“It’s a lot of work, let me tell you.” He took the last pancake from the serving plate, rolled it up and used it to sop up the considerable amount of syrup left on Bextra’s plate. “Lots of work.”
Nulu picked up a sausage link. “Well they’re most likely worth it.” She popped it into her mouth. “Trust me on that.”
Grimbledung exhaled loudly. Again. “Well, I was on my bestest behavior so I want you to know that I was on my bestest behavior because Drim said it was important to you, for me to be on my bestest behavior.”
“And I appreciate it,” Nulu assured him.
Grimbledung’s eyebrows did a little dance. “Yeah?”
Nulu stood. “Not that much.” She started to leave, then grabbed the last sausage from the table and popped it into her mouth. “Stick with Mantodea. She’s good for you, I think.”
Grimbledung signed. “We’ll, she’s got some curves, I’ll give her that.”
“I’ll Say!” Said Drimblerod. Almost a little too excited.
Only Nulu noticed. “So what are you saying about that other gal. Bextra?”
Drimblerod shook his head solemnly. “No, no. Now don’t get me wrong. Mantodea is built like a ton of Orcs, but Bextra...” He sat back in his chair. “That Bextra.”
Nulu nodded. “That’s what I want to hear. You two with nice, respectable females.” She pointed at Grimbledung. “So don’t muck it up, mister!”
Grimbledung nodded as he put the last of the pancake in his mouth. He surveyed the table. “Welp, that’s it for the food.” He smiled at Nulu. “It was a great breakfast, Nulu.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out two copper coins. He let them clatter to the table. “Say. Isn’t it time for brunch?” He looked around the restaurant. “Brunchtime?”
“No, Grim. It’s time to get the shop opened so we can make some money. We’ve got a window to pay for.” He glanced at Nulu, “And for me to do a little tidying up for when the ladies stop by”.
“That sounds like a plan.” Nulu waved as she moved off to tend to her other duties.
The two Gnomes stood and stretched. “That breakfast is almost worth a nap, Drim.”
“Grim...” began his partner.
“I said ‘almost’. Let’s go get the shop open.”
Chapter 13
She’s The Coal Miner’s Daughter
Semfeld, Liverioso, and Chéri walked down the street towards the livery stables. “So we’re getting a wagon each with a Shambler to pull it?”
“Not exactly, Chéri. We’ve got our one shambler. He’s going to let us use another and one horse.”
“I’ve ridden a pony once. Can a horse pull as much as a shambler?”
Semfeld shook his head. “More actually. Stronger shoulders on them. But we don’t have to get it all on one trip.”
After only a few minutes walking, they rounded the corner and faced the livery stable. Once inside, pleasantries were exchanged, horses and a shambler were hitched to wagons, and they moved off.
Exiting the livery stable, they turned right and headed for the eastern edge of town and the road that headed north to the remains of Aution, less than two hours away.
Less than two hours later
“Thith place is a meth.”
The three wagons moved down the road, riding side by side. When they encountered the occasional wagon or beast of burden, they moved to single-file. “You said it Sem,” said Chéri as she looked at the large piles of charred wood. “There isn’t even enough here to make a shack, much less a cottage or shop.”
Semfeld pointed off to their left. “Well, let’s head over to those big black piles. Maybe beyond those. I can’t imagine that every piece of wood in this town burned.
“I don’t know…” said Chéri. “The destruction looks complete to me. Still, it was a big town.”
Semfeld nodded as he coaxed his animal - the shambler – into a trot to move ahead of the other two. “Follow me” he called over his shoulder as he approached the large piles. They appeared to be black stones. When he got next to the largest of piles, he stopped.
Liverioso and Chéri moved to either side of him. “What is thith stuff?”
“Looks like charcoal to me,” said Chéri.
“Charcoal? What’s that?”
“You burn down wood with a controlled fire without a lot of air and it gets all charred like. Then you can break it into easily handled chunks that you can burn later on.”
“How can you burn wood and then be able to burn it later?” Semfeld leaned forward in his seat and gazed at the large pile of charcoal. “That doesn’t make sense.”
“It works I tell you,” assured Chéri. “The Halflings’ve been using it for a long time.”
“Well I don’t know how it works but...” Began Semfeld when Chéri shushed him.
The trio watched as two Humans gingerly made their way towards what seemed to be a recently-dug hole. When the first one reached it, he unceremoniously dropped his armload of wood into it. He seemed to look straight through Chéri, Semfeld, and Liverioso. “First in,” he said as he turned to return to the large pile of wood.
In actuality, his stomach dropped to his knees when he spotted the three wagons. He hoped the interlopers just moved on when they were ignored.
“Right behind you,” said the other as he too dropped his load into the hole. He looked down into the hole, “One more each you think Hubert?”
“Probably, Louis,” replied Hubert as he began to fill his arms with another load of wood.
Hubert moved beside his partner and also began to pick up another load of wood. He leaned in close to the other and whispered something. The other nodded as he picked up wood.
Semfeld turned back to look at Chéri, “What is going on here? These guys blind?”
Chéri watched as the two Humans filled their arms with wood then returned to the hole. “But they aren’t tripping over the rubbish, and know where the hole is.”
“You say something Hubert?” asked Louis. He dropped his load of wood into the hole.
“Nope,” Hubert replied as he did as well. Once again, they both looked right past the trio. “Get the flint and I’ll get the shovel. You filled the last one.”
Louis nodded as he turned, ostensibly to get a flint.
“Uhm, hello?” Offered Chéri.
Hubert staggered back and sat down wide-eyed. “We got company!” he said, as he looked all around. “Poachers! We got charpoachers!”
Louis whirled around and drew his sword “Where? Where!” he said as he spun around, completely overlooking the two Humans and the Gnomess. “Where they at?” He pointed the sword menacingly in all directions. “Where they at?”
The seated Human crab-walked backward as the other continued to spin.
“We’re not charpoachers. I’m not even sure what that is,” explained Semfeld, “We’re just getting some wood to do some construction is all.”
“We’re not looking for any trouble,” offered Liverioso.
“We’ve found crazy, I think,” said Chéri. “Blind or crazy.”
“Three of them Louis!” said Hubert as he stood. He too drew a sword. His was broken halfway down but he still gestured with it menacingly.
“Listen you two, we’re just passing by. Just calm down,” Chéri said to the two men’s backs. They were facing the wrong way. “What’s the matter with you two?”
Hubert turned to face Chéri. He was a little off-center, but for the most part was looking in the correct direction. “Nothing’s wrong with us. What’s wrong with you?”
“Yeah!” offered Louis.
“Well for starters, we can see you but you can’t seem to see us,” said Semfeld, “I don’t think that problem is on our end.”
Louis moved forward, sword at the ready, “What’s that got to do with anything?”
Semfeld turned to look at Chéri. Chéri shrugged back at him then got wide-eyed. She held up three fingers and pointed to the woodpile again.
“Anothe
r one?”
Chéri nodded.
“Listen, gentlemen,” began Chéri as a third figure came into view around the woodpile. She glanced at Semfeld who winked back at her. He stealthily moved around the wagon, drawing his long knife as he went. He began to creep towards the hole. “We are just passing by your piles while looking for some useable wood. We didn’t even realize anyone was out here,” continued Chéri.
A third Human rounded the large woodpile. He had a bow drawn. He aimed it directly at Chéri. “Gnome.” He said flatly. “Got us a Gnome.”
“Gnomess, if you please,” said Chéri. “There’s no sense in being impolite.” Then she realized, “Hey, you can see me!”
“Course I can see you. You’re a Gnome.”
“Gnomess,” corrected Chéri again.
The man nodded as he scanned around, “Fine. Gnomess. Now take your hand off that weapon.” He pulled the bow back fully.
Semfeld moved beside the Human wielding the half sword. He stood upright and looked back at Chéri. He shrugged. She shrugged back.
“What’s the Gnome doing Leviticus ?” asked Hubert.
Leviticus narrowed his eyes, “Seems she’s signaling someone”.
“Heard three voices,” offered Louis.
“Listen gentlemen,” Chéri began. She kept her eye on the one with the weapon trained on her, “We’re just passing by and we noticed the smoke. We’re heading to the other side of town to look for useable wood”.
“Not any of that around,” said Hubert. “You all should just leave...”
“Really?” asked Semfeld, surprised. “It’s a pretty big town. I can’t imagine it’s all gone.”
“...Not even a useable stick around.”
Semfeld slipped past the front two Humans and made his way beside the one with the bow. He snuck beside the bow-wielding Human then stood upright. He looked at Chéri appraisingly.
“We don’t want anyone to get hurt,” she said.
Semfeld nodded at her. He leaned in close and grabbed the bow in one smooth move. The arrow shot harmlessly into the air as Semfeld yanked it from surprised hands.
Leviticus jumped back. “Hey!”
“OK, I’m just going to ask because this is absolutely absurd,” said Liverioso. “Why in the Lands can you see Chéri but not me or Semfeld? And why can only you see her and not the other two of you? And why can’t you even hear us?”
“I’d like to know that too,” said Semfeld into Leviticus’ ear. Leviticus didn’t react at all. With a frown, he poked the man in the side, who then obliged him with another jump.
“Really, we’re on our way to the far side of town,” assured Chéri. “And we have no quarrel with you gentlemen.”
The three moved close to each other and had a heated, quiet discussion. Semfeld leaned over the top of them and listened in.[5]
“Thee? You can thee each other and the woodpiles!” complained Liverioso. “Abthurdness!”
After a few moments, the three turned to face Chéri. Leviticus exhaled loudly. He was the only one looking directly at her. “We’ve been cursed by a witch. Hubert here can only see Dwarfs. Louis can only see Centaurs. And, as you’ve guessed, I can only see Gnomes.” He smiled genuinely, “Or Gnomesses”.
“What an annoyingly unusual combination.” Chéri nodded at the Human. “Thanks Dewy. And since you can’t see them, I have two.” She turned and smiled at Liverioso, “Friends with me. One is here and the other beside you.
“Hey there Dewy,” Semfeld whispered into the Human’s ear. Then he smooched it loudly.
Dewy jumped back. “Stop that!”
“That’s a pretty desthpicable curse,” said Liverioso, “You should get that witch to reverse it”.
No one seemed to notice he said anything.
Chéri smiled. “That’s a pretty despicable curse,” she said, “You should get that witch to reverse it.”
Dewy shrugged, “If we could find her we would. The last we heard, she’s moved out near EternCity to the cliffs of Effigy. Right Louie?”
Louis nodded. Because it was true. Mostly.
“And since none of us can see Halflings, we don’t stand a chance of making it out there on our own,” said Hubert.
Louis smiled broadly, “But after this winter, we’ll be able to hire a guide to get us out there and back with no trouble at all”.
“How’s that?” asked Liverioso.
“How’s that?” repeated Chéri.
“Annoying...”
“Charcoal.” Louis spread his arms out wide, “it’s the way of the future”.
“Charcoal?”
Louis nodded at Chéri, “That’s right. We’ve started our own business. We’re turning all this already charred wood into charcoal, then this winter we’ll sell it and make a fortune!”
“What’s so...” Liverioso just turned and looked at Chéri. “Never mind, I know. Just to be sociable, ask anyway, Chéri.”
“What’s so good about charcoal, Louie?”
“It burns hotter and longer than just plain wood, it’s easier to carry around, and it’s clean burning and you don’t have to split it, and we deliver it right to your home.”
“Wow, that sounds too good to be true,” agreed Liverioso. “Clean burning?”
The three nodded in agreement. “Just wait until this winter,” said Hubert as he stepped forward and pointed into the hole. “All your neighbors will be shivering and trying to get their fires restarted in the morning. All you’d need to do is just put a few more pieces of easy-to-carry charcoal on your fire. In minutes you’ll be toasty warm.”
Chéri squinted at Leviticus, “Nice sales pitch, Lewey”. She considered it for a moment, “I tell you what; we’re on a little trip right now but when we get back to town, I’ll pitch that to a couple of businesses. If they go for it, I’ll come back and be your middleman for the transaction.” She smiled. “For a modest fee of five percent.” Colossus isn’t the only one who can bring in money respectably. “In fact, I’ll take you to the town tavern and inn and you can give the owner a demonstration and if it works as well as you say, they’ll be buying a winter’s load from you.” She leaned forward, “And if people see it in the Tavern, you might just have more people coming your way”.
Levi grinned ear to ear. “That’s a deal Miss Gnomess.” His two brothers nodded in agreement. “Just wait until that stinking witch sees us showing up at her doorstep.”
“And we’ll have plenty to sell you too with all this wood.” As Hubert spread his arms out wide to gesture at the wood, he back-handed Semfeld.
“Hey!” complained Semfeld as he backed away.
Hubert looked in Semfeld’s direction. “Serves you right!”
“So how long till you’re coming back this way?” asked Leviticus.
Chéri looked around. “It’s hard to say. We’re looking for some useable wood to build a couple of houses. How about in four days?”
Leviticus nodded. “We’ll be here.”
Semfeld bumped Hubert playfully as he moved past him, “See ya in a while Hewey.”
“We’ll be here” he replied.
Semfeld bounded onto his wagon. “Sounds good. Maybe you can show me how that charcoal works at cooking something.”
“It works pretty well for that too,” assured Leviticus.
Chéri smiled at the three as she sat back down. “Until then.” She looked forward, “Let’s go around to the north side of town”.
The trio and their wagons skated around the piles of charcoal and out of sight.
“Why’d you mention that stupid witch?” Snarled Hubert as he slapped his brother’s shoulder.
Louis shrugged in response, “I was just being sociable to see if I could get some sales. It never hurts to put it out there.” He looked down into the hole, “Besides, they might just end up buying a bunch of charcoal.”
“Just keep it light on information about that witch,” warned Leviticus. “The less that anyone knows the better.”
Hubert nodded, “Right. That stinking witch is going to reverse the curse she put on all four of us and we’re going to get those wands. No stupid witch is going to stand between us and the fortunes of the Lost Picman’s Mine.”
With that, the three returned to making charcoal. One way or another they were going to confront a witch about their annoying curse, and the one affecting their sister. And come out of it not only restored to normal, but a whole lot richer. “Just don’t tell sis. She’ll get upset,” suggested Hubert
“You mean more upset than normal, that is. The last thing we need is her deciding someone else needs to die. If she kills any more people, there’s going to be a posse out here to collect her.”
The other two brothers nodded. Thanks to the witch’s curse, each of the brothers had selective blindness, which was bad enough- their sister however, was filled with hatred of random people she met with the belief that they had killed her parents and two other brothers. She had already murdered four in cold blood because of it. The truth of the matter was that their parents had been dead for almost a decade. Her mother of natural causes. Her father had died in a tunnel collapse in a coalmine less than five years ago. And she only had three brothers total.
The brothers didn’t know it but Grimbledung currently occupied the top position on her ‘needs to die’ list. She just hadn’t found the opportunity to put a checkmark there. Ultimately, that opportunity wouldn’t present itself until a chance meeting- past the Rolling Foothills, on the way to EternCity. Over a breakfast campfire. It wouldn’t happen thanks to a tarp. Really.
Chapter 14
How Much Wood Could Semfeld’s Woodchuck Chuck
If Semfeld’s Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood
And Weren’t a Beaver
“Well that’s an unusual family,” said Semfeld. “Most unusual.”
The trio rode in silence for a several minutes. Finally, Semfeld broke it: “Do you believe their story?”
Chéri looked at the man, “Well, even a lie can have a bit of truth woven through it. In fact, it makes it easier to keep lies straight if there are threads of truth in them. So some of that is probably true.”
A New Hope (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 4) Page 8