Thankfully since my mom allowed us to eat in the living room, no one really noticed that I was a little bit inside my head. Of course that doesn’t mean Hudson didn’t notice. I felt his eyes on the side of my face several times but I couldn’t bear to look at him for more than a few seconds because the longer I sat next to him, the angrier I seemed to become.
It’s irrational, I know. It was one picture and a completely innocent one at that. Who cares that they went out to dinner together? It means nothing. And yet it still feels like something. I don’t know if that’s because it really is something or because I’m just super paranoid that history will repeat itself.
Hudson remains quiet on the drive home. Even though I know he can tell something is off he doesn’t broach the subject until we’re home. I’m in the bedroom changing into my pajamas when he finally addresses my obvious shift in mood.
“So are you going to tell me what’s going on with you?” he asks, crossing his arms as he leans against the door jam.
“Nothing,” I answer childishly, tugging on the reindeer pajama bottoms I bought the other day.
“Sure doesn’t seem like nothing.” He keeps his gaze trained on me as I remove my earrings, dropping them on top of the dresser. “Now why don’t you actually tell me what’s wrong.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been spending time alone with Annabelle?” I demand, knowing I can’t avoid this forever. If I try it will likely drive me crazy.
“What?” He seems completely taken back by my question.
“Don’t look at me like that.” I mirror his action, crossing my arms in front of myself. “Newsflash Hudson, you’re famous now. And you know what happens when famous people go out? Or two famous people for that matter? They get photographed and plastered in cheesy magazines. So I’ll repeat. Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been spending time with Annabelle?”
“Well, for one, we’re friends. For two, when you spend every day inside a tour bus and every night at a venue, you take the opportunities you can to get out and do something other than work.”
“But you’re not answering my question. Why did you never mention it to me?”
“I didn’t realize I had to.” His tone instantly puts me on edge.
“You don’t have to do anything, Hudson, but it would be nice to know that you two are hanging out without having to learn it from my mother, whose friend told her after seeing your picture in some stupid magazine.” I throw my hands up in frustration. “When you keep things from me, it makes me question everything.”
“I’m not keeping things from you, Lennon. Yes, I’ve had dinner with Annabelle a few times. I honestly didn’t think anything of it because she’s just my friend.”
“So then I can go out to dinner with any guy I want as long as I classify him as a friend?”
“Lennon.” He pushes away from the door.
“No. I’m serious, Hudson. If she’s just a friend and I have no right to be bothered by the two of you hanging out then you shouldn’t care if I go out with some of my male friends. After all they’re just my friends.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Don’t do what? It’s okay for you but not okay for me?” I grind out, my temper getting the better of me.
This isn’t how I wanted this to happen. In my mind we were going to sit down and calmly talk about it. He was going to make me feel better by convincing me I had nothing to worry about. Instead, two minutes in and it’s already spiraling.
“I didn’t say that. You keep answering for me before I can get a word in.”
“By all means, talk.” I gesture for him to continue.
“Wow.” He shakes his head slowly, running a hand through his hair as he lets out a breath. “Not really how I had envisioned spending our first Christmas Eve together, but fine, if you want to do this now then let’s do it.” He pauses for a brief moment. “Anna is my friend. Every now and then when we get a break we do hang out. It’s usually a quick bite to eat or maybe a drink, but it’s never for long periods of time and it’s never anything beyond two friends taking a break from their busy schedules. That’s all it is.”
“Then why not tell me that upfront? We talk almost every single day. Not once did you mention anything like this, which tells me you purposely avoided telling me.”
“Maybe I did.” His admission feels like a punch to my stomach. “But only because I didn’t want to do this.” He gestures between the two of us.
“Didn’t want to do what exactly? Didn’t want to have to listen to me bitch about the fact that you’re on the road with quite possibly the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and the two of you are sharing romantic dinners together in your spare time,” I bite.
“Jesus, Lennon. Listen to yourself. What are we? In high school?”
“Fuck you, Hudson. You have no idea what this feels like. You have no idea what it’s like to sit here day in and day out knowing you’re out there doing god knows what with god knows who. You have no idea what it’s like to know there are images of you with another woman out there for the world to see. That everyone is assuming you two are secretly together. You have no idea how exhausting it is defending myself to everyone. Assuring my family and friends that I know what I’m doing and that I can trust you. You have no idea, Hudson. Because you’re too busy living the good life. Doing whatever the hell you want whenever you want to do it. I don’t go out with other men. You don’t have to look at pictures of me with other men or read the rumors that I’m sleeping with other people. You don’t have to live with the fear I live with every single day. Because no matter what you say, no matter what you do, I will always be afraid. I’ll always be scared of losing you. So you can either learn to live with it or stop wasting your time because that will not change.”
“You think I’m not afraid?” he erupts, his voice booming around me. “There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t worry, Lennon. Not one fucking day. I worry you’ll wake up and realize you can’t handle this. I worry you’ll find someone that can be here for you when I can’t. I worry constantly. So don’t act for one second like you’re in this alone. We may be on the opposite end from each other, but we share the same doubts and fears, Lennon. I think that’s just what it means to truly be in love with someone. Those fears will never go away for either of us, but we can’t let them rule us either. If we do, this will never work.” He crosses the room toward me, stopping at the edge of the bed a couple feet from where I’m standing.
“You can’t keep things from me,” my voice softer, his words having acted like a soothing balm to my blistered skin.
“That was a mistake. I see that now. But Lennon, you have to believe me when I tell you that Anna is just a friend. And while I’m not thrilled at the thought of you having dinner with another man, I also wouldn’t stop you from doing so. I would choose to trust you as I had hoped you would trust me. I know I kept Steph from you and that’s where a lot of this stems from, but damn it, what do I have to do to show you that you are the only one I want? Anna has nothing on you. There isn’t a woman in this world that could hold a candle to you. Don’t you get it? You’re all I see. It’s just you.” He closes the distance between us, his hand reaching out to cup my cheek.
“I’m ridiculous.” Tears flood my vision as a wave of embarrassment washes over me. I took what should have been a simple conversation and turned it into a fight for no other reason than I felt threatened.
“Hey.” Hudson pulls me into his arms, his voice soft next to my ear. “You’re not ridiculous. If the roles were reversed I probably would’ve reacted a lot worse.”
“You do so much for me and I completely lost it over a picture of you sharing a meal with another woman.” I plant my face in his chest.
“This isn’t easy for either of us. Don’t apologize for voicing how you feel. I want you to. I want you to get mad. To scream and yell. I want you to be able to get it all out and know that at the end of it we will only be stronger for it.”
> “I ruined Christmas Eve, didn’t I?” I pull back and look up at him.
“Not even close.” He grins, leaning down to lay a soft kiss to my mouth.
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop,” he speaks against my lips. “It’s me who should be sorry. You did nothing wrong.” He pulls back, sliding his hand into the back of my hair. “I promise from now on I will tell you if I’m going anywhere with Anna.”
“I’m not your keeper. You don’t have to check in with me,” I say, fearing that I’m already becoming that woman.
“No, I don’t. But I love you and I want you to feel secure. And if telling you when I’m going to be spending time with Anna gives you peace of mind then that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
“I want to say you don’t have to because I feel like that’s what I should say, but truthfully, I think it would make me feel a lot better to know. I hate feeling out of the loop. I want you to be able to tell me everything, always.”
“Then it’s settled.” He tips my chin upward.
“Settled,” I agree.
“Now, are you ready for your present?” A smile spreads across his handsome face.
“You sure you still want to give it to me?” I tease. “And, it’s not even Christmas yet.”
“When I was a kid, my dad would always give my mom her present on Christmas Eve after we had gone to bed. It was for no other reason than he wanted to share one quiet moment with the woman he loved. To show her that she wasn’t just ‘mom’ but also his wife. I think it made her feel special. It was one of the rarer times that my father’s softer side would appear. I found out a couple years ago he still does it, even though they live alone now. I guess I would like to honor them by taking that part of my childhood and carrying it over.”
“I think that sounds amazing.” I take his hand and allow him to pull me into the living room.
Stopping in front of the small pre-lit tree I brought with me from the condo, Hudson gestures for me to take a seat on the floor. Without a word, I slide down onto the hardwood, tucking my legs underneath myself as he joins me on the floor.
Reaching under the tree, he slides the tree skirt to the side revealing a small square gift box the size of a drink coaster. Picking it up, he shifts his body to face me.
“Merry Christmas, Lennon.” He grins, turning my palm upward before setting the small package in my hand.
With shaky hands I undo the ribbon before ripping open the wrapping paper and tossing it to the side. Slowly lifting the top off the box, my gaze meets Hudson’s for a brief moment before looking back down. My breath catches in my throat when I catch sight of the incredible bracelet inside.
Upon first glance it’s clear it’s not just any bracelet either. Looping my finger through the thin white gold band, I hold it up to get a better look at it.
“Hudson.” His name is breathy on my lips as I take in the four different charms that dangle from the band, each one small enough to not be too gaudy yet still perfectly detailed.
A sea shell.
A guitar.
A heart with the letters H&L engraved into it.
And a tiny bottle of tequila.
“You can add to it,” he says, sliding the band from my hand before unclasping it.
“It’s beautiful,” I say, watching him wrap the thin bracelet around my wrist.
“The sea shell represents the beach,” he says, connecting the clasp. “The guitar is for me.” He grins, trailing his finger lightly from charm to charm. “The heart signifies our love. And the tequila, well, I thought that would be pretty obvious.” He chuckles, finally meeting my gaze.
“This seriously is the best present anyone has ever gotten me.”
“I’m glad you like it.” He lifts my hand and kisses my wrist just below where the bracelet lies.
“I don’t just like it, I love it. Now, can I give you your gift?” I ask, suddenly a little nervous. At the time I thought what I got him would be perfect but now I’m wishing I had gotten him something a little more tangible.
“Sure.” He smiles, watching me climb to my feet.
“Stay here,” I instruct him, padding across the floor to our bedroom.
I spent days trying to find Hudson the perfect gift. What do you get someone who has the means to buy whatever he wants? So, when I walked by the lingerie store in the mall and saw this red, see through, bra and panty set lined with white fur, I couldn’t pass it up.
It takes me a couple minutes to get myself situated. Nervous butterflies flap wildly in my stomach when I re-enter the living room, the floor cool beneath my bare feet.
Any reservations I had about Hudson liking his gift go completely out the window when he catches sight of me. His nostrils flare and his eyes instantly darken. It’s only seconds before he’s off the floor and stalking toward me.
Needless to say he enjoyed his present very much, even though it ended up on the floor ten minutes later.
Chapter Sixteen
“So tell me the truth; is Travis Travers really as hot in person as they say he is?” Sara, Hudson’s youngest sister leans in from her spot next to me on the couch where we’re watching her family laugh and talk while opening presents.
Sara, who just got back from Europe six days ago, is everything Hudson said she would be and so much more. Being only a year apart in age, Sara and I hit it off instantly and have spent the last several hours chit chatting like old friends.
“He’s definitely better looking in person than he is in pictures.” I keep my voice low.
“Holy hell. Is that even possible?” She fans her face, her cropped bangs floating up and down as she does.
Sara, like Hudson’s other two sisters, is very pretty. Only unlike Kelly and Brittany, Sara is petite which makes her even cuter. All three girls favor their mom with little characteristics of their father’s showing through.
Kelly is all mom, very put together and nurturing. She embraced me over the summer when I met her at one of Hudson’s shows and she’s made me feel very much a part of the family since that day.
Brittany is far more timid, having barely spoken five words to me since we got here. She has a hoop nose ring and wild colors streaking her dirty blonde hair. Wearing tight jeans and an even tighter top with slashes up the sides, it’s clear that Brittany is the black sheep. And given the man with her tonight, I’d say she gravitates toward other black sheep.
Her boyfriend, Holly, is someone I would immediately avoid if I came across him in public. Long black hair, a lip ring on each side, and tattoos running up his arms and neck. Don’t get me wrong, I totally get the bad boy charm, but Holly is not your typical hot bad boy. Holly comes across more like an ex-convict that looks higher than a kite. Everything about him screams trouble.
Like Brittany, he’s barely spoken to anyone and if I had to bet I’d say he didn’t come here willingly. Both Hudson and his father seem to dislike the guy. Not that I can say I blame them. After overhearing the way he was talking to Brittany on the porch earlier, it’s rather surprising the Demasi men haven’t removed him from the equation altogether. Although, had they heard what I did they just might have.
“Those two.” Sara laughs next to me as Kelly’s three year old twin boys fight over a toy car. Both boys got the same car but one is red and one is blue, and both want the red one. “You should have seen them last month at their birthday party. I didn’t make it but I was on Facetime with Mom while they were opening gifts and I gotta tell you, I don’t know how Kelly still has hair.” She chuckles.
“I’m guessing that’s probably thanks to him.” I nod toward Kelly’s husband, Theo, who scoots between the two boys and calmly tries to resolve the issue.
“You got that right.” Hudson leans in next to me making me realize he’s been paying attention to our conversation. I immediately wonder how long he’s been listening and if he caught what I said about Travis Travers being hot. “Kelly is extremely lucky to have Theo. As are their boys.”
&nb
sp; “He really is a great dad,” Sara agrees. “You would be too, ya know.” She grins at Hudson before turning her gaze on me. “What about you, Lennon? You wanna do this one day?”
“What? Kids?” I question, wanting to make sure I’m following.
“Yeah. You know, marriage, children, the whole shebang.”
“I mean, yeah I guess. Maybe one day.” I shrug, playing it casual even though the thought of having kids of my own freaks me the hell out. I do want them, just not anytime soon.
“Hudson wants a big family,” Sara announces and I instantly look to Hudson for confirmation.
“Really?” I question, for some reason finding this hard to believe.
“Really.” He grins.
“How big of a family?” I ask, deciding to take this opportunity to learn as much as I can.
“At least three kids, but I think I’d like closer to four or five.”
“Four or five?” I gape at him.
“Too many?” He chuckles.
“Well, you’re going to be thirty-two. If you’re planning on having that many kids you probably need to get started sooner rather than later.”
“Is that an offer?” He laughs when my gaze widens.
“Definitely not.” I shake my head adamantly, causing him to laugh harder.
“Well brother, if you’re trying to freak her out I think you’ve succeeded,” Sara interjects as she stands. “I’m going to make me another drink.” She shakes her empty glass at me. “Wanna come with?”
“Yes.” I stand, suddenly feeling quite parched. “I’ll be right back,” I tell Hudson before following his sister out of the room.
Don’t get me wrong, the thought of having children with Hudson sounds amazing. I can already envision little dark haired boys and girls running around the house, but having children in general scares the hell out of me.
“Here, you look like you could use something a little stronger than wine.” She takes the long stem glass from my hand and sets it on the counter.
I’m not a huge wine drinker but I felt obligated to when Hudson’s mom offered me a glass. I’ve been nursing the same drink for nearly two hours now.
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