“Seven weeks.” He drops his half eaten sandwich on the plate in front of him before his gaze slowly slides to mine.
“Seven weeks?” I question when he makes no attempt to explain.
“I’ll have to return to Nashville for a few days here and there but yes, you have me for seven weeks.”
“And what happens after seven weeks?” I ask, feeling like I can’t be happy about the time I’m going to get with him until I know what comes after.
“I go back on tour. This time it’s a co-headlining tour.”
“Wow. Your own tour.” I smile despite the growing dread in my belly, knowing how huge this is for him.
Hudson’s career has continued to skyrocket over the last few weeks. His fourth single debuted at number one on iTunes and his album has been sitting in the top ten for weeks. As thrilled as I am for him, it’s pretty intimidating for someone who is standing on the sidelines looking in.
“You said your co-headlining. With who?” I ask when he doesn’t offer the information up.
I have a gut feeling I already know the answer before he says it, as if the universe is somehow mocking me.
“Annabelle.” He studies me for a long moment, gauging my reaction.
“I see.” I nod, hating that this news bothers me as much as it does.
It’s one thing to deal with the fans and the thousands of women that would gladly step in and fill my shoes. It’s quite another to compete with someone like Annabelle.
Not only is she a tall, lengthy blonde with a set of pipes to rival the best singers out there, she’s also close to Hudson’s age and likely shares a lot of the same common interests as him.
They’ll be on the road together, spending countless hours together a day. They’ll be able to connect through their music and their shared struggles of being on the road. And while deep down I know I’m being irrational, I can’t help that this whole thing upsets me.
“And you leave in seven weeks? That seems like short notice for a tour. Don’t they need time to sell tickets? Book venues? They can’t just throw that all together in seven weeks.”
“They didn’t.” He picks up the plate between us and slides it onto the nightstand.
“I don’t understand. I mean, I know you said you would likely go back out on tour after Travis’s tour wrapped but you haven’t mentioned anything else until now. How long have you known about this?” I question.
“I didn’t know about the full tour. Only that we’d been booked for ten shows this fall.”
“So that’s the reason for the song you two recorded together.”
“Good publicity.” Hudson nods.
“So you said you knew about ten shows. How long is the full tour?”
“Eight months.” The second it leaves his mouth my chest starts to cave in on itself.
“Eight months?” I question, my voice breathy.
“It’s a ninety-two show tour.”
“Eight months?” My voice rises and emotion clogs my throat.
“Lennon, you knew this was coming.” He slides his hand along my bare knee in a soothing gesture. Only it doesn’t soothe me at all. In fact, it only serves to piss me off more.
“I did but I didn’t know you would be on the road for eight months with another woman.” I hate how childish and jealous I sound, but I can’t help it.
Fear chooses to present itself in many forms. Unwarranted jealousy being one of them.
“Lennon.” Hudson starts but stops when he meets my gaze.
“I thought you were going to start working on your new album?” I object, not really sure what I hope to accomplish by doing so. It’s not like he can just choose to cancel the tour because I’m having a hard time dealing with who he’ll be touring with.
“I’ll write on the bus and be back in the studio as soon as the tour wraps.”
“Will it always be like this?” I question, uncertainty coiling deep in my belly. Tears prick the back of my eyes. I quickly look down at my hands knotted in my lap, hoping to keep them at bay.
I’ve never been so emotional over a man before. It’s completely irrational and yet I can’t help but feel what I feel.
“This is what it means to be in the music business,” he gently explains, leaning forward to push my hair over my shoulder in an attempt to get me to look at him. “We started in a very weird place, Lennon. The first few years of a musician’s career are always the craziest. But that doesn’t mean we can’t make this work. We can. We just have to get more creative.”
“More creative?” I snort. “Meaning I give up my life to chase you around the country until one day you realize you don’t want me there anymore. And then what? I come back to nothing because I gave up everything for you?”
“I would never ask you to give up anything for me,” he insists, tipping my chin so I’m forced to meet his gaze.
“Well someone has to if this is going to work, Hudson,” I bite.
“That’s not true. We’ve been making it work for weeks now.”
“Have we?” I cock my head to the side. “Because all I feel like we’ve managed to make work is making each other miserable.”
“I make you miserable?” He draws back like I physically slapped him across the face.
“No, of course not. That didn’t come out right. But when I’m not with you I am miserable. And since we spend way more time apart than together...” I trail off.
“I know this isn’t easy for you. I know how I would feel if the roles were reversed. But I love you, Lennon. I’m so in love with you that some days it’s almost hard to breathe. I will not give up on us so easily. We will make this work because living without you is not something I’m willing to do.”
I let his statement sink in. Let it wash over me and drown out some of the fears and insecurities that have fueled this conversation. He’s right. I knew this was going to be difficult and yet I decided being with him was worth it.
Being with him is worth it.
“Why does it have to be with her?” I crinkle my nose and pout out my bottom lip dramatically, causing a low rumble of laughter in Hudson’s throat.
“Annabelle doesn’t hold a candle to you.” He snags my chin between his thumb and index finger as he leans in a lays a soft kiss to my mouth.
“You say that but you forget, I’ve seen her. She’s beautiful and talented and you wouldn’t have to worry about her not understanding or throwing a silly fit because you have a job to do.”
“I rather like watching you throw silly fits.” He smirks. “It means you care. I’d rather you throw a million fits than accept that we’ll be apart and be okay with it. Because I’m not okay with it. I know this is my career and I’m the one doing this, but I promise you, I don’t want to be away from you any more than you want me to be.”
“I’m scared,” I admit.
“I am too.” He gives me a soft smile. “But I have to believe that we can figure this out. I lost you once, Lennon Claire. I’ll be damned if I’m gonna lose you again.”
“You’re not going to lose me,” I reassure him. “Well, as long as I don’t walk in and find some girl in your lap, swallowing your face.” I poke fun at him.
“You know you’re the only girl I want swallowing my face,” he teases, leaning forward to wrap his hand around the back of my neck.
“My famous country star.” I smile, scratching my nails through his scruff.
“My inspiration.” He closes the distance between us, kissing me softly before dropping his forehead to mine. “I wanna play you something.” He releases me and quickly slides from the bed.
“Okay.” He grabs his guitar from the corner of the room where he dropped it before ravishing me.
Pulling it from the case, he slides the strap over his bare chest before climbing back into bed. He props up against the headboard and settles the guitar in his lap.
“I’ve been working on this for a while and I think I’ve finally got it right.”
“Is this somethin
g for the new album?” I ask, pulling the blanket into my lap.
“Maybe.” He shrugs. “I didn’t write it for anything specific. Like I said, you inspire me.” He slides his fingers gently across the strings, making sure the guitar is in tune before he starts.
“I’m still working out a few things so don’t judge me too harshly.” He grins, strumming out a few chords on the guitar.
It’s only a few seconds before I’m completely transfixed. The way his fingers move across the instrument so effortlessly, it’s like he was born to play it.
But then he starts to sing and I swear the whole world shifts beneath me.
I’ve seen him on stage, witnessed his power to enchant an entire audience, felt the goose bumps prick my skin at his incredible voice. But even through all that, nothing compares to this very moment.
His voice is a soft rasp, his eyes close as he loses himself to the song. I hold on to each word as it comes, my heart beating faster and faster until I feel like I can’t pull in a breath.
“I knew I loved you from that moment. From the first time your smile slid across your face. You were all I ever wanted. And I didn’t even know your name.”
Tears prick the back of my eyes and as hard as I try to fight them back, I can’t stop them from sliding down my cheeks in quick succession as Hudson continues to sing, his voice making my entire body stand to attention.
“You were the girl I never knew I needed. The one I hadn’t even realized I was looking for. And when your hand reached out and slid across my face, I knew that I’d never be able to walk away.”
He sings about loving someone so completely that he fears losing himself. About needing someone so much it terrifies him. And I realize in that moment he’s telling me he feels exactly the same way I do.
Scared. Vulnerable. Without control.
“Say you’ll stay. Say you’ll stay. Say you’ll stay.” He repeats the last chorus, growing softer and softer each time until his fingers go still against the guitar and his eyes slowly open.
“You’re crying.” It’s the first thing he says when our gazes lock. His voice a combination of concern and confusion.
“It was incredible,” I choke out in explanation.
“It’s about you.” He confirms what I already knew. “I’ve been adding to it little by little over the past few weeks. Anytime I think of you I sit down with my guitar and I swear the music just pours out of me. I’ve written a few different songs recently, but this one means the most. It’s the one I worked on at night while everyone else slept and I couldn’t think of anything but you. What you were doing. What you were thinking about. If you were sleeping or if like me, you were lying awake thinking of me.”
“If you’re trying to get me to cry harder, it’s working,” I tell him, emotion so thick in my chest it’s a wonder I can still speak.
“I need you to understand what you mean to me, Lennon. This isn’t just some passing thing. You’re it. You’re the one I want. I need you to know that and trust in me. Trust in us. I will always put you first, no matter what that means.”
“Stop talking.” I push up on my knees and crawl toward him, straddling his legs as I remove his guitar and gently set it on the floor.
“Lennon,” he starts but I press my fingers over his mouth.
“I said, stop talking.” I shake my head, scooting further up his lap until my face is hovering inches from his. “I can’t tell you how I feel in the form of a song. I can’t create something that wraps all my feelings into one and makes you feel every word of what I say. What I can do is tell you that I love you. I love you in a way I didn’t know was possible. In a way that scares the hell out of me. Yet fills me so full I feel like I might burst. I won’t lie and say I’m not scared of what the future holds. Because I am scared. But I’m also willing to fight for you with everything that I have. Because you, Hudson Demasi, are someone worth fighting for.” I move my hand from his lips and replace it with my mouth, showing him with my body what I hope I already convinced him with my words.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Hudson stayed with me for six days before he had to return to Nashville. Six of the best days of my life. It’s the longest period of time we’ve been together in one stint and it did wonders to calm some of the doubts I had about him leaving on tour.
As much as I didn’t want him to leave, he flew out yesterday, having to meet Colton who had worked with the label to line up a few promotional things to help get Hudson’s name out there even more.
Yesterday he made a stop at the local children’s hospital. Colton sent me video of him playing for some of the sick kids and I swear it was the sweetest, most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever witnessed.
Today he did a two song performance on a nationally televised morning news program. I watched with nervous butterflies flapping around in my belly like full grown birds. He did amazing, just like I knew he would.
He’s supposed to be flying back in tomorrow morning, though he has yet to send me his flight details so I don’t know when I’m picking him up.
I do know that once he’s back, he’s staying for three solid weeks before he has to be anywhere. His manager worked out a small break for him which we are both extremely grateful for.
Pulling into my assigned parking spot in the garage below my building, I kill the engine and use the key fob to pop the trunk.
It’s late and even though I had a long day at work, I need to be stocked up on groceries for when Hudson returns. Considering I fed him mainly peanut butter and jelly and boxed macaroni and cheese the last few days he was here, I figured it may be a good idea to expand my options a little.
I climb from the driver’s seat and have just rounded the back of the car when I hear footsteps behind me.
Turning, I jump slightly when I come face to face with Gage who has clearly been waiting on me to come home.
“Gage.” I grip my chest, my heart beating a million miles a minute. “You scared the shit out of me,” I say, shaking my head at him. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I needed to see you.” His words slur slightly.
Not this again...
“Now’s not a good time, Gage. It’s late.” Turning, I reach into the trunk to grab the bags when his hand closes down on my shoulder.
“Well make it a good time, Lennon,” he bites.
“Seriously.” I throw my hands up, abandoning my groceries for a moment as I turn back toward him. “Why do you keep doing this? Why are you here?”
“I told you, I needed to see you.”
“Well now you have. You go now.”
“Don’t be a smart ass, Lennon.” He takes a step toward me. “I’ve been thinking a lot over the last few days. Seeing you a couple weeks ago made me realize how miserable I am without you. I need you back, Lennon.”
I bite back a laugh, not even trying to hide how hilarious I find his statement.
“I’m seeing someone. You already know this,” I say, not sure if this will play as a deterrent or simply fuel his fire.
“Ah, yes. The country star.” He rolls his eyes. “Do you really think that’s going to last? How long until he’s bored? How long until the draw of fame and women pull him away? You can’t seriously be stupid enough to believe this has any chance of lasting.”
“You have no idea what Hudson and I share. You know nothing.”
“I know the type, Lennon.”
“Yeah, so do I.” I glare daggers at him. “And Hudson is not like you.”
“Like me?” He sways a little and I can’t help but wonder how much he’s had to drink tonight.
“Let’s not forget who the cheater is here, Gage.”
“I get it. I hurt you. But that doesn’t mean he won’t hurt you too. How much do you really know about this guy?”
“I know enough. And I trust him. So you can take your bullshit somewhere else because I’m done listening to it.”
“Lennon, please. We can be happy together. You and me. I c
an keep you safe.”
“We have been over this so many times I honestly don’t know what else I can say to make you see that I will never, ever get back together with you. You cheated on me. You humiliated me. If you ever cared for me you will turn around, leave, and never come back.”
“It’s because I care about you that I can’t do that.”
“This isn’t caring about someone, Gage. What you did to me. What you continue to do to me. It isn’t love. It’s obsession.”
“I’m not obsessed.” He draws back like I’ve just slapped him.
“What would you call it then, huh?” I cross my arms over my chest. “You’ve shown up at my house uninvited several times over the last few months. You admitted to driving by my house, walking on the beach next to my house. You showed up at a bar where I was with Emma and proceeded to push yourself at me even though I’ve told you repeatedly that I’m not interested.”
“You’re making me sound like a stalker.”
“I’m starting to wonder if you are one.”
“I’m not stalking you, Lennon. I just need you to hear me out.”
“I’ve heard you out, Gage. Over and over again and my answer does not change. This.” I gesture between the two of us. “This will never, ever happen.”
“Because of him?” He growls, nostrils flaring.
“Because of you.” I point right in his face. “You are the one that did this. He is the one that showed me I’m glad that you did.”
“This isn’t over, Lennon. It can’t be.” He takes another step toward me, forcing me to take a step back, the frame of the bumper cool against the back of my legs.
“It is over, Gage. It’s been over for months. Now either you leave me alone or I will call the police and make it where you don’t have a choice in the matter.”
“You wouldn’t,” he spits, leaning into my personal space.
“Why don’t you try me, Gage,” I challenge, not backing down as I pull out my phone and type in 911, holding the screen up for him to see.
“You loved me once.”
“I thought I did,” I say, softening my approach when I see the hurt that flashes through his eyes. “Listen, you’re drunk. Just go home. Go home, Gage.”
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