“I’m sorry, how rude of me.” The pretty brunette standing in front of me smiles. Only it’s not the friendly kind of smile you give someone you’re happy to meet. It’s more of one of those I’m sizing you up and I think I have the upper hand kind of smiles. “Stephanie Demasi,” she says, extending her hand.
Like a bolt of lightning it hits me. I know where I’ve seen her before. Thrive. She was the brunette in Hudson’s lap that night. I don’t know how I know that. How I could possibly remember someone I only saw once for a brief moment over five years ago, but I swear it’s her. I can feel it to my bones.
“Demasi?” I question, a sort of fog settling over me.
“As in Mrs. Hudson Demasi.” Her words hit me like a sledgehammer to the chest.
At first I think she’s messing with me. She has to be. There’s no way he’s married. There’s no way after all these weeks he failed to mention he has a wife. I’ve met his family. Who never once mentioned a Stephanie. Certainly if this were true I would have found out before now.
“That’s enough, Steph,” Colton snips and my eyes dart to him, the reality finally starting to sink in.
“It’s true?” I ask, fighting back the tears welling in my eyes.
“It’s not what you think, Len.”
“Is it true?” I ask again, my voice shaking as it rises.
“Yes, but...”
Not willing or desiring to hear anything more he has to say, I spin on my heel and run through the courthouse as fast as my two feet will take me.
“Lennon, please.” Colton catches up to me just as I pull open my car door.
Spinning toward him, he instantly takes a full step back when he sees the look on my face.
“You knew,” I seethe, pointing my finger at his chest. “You knew he was married and you never once thought that I deserved to know?”
“I did think you deserved to know. But it’s not what you’re thinking. Steph and Hudson...they were a long time ago.”
“And that makes lying to me okay?” I scream, not caring who hears me. “He’s married, Colton. Do you get how messed up that is?”
“I do. Trust me I do.”
“You knew she’d be here. That’s why you tried so hard to keep me home.” Everything suddenly makes perfect sense.
“Lennon, please. Hudson loves you. Just give him a chance to explain everything before you write him off.”
“His chance for telling me he was married was weeks ago. I’ve been down this path before. Being lied to and betrayed. I won’t do it again.” I spin, dropping into the driver’s seat. “You can tell Hudson I hope his wife is more forgiving than I am.” I slam the door in his face and fire the engine to life, ignoring Colton’s pleas as I pop the car in gear and quickly speed away.
—-
“I don’t get it.” Emma paces the carpet in front of me, her eyes locked on her cell phone in her hand. “There’s nothing here about him being married. How would that information not have gotten out?” She looks at me with pity in her eyes and I swear it only further fuels the anger bubbling inside of me.
After I left the courthouse, I came straight to Emma’s, knowing she’d be the only person in the world who could talk me down. I expected her to make me feel better, to make me see something I wasn’t seeing, but thus far she’s been no help.
Not that it’s her fault. There’s one person that can give me the answers I need and right now he’s the absolute last person I want to see.
“There has to be a reasonable explanation,” Robert offers from his place on the couch. “You said Colton knew she would be there. Why would Hudson have her come? Did he seriously think you wouldn’t show at the courthouse? It doesn’t make any sense.”
“You’re right, it doesn’t,” I agree. “None of this makes any sense.” I pull at my hair, feeling like I want to claw my way out of my own skin.
“Robert’s right, Len. There has to be a reasonable explanation. Especially after what happened last night with Gage.”
“When Colton asked me not to go I thought it was because Hudson was angry with me. That maybe he thought he saw me as a willing participant and blamed me for the whole thing. But I was adamant about going and Colton almost became desperate. I knew something was up. I could feel it in my gut. I just never in a million years dreamed that this is what he was hiding.”
“Of course you didn’t, sweetie.” Emma slides down on the loveseat next to me. “There’s no way you could have seen this coming.” She gives my hand a gentle squeeze. “The question is what are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know,” my voice breaks. My chest tightening to the point I feel on the verge of hyperventilation. “I can’t see him right now. I just need... I just need time to think.”
“Lennon,” Robert whispers and I look up to meet his dark gaze. “I can’t presume to know what you’re feeling right now, and I’m so sorry you’re hurting. But putting this off will only make it worse. You need answers and until you get them you’re going to drive yourself crazy.”
“He’s right, Len. I get that you need time to process, but you need to talk to Hudson.”
“I can’t even think about that right now.” I shake my head, swiping angrily at the tears sliding down my cheeks.
“You’re exhausted. Why don’t you go lay down in the guest room. Try to get a little sleep. Maybe you’ll wake with a clearer head and have a better idea of what you need to do.”
She’s right. I’m both mentally and physically exhausted, but the thought of sleep doesn’t sound appealing. How can I sleep when all I can see is her face? Hudson’s wife. God it doesn’t even seem real.
“I think I’m going to head home,” I say, feeling like I need some time to collect myself and try to gather my thoughts.
“I’ll come with you,” Emma immediately offers.
“No.” I shake my head and stand. “I love you for offering, Em. But right now I think I need to be alone.”
“You’ll call if you need anything?” she asks and I can tell she doesn’t want to let me go.
“I will.” I nod.
“And you’ll keep me posted the moment you know anything.”
“Promise.”
“And if you need someone to give him a good ass whooping?” Robert chimes in.
“You’ll be the first person I call,” I tell him, a smile managing to find its way to my lips.
“You sure you’re okay to be driving? You look like hell, Len,” Emma says, following me to the front door of the beautiful two story home Robert had built for them.
“I’m sure. Thanks for letting me vent.” I shrug, knowing vent is a stretch of what I just put her and Robert through. More like an hour long meltdown where I screamed and cried like a lunatic for ninety percent of the time.
“Always.” She gives me a soft smile as I pull open the door and step onto the front porch – the afternoon sun way too bright for my sensitive eyes. “Hey, Len,” Em calls out right as I reach the steps leading down to the sidewalk. “I love you.”
“Love you too.” I force a smile before turning and quickly walking away.
Chapter Two
Hudson: Please answer your phone. We need to talk.
Hudson: I can explain everything. Just call me back.
Hudson: Lennon?
Hudson: At least tell me you’re okay.
Hudson: Tell me where you are. Please.
I ignore message after message as well as decline every call Hudson has made over the past half an hour. I’m assuming, given the way my phone started blowing up not long after I left Emma’s, that he’s out of jail.
Is it bad that I almost wish he weren’t?
Tossing my phone onto the passenger seat, not wanting to deal with Hudson right now, I climb from the car before looking up at the large four story hospital in front of me.
I don’t know what I’m doing here. Honestly I had no intention of visiting Gage. I was driving around, feeling more lost and helpless than ever before when I
found myself sitting in the visitor parking lot of the county hospital.
Letting out a slow breath, I make my way through the main entrance, turning left to find a reception desk manned by an older lady who barely glances up from her computer when I approach.
“Can you please tell me which room Gage Dawson is in? He was admitted last night.”
“Gage Dawson,” she repeats, continuing to type away on her keyboard. “Room three sixty-four. Take the elevators down the hall to the third floor. Once there, make a left.”
“Thank you.”
She meets my gaze, gives me a brief nod, and turns her attention back to her computer.
The ride up feels like an eternity. My heart races in my chest, filling the small box with the thud of my nerves. By the time the doors finally slide open, I’ve all but talked myself out of visiting Gage.
It’s crazy really. I don’t know why I care. I shouldn’t care. But deep down I feel like I need to make sure he’s okay.
A part of me feels like I’m to blame for what happened last night. Not entirely given that it wouldn’t have happened had he not kissed me. But I still bear a great deal of weight and no matter what Gage has done, I don’t feel like he deserved what Hudson did to him.
Yes, he’s an incredible asshole. Yes, he’s put me through more shit in the last year than is even close to acceptable. Yes, he’s the reason I have a hard time trusting anyone. But he’s still the man I once saw my future with.
Peppered into all the bad memories are some good ones. Some really good ones. And it’s those memories, those little glimpses of the man Gage has the potential to be, that has me wrapping lightly on the door of room three sixty-four before pushing my way inside.
The room is dim. The overhead lights are turned off and the blinds are drawn, casting an almost orange glow into the room.
“Lennon?” Confusion is clear in Gage’s voice the instant he spots me.
My heart sinks into my stomach when I catch sight of him lying in the bed. He looks awful. His face is bruised and swollen. There are stitches across his left cheek and white tape running along the bridge of his nose. One eye is almost completely swollen shut while the other has a dark bruise underneath it. A deep slit runs down the center of his bottom lip to what appears to be more stitches across his chin.
“I hope it’s okay that I’m here.” Stepping further into the room, I continue, “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“You shouldn’t be here.” His voice is strained, eyes looking anywhere but at me.
“I know. I can go,” I say, turning.
“No.” I hear the bed shift and turn back to see him sitting up fully in bed. “I said you shouldn’t be here, not that I didn’t want you to be.”
“I’m not here...” I start, but he instantly cuts me off.
“I’m not stupid enough to believe that you being here means you’ve changed your mind.” He shakes his head. “I think that message was delivered pretty clear already.” He gestures to his face.
“I never wanted this to happen.”
“I know you didn’t. And I don’t blame you that it did. It was on me. I was drunk. I pushed myself at you. If you were still mine I would have done the same thing to anyone stupid enough to put his hands on you.”
“You were drunk. And way out of line. But people step out of line every day. You didn’t deserve to end up here because of it.”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “Maybe I did.” He pats the mattress and for reasons I don’t fully understand, I close the distance between us and take a seat at the foot of his bed, angling myself to face him. “I’ve done some messed up shit, Len. I’ve hurt you in ways I never wanted to hurt you. I was selfish and scared, and I acted out because of it. I never dreamed it would all blow back on me the way it did. But despite everything, I really did love you. Hell, I still do.”
“Gage.” He holds up a hand to stop me.
“I knew you’d come. I knew you’d come because that’s just who you are. You care about people. Even when you shouldn’t. That’s one of the many things I love about you. You wanted to make sure I was okay even though I don’t deserve it.” He’s so sure of this. Of something I wasn’t even sure of until minutes ago when I found myself outside of the hospital.
“And are you? Okay I mean.”
“I will be.” He offers me a small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Doctor said I should be released later this afternoon.”
“That’s good news.”
“I’m sorry, Lennon. I’m sorry for everything I put you through. I’m sorry for the cheating and the lies. I’m sorry for how I handled everything that came after. I’m just fucking sorry. I want you to know I’m done. I’m done hurting you. You deserve so much more than I’ve given you and it’s time I step aside and let you find that happiness. Even if it’s not with me.”
“How hard did he hit you?” I joke, wondering who the hell the man sitting in front of me is. It’s like Hudson knocked some actual sense into him.
My stomach churns at the thought of Hudson.
“Pretty fucking hard.” He chuckles, gesturing to his face again.
“Why didn’t you press charges?” I ask, though I’m pretty certain I already know the answer.
“I wish I could tell you I’m not someone swayed by money, but that simply wouldn’t be the truth. After the marathon your boyfriend did on my face, I wasn’t the least bit sorry to take every penny they offered me. But, between you and me, I wasn’t going to press charges anyway.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have. I know it’s too little way too fucking late but I’m hoping one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”
“Gage.”
“I know what we had is over. I know. I’m not asking for that kind of forgiveness.”
“So no more?” I question, feeling like this might be too good to be true.
“I’ll leave you alone, Lennon. You have my word on that. I know my word doesn’t mean shit to you but I’d like the opportunity to change that.”
“I’m sorry everything turned out so messed up.” My chest tightens.
“Me too.”
“So I guess this is goodbye then?” I look at my lap where my hands are knotted before finally meeting his gaze again.
“Looks like it.” He nods.
He reaches over, grimacing as he does, and pats the back of my hand twice before shifting against the stack of pillows behind him.
“Take care of yourself, Gage,” I say, slowly standing.
“You too, Lennon.” He turns his head toward the blind drawn windows and if I didn’t know any better I’d swear I saw tears swimming in his eyes as he did.
Deciding I got what I came here for, I turn and exit the room.
Not really sure how to feel about what just happened, I run it over in my head at least a dozen times as I make my way out of the hospital and to my car.
How did everything shift so quickly? How did Gage go from being the biggest asshole in the world to showing me he actually does have a heart? How does Hudson go from being the center of my world to someone I can’t even think about without wanting to vomit?
How? How? How?
I’ve almost reached my car parked in the back of the lot when I feel the shift. I don’t know how to explain it, but whenever Hudson is near it’s like the atmosphere charges with energy and I can feel it.
Glancing up, my knees nearly buckle under my weight at the sight of him leaning against my car. Hair disheveled, dark aviators pulled down over his eyes. It’s enough to make me momentarily forget why I hate him so much right now.
Only I don’t hate him, not even a little. No matter how much I wish I could. Hating him would make this all so much easier.
I don’t even question how he found me. Clearly, like Gage, Hudson knew I would come here. Normally, I love that he knows me so well, but right now my feelings on the subject are on the other
side of the playing field. I’m irritated and annoyed that my efforts to avoid him have failed.
Gathering my resolve, I quickly close the distance between us, not bothering to look at him again as I step past him and attempt to open the driver’s side door of my car.
Before I can pull the handle, Hudson shifts, pressing his weight against the door so I can’t open it.
“Lennon.” His voice is a soft rasp and damn near breaks me. “Lennon,” he repeats when I keep my gaze on the ground. “Fucking look at me.” His desperate plea has my eyes darting to his face even though it’s the last thing I want to do.
“Get out of my way, Hudson,” I grind out, managing to keep the water works that threaten to spill over at bay.
“Steph isn’t my wife.”
“Get out of my way,” I repeat.
“She hasn’t been for a very long time,” he continues as if I didn’t even speak.
“Get out of my way,” I lower my voice in warning.
“Not until you let me explain.”
“Explain what exactly?” I explode, everything I’ve been holding in for the past few hours bubbles over and pours out of me at rapid speed. “Explain how you lied to me? Explain how you conveniently neglected to tell me that you were married? I trusted you.” I shove at his chest. “I trusted you and you fucking lied. You are no better than Gage. Now get the fuck out of my way!” I scream in his face.
“I am nothing like him,” he says the word like it’s poison on his lips. “You’d know that if you’d stop for two fucking minutes and let me explain.”
“The time for explaining has passed.” I step to the side, attempting to pry open my door even though it won’t budge.
“Seriously?” He spins on me forcefully, causing me to stumble backward a couple of steps. “After everything, you’re just going to turn your back on me so easily?”
“Newsflash, asshole! You’re married!”
“Was married,” he counters just as loudly, stepping toward me. “As in not anymore.”
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