by Nichols, TJ
The sky was turning gray, and he was fighting not to yawn. The mages were standing up and stretching, the official part was over. Many would leave now to trek down the mountain, but some would stay to see the wizards get their mages. Some mages wondered if teaching humans would be successful.
Saka put his hand on his leg. “I will miss you while you are gone.”
Angus put his hand over Saka’s. “I’ll miss you too.” There was more that he wanted to say, but here wasn’t place. “I have made another decision.”
Saka’s eyes widened.
“I don’t belong up here with the mages. When I come back, I will be a trainee like the others.” That would take the pressure off him, so he didn’t feel the need to not screw up and make Saka look bad.
“No one here would make you leave.”
“But some would be thinking it.” He’d rather not have people eagerly waiting for him to prove himself unworthy.
“They wouldn’t say it. Your participation in raising the rivers guaranteed that.”
Angus nodded. “I know. That was the best choice I could make at the time. I don’t regret it, but I don’t think I was ready either. You know that.”
Saka glanced down and didn’t say anything.
“I don’t blame you.” He didn’t want Saka thinking that he was failing as a teacher. “I would make the same choice again. How do I back down without causing offense or trouble for you?”
“Are you sure that is what you want? Because the next time you come up here, it would have to be for initiation.”
Angus had thought about that too, particularly after watching tonight’s failure. “Yes.”
Saka nodded. “I understand your reasons. I would rather you be happy than stressed.”
Angus leaned over and embraced him. “I will try not to be jealous when you come up here for rituals.”
“And I when you are across the void.” Saka kissed him. “You will need to stand and declare your intention. We will vote in your absence as would be correct. You wouldn’t be the first mage to want to step down.”
“I’m not a mage.” He would always be a warlock.
“You are where it counts.” Saka touched Angus’s chest.
For a heartbeat Angus wanted Saka to talk him out of it, but he didn’t. Saka knew that he was undertrained. That he hadn’t been ready for the role that had been thrust at him.
Saka stood and tugged Angus up. “You will have to pick a specialty of course.”
“I already have.” He smiled. He also knew that if he was going to be properly trained as a mage he would have to learn to kill and cut even if he didn’t want to use those skills. In the underground he might need to kill to survive.
Saka led him over to a knot of mages. There were a few nods of acknowledgment. Angus told them that he was going home for a day and night and would come back as a trainee where he belonged. That got bows for him and Saka. Claims of rare wisdom for a human. That they would visit him at his tribe if they needed to speak with him. That they would miss him on the night of the final ritual.
Of course they would. A willing warlock could rebalance a whole lot of energy when aroused. Angus blushed, and Saka put his arm around Angus’s shoulder in a casual display of ownership. No one would be getting near him without Saka’s permission, and Saka didn’t volunteer him for the ritual.
Maybe next year. There would come a time when he’d have to be ready to practice. How did apprentices practice for that kind of thing? Mages must do smaller rituals all the time.
As Saka had said, the mages would vote that night.
When the void opened in front of Guda, Angus didn’t know if his eyes were prickling with tears at leaving Demonside or because he was going home, knowing that his father had tried to kill him and had very nearly been successful.
The ten mages that had volunteered stepped up. They stood still as they waited.
Guda beckoned him forward.
Angus released Saka’s hand and approached.
“I look forward to your return,” she said.
Angus nodded. He took a final glance at Saka and then crossed the void.
In a large room, there were the ten underground wizards, including Jim and Lizzie.
There were several masked people too. College Warlocks who were part of the underground? He was sure one would be Ellis.
“Hi.” Angus smiled.
The wizards gave him nervous smiles.
“The mages are ready.”
The wizards were still staring at him. They’d volunteered for this, and yet they still looked anxious.
“Angus, we’re glad you’re alive. We’ll talk later. You know the mages who have volunteered?” one of the masked warlocks said.
He nodded. He had spoken at length with them while the other mages had listened, often asking their own questions. Others were now interested in the process, but this was a trial.
“When you are ready, cross the void. We will open it for you in six days,” another masked warlock said to the waiting wizards.
The young wizards were putting their faith in that promise. They were all hoping to live. Angus had always gone to Demonside expecting to die. That he was still alive was a pleasant surprise.
One by one the wizards stepped across. Angus would join them in the morning—as a trainee and not on Lifeblood. The void closed. Angus hoped the trainees knew what they were getting into. It wasn’t like going to college. It wasn’t like anything he’d ever done before.
Then it was just Angus and the masked warlocks. There was a shift of attention, a sharpening of intent. Maybe he should’ve stayed in Demonside.
“You look well.”
He’d been getting less burned and more brown, although that could be his freckles joining. He was dressed in demon-style pants and shirt with bare feet. The room was chilly. “I am well. I needed to come back. What is the maximum time that it is safe to stay across the void?”
A woman shrugged. “There is no firm data. We’re hoping to determine that over this yearlong trial.”
“Your father knows you are alive,” said another warlock.
“The mages know that there is a spy among them.” They knew who it was too. The demon had offered to die, but that was vetoed. It was better to know. “My father won’t know that I’m here. I want to see my mother before I go back. I want to continue my training over there.”
“Guda has said that is what they would like too. You have left an impression.”
His cheeks burned. He hoped Guda had left out the naked bits.
One of the warlocks nodded. “You can see your mother.”
He hadn’t been asking for permission.
“You should know that your name and picture have been issued to the police. You are a rogue warlock, in league with demons.”
“I expected that.” But it still hurt far more than any of the cuts Saka had made on his skin. It meant that seeing his mother would be that much more dangerous.
There was a pause before the woman who seemed to be in charge spoke. “To prove your commitment to the underground, we would like you to banish your father.”
Angus blinked. Demonside had taught him to keep his mouth closed until he’d figured out what to say. “The college will retrieve him.”
“Will they? Or will he be killed on the spot?”
When the mages knew who he was, they’d question him and let his blood coat the bloodstone. They would use fear to rebalance the magic that he had stolen. They could learn the names of those who were corrupting magic. But could he send his father to his death?
“He’s still my father.”
“Who sent you to die without a backward glance. Who, on learning that you survived, turned your name over to the police.”
Angus stared at the floor. That was true. Why should he protect his father?
What if the killing of demons went higher than his father? Maybe it was a department of defense project. How would they ever stop that if it was government sanct
ioned?
One step at a time, that was how. Making sure that magic was rebalanced. Training others, supporting the underground.
“Your father went after your associates when he learned you were alive.” The speaker motioned to another masked figure by the door. Someone was let in.
Terrance. He’d obviously been beaten. Angus was halfway across the room before he stopped to think that maybe Terrance didn’t want to see him because he was the cause of the problem. He shouldn’t have worried.
Terrance put his arms around him. “I’m so glad you’re alive. That bastard. He’s going to pay.”
“What happened to you?”
“He and a couple of friends wanted to know what we’d been doing. I told them that we were either studying or fucking. It was almost the truth. I don’t think he believed me, but there wasn’t much else he could do. My demon can’t talk so that got them nowhere.” His lips turned down. “They killed Aqua.”
“I’m sorry.” She might have been a scarlips, but she’d been friendly and she’d been Terrance’s demon for three years. They’d had a connection.
“They saw the cuts I made to feed her, and I got kicked out of college.”
“This is my fault….” Angus stopped. It wasn’t his fault. “This is my father’s doing.” He frowned and drew back. Someone had healed Terrance, but there were still small cuts and bruising. The underground wanted him to see what his father was capable of. Did they realize that they were just as bad in banishing his father across the void?
Angus turned back to the masked warlocks. “If you take my father, they will close ranks.”
And the battle would really begin, and those warlocks involved had been storing magic.
“We know. But if we apply pressure, they will start to make mistakes.”
“Perhaps there will be an opening for one of us to fill,” a masked warlock said.
These warlocks had obviously been thinking about this and had worked out every possible answer. “And what about the storing of magic?”
“We are investigating. This is bigger than Vinland.”
Was the underground really global? How many magic users were there? Angus knew some countries banned all magic, and it was a criminal offense to practice. They called it demon worship. Some believed in a god and priests working miracles instead of calling it magic.
Now that he was home, all he wanted to do was eat and sleep. He’d been up all night. Terrance’s arms were warm around him. It would be easy to lie down with him and forget about everything else that was going on.
He closed his eyes for a moment. But only a moment, in case he didn’t open them again and fell asleep on his feet. “And if I refuse to send my father over?”
“We will not be able to protect you from the police.” The warlock’s voice remained even, but the threat was clear.
If he didn’t agree to send his father to Demonside, the underground would turn him over to the police. The underground would keep working, trying to stop the college and rebalance the magic. Someone else would send his father across. And Angus would rot in jail—they wouldn’t risk sending him to Demonside as a sacrifice.
Ever since this had begun, the only person who had asked what he’d wanted… or had even worried about his happiness was Saka. A demon. Someone he wasn’t supposed to care about.
What did Angus want?
Not to be rotting in prison.
In Demonside he had a place and a purpose, even if it was only rebalancing magic and learning. That was what he wanted. To know the intricacies that humans had forgotten or had banned. He wanted to stop the ice age and save Demonside. He wanted Saka when he was there. Terrance hadn’t let him go. He was familiar and strong. Angus was torn between two worlds.
But he had to have a place here, to be able to come back and forth.
Terrance drew back. “Angus? They won’t help you if you don’t help them.”
“I know.” He understood Saka’s hesitation when it came to killing. It was a weight that had to be lived with, even though he wouldn’t be holding the knife. “Would you be able to do it? Would you be able to look at me if I had readily agreed?”
Terrance lowered his gaze. His embrace loosened. “He wanted to kill you.”
“I know.” But he wasn’t angry. He was hurt. Lashing out as his father wouldn’t heal that wound. Only time would. Maybe. Unraveling his father’s destructive work would help. “I will do it,” he said loud enough for the warlocks to hear. “But I need to rest first.”
One of the masked warlocks nodded. “You can have six hours. Then we will take you to your mother’s house. I am sure that it won’t take long for your father to show up.”
They had planned this, no doubt from the moment that they’d discovered that he was alive.
Terrance showed him to a small bedroom with an even smaller bathroom. He had no idea where he was. He actually didn’t care. It was obviously a building that was used by the underground, and they were used to having people stay.
Terrance stood in the doorway. “I can go.”
“Stay.” He might not want to stay later when he realized what was actually going on. Angus wasn’t sure that he wanted to have that conversation now, but if he didn’t, then it would be on his mind, and he didn’t know when there would be another chance.
It was clear that something had to be said from the way Terrance had reacted when he’d seen Angus. The way Angus had reacted. He liked Terrance. He didn’t want to see him get hurt. Although after looking at the fading bruises, that was already too late.
The room filled with silence.
Angus didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry that knowing me has caused you grief.”
“I chose the underground… meeting you was a result of that. I had hoped to finish college, though.” Terrance shrugged. “I knew the risks.”
“You didn’t volunteer for the training?”
“No. I’m not ready for another demon. I don’t know if I will be.” He leaned against the door, arms folded. “Certainly not a mage.”
Angus studied the mottled blue carpet. “You can learn a lot from the mages.”
“I can see that. You’re different this time.”
“Frecklier?” Could Terrance tell what he’d been up to?
Terrance gave him a half smile. “That too. I saw the way Saka was with you, and I knew that wasn’t what I wanted. I would’ve been happy being a wizard, but I got a scholarship to play rugby. The kind of magic you do isn’t for everyone. Maybe the college needs to screen people better. Then we wouldn’t be in this mess.”
Not everyone who had the ability should be encouraged. Saka had said mages had to put the greater tribe before themselves. The warlocks in charge were putting themselves first.
“True.” Angus paused. “I plan on going back to Demonside.”
“I know. You stood me up.”
“Yeah.” And he felt bad about that. “I wanted to be there.”
Terrance nodded. “Do you love him? The demon?”
Angus frowned. “I don’t know. I feel like I’m trying to live two lives at the same time. No matter where I am, I’m letting someone down. Or hurting someone.”
“Does he love you?”
“I don’t even know if that is possible. Demons have a different society. I guess they do love. They seem to care more about each other than humans do. He has to look after me because I am his student. I thought of you while I was there.” His toes curled against the carpet. “Maybe I shouldn’t be starting anything with anyone. Magic will come first. It has to come first.” He sounded just like a mage. The realization didn’t make him smile. “I can be honest with you, but never faithful. I can’t promise to be around when you want me. But I can’t walk away either and say that I don’t want to see what happens.”
Terrance deserved better.
“I could feel what is between you and your mage like static.”
He was glad that he didn’t have to admit to the orgy. Terrance mig
ht be able to accept that he occasionally slept with one demon… but many? “It’s….” He still wasn’t sure what it was. “It’s a relationship but not like the ones on this side of the void.”
Terrance held his gaze for a moment and then looked away. “You don’t need to dabble with a human. And now you don’t need to worry about passing your exams….”
Angus shook his head. No, the exam he would have to pass in Demonside would eclipse anything the college wanted. “I want more than rituals and magic. I need something that doesn’t have a bigger purpose. That just is. But I can’t ask that of you or anyone because I wouldn’t want to date me.”
Terrance held his gaze. “You could’ve lied about everything, and I wouldn’t have known.”
“You would’ve suspected, and that would’ve been worse. I’m giving you an out. We never got that first date. We were just seeing what might happen.” Angus still wanted to know what might have happened. They had talked magic, about movies and normal stuff. There had been simple lust that could be acted on without any elaboration or requirement.
“I’d still like that chance… I don’t know how I feel knowing that when you’re over there you’re intimate with him.”
Saying it was just ritual wasn’t going to mean anything. That Saka had admitted he got jealous had shifted what was happening. Was it just ritual? They kissed outside of magic. There had been moments when it seemed like more. But every time they slept together in Demonside, Angus was aware that magic was being rebalanced—it was hard to ignore when the room lit up.
If they dated, Terrance would get hurt. “Run and don’t look back.” It was the best advice Angus had for Terrance.
Terrance shook his head. “No. I still want that first date. I want to know what would’ve happened. I don’t want to run. But a lot has happened and I need to process.”
“Yeah. Maybe after I’ve seen my mother, we can get some takeout and watch TV.” Something completely normal. His life was never going to be normal. He could see that, and he didn’t know how to deal with it. He didn’t even know what he was going to say to his mother. Sorry wasn’t right because he wasn’t sorry about what was happening. He was sorry about the hurt he was causing her, though, and would cause her when he sent his father across the void. He wasn’t sure he could do that. He obviously wasn’t the same as his father.