“Nicely done, Sem.”
The waiter returned to the table and put a plate with a dozen pancakes on it as well as a carafe of syrup. He removed a smaller plate from the crook of his arm. This one was heaped with strips of bacon.
“Uh oh. Nulu is giving Runion and Earl a run for their money.” Semfeld paused. “Or maybe his money.”
“You said it, Sem.” Chéri jabbed a fork into the stack of pancakes, pulling two over to her plate. With one hand she poured syrup on them, with the other she pushed the plate towards the two men. “That’s more like it.”
“Where’s Colossus?” Asked Semfeld.
“He’s working up the strength to come down here.”
“Creepily uncomfortable…”
Chéri laughed. “Sorry, Sem. He left earlier. He wanted to be early on his first day. Make a good impression and all that.”
Liverioso nodded. “Well, we’ll be back in time for dinner if we get moving soon.”
With nods all around, the trio ate heartily. And quickly.
Chapter 10
A (Breakfast) Date With Destiny
Grimbledung hopped out of bed. “Today’s the day!” He said to the empty room. He frowned. “Then maybe Nulu will leave us to our carousing. You think?” He asked his reflection in the mirror.
“Not a chance,” he said to himself. “You know womenfolk. Once they get an idea in their head, it’s stuck there for good.” He smiled. “And you know why?”
Grimbledung shook his head- who was he to steal his own punch line? “No, why?”
“Because there’s not anything in there to stop it from rattling around,” he guffawed.
“That’s a good one!” Grimbledung laughed back at his reflection.
“Grimbledung! Stop talking to yourself and get ready!” Drimblerod called from the other side of the door. “And don’t listen to your reflection because I want you on your best behavior!”
Grimbledung’s reflection waggled his ears.
So did Grimbledung. [4] “What’re you thinking?”
“Drimblerod’s right.”
“Really?”
“Sure; I figure if nothing else, you get yourself a couple of free meals under your belt, and if you play your cards right.” He winked at himself. “You might get a little free carousing. Under your belt!”
Grimbledung laughed at his own double entendre. “I crack me up!”
“GRIMBLEDUNG! I’m going to leave without you!”
“Coming, Drim.” With one last wink, Grimbledung went to the door and opened it. “Ready when you are.”
Drimblerod stared at his partner. “Mayhap you should put on some clothes before we go out in public.” He raised a scornful eyebrow. “Unlike last time.”
“I am telling you, I started that day invisible!”
“Well you’re not today, so get dressed.” Drimblerod turned and walked to the stairs. “Downstairs as quick as possible, Grim.” He smiled mischievously as he started down, “I’d hate to be late and miss breakfast and just sit and talk on empty stomachs.”
A shriek of terror from his partner let him know that they wouldn’t be late. No matter what.
Less than ten minutes later, Grimbledung came hopping down the stairs as he struggled to put on a shoe. “Ready when you are!” He said as he reached the bottom. He bent down and tied the two dangling leather straps on his shoe. He straightened quickly. “Time!” He said to no one in particular, hands in the air. He put his hands on his hips and breathed deeply as he paced back and forth. He tipped a nonexistent hat at a nonexistent crowd. As usual.
Drimblerod ignored the request as he had learned that actually telling his partner the time really wasn’t what he was wanting. He had never pressed the issue to figure out the strange behavior that accompanied the tying, binding, or strapping of anything. “Let’s go Grim. We should be there before the womenfolk arrive.” He moved to through the workroom to the front of the shop, Grimbledung close behind.
“Why’s that?”
“Mon says womenfolk like it when you’re there before them. It shows that you’re interested and thoughtful.”
“What’s being on time have to do with anything?” Grimbledung tried hard to remember when he had been on-time for a good reason - besides blind luck - and none came to mind.
Drimblerod worked the catch on the door and opened it. He turned to face his partner. “Well, it shows that you’re interested in them instead of anything else going on, because you stopped doing everything else to be there either on time to pick them up, or already waiting when they show up if you meet them someplace.” He turned and walked out of the shoppe.
“You sure you can trust a Mime for advice on female kind?” Grimbledung, as he often did, peeked out of the shoppe and looked left and right before exiting.
“Why do you do that?”
“You never know.”
“Never know what?” Drimblerod pulled Door shut. “Stay locked until we get back unless it’s someone we know.”
Door rattled its latch.
Drimblerod snapped his fingers. “Oh, except for the carpenters. I’ve got some coming over to install a window. It’ll probably be a couple of them.”
Door rattled its latch.
“Never know what?” Drimblerod asked again.
“Exactly! The unknown is pretty mysterious and when you don’t know what the unknown is planning on doing to you, you try to keep a wary eye out for anything it might try to spring on you unknowingly.”
“That’s absurd. You’re being paranoid.”
“Ask me how many times I’ve been killed.” Grimbledung gestured down the street towards the Duck Inn and Dine. He looked over his shoulder as they started to walk.
“Fine. How many times have you been killed?” Drimblerod asked accommodatingly.
“More than I can count.”
“You can barely count; that’s not really a fair question.”
“Fine. How many times have I died just since you’ve met me?”
Drimblerod considered that for a moment as they walked along the side of the main road through town. He turned and looked over his shoulder then moved two paces away from this partner. “I’m not saying you’re right or anything, but I think I’ll walk over here.”
“Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean people aren’t out to get you, you know,” explained Grimbledung. “Personally, I think Fate has it in for me. She’s jealous or something.”
Fate looked over and squinted at the annoying Gnome.
The duo walked in silence for a moment. “So what does this female look like? And don’t tell me she smells like lilacs.”
“She looks like a Dwarfess.”
“Well, that’s a pretty general term.” He thought for a moment. “I mean physically what does she look like.”
Grimbledung nodded. “Oh, I got you.” He winked. “Well, let’s see... Her withers went up to here”. He gestured across his chest.
“I don’t see how that’s helpful.”
“Well, that particular piece of information tells you a lot about a gal, let me tell you. Lots.”
“Well, if you need any help getting out of the situation, I’m here to help.”
“Oh?”
“Sure. I’ll be your Flank Man.”
“What’s that?”
“It seems that that’s a friend who helps another friend get the attentions of a female that he otherwise would have no chance at all with. From what I understand of it.”
“So you whack them on the head when they’re not looking?
“No.”
Grimbledung nodded as they reached Nulu’s establishment. “That would be helpful, I’d think.”
Drimblerod put his hand on the door latch and turned to face his partner. “All right, Grim. Just try to be on your best behavior while we’re in here.”
Grimbledung nodded. “Got it.”
“Don’t do anything absurd to embarrass us or especially Nulu.”
Grimbledung
grinned. “Got it.”
“Or the female we’re eating with. Because, well...”
“Yeah, I know. I can get a couple of free meals under my belt if I play my cards right.” Grimbledung leered. “Wanna hear the great double entendre I made to myself?”
“No.”
Grimbledung frowned. “Got it.” He stuck out his lower lip.
Drimblerod opened the door and motioned for his partner to enter first. “If you please,” he said with a smile.
“Now you’re talking!” Grimbledung entered the foyer and immediately turned left, ducking under the curtain in one fluid, well-practiced- motion. “Morning all!” He called to the room.
Chapter 11
Drimblerod Buh!-dazzled
Several patrons nodded in response.
“I SAID MORNING ALL!”
“Good morning,” said two patrons begrudgingly. Hoping the strange Gnome wouldn’t engage them in conversation. Again.
“Morning, Grimbledung” said one patron in particular. He began to pray reverently that the Gnome wouldn’t engage him in conversation. For a while. ‘Ever again’ was too much to pray for; he was just hoping for a quiet breakfast.
“Lebesch Villa! My favoritest Human in the lands!” Exclaimed Grimbledung, “How’re things at the Fat Blue Moon Tyre?”
“Just fine,” said Lebesch. Admittedly, since discovering his small brewery, Grimbledung had become a loyal customer, buying several mini-kegs of various ales a week, offering drinks to his hapless customer and even pointing them to his brewery. He had experienced a definite up-tick in sales thanks to the Gnome and his drinking habits. If only the practice didn’t also require Grimbledung to discuss the brewing process at length each and every time he came in the brewery. Even if it was twice in one day.
“What’cha got brewing this week?”
“Well, we’re working on a Fall Brunette for the festival that I think will really be worth it.”
“Woo! Put me down for a mini.”
“Already got one on reserve just for you.” Lebesch picked up his coffee and took a long sip. Hoping Grimbledung would get the hint.
Grimbledung didn’t. “You know, speaking of lautering, when you’ve got the wort good and hot...”
Drimblerod did; he took his partner by the shoulder and led him toward a table on the far side of the eating area.
“I’ve an idea for trub cones!” Grimbledung called over his shoulder as his partner pulled out a chair and guided him into it. He now had his back to the brew master. Lebesch toasted Drimblerod with his coffee cup.
“Leave poor Lebesch alone. You can talk to him later. Right now we’ve got other things to worry about.”
Grimbledung slouched back in his chair. “We’re getting a free breakfast with a female folk. What’ve we got to worry about?”
Drimblerod sat down across from his partner. “Well, you need to make a good impression on her. Nulu said you weren’t all there when you met her last time. What’s her name?”
“Mantodea Hesperus.”
Drimblerod furrowed his brow. “That sounds familiar for some reason.”
“Because I’ve probably told you that once or twice already.” Grimbledung raised his hand over his head and waved it around. “Most likely.”
“I suppose so.” A tickling in the back of Drimblerod’s brain made him think otherwise. A waitress approaching the table took the thought away from him.
“What can I get you two?” Asked the Gnomess.
Grimbledung rubbed his hands together. “Oh boy...”
“Just two coffees for now.” He stared at his partner. “We’re waiting for a lady guest,” he reminded him sternly.
“A carafe?” Tried Grimbledung.
“A carafe of coffee and three cups sounds great,” agreed Drimblerod.
The young girl frowned and walked off. Drimblerod watched her go. After a long pause he looked at his partner. “Say Grim.” The first time he didn’t get any sort of answer- maybe this time? “What does this lady look like?”
“She’s a Dwarf.”
“Yes, you’ve established that. And where her withers come up to. What I mean is - is she good looking one?”
“She smelled like lilacs.”
Drimblerod sat back in his chair. “My grandmother smelled like lilacs. What has Nulu gotten you into?”
“Gotten who into what?” Nulu asked as she approached the table. “What’s wrong now?”
“This Dwarf you’ve set Grim up with. I mean, what’s she look like?” He gestured at his partner. “Honestly, if she’s interested in him...”
“I’m right here you know.”
“She’s a good looking Dwarfess,” assured Nulu.
“That smells like lilacs?”
Nulu put a tray on the table and placed four saucers on the table. She placed matching cups on them. Grimbledung retrieved the carafe before she could and was pouring it as she placed a creamer and container of honey on the table. “That’s not a bad thing.”
“My grandmother smelled like lilacs.”
“What are you saying?” Nulu slipped onto the bench beside the two Gnomes. “Exactly?”
“Well, does she look like my grandmother?”
Nulu smiled. “Well, that’s hard to say. I never met your grandmother.”
Drimblerod raised his hands plaintively.
“And was she a Dwarf?”
“Nulu,” he said pleading. Drimblerod noticed the four saucers and cups. “Why are there four cups?”
“I told her you were coming so she said she’d bring a friend.”
“Oh, Nulu,” began Drimblerod as he leaned back. “You didn’t. Honestly, what kind of friend is a gal interested in him going to have?”
“Still here...”
“She’s a very good looking Dwarfess,” said Nulu. “I can guarantee that at least.”
“At least?” Drimblerod put his hand on the table. “At least?”
“Well, I’ve never seen her friend, so...”
Grimbledung looked up as he poured cream in his coffee. “They’re here.”
Drimblerod steeled himself as he stood and turned. A good-looking Dwarfess was holding the curtain open as she stepped through it. A very good-looking Dwarfess. Her auburn hair framed her tanned skin. She was wearing linen trousers and a wide leather belt that accented her hips. A leather jerkin seemed to be trying to contain her- it only had three buttons and the middle one seemed to be straining to stay fastened. The topmost one wasn’t even buttoned- it hadn’t a chance in the lands to span the gap. The one over her slim waist was comfortably in place. A low-cut lace chemise worn under the jerkin provided a modicum of coverage where the jerkin failed. A single lilac was tucked behind her ear. It matched her eyes. He turned and winked at Nulu. “That one mine?”
Grimbledung added honey to his coffee and stirred it.
Nulu frowned as she stood, pulling Drimblerod up with her. Once they were standing, she shoved him. “She’s not yours like some wagon.” She turned to look at the Dwarfess. “Mantodea, how nice to see you again,” she called.
Grimbledung took a tentative sip of his coffee. “Hot!” he said to no one in particular.
“She is a good looking Dwarfess, Grim. Now if only her friend is,” said Drimblerod hopefully.
Then.
She.
Came.
In.
Drimblerod staggered back and used the table as support as the most beautiful Dwarfess he had ever seen ducked past the curtain. She wore a tan sundress that had blue asters embroidered on it as if they were growing up from the hem; she was perpetually standing in a bed of flowers. Her shoulder length, raven-black hair had light blue ribbons woven into it that accented her sapphire eyes. Hanging from a simple leather strap was a shard of lapis lazuli that rested in the flat space between her small, perfect breasts. The stone was the same color as the ribbons in her beard. She looked around the room then smiled at Drimblerod, dimples exploding into existence on her pale, perfect cheek
s. Drimblerod’s brain dropped to his feet. Both of them. “Buh, buh, buh,” he managed to say.
Nulu looked down at Drimblerod. “You OK, down there?”
“Buh,” tried Drimblerod again. He pointed in hopes that would help. “Buh?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s not her name,” said Nulu. “Males. Honestly. Why do we put up with you?” She asked as she moved to greet the two females.
Drimblerod couldn’t answer since his brain currently occupied both of his shoes.
Chapter 12
Nets? Cast. Gnomes? Caught
“Welcome to the Duck Inn and Dine,” said Nulu as she extended her hand to Mantodea.
“Thanks for inviting us for breakfast.” She smiled. “This is my friend, Bextra.”
Bextra took Nulu’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.” She looked past the Trolless, “Is that...”
Nulu looked over her shoulder. Grimbledung was sipping his coffee, ignoring everyone and everything. Drimblerod was still propped against the table, mouth agape. “I’m afraid so. Let me introduce you,” she gestured for the two to follow her. ‘FOCUS’ she mouthed at Drimblerod as she approached. He met her eyes, smiled, and closed his mouth. Well, that’s an improvement, anyway. “Ladies, may I present Drimblerod,” she said when she reached the Gnome.
Drimblerod smiled at Mantodea, furiously trying to maintain eye contact. With her eyes. “Hello. I’m Drimblerod. Drimblerod Axebreath. Co-owner of Second-Hand Sorcery.”
“It’s nice to meet you Drimblerod.” Holding his hand, she leaned in and kissed his cheek.
She smells like lilacs! “Buh?”
“This is my friend Bextra,” said Mantodea.
Drimblerod smiled and extended his hand.
Bextra smiled at the Gnome as she took his (suddenly sweaty) hand. “How do you do?” Her dimples drew him in like the great Northern Maelstrom.
Keep it simple! Don’t bore her with details. Unable to follow his own instructions, he heard himself say: “Pretty well, actually. We’ve the best used wand shoppe this side of EternCity, with, if I don’t mind saying so, the best customer service around anywhere. In fact….”
A New Hope (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 4) Page 6