you are.” Rosa glanced over my shoulder at the doorway and the moment vanished.
The ferryman, dark-haired, dark-browed, stood behind me.
Rosa squeezed my hand. “I wish you had come earlier. Then I might have been able to prepare you. But now …”
“It’s too late.” The ferryman held out his hand to me. “We must go.”
I kissed her gently on the cheek. “I’ll come back later. And tell you everything.”
When she smiled I could see how much the effort cost her. “You promise?”
The man jerked his head at me, come, and obediently I followed him from the room. The last thing I saw was the crows alighting at the window, like old friends. Then the tower seemed to spin like a giant top. I felt a flash of dizziness that quickly passed and together we stepped into cool night air. The courtyard was empty and the night breeze blew cool.
“What did you do that for? Kiss her?” the ferryman asked.
“She was lonely.”
“We’re all lonely. She has to get used to it.” He ushered me through the gates and into the outer keep. The moon was high; there was no sound. Together, we walked across the cobbles, toward the low rectangle of the kitchens.
“I saw you in a dream,” I said suddenly. “You were
in a marsh. The sky was on fire. People ran from the flames.” I remembered the panicked villagers. “It was long ago.”
The ferryman set his hand to the door, pushed, then made a face. “Locked.” He murmured a few words. The lock clicked and the door swung open and back, forward and back. It swung this way, Will had told me, to allow tray-carrying servants easy access. Oh yes, Will had told me a great deal about the kitchens.
“It was a very long time ago.” The ferryman’s voice jolted me back to the present. “Go on. What else do you remember?”
Fires glowed in the roasting pits and the faint scent of herbs and cooked meat hung in the air. We sidled past the preparation tables, the wooden table where the herbs were chopped (the smell was stronger here) and the marble-topped pastry-chef’s table. The stone was cold to the touch, and its marble gleamed in the dim light. This table was where, Will had told me, the pastry-makers worked.
“Naught like marble for the preparation of pastries,” Will had said seriously. He’d been offended when I’d laughed. I wished I hadn’t mocked him. I wished he were here beside me. Will always gave me courage.
“You poured water over yourself,” I said as we entered the door to the wine cellars. “Sir, why?”
Fire on the water, foam on the sea.
Flaming torches, set in iron brackets, flickered as we passed. I tried to appear calm, uncaring, but inside I was anything but.
We progressed in silence, until I forgot there was anyone with me. I felt as though I walked alone, into the darkness until suddenly the ferryman said: “I saw foam on the water, and it called to me. That is why I poured the water over my head. Because it called to me. It knew my name.” He smiled. To see a smile, in that place felt almost terrifying. “I swallowed it into myself. And I became …”
We reached the end of the torches. Beyond, the corridor stretched into darkness. The air was cold and damp. The ferryman picked up an unlit torch from the floor, set the tip against the last torch. Light flared, glowing against the black darkness of the long, empty corridor.
He glanced at me, eyes bright and amused. “Second thoughts, girl?”
“Sir.” I thought of the Kamaye, of their darkness reaching toward me; I had fought their evil and prevailed. I straightened my spine. I will not fear. “I will follow you.”
The SoulNecklace Stories Page 70