It hurts to remember. But it hurts even more to forget. The faces in the frames blur as my tears fall. I hold the picture to my chest and weep. Falling into the nearest chair, I sit, letting the tears attempt to wash away my guilt.
Guilt for not being here. For being afraid. For thinking I had all the time in the world. I shed big, ugly tears for the tomorrows that will never come. I cry until everything I’ve been holding in is hot on my cheeks and dripping into the worn, wood floors. I try to let go, releasing as much as I can. I know it’ll take time, but it’s a start.
The laughter drifting from the kitchen reminds me I still have plenty of reasons to smile. I pull myself together, knowing the biggest reason is across the house waiting for me.
Standing, I place a kiss to the cool glass before setting it back down. “Love you,” I say aloud as if they can hear me, feeling at peace in my heart thinking that they can.
I didn’t want to come back, afraid of what I might find, afraid of what I wouldn’t. But living life in fear isn’t really living.
So I’m going to do what Wendy would want, put on my big girl bloomers and live. I pull myself together, dry my tears, and join Drew. Determined to make the best of our time here, free from ghosts and the weight of secrets.
CHAPTER EIGHT
WILLOW
Feeling the warmth of sunshine on my face, I peak my eyes open and confirm that it’s morning. I start to stretch and remember that Drew is with me. Turning over, I look to see my sweet boy sleeping beside me.
Careful not to wake him, I gently pull back the covers and sit up in bed. After such a long trip and being in a new place, I decided it’s best to keep him close. Later today, we will explore, and he can find a room.
For now, we’re in my old room. I smile as I look around, so many wonderful memories in this space. Four poster, mahogany, queen bed complete with blush ruffled bedding. Sage and blush, striped paper covers the walls, accented with roses that provide an added feminine touch.
I slip out of bed and into my robe and set out in search of coffee. Passing my old vanity on my way, I stop to look in the mirror and see I look dreadfully tired, bags and all. But I also notice that there is a trace of happiness in my eyes. Something about being here is making me feel lighter when I expected the complete opposite. I look forward to seeing the gardens.
Smiling, I head downstairs and find Anna in the kitchen, fussing about. “Morning, Anna.” I begin opening the cupboards, before she shoos me to the breakfast table.
“Ahhh, morning Mistress.” She beams and sets a steaming mug in front of me. “Or should I say afternoon?”
“What?” I glance at the clock and see that it’s already half past eleven. “How?”
“Tuckered out from flying around the globe I supposed.” She smiles. “I assume you still take cream and 2 sugars?”
“Yes, but please just call me Willow.” I sip my coffee, careful not to scald myself.
“As you like, Willow. Where is the young lad? Still sleeping, I suppose?” She busies herself around the kitchen, seeming to never slow down.
“Yeah. He’s sound asleep in my old room. I guess we were both pretty jet-lagged.”
“That’s to be expected. It’s a long trip for anyone, especially a young lad. Can I fix you something to eat?” She tops off my mug.
“Oh no, that’s okay,” I tell her as my stomach rumbles as if on cue. “Well, maybe just a pastry or a muffin if you’ve something handy. It’s nearly lunch, but I’ll wait for Drew.”
“Sure thing, love.” She pats my shoulder and goes back to rummaging. “What would you both like for lunch? Have you thought much about how long you’ll be staying? Is the Nichols lad going to get you in touch with the estate attorney? Does he know about Drew?” she fires off questions and I don’t know the answers, to any of her questions. Not even the simple one about lunch. I sit in shock as she places an orange scone in front of me.
“Oh my, I’m so sorry dear. My mouth has run away on me again. It’s just that I’m so glad you’re back. It’s been too quiet since mistress passed, and James has been in that facility.” She dabs her eyes with her apron. “Please forgive my quick tongue, Willow. It’s just been so lonely here, and I’m very glad to have you and the boy here, to have you home.”
Home. That word. I keep thinking it. Hearing it. Pretty soon, I’ll start believing it.
“It’s okay, Anna. I’m glad to be here. I know you know why I couldn’t come home. Why it was not possible.” I’m quite frank with her as I pick at my scone. “But, yes,” I look around to make sure we’re alone and that Drew hasn’t yet found his way downstairs yet. “Piers knows. The first time he laid eyes on Drew, he saw himself, he knew instantly.”
“I see.” She twirls her apron in her hands, so I take her hands in mine to comfort her the way she has comforted me so many times. “Please sit. Have a cup with me?”
She nods and brings her cup to the table and joins me. “I didn’t mean to get all emotional. It’s just been so hard. Wendy was my family. She brought me into the family, gave me a home, a job. A purpose, a place.”
I nod, knowing how special she was to Anna. Wendy helped Anna escape an abusive marriage when she was just about the same age. They became great friends, and she stayed in Wendy’s employ ever since.
“I knew you would come. I’m so glad. But what happens to me? To Mr Roderick? This whole place?” She starts to cry again, and I feel another stone added to the pile. This isn’t just about me. Or Drew. Or even Piers and me.
“Shh. Shh. Don’t worry Anna. I’m not going anywhere just yet. Let’s not borrow trouble.” My throat tickles as I clear it and ask the one question I’ve been holding in. “Tell me about James.”
“Well. Wendy was sick first. They weren’t the same after you left. He worked more and more. Then she was gone with you after the baby was born. And when she did come home, it was cordial at best between them.”
I squeeze her hand, encouraging her to go on.
“She blamed him for you leaving,” she confesses.
“But why would she? I mean I know why...he hated Piers and he didn’t want us to be together. But he’s not the reason I left. Piers is.”
“It’s not my story to tell, but Mistress thought that there was more to the story. And she blamed James,” Anna adds, before continuing.
“When she got sick, he was crushed they had quarreled and tried to make amends to her, begged to know where you were. To see the boy.”
That catches my attention. “He knew? About Drew?” I gasp.
“Yes. He knew. And it sort of changed something in him. He wanted to see the boy and she refused. Talked about having an heir. But it was too late. Your aunt was too upset with things surrounding your departure.”
“So why tell him about Drew?” I wonder aloud.
“I’m not really sure. It’s possible it slipped.”
“But you all knew?” All this time my secret wasn’t as secret as I thought.
“Yes, we knew. Well, Mr. Roderick and I.” She smiles at me. “Who do you think knitted you that green afghan?”
“Oh, Anna! It’s his favorite blankie. He’s always slept with it.” It warms my heart to know we’ve had a piece of her.
“Glad to know it.” She sips her coffee, pausing to collect her thoughts. “Where was I? Oh yes, James. So after he found out, it was another division between them.”
I drop my head in shame. I hadn’t fully considered how hard this would have been on Wendy.
“Don’t blame yourself, girl. This division started long before you ever breathed your first breath. But James busied himself with work. His company was in trouble. Wendy was diagnosed. It all went so fast after that.” She tears up again, and my own fill my eyes.
“I wish I could have come. If I would have known—” I whisper.
“She knew you would have been here. And that you may not have been ready. That’s why she took that last trip to see you and Drew, to make happy memories.”
“They were wonderful memories. I just wish I had known she was sick.” A part of me is still angry for her secret. But how can I be mad at her for keeping secrets when she had spent five years keeping mine.
“She always knew you would come home. She wanted it to be on your time. Destiny she called it. Destiny will bring Willow back when its time. She said it all the time,” Anna tells me as she rises and takes both our dishes.
“And so, after she was sick, James was hard on himself. Worked hard. Drank harder. Then when she passed, he had a spell after the service. Collapsed and was rushed to hospital.” She turns from the sink and looks at me. “A mild stroke was the diagnosis, but it’s having some lingering effects. Dementia I think they called it. But they can call it whatever medical bingo lingo they want to. That man nearly died of a broken heart.”
I scoff, ashamed at my outburst but having a hard time imagining James having a heart to be broken.
As if reading my mind, she goes on. “Now I know he was a difficult man, and I know he’s part of the reason you left. But he did love her; he just had a bad way of showing it. He held her so tightly because he was always afraid of losing her. And then when that happened, he broke. He’s barely eating; he’s not talking; he looks right through you. He’s at the Stone House Assisted Manor if you want to visit.”
“I, umm—”
“Mum?” Drew walks in, saving me from having to answer.
“Yes, dear, I’m here. Are you hungry?” I get up and go to him, wrapping him in a hug.
“Yes.” He giggles. “I had many adventures in my dreams, and I woke up so hungry.”
Sitting him at the table, I retrieve some milk and juice from the fridge while Anna gives him a scone.
“Thanks, Ms. Anna. I love scones.” She pats his head and smiles. “There’s plenty more where that came from.”
“Chocolate scones too?” he asks excitedly.
“Well, not yet, but there could be. I’ll put it on my shops list,” she offers.
“Thank you ma’am,” he replies before biting into his breakfast. “Oh boy! This is so good. Not crunchy like my mums.” He smiles sheepishly at me and shrugs. “What, Mum? Yours sometimes have brown bottoms.”
Anna fights to contain a giggle of her own. “Well, maybe it’s time I give your mum a refresher lesson on making the perfect scone.”
“And me too?” he begs, looking back and forth between us.
“Of course! I’m always looking for a helper. Mr. Roderick is always looking for helpers too.”
Nodding thoughtfully Drew blurts out, “Is Mr. Roderick your husband?”
“Drew! Manners!” I scold him.
“No. That old fa— fuddy—dud? Nope. He’d have to catch me first.” She smiles, and I think there may be something there that I never caught before.
“He’s recently had a litter of kittens,” she whispers like she’s letting him in on a secret. “Maybe he will let you see one when they are ready to be held.”
“He had kittens?” Drew’s eyes go wide.
“Not him.” She laughs. “The barn cat of his, Socks.”
“Can I Mum? Please,” he asks as he gobbles down his scone.
“When he says it’s time, sure.”
“Can I name them all?” He’s talking a mile a minute.
“We will see. Finish up, and wash your hands.”
“Are we going to visit your friend Piers?” he blurts out of nowhere.
“What? What makes you think that?” I look at Anna who just smiles and shrugs.
“He seems so nice and cool. He said at his office he has three computer screens. And a stapler. So cool right?”
I’m still speechless, so he keeps going.
“Well, he said we can stop by anytime. And I want to go see the red buses and the bridge like the pictures Aunty Wen showed us. Piers said his office is in the city and I bet he knows because he still lives here. So he can be our tour guide, right?”
“Aren’t you tired?” I look for excuses.
His little head shakes at me. “Nope.”
“Well, Drew, I’m sure that Mr. Nichols is very busy, and it’d be rude to just drop in.” I try to buy time to think.
“Well, I think it’s a lovely idea. Mr. Roderick and I could drop you. We need a few things anyways. And here...give these to Piers, and tell him I miss him. It’s been too long,” she says, handing me a bag of scones. “Traitor,” I whisper under my breath.
“Well better get a move on, unless you plan to go in that.” She points down at my leopard pajama pants.
“Come on, Drew. Looks like we’re going into the city.” As we climb the stairs, I think about calling and warning him. Then I think about how he just showed up at my house. I think a surprise would be...what did Anna call it? Oh yes...lovely.
As much as I try to play it cool, I know the real reason I’m not calling has nothing to do with being coy and everything to do with fear of rejection. Looking out the window, I see clouds moving in. Looks like my garden walk will have to wait, just as well. I’m not sure I’m ready.
CHAPTER NINE
PIERS
“Mr. Nichols,” my assistant, Harriet, buzzes through the intercom. “It would seem you have some visitors.”
Setting down the documents I’m working on, I look up just in time to see the door burst open as Drew and Willow walk in.
“Piers, Piers!” Drew rushes to my desk. “You wouldn’t believe all the buses we saw, big red buses, stacked on each other!”
“Drew! Hey, lad!” I greet him first, I know what it’s like to be overlooked in a room of adults. “Look here.” I motion to a large window behind my desk. “A perfect view of the street to watch. Those are called double decker buses.”
He runs over and presses his face to the glass.
Willow stands shyly in the doorway, and Harriet waits politely for introductions. She’s a very proficient assistant but a tad on the nosy side.
“Harriet, this is Willow, an old friend and...and. Her son Drew,” I finally manage to finish, finding it difficult to not claim him as my own. “And this, Willow, is my assistant, the dear Ms. Harriet without whom I would be lost.”
The ladies exchange pleasantries while I focus my attention on Drew watching out the window. Slightly shocked that they’re here. In my office. My son.
“Mr. Nichols. Piers.” Harriet’s voice breaks through my thoughts.
“Yes?” I reply.
“I leave you to it.” She regards me with an odd look on her face then looks back to Drew. If she notices anything, she doesn’t dare say.
“Yes, thanks Harriet. In fact, I may finish up here and head out for the day. So why don’t you go ahead and take leave for the day?”
“Really?” She sounds shocked.
“Yes, really.” It’s not that odd that I let employees take leave early now and again. I wonder what’s gotten into her?
“Well, good day to you sir! And Willow, Drew, lovely meeting you both.” Harriet excuses herself.
“And you as well.” Willow smiles after her.
“Please, have a seat.” I stand, offering Willow one of the chairs across my desk.
“That’s okay. I’ll stand,” she replies, looking around my office. Which leaves me feeling a bit odd. Like she’s seeing more than paint and furniture.
“Alright.” Maybe she doesn’t plan to stay long, I attempt to hide the disappointment in my tone.
“It’s just after being cooped up on the plane and in cars, I’d like to stretch my legs.”, she explains, walking around. And for the first time, I really get a look at her. Her auburn hair is swept to the side; she’s dressed casually but looks beautiful as always. “It’s different than I imagined.” And I know exactly what she means. I’m also different, I wonder if she’s noticed?
“Well, what can I do for you, Willow?” I stay standing, forcing my eyes to stop drinking her in. Remembering the need to keep my distance.
“Sorry to impose. It’s just that Drew
really wanted to come into the city and see the buses and some of the sights. I didn’t think—” She sighs. “We should’ve called first.” She looks deflated, and I feel like an arse for my businesslike tone.
“Nonsense. It’s a nice surprise and the perfect time to break for my day.” I try to backtrack, I don’t want them to leave. Glancing at my watch, I see it’s nearly two o’clock. “The day has flown by, and it seems I’ve missed lunch.”
“We did too. Slept right through breakfast, the both of us,” she informs me. “Oh, which reminds me, these are from Ms. Anna.” She passes me a folded, brown, paper bag.
Opening it, I see and smell her famous orange scones. “Oh, wow. I love these! She always puts the little dark chocolate flakes in them.” I smile before reining in the carefree outbursts. I’m definitely off kilter. But I’m not ready for them to go. I take one more smell of the delicious scones before setting the bag down behind me on my desk.
“Let me take you to a late lunch, or early dinner, down the street at my favorite pub, The Ship’s Wheel. They have the best fish and chips in town. It’s a very authentic place,” I offer, but sense she’s hesitating. “I think young Drew would love it,” I shamelessly add. She narrows her eyes at me as if to say, I’m on to you.
“Oh, mum! Can we please?” Drew breaks away from the window for the first time and comes to stand next to me, sliding his palm into mine. “It sounds lovely Piers! I want to go, Mum. I want to see the place that’s auto— arth— othentic.”
“Authentic,” I manage, helping him out on the last word, having trouble finding my voice, let alone breathing or hearing. All my senses buzz at the feeling of his tiny hand in mine.
Looking up I see Willow, watching us closely with tears in her eyes. My gaze drifts down to where Drew stands at my side, his big green eyes looking up at me. It’s enough to bring me to my knees.
Happy Ever Never (Written in the Stars Book 1) Page 5