“Nothing to see,” he said to no one in particular. Particularly because he was alone in the fifty-foot tower in the center of town. “Not a single thing.” He said to his only companion- the stool. “My butt is numb.” He complained. Three silver coins seemed like less and less as the time crept along.
The large black tower had been built over a hundred years ago, back when -according to the legends- the strange and annoying Head would appear regularly to taunt the townsfolk. And throw things at them. As the drought that had gripped the area loosened, and things began to grow again, the town flourished. It was decided by unanimous vote soon after, that a tall tower would be built in the center of town from the first of this newfound wealth. The watchtower would be outfitted with a large ballista outfitted with an ensnaring bolt and aimed at the area of the sky that the Head appeared. Since the traveler Chéri had come through, the townsfolk learned that the Head was not some sort of ill-tempered god they had been unlucky enough to inherit; it was in fact, an ill-tempered Gnome. Grimbledung by name. It seemed he purposefully set out to annoy anyone and everyone. The plan was to snare this Gnome and give him a sound thrashing. Hence the large ballista and the constant watcher.
But nothing had been seen or heard from the Head in well over a century. Besides, of course the frequent flashes of light- that no one seemed to mind. In fact, it gave young lovers an excuse to go out into the dark and go ‘flash gazing’. Or at least that’s what they told their parents.
“Nothing,” said Randy.
Then the head and soon after, the body of a female Dwarf appeared.
Unsure of what to do, Randy waited to see what would happen. He kept a suspicious eye on her through the powerful looking glass assigned to whoever was the watcher for the week plus one day. It wasn’t a large Gnome head, which was nice, and truth be told, she was a striking Dwarf.
Boredom was on the run!
His butt was still numb, however.
Later that afternoon, the Dwarfess seemed to hang in midair. Randy sat up and put his hand on the ballista trigger mechanism just as the second Dwarfess (also very good looking in Randy’s opinion) appeared from nowhere, holding onto the first’s foot.
Randy stood up to get a better look.
Then the pair began to fall.[22]
So Randy sat back down.
Chapter 33
Trying to Plan the First Annual Julesville Jamboree
(Without Grimbledung’s help)
“So what do we want to do as far as planning out the jamboree?” Big Julie asked the dozen business leaders that had gathered in her office. “We definitely need to advertise.”
“That’a we should do,” said Pozzuoli. “The more people that know, the more people that come.”
“We’re going to be setting up booths in the market square, right?” Asked a Human- he owned a confectionary. “Selling from a booth is the way to go with a jamboree.”
The other shop owners nodded. They all had planned to set up a booth- and do it before anyone else to ensure they got a prime spot.
“No fires,” said Pozzuoli. “No open fires.”
“What about to cook Marsh Mallows?” Asked the confectioner.
Big Julie nodded. “I agree. After the events in Aution, there’s no open fires.”
“But...”
“You’ll just have to pre-cook, or cook as you go for people, Sagem,” she said to the confectioner.
Sagem nodded. “Won’t be as good that way.”
“What about placement of the booths in the square?” Asked a female Human. “Is someone going to set up the booths like in Aution?”
Julie sighed loudly. She was hoping the business owners could work out the details on their own. After all- they were all responsible business owners. “I’d like to think you could work that out among yourselves.” She looked over the group. “Yes?”
They all looked at each other- each of them planning to set up before anyone else had a chance. “Sure thing, Julie,” said Sagem. “We can do that.”
“Well good then. I’ll have the minstrels that play at my events set up their stage so the music is taken care of.” She stood. She wanted nothing more than to have the meeting adjourned; she still had an expensive wand pilfering problem to solve. “So I’ll leave the details to you all.” She moved to the door and opened it. “If there’s anything else you need, please let me know.”
The business owners nodded as they left, forming schemes as they went.
When they were gone, Big Julie leaned against the door. “I mean, how hard can planning a simple jamboree be?” She asked her empty office. She steeled herself. She had to talk to Grimbledung- she was almost to a hundred fifty wands missing. Several parents had even sent angry letters about repeatedly stolen wands. The school was unraveling around her and she was helpless to do anything about it. She closed her eyes and exhaled. The words she was dreading to say came to her lips: “Help me Grimbledung Sixtoes; you’re my only hope.”[23]
Chapter 34
Perplexing Pilfering Persists
Grimbledung shuffled through the back door of the shoppe. He was covered in red paint. He gestured at Dummy with the paintbrush. “You were right; I should have let you help.”
Dummy nodded at the Gnome.
“So the wagon’s red now.” He smiled. “That was a good idea. Every private investigator should have a sporty red wagon to ride around on. So should I paint Shambler too?”
Dummy shook his head. And waved his arms.
“It was just a thought.”
Dummy gave a thumb’s up then gestured at a poorly built chair.
“Yes. I got a chair too. Now I just need a desk to put it in front of and I’m ready for business.”
Dummy nodded. He waved his hand as if he had a wand, then interlaced his thumbs and flapped his hands.
“Yes, wands are just flying out of Julie’s place,” agreed Grimbledung. “I think I’m starting there in the morning, I think.”
Dummy nodded pointed at himself, then Grimbledung.
“No, I don’t think you can go along.”
Dummy shadowboxed.
“Well, I don’t imagine there’ll be trouble out of those little urchins.”
Dummy raised his hands.
“Urchins.”
Dummy shrugged. His hands were still raised.
“It’s something that lives in the sea and has lots of spines on it. I think they call kids that because they’re stinky like low tide and it’s not comfortable to step on them. Just like Urchins.”
Dummy gave a thumb’s up. He pointed at the front of the shop.
“Drimblerod is going to handle the shoppe while I’m under cover.” Grimbledung moved to the curtain. “If he needs you, I’m sure he’ll bring you out front.” With that, he ducked under the curtain to the front of the shop.
Dummy rubbed his hands together after Grimbledung had gone. He’d been hoping to deal with customers. The backroom was becoming boring.
“Hey, Drim.” Grimbledung moved to the counter. “I was going to see if Colossus had some pointers to help me catch the wand pilferer. You want to come with?”
Drimblerod shook his head. “We can’t keep closing all the time. Remember we’re losing a lot of business doing that.” He hopped off his stool. “So get to Colossus and get back with no dawdling so you can help run the place.”
Grimbledung nodded. “Sure thing. The last thing I’d do is dawdle.”
“The last?” Drimblerod raised an eyebrow. “What’s at the top of the list?”
“Maybegohaveabunchofdrinksandnotcomebackuntiltlatetonight.” Grimbledung mumbled quickly.
“What?”
Grimbledung waved a hand dismissively as he moved around the counter. “Nothing, nothing. Just making conversation is all.”
“Well I want you back here as quickly as possible.”
Grimbledung nodded as Door opened, “I promise you I’ll get back here as quickly as I possibly can.”
Drimblerod poin
ted a finger at his partner. “I have your word then. Get going.”
Grimbledung waggled his ears and left the shop. “Quickly as possible, guaranteed!”
Drimblerod returned to rearranging the wands in the cabinet. He had discovered that rearranging the wands led returning customers to believe that wands sold more often than they actually did. This caused them to buy a wand instead of putting it off, since it might not be around when they came back.[24]
Grimbledung ambled down the street at a leisurely pace.
Finally after several conversations and detours, he arrived at the Duck Inn and Dine. The front door was propped open and the curtain was trussed in the middle, allowing the morning’s breeze to blow through the tavern portion of the building. Colossus was sitting at a table, writing something.
“Morning all,” Grimbledung said to the room.
He received several replies as he made his way to where Colossus seemed to be deep in thought. “Hey there, Col. What’cha doing?”
“I’m working out the plans for a house.”
Grimbledung leaned over and looked at the sketches. They seemed to be front, back, side, and top views of a quaint cottage. There were a dozen windows spread around the house and what seemed to be two fireplaces. A covered porch that wrapped around the sides and front finished off the entire affair. “That’s not very big. Who’s going to live there? Pixies?”
Colossus put down his carpenter’s pencil and stared at the Gnome. “It’s a five room cottage with a separate kitchen even, and a room that can be used as an office.”
Grimbledung brought his hands to the front view sketch of the house then raised them. They were barely a foot apart. “That’s barely a foot. Those must be tiny rooms!”
Colossus picked up his pencil. “It’s to scale, you daft Gnome.”
“To scale?”
“Yes.”
“You have to pay a certain, preapproved amount?”
“That’s pay scale. This is drawn to scale. They’re completely different.”
“Does it make the place bigger?”
“Yes. Every inch is three feet, in fact.”
“What do you need an office for? You have this place.” Grimbledung gestured around. “Prime location. Lots of foot traffic. Folks at the bar that could be in need of your services.” He gave a wink.
“I can’t run a business out of the inn, you dolt.”
“Why not? Some of the best Pee Eyes ran their businesses from their bar or hotel.”
“This place isn’t my business!” He said raising his voice angrily.
“Well, it’s none of my business either, I suppose.” He looked around. “But still...”
“Yeah, still.” Colossus decided to draw shingles on the roof.
“So, when you get set up, when do you want me to come by?”
“Come by? Why would you come by?”
“To be your partner, of course.”
“I don’t think you’re the.... right material for private investigative work.”
Grimbledung sat at the table. “Well, I think you’re being hasty in your judgment.” He waved his hand over his head furiously then pointed at himself. “I’m excellent at getting folks to do what I want them to do.”
The serving wench approached the table. “What’ll it be, Grimbledung?” She was one of the very few that never shortened his name.
“Morning Mistress Flora O. Willowfeet. Well, it’s early still. How about something with orange juice.”
It was going to be one of those kinds of orders. “You want orange juice?” Flora put her tray on her hip.
“Well, something with orange juice. Not just orange juice.”
Colossus started drawing in the individual bricks on the two fireplaces. One was in the kitchen of course and the other was in the large living area. It backed up against two of the bedrooms so the heat from it warmed those rooms as well. The larger master bedroom had a small wood burning, iron stove. Winters would not be an issue in his home. And, with all the windows, summers would be breezy as well.
“What’s the ‘O’ stand for?” Colossus asked, curiosity getting the best of him.
Grimbledung jumped to his feet and sang:
Oh what a beautiful Gnome-ess!
She’s such a beautiful Gnome.
She’s got such beautiful toe- oes!
Out at the ends of her feets.
Hey!
I hope she brings me a driii - iink!
And I hope she brings it today-aay.
I hope she brings it today.
Grimbledung sat back down.
Flora hit Grimbledung with her tray. “I told you to never again sing that song.”
“Sorry, it kind of just tumbles out of me.” Grimbledung rubbed his head.
Flora turned on her heel and headed to the bar. “I’ll get your drink.”
“But you didn’t tell her what you wanted,” said Colossus.
“She’ll bring me what she wants and apparently, I’ll like it.”
“You know, you two...” Colossus gestured at the wench as she prepared a drink behind the counter.
“What?”
“Never mind.” Colossus returned to drawing in bricks. “It’s just seems odd that you’re searching for a gal when you’ve got...”
Flora returned to the table. “Here’s your drink.”
“What is it?” Asked Colossus.
“It’s my drink,” said Grimbledung. “You’re not too good with details, are you. That’ll cause problems as a private eye, I would think.”
Colossus looked up at the Gnomess.
“It’s a half a glass of cold orange juice, with a shot of light and dark rums, a splash of peach liquor, and a dash of bitters.” She gestured at Grimbledung. “I call it a Grim Delight.”[25]
“Why’s that?”
Grimbledung took a hesitant sip. “Ahh, nice work. This drink is deee-lightful!” Grimbledung smacked his lips. “Except...”
Flora reached into her apron and pulled out a small paper umbrella. She opened it and propped it on the side of the glass.
“Deee-lightful!” Grimbledung bounced in his chair.
“He gets it all the time.”
Colossus looked at Grimbledung. “If you get that all the time, why don’t you just order it from the start?”
“He never orders it,” said Flora. “He just gets it.
“And I like it.”
“I see.”
Flora nodded at the Halfling. “Can I get you anything while you sit in my section doodling and not ordering anything to drink or eat so I have no chance whatsoever for some sort of tip even though you don’t seem to understand the concept of tipping which is unusual since other Halflings I know tip fairly well yet you haven’t seemed to have mastered that one simple part of eating out?”
Grimbledung nodded. “I couldn’t have said that better myself.”
“Uhm...” Said Colossus. If these two ever got together, it would be pandemonium. “I’ll have what he’s having.”
Flora returned to the bar.
“So, as your future partner...”
“Grimbledung, I don’t need a partner.” A thought occurred to him. “Because I already have one.”
Grimbledung sat back, shocked. “You went and got a partner right in front of my back?”
“What?”
“After all we’ve been through, you go out and double time me like that?”
Flora slid a drink in front of Colossus.
“I thought we had something between us,” complained Grimbledung.
“There’s something I never thought I’d hear come out of his mouth,” said Flora. She smiled at Colossus. “Does Chéri know?”
“Don’t you have tables to wipe down or something?”
Flora looked around the tavern. Everyone seemed to be doing okay. “Everyone seems to be doing okay. It seems this is the most entertaining table at the moment.”
“Until Lebesch gets here, that is,” offered Grimbledung.
>
“That is true. Mister ‘I bring my own glass to drink from because yours aren’t shaped right’ Ale snob.” She stuck out her tongue.
Grimbledung giggled then stuck out his tongue as well.
“You two.”
“Us two what?” The pair said together.
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” Colossus started to draw a weather vane attached to the kitchen chimney.
“So why can’t I be your partner?” Grimbledung tried again.
“I told you; I already got one.”
Grimbledung sat back, shocked. Again. “You went and got a partner right in front of my back?”
“Listen, Grimbledung, it’s Chéri. She’s my partner. And I knew her long before I knew you.”
Grimbledung considered that. “Well, I suppose I’ll give you that,” he said begrudgingly.
Flora snapped her fingers. “I have a thought!”
Both males looked up at her. “How about you use Grimbledung as an on-the-side informant.”
“A what?”
“What Colossus can do,” Flora explained to Grimbledung, “is stop by the shoppe if he needs information. Since folks are always coming in and out of your place, you’d be able to give him the word on the street.” She gave a wink. “All sly like.”
“Woo! I could do that!” Grimbledung bounced in his seat. “I always know the word on the street. And when I don’t, I make it up!”
Colossus sighed. “Well, I suppose that is as good an option as any.”
Flora nodded. “I agree, Colossus. Say Grimbledung, how did that night with the Dwarfesses go?”
“That's so long ago, I don't remember.” Grimbledung downed his drink in one gulp. “I need to get back to the shoppe...”
“I not sure...” Started Colossus.
Grimbledung hopped up. “I really need to go start listening in on the streets.”
A New Hope (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 4) Page 21