Flora still hadn’t moved.
Grimbledung moved both hands to his hips. “Well?”
Everyone turned to look at Flora.
“When does the spell wear off?” Flora asked no one in particular.
“Let’s see,” said Drimblerod quickly . He wanted nothing more than to keep his partner from saying anything else. “Maca said a month, so exactly three weeks from today.”
“I. Will. Deal. With. You. Then.” Flora said. Each word sounded like a thunderclap. “Three weeks and a day from now.” She pointed at Grimbledung. “Make sure you drink plenty of water.”
“Wow.” Chéri offered Grimbledung his mug. “Back to the window, you.”
Grimbledung ran his hands through his hair. “Oh, I will be ready.” He took his mug and hopped back to the windowsill.
Flora turned and walked off.
“Wow.”
“Right?” Grimbledung took a drink of his ale. “That’s one unstable Gnomess.”
“Well, I think you need to let us do the talking for the rest of the night before you mess that up.”
“Who me?” Grimbledung feigned innocence. “Mess what up?”
“Weren’t you listening?”
“To who?”
Chéri shook a fist at Grimbledung. “To Flora while she was talking to you, you dolt!”
“She said something? I must have missed that part.”
“Yes, she wants...”
“Why don’t we just let this go?” Drimblerod interrupted Chéri. “If nothing else for the entertainment value.”
“Entertainment value? Is that what we need?” Grimbledung took a long drink.
“You really need to work on your listening skills,” suggested Drimblerod. For the fifth time just that week.
“So it’s a request for a lively song then.” Grimbledung stepped onto the table. He lifted his mug high and began to sing
Nog Nog!
Mkellen bebog!
V'luch Matuch Maluch M'tog!
After he was done, he took a bow to the scattered applause then moved back to the windowsill.
“What’s that mean?” Asked Colossus.
“It’s old Gnomish,” Grimbledung said as he took a drink. “It really doesn’t translate.”
“Well, on that note, I propose a toast,” said Drimblerod. He raised his glass.
Chéri and Colossus raised theirs.
Grimbledung’s glass was already ‘up’.
“To a fair jamboree with fine friends.” Drimblerod moved his glass to the center of the table.
Colossus clinked his glass against his. “Here, here.”
Chéri nodded. “I couldn’t agree more.” She tapped her glass against Drimblerod’s then Colossus’.
Grimbledung hopped on the table. It wobbled precariously as he did. “Me too! Me too!” He lowered his glass and bounced it off the other three. He took another deep drink then jumped toward the windowsill. He missed completely and sailed right out into the darkness.
Chapter 56
The Great Jamboree After-Party
“Wow.”
Drimblerod nodded at Chéri. “I couldn’t agree more.” He raised a hand and beckoned to Flora.
Flora approached the table. She had a barstool in her hand. “I saw the whole thing. When he makes his way back in here, have him sit on this.” She put the barstool on the empty side of the table.
“You know he didn’t hear...” Began Colossus.
Chéri kicked him under the table. Very hard. Assassin hard.
“Youch!” Colossus put his hands under the table, fully expecting to feel bone sticking through the skin.
“Didn’t what?” Asked Flora.
“Didn’t mean to jump out that window, of course,” said Chéri.
“Exactly what I was going to say,” offered Drimblerod, not wanting to incur the wrath of Chéri.
Colossus just grimaced and nodded.
“Well, I hope he’s all right.” Flora looked around. “I’ve got tables to tend to. I’ll get another round here on my next pass.”
Drimblerod smiled. “Mayhap you should rephrase that when Grim’s around.”
“Why would I do that?” Flora shifted her tray in her hands.
“No reason whatsoever,” said Drimblerod quickly. “None at all.”
With a curt nod, Flora left to tend the other tables.
“I think she’ll be good for him.”
“I think she’ll end up killing him, Chéri,” said Colossus.
“Potæto, Potáto.”
“He’s more of a radish kind of Gnome.” Drimblerod waggled his ears.
“You sure you’re immune?”
Drimblerod nodded at Colossus. “Speaking of the little devil; here he comes. Wonder what took him so long.”
Grimbledung jogged up to the table. He had four skewers with squirrels on them. “Brought you each one.”
“Thanks Grim.” Colossus took a skewer. He smelled it. “I think.”
“Squirrel on a stick just can’t be beat!” Grimbledung offered one to Chéri then Drimblerod. “Everything’s better when it’s served on a stick.” He thought for a moment. “Is that why Halflings are always trying to impale folk?”
“What?”
“It’s true, Col. Even me earlier this day. They offered to put me on a spear, or a pike, or a lance.” He shrugged. “Something anyway. I left before they could decide on what to use.”
“Where were you when this happened?”
“In that big black tent full of Halflings next to where Pollux and Castor and those other two were lowered down.”
“There’s no black tent there.” Colossus leaned forward. “A black tent?”
Grimbledung took a bite of his squirrel then nodded.
“What’s the matter with a black tent?” Drimblerod asked as he took a bite.
“The Lord High Priest travels in a black tent,” said Chéri. “He’s the only Halfling who does. It’s his royal colors.”
“He didn’t seem that sociable,” said Grimbledung.
“You actually talked to him?” Drimblerod shook his head. “Dangerous stuff, Grim.”
“It really doesn’t matter because there’s no royal black tent in the marketplace,” said Colossus. “Believe me, I’d know.”
“It was there,” assured Grimbledung. “I saw it right after the Gargoyles were lowered down.”
“They lowered... how many Gargoyles got lowered down beside that tent?”
Grimbledung shrugged. “Four. Two massive goats, and two even bigger dragons.”
Colossus sat back. “That was probably not a good thing.”
“Well, we’ll just have to ask them when they come by the shop,” suggested Drimblerod.
“They’re coming by the shop?”
Drimblerod nodded. “The dragons are going back to Big Julie’s, but the goats didn’t have anywhere to go, so they’re going to sit out front of the wand shoppe.”
“You’ll need to introduce me, I think,” said Colossus. “So there’s no misunderstandings.” He finally took a bite of his squirrel. He nodded. “This thing isn’t bad.”
Grimbledung winked at the Halfling. “Because it’s on a stick.”
Chéri took a bite of her squirrel. It really was tasty. “I hate to admit it, but it’s not bad.”
The quartet ate and drank through the night and into the early morning. Finally, when only a handful of drinkers remained, One-Armed-Will shoo’ed them all out.
Flora even gave Grimbledung a wave goodbye as he left.
Chapter 57
Door Always Rings Twice
I was sitting at the counter trying to make the pounding stop. My head was not going along with it. I think the Gremlins had something to do with it. Drimblerod blamed the alcohol. Personally, I’ve never seen a drink carry a hammer.
Gremlins?
All the time.
Since Drim didn’t believe me - and said he didn’t want me to explain it to him again - he went out and about
something to someplace or another. Even in my condition, he knew I could run the shop.
Because I’m a professional.
The bell over Door jingled. Loudly. I picked up my head to see what sort of creature had just arrived to add to my headache.
Great.
“Hello Amaryllis,” I toss at her. “How’re...” I started to say. Then all my words left me. She had brought her Mom.
Momalicious, I think her name was.
Great!
I picked up my head and smoothed out my tunic. “What a pleasant surprise. And you’ve brought your sister.”
Smooth.
Momalicious smiles at me.
“Is this the nice young Gnome you told me about?” She says all sweet like. I can tell she’s a lot like her kid.
Speaking of her kid, she gives me the hungry eyes. “Yeah,” she adds on dreamily.
I really got to do something about that.
“Sorry I missed you at the jamboree, Grimbledung,” she says.
I can’t tell her I spent the night dipping the bill over at the Duck. See what I did there? “Yeah, I was helping tend the tables at the Duck.” I toss a wink in there just to get the lie moving in the right direction. “I’m helpful that way.”
Amaryllis lets out this sigh. Momalicious just nods.
What a pair.
“So what brings you duet of dishes down here?” The company is nice, I suppose, but I’ve got an ache that still banging around in my head. Maybe I need to stop by the doc and see what he has for it. Or maybe Maurice.
“Mom and I were just out shopping and I told her you were here helping out at the wand shop so we stopped by to get a hello.”
“Hello,” I say. Since that’s why they came.
Dames.
Momalicious is looking around the shoppe. Maybe I’ll get a sale out of her. “I thought this shop was run by a couple of Gnomes,” she says. “Drimblerod and...”
Uh oh.
“Yeah, that’s true enough. Two Gnomes.” Think of something! “I’m just here helping out Drimblerod while my Uncle is out at South Jute on a business trip.”
Smooth!
‘Oh,” says Momalicious as she swallows the lie hook, line, and sinker.
Time to get the groundwork going. “Grimbledung’s his name, my Uncle. Great Gnome, that one. I’m named for him even.” I strike a pose.
“I see,” says Momalicious. She’s still looking around the store.
Maybe along with a foundation, I can earn a sale. “So Grimbledung is out doing what he does best; making great business decisions. He’s really a great Uncle. Kind and thoughtful...” The bell over Door jingles so I stop laying it on thick to see who else is about to hear the great story of Grimbledung. It’s that crazy dame from the Duck Inn and Dine.
Not Great.
Timing, that is. All in all, she’s a great skirt. Knows how to handle a tray. If you know what I mean.
“Say there, toots.” I toss at her. “What are you up to?”
She says something about me asking her to stop by. Some sort of love sonnet. Or something. Now she’s got her eyes plastered all over me.
That’s good, right?
“So this Grimbledung fellow,” says Momalicious. “When does he get back. He sounds interesting.”
Uh oh.
Now Flora has her eyes plastered all over Momalicious. And it’s none too friendly. Luckily Momalicious is looking at me so she doesn’t see. Amaryllis hasn’t taken her eyes off me since coming in.
Time for a tactical flanking maneuver.
“Oh, I’m not sure,” I toss at her. “There’s no telling with... with Uncle Grimbledung.” Now Flora’s got her eyes banging up against me. And it’s none too friendly as well.
“Uncle Grimbledung?” Flora tosses at me.
Hard.
I duck but it hits me anyway.
Momalicious turns to look at Flora. “He’s out in South Jute on business so Grimmy here is helping with the shop while he’s away.” She purses her lips. “Anyway, that’s what this young Gnome was saying before you interrupted him.”
Uh oh!
“What?” Says Flora. In about the most unfriendly way possible. Now her hands are on her hips. It’s not a friendly kind of hands-on-the-hips kind of thing either.
“Mom said you interrupted Grim,” Amaryllis tossed into the conversation. She’s still looking at me so she can’t see the look Flora is giving her. “Why don’t you let Grim Noir tell his story,” she adds dreamily. “I love listening to him talk.”
“What?” Says Flora. Now her hands-on-her-hips are pointed my way.
Maybe I’ll just close up shop and take a nap. But first I need to get all these lookers out of the shoppe. “Well, I’d really like to finish the story, Amaryllis.” I give a sigh and finish up as sincere as I can: “But I’ve got some inventorying to do so I think I need to close up for a little while.”
That should just about do it.
Amaryllis narrows her eyes at me.
Momalicious narrows her eyes at Flora.
Flora narrows her eyes at Amaryllis.
One out of three isn’t bad, right? “Thanks for stopping by,” I say as I hop off my stool and move around the counter.
Big mistake!
Now all the narrowed eyes move to me.
My head starts to hurt a little worse all of a sudden. “See you all later if I’m still around.”
“You might not be,” says Flora. She says it all sweet like, but with the narrow eyes, it comes off like some sort of threat.
“Yeah?” I fish.
“Yeah.”
Alright, that sounded like a threat. No idea why. “Where’m I gonna be, toots?”
“You’ll be gone.”
There’s that threat again.
“Where’s Grim going to go?” Amaryllis sounds worried all of a sudden.
“Yeah? Where’m I going?” I say, worried all of a sudden.
“Well,” begins Flora all sweet-like, “when Uncle Grimbledung gets back, you’re going to have to head home to Fossatun, of course”.
Now she’s got her hand on the top of my head. She’s patting it.
Hard.
“I’m sure your Mom will be happy to have you home.”
“Fossatun?” Asks Amaryllis. “Where’s that?”
I know where it is. It’s deep in the Gnomelands. Deep. Six months walking deep. I figure I might as well be the one to break it to her but Flora gets to it first.
“Well, little girl, it’s deep in the Gnomelands on the Grimsa River, below the Grimsarfoss Waterfall and the Troll Waterfalls of course[39]. Grimbledung was named for them.” Flora lets a smile grow on her face. “It’s a six month treacherous journey on foot.” Then she brightens up just to be mean. “Of course if you owned a dragon you could do it in two weeks.” The smile is real big now. “You own a dragon, right?”
Mayhap I’ll not cross this Flora gal. She seems to play for keeps.
“Mom?” Amaryllis asks as the tears get bigger in her eyes. One runs down her cheek. “Did Dad leave the dragon when he left?”
All of a sudden, Flora’s eyes get big.
Mine too. Now I’m worried I’m going to have to hop back and forth between Julesville and Fossatun! And having been there. Twice even! I know there’s not a whole lot there. I look at Momalicious.
Here we go.
Momalicious shakes her head kind of sad-like. “No honey, he took that along with everything else.” She gives me a smile that seems friendly all of a sudden. “If the youngster makes it back here for visits, you can see him then.” Then the smile takes on a hungry kind of look. “Maybe if I get to know his uncle good and proper, he can come visit more often.”
All of a sudden, Flora’s got a look on her face. It’s not friendly or hungry. It’s that look she gets before I get hit with her tray.
Only more so.
“Sorry, sister; that’s not going to happen.” She steps between me and the other two dames. “There’s
no getting to know Grimbledung. Good, proper or otherwise. Got it?”
The shoppe gets colder all of a sudden.
The two dames stare at each other for what seems like ten years. Amaryllis is wiping her eyes so I figure it’s probably a little shorter than that. Even so, I should probably help their eye-conversation along. “Well, it was really great seeing you all but I do need to do some inventorying there in yon back room.” I point over my shoulder to let them know where the back is. “Door?”
Door opens up for me.
Nice.
“How about we have a nice chat outside?” Flora says to Momalicious. The way she says it doesn’t sound much like a question or a request.
Momalicious gives a snappy nod. I think she’s ready to go a full twelve rounds on this one.
The pair go outside leaving me and Amaryllis to stare at each other.
“Grownups,” she says. It sounds like an apology.
“No kidding, toots,” I say back. I’m sorry too. Even though I’m not sure why. “So I’ll definitely make sure I say goodbye to you before I leave,” I lie to Amaryllis. “And I’ll send my regards to Grimbledung from your Mom,” I heap on top of the first lie. “And I’m sure I’ll have a great time with Mom in Fossatun,” I say because I might as well make a trifecta out of the lies.
Amaryllis’ lower lip pushes out.
I really got to do something about that. Then all of a sudden, my decades of playing Trufflidge kick in.
It’s a bluff!
Yeah. That’s exactly what it is. I’m so sure of it, I’m willing to go all in on this one. I’ve got five aces and she’s got a pair of fives, a seven, a nine, and a queen. Sure; if it were Thraksday, she’ll take the pot.
But it’s Moonsday.
So I make my play. “You know, Amaryllis. Uncle Grimbledung’s going to be in South Jute for at least another week.” I step in close to her and take her hands in mine. Her eyes get big. Real big. Her lip pulls in to.
Oh yeah, it’s Moonsday alright.
“It’d be great if you could meet him.”
She gives me a smile. “That would be nice,” she says as she squeezes my hands. “When he gets back, he can watch the shoppe and we can have some alone time.” Now she’s got that hungry look again.
A New Hope (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 4) Page 39